How in the world can you say "I love my husband"?

what do you mean?

Tell us what you love about him. What are the positive parts of your relationship.

If you are in love with him, it's completely one-sided.

For a start, Hope, honey, please use paragraphs. That huge block of text is really hard to read and may well put off a lot of people from even trying.

I agree with sushipup. Exactly what does this man offer you that makes you love him? From what you say, it sounds like nothing. He treats you poorly, you sound like you're little better than the maid in your own home, presumably also contributing to the household finances for the privilege.

From the secretive behaviour it also sounds like he may be having an affair. Perhaps it is just as well he's not having sex with you.

Clearly he does not want children as much as you do, or he would be putting more effort into the IVF program and also be more supportive.

So, what about him is lovable?

Unless you are getting more out of the relationship that the opportunity to love someone who sounds like a narcissist, you need either to decide that this is as good as it's going to get (you've confronted him about fixing your relationship and he's replied that the problem is you), or move on. At least if you move on you'll have a better chance at children.

To be honest, with all the issues I have with him, i did not ask myself that question. I was previously in a relationship where i could not be myself. I had to live with some set up standards. Then i met my husband and he was easy going. I could be myself with him....and I just fell in love with him. I have not questioned myself now, why I still love him. I come from a family background where my parents loved each other very much and I always thought that i would be living the same life once i am married. And I do want to try saving my marriage. I must admit that in the beginning i felt loved by my husband. Somehow he has drifted away. I've asked him several times if he has a problem, or someone else in his life. He said no. if there is someone else, i would be leaving. I mentioned divorce to him. He told me he does not want to, but if I want to divorce him, I can leave!!! After each argument, he leaves me confused and hurt. he has been insulting me a lot these last times. Then, he will say sorry and each time, he says sorry, it gives me hope to find solutions. He keeps saying he will change, but what he doesn't understand is that he lies so much, that I don't trust him anymore. If only my husband could understand that his behavior is destroying us, and make changes to his life, then I do believe we can both have a great life together. I don't expect flowers and gifts daily . I only want him to recognize that I am giving a lot in this marriage and to feel loved by him. A kiss/hug everyday, help with the chores, honesty, faithfulness and intimacy when time permits is enough for me in a relationship.

hi,

I am sorry for omitting the paragraphs. But I want to thank you both for your replies. It means a lot to me.

thank u.

"He told me he does not want to, but if I want to divorce him, I can leave!!! After each argument, he leaves me confused and hurt. he has been insulting me a lot these last times. Then, he will say sorry and each time, he says sorry, it gives me hope to find solutions. He keeps saying he will change,"

He's keeping you hanging on a string. He says "sorry" because for him, that ends the argument and shuts you up for a while. He keeps _saying_ he will change, and that's all he will do. _Saying_ he will change. Don't hold your breath.

Seriously? You have two choices. Put up with things as they are, because that's all they ever will be, or move on. If you move on, do it sooner rather than later; no point in throwing good time after bad, and you'll want to give yourself time to dust yourself off, get into a happy place and then find the right someone while you're still young enough for children.

***** I think we scared her off****

Yep. They should change the title of this forum to the "Come and Dump, then Leave" forum.

I have worked with people needing career help for many years and in the course of that work, people's personal situations come up almost constantly. I would estimate about 85% of people with bad home situations are not willing to do anything about those problems, they just vent and want a sympathetic ear. It takes "ballz" to really face the situation and do what is necessary to have a better life. It takes courage and will. (And often some good job training!)

Most women use "love" as their excuse to continue to be a doormat. It's not really love, it's low self esteem. When this guy finally grows a pair and dumps her, she may wise up, but I doubt it. Seems to be a pattern here.

Hi U all,

First of all, thanks for your posts, its really helping me. I apologise for not replying sooner. I had an important career opportunity this week and I was really concentrating on that.

Regarding my "once-loving" husband, i had a talk with him during the week end. I pointed out the same facts you told me and before he starts telling Me to change, i showed him your posts. He read the posts, went silent for a long time, and then apologised. I think, reading those posts, from people who do not know him brought some senses to him.

He did admit having taken me and the things I do for him for granted. We went through all the issues we had so far, and I offered to work on this relationship. I also made it clear that I will not be waiting for him, although I don't like jumping from 1 relationship to another. I would rather remain single than live with this moral stress.

From what I could understand from him, part of the reason he acted like this was because he was missing his friends and feeling lonely. Couple of yrs ago, we moved to a new city, far from all family and friends.

Because of our careers, moving back is not possible, but i know he has some friends in another city, and i did propose to move there, if he wants, maybe next year. I could get a transfer from work.

There's still a lot to work on. But I am happy, at least, he has acknowledged to making mistakes. And I want to try everything I can to save my marriage. Of course, its clear now, for him, that if he's not willing to make an effort, then I am leaving.

I am sorry if I gave you the impression of using 'love to be a doormat'. But I do believe, that I should try everything before I walk out. If I have to leave, I have to do so, knowing that I left no stone unturned.

He has 5 very important exams coming up in 3 weeks, so I am not pushing him for changes. We agreed that work must be done, and after his exams, we will start working seriously on how to improve our relationship and bring back some sparks in this otherwise dead relationship.

He offered to do some chores and this week, when he came back from work, he came to talk to me...simple conversations about work,weather, nothing serious, but i did appreciate the effort.

I will keep you posted on the way things are going.

Words will not be enough to let you how much I am thankful for your advice.

tc

Thank you for coming back to let everyone know how things are going. I wish you success in your career opportunity, but more than that, I wish you success in getting the husband you want and deserve.

I do hope for your sake that some good has come of this and that there is improvement in your relationship. It is a good sign that he stopped and thought about the comments offered- and apologised.

Good luck!