Very Needy Husband
bluemom
14 years ago
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asolo
14 years agosweeby
14 years agoRelated Discussions
needy newb with nearly nothing
Comments (22)Hi, all - thanks so much for all your feedback! I'll have to read it over again at a time when my eyes aren't 3/4 blurry (i feel myself developing cataracts. My heart is sinking, since I doubt i've energy or time to tackle so many obstacles. I will take into consideration your hints about using buckets and considering compost (if/when i get around to ever getting same), coffee grinds & egg shells. I have trillions of maple leaves around the house rotting away - not sure if those make good compost. Re: watering, I did see someone on a YouTube video offering a tip to use ice cubes for watering plants - so that it drips-drips down slowly. Was she making sense? Someone else gave a cute idea to use a large sode bottle as upsy downsy planter. There was also a YouTube video showing how to use a shopping bag as an upsy-downsy. the uploader seemed to have gotten her bags for $1 each, whereas in my locale, they sell the flimsiest junk for $2 each. so much for that. As for where to plant, here's an overhead, just so you get an idea. What you don't see is that at end of drive is the decrepit garage - under the patio. And no access from rear of garage to backyard. No use the front of house, due to probable itchy fingers, and very heavy traffic. There's a need for more video's for people who live in non-kushy setups with convoluted access to area where gardening takes place, and not much sun entering any windows in house due to shrouding by tree's (nor bay windows either). You've no idea how many times in my life I felt like conjuring my mom's architect cousin from his grave to say: What on earth possessed you (way back then) to design the layout of this house SO wacky? Not to mention my dad, who shrouded this house with monstrous maples, complete with roots undermining the foundations, causing havoc, floods, mold, etc. So.. to answer some of the above questions - it's not a matter of not having land space, but rather, that it's even worse off than people living in the city with tiny albeit kushy setups. In my case, there's plenty of land, but no place that was ever easy to plant. As far as some of the other suggestions mentioned, getting anything for free over here is like pulling teeth. Anytime I'd try getting hold of the most basic stuff, it would wind up taking a huge chunk out of my health & psyche. It's that way with everything for me (perpetual obstacle course). For example, i've needed to prioritize more urgent matters which recently cropped up, such as deciding which FuuBuu options would be best for geriatric [very frail] mom, researching Sambucol/Sambucus options due to worry that mom may have pneumonia as she's been coughing + vomiting for weeks (despite that her xrays & blood test supposedly are OK [snort] Also she's become too weakened to lever out of bathtub, so trying to figure out alternatives. But bath lifts range between $500 to $1000, and wondering if mini step-down tub wouldn't be better option. Just stating this last paragraph to explain only some of the numerous stuff i'm up against now - so I despair of ever getting a chance to grow anything in this lifetime. Again I thank all of you for your tips, and would like to pose to the EPA that if they're so concerned about the environment, then why don't they donate a chunk of their funding to Cornell Coop. extensions, to send people gardening consultants upon request?...See MoreHow to handle a friendship with a needy alcoholic?
Comments (10)I second everything everyone else has said on this thread. I think its important to realize, as well, that her inability to control her addiction makes her a danger to your children as well as to the hypothetical person on the road when she is DUI. Under no circumstances can she be left in charge of your children and both she and they (depending on their age) need to understand that. I don't have any personal experience of alcoholism or drug dependency but it seems to me that she is, as others have pointed out, drawing you into her life and making you partly accountable for her behavior. What does it mean to her to keep asking you whether you will still "love her" when she messes up and whether she can still be like an aunt to your kids? The fact of the matter is that your relationship with her can't go back to whatever it was before you knew about her addictions and her endangering others. For her to ask that it will is another kind of denial of her own responsibility in controlling her addiction. And, it seems to me, that she is putting you in the position of somehow "standing by her" or "abandoning her." You aren't doing either. She is choosing to continue with an addiction regardless of how it affects the lives of people around her. Maybe that sounds hard hearted and I'm sure she's a nice person but I'm reminded of a wonderful stand up comedian (Jimmy Tingle)'s routine on being an alcoholic. In his routine everything was a good reason to take a drink--anger, and happinness, getting along with relatives, and fighting with them. sounds to me like she is sounding you out--are you going to keep forgiving her (reason to keep drinking!) or are you going to be angry with her (reason to keep drinking!). She needs to concentrate on straightening herself out and she can't do that as long as she is using other people as a measure of what is right or wrong with her own life. abfab...See MoreNeedy/Independent imbalance
Comments (4)So you are needy and your wife is stressed and unhappy. Gosh, at least you know what the issues are, that is half the problem solved. Does she know that stress can affect her health, raise her blood pressure which is not good. One of the easiest things to lower stress is going for a nice walk. Could you and your wife just step out the door and walk and talk. You would be doing something together, and relieving the stress. Perhaps your wife should have a health check, maybe there is more to the problem. As, Asolo says, more description would be helpful. Any children ?...See Morevery manipulative sd and a dumb husband
Comments (5)My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. He has two adult children (from first marriage) out of state in their 40's who I adore and we have a grand time of it. His second marriage (wife died of cancer) and he had two children (boy 23, girl 29) who were indulged and never said "no" to. We are both retired and in our 60's and love to travel, RV and enjoy the recent home we purchased. Though we thoroughly discussed his involvement with his children and my not wanting any role other than his partner, there is tremendous animosity with his younger two adult children towards me. It has taken my BF/Partner these 5 years to learn boundaries and to know how to say "no" in a healthy manner. His son is in therapy, though I feel it is for attention from Dad and to have the excuse of not finishing college (we are going on 6 years and NO degree yet and has not worked a paying job in 3) The daughter teaches in a foreign country but the time she comes home is wrenched with stress. I made up my mind recently that I need to sit back and observe and unless that it effects me directly through disrespect, I can not involve myself. If my BF/Partner asks my opinion, I temper my words, though I am honest with him with my thoughts. It's never fun to have this type of family dynamics, but I am a great believer that when adult children try to inflict pain on their bio parent or their partner, they are the ones that have esteem and security issues that only they can resolve. The daughter is manipulative of her father, as is the son and though I see a major change in my partner's thinking, he, (as any parent) wants to believe some of the BS they dish out to him. I have overheard them too many times conspiring to get dad to do something, take them somewhere, and/or buy them things. Though there have been many family discussions, they seem to walk away still making fun of their dad and myself (something they have openly done to their dad and me, and/or in subliminal remarks they think we are too stupid to understand the reference of). Not only do they make fun of their father, but when we are out eating, they have made fun of waiters and people they observe. (major insecurity in my book) Such a shame that two young adults would waste not only their time on, but their energy, internal thinking and the impact it will have on them (as nothing in life that is done in a negative connotation goes unnoticed by the powers that may be,,,it will bite them in the butt somewhere) I am reading inspirational thoughts from Wayne Dyer and I find great peace through that forum. My final thoughts:How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours. I refuse to allow my ego to get in the way of my happiness. Is it hard? you bet...but is it worth the work of thinking greater thoughts? YOU BET IT IS!...See Moretracystoke
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