Very Needy Husband
bluemom
14 years ago
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asolo
14 years agosweeby
14 years agoRelated Discussions
Needy husband
Comments (31)I think there's a lot of over generalization and gender stereo-typing going on here. I find usually both sexes are at least partially at fault when their relationship isn't great. Women can and are often just as harsh as men, can scream just as loud, throw just as many plates (or punches) and be just as controlling. This labeling is hogwash IMHO. My husband has asked me to ask him stuff nicely too? What does that mean? Last time I checked, he was still male. And, I'm confused...if you're male and you yell, it's because that's how guys are are, but if you're female and you yell, it's because that's the only way men will listen to you. So, men get the blame for both men and woman yelling or acting aggressive? That just doesn't seem fair. I don't agree with the stereo-typical "He's a guy", "He must...", "Guys think", "Guys do...", ... comments. It's not that gender info can never be useful, but it seems like it's often just getting to the point of negative stereo-typing and male bashing. I understand that some people have had very bad experiences with their male relationships, but that doesn't make all men dogs. I have a feeing there's a lot more going on with this poster and her relationship(s?) than she has admitted. There's always two sides, and the one thing I've really noticed learning and have found very important about relationships is that there's "always more", a lot more, to the story....See MoreMy needy mother
Comments (4)If you're feeling stressed, annoyed, and generally brought down after every interaction with your mom, then she IS toxic for you and you have the right and the duty to yourself to set some boundaries with her. The fact is, she has the choice to behave in a way that's pleasant for others to be around or in a way that puts people off and she has to live with the consequences of her choices. Saying that she shouldn't have to change is the same as saying "Your feelings don't matter because I'm the only one who's important around here." There' s a great book and website by Karyl McBride called, "Will I Ever Be Good Enough?" that describes the havoc narcissistic mothers create in their daughters' lives. It's not your responsibility to make your mother's life happy or to heal her childhood pain. Limit the time you spend with her to brief chats and keep the conversation about the weather or something else non-controversial. You're struggling to better yourself, she can do the same. When she tries to pull you into the negative talk, tell her you're learning that life is much easier when you approach things with a positive attitude. It takes two to play tug-o-war. If one person drops the rope, the game is over. Drop your end of the rope. Good luck....See Morevery manipulative sd and a dumb husband
Comments (5)My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. He has two adult children (from first marriage) out of state in their 40's who I adore and we have a grand time of it. His second marriage (wife died of cancer) and he had two children (boy 23, girl 29) who were indulged and never said "no" to. We are both retired and in our 60's and love to travel, RV and enjoy the recent home we purchased. Though we thoroughly discussed his involvement with his children and my not wanting any role other than his partner, there is tremendous animosity with his younger two adult children towards me. It has taken my BF/Partner these 5 years to learn boundaries and to know how to say "no" in a healthy manner. His son is in therapy, though I feel it is for attention from Dad and to have the excuse of not finishing college (we are going on 6 years and NO degree yet and has not worked a paying job in 3) The daughter teaches in a foreign country but the time she comes home is wrenched with stress. I made up my mind recently that I need to sit back and observe and unless that it effects me directly through disrespect, I can not involve myself. If my BF/Partner asks my opinion, I temper my words, though I am honest with him with my thoughts. It's never fun to have this type of family dynamics, but I am a great believer that when adult children try to inflict pain on their bio parent or their partner, they are the ones that have esteem and security issues that only they can resolve. The daughter is manipulative of her father, as is the son and though I see a major change in my partner's thinking, he, (as any parent) wants to believe some of the BS they dish out to him. I have overheard them too many times conspiring to get dad to do something, take them somewhere, and/or buy them things. Though there have been many family discussions, they seem to walk away still making fun of their dad and myself (something they have openly done to their dad and me, and/or in subliminal remarks they think we are too stupid to understand the reference of). Not only do they make fun of their father, but when we are out eating, they have made fun of waiters and people they observe. (major insecurity in my book) Such a shame that two young adults would waste not only their time on, but their energy, internal thinking and the impact it will have on them (as nothing in life that is done in a negative connotation goes unnoticed by the powers that may be,,,it will bite them in the butt somewhere) I am reading inspirational thoughts from Wayne Dyer and I find great peace through that forum. My final thoughts:How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours. I refuse to allow my ego to get in the way of my happiness. Is it hard? you bet...but is it worth the work of thinking greater thoughts? YOU BET IT IS!...See MoreAny recommendation of blackout shades? Husband very sensitive
Comments (1)Hunter Douglas Applause single cell honeycomb shades are an excellent blackout honeycomb shade of good quality but fit within a more economical budget....See Moretracystoke
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