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scubasteeve

Ready for Marriage?

scubasteeve
14 years ago

New to the site and seeking advice on my current situation (it's good to have different perspectives). I am a 2nd year medical student and have been with my girlfriend for 5 years come this October. It is honestly my first REAL/SERIOUS relationship and mostly everything has been superb to the present.

A little background: we met in college and I moved 1000 miles away to pursue my graduate degree and eventually transitioning into medical school last year. She got a position after college and moved to be with me. At first, we lived separately, mostly my decision, because I wanted her to concentrate on her new job and also for me to focus on getting into medical school.

After ~6 mo. she moved in with me; thus up to this point we have been living together for 2 years and are now living in another place we picked out together (renting). I feel like our relationship is great, she is my best friend, we communicate well and I love her very much.

In recent years, all but a couple of her friends are married and have children. In addition, she has caught the "marriage bug". Marriage has been the root of all of our arguments over the past several months, mostly because she is ready and I am not. I don't know what the true reason is, or if it is a combo of several things.....but I just don't feel ready. It is wrong of me to bring the money aspect into the argument, or that I didn't really envision myself getting married while still in school...but hurting her is the last thing I want to do. She has been my biggest cheerleader since we've been together, more so than even my family (hard to beat).

Our personalities are somewhat different in that she is more of an introvert and I am an extrovert. I grew up Catholic (I am still active), however she had no formal religious upbringing. I am adventurous (try most anything once) where she is more relaxed. However, we are both very goal oriented. The difference in our personalities becomes magnified in my head when we argue about why I am not ready for marriage.

Am I just scared? Living together seems to have ceased to mature our relationship, but is living apart again the answer? My parent's divorced when I was young and I am determined not to break up a family like mine was torn apart; so I guess I just want to be 99.9% sure. I want to do what's best for the both of us and I want to continue to build our relationship. What is your opinion?

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