Please help.... thanks

I'm not trying to be mean here...but it could be possible she is just bored.Since you've been together since age 17,doesnt sound as though either one of you had much time to exprience other people. Usually many of us who are married had some exprience with others before we said "I DO". So,we knew the grass wasnt greener being single.
Also,EVERYTHING DOES NOT CHANGE WHEN YOU SAY I DO! I get so sick of that cliche. If it changes it's because both people are no longer on the same page.
However,in EVERY relationship,married or not,the sex does dwindle slightly after a while.It is completely normal.The infatuation dies down some,and real life takes over.You cannot expect her to be as excited as when you first met,SORRY.
Maybe if you focused less on being kinky,and more on being ROMANTIC,she would open up more to you.
I'm talking nice dinners,flowers,taking a romantic walk together...Sometimes the best foreplay for a woman is something NEW.A change of scenery,for instance.I feel weighed down at home sometimes,and going to a hotel can be great for changing someone's mood.
Also,dont pressure her so much.For me,nothing kills my mood faster then when I'am being pressured into it.

I'd suggest having a talk with her, but planning carefully the kind of talk you want to have. Maybe ask her about the kind of marriage she wants you two to have, and share your vision with her of how you'd like your marriage to be. Help her see herself as a sexy, romantic, beautiful and loving wife, and help her realize how much more wonderful married sex can be than pre-marital sex, with the comfort, security, trust and true intimacy that comes from marriage.

coolmama....yes we have had time to experience other people, we went to college 1000 miles apart, we had a very open policy, and trust me we got it all out of our system as two teenagers were suppose to, as far as being romantic, i am a very romatic husband, the getting home from work and a warm bath is ran, flowers for no reason, even small things like just laying on the couch and rubbing her feet, notes, random text messages, weekend spa trips, I honestly don't think that me not being romantic has anything to do with it, i'm a very sweet and thoughtful person, i'm far from perfect but she is my weakness we've been together for a long time i've never once called her out of her name, and i still open the car door for her, i read a lot and i have read that sometimes a woman can just be tired, i am not a man who expects my wife to do everything, and i am probably more active in our home than she is, i cook, clean, do the laundry etc...i'm by no means saying that she doesn't do these things as well, i'm just saying i'm comfortable doing them on a regular basis. and I don't think I pressure her, i've gotten so timid about the subject and her, i walk on egg shells cause i don't want to cause extra stress.

"....it works out eventually."

No it does not!

The fact that you are living together adds pressure, who is doing the cleaning, washing, cooking, dividing that between you is a task, lets face it. Its tough living with someone, they get on your nerves, you see them warts and all. Not very romantic is it !

So, I guess I am saying that its time to make an effort, both of you, to still remember that your marriage comes first, that all the stresses and strains of life don't detract from that.

YOU work on keeping the romance alive, research what women want from men, how you can make her feel like a woman.

I think woman do make the mistake, sometimes, on "mothering" their spouse, we dont want to do that ! Some gentle words, in non-confrontational manner needs to be uttered in her ear.

Have a look at your behaviour, before you lay the blame.

Good luck to you.

Popi

It sounds like (and not having your wife's input here makes it risky to judge) she may expect marriage to be a very serious, forward oriented, grownup thing. She may have gotten that idea from watching her parents or some other significant couple's married behavior or from something she has read or who knows where. And she may or may not even be aware of her concept or how it is affecting her behavior.

And you have some kind of expectation about marriage, too. Are you sure that your behavior hasn't changed as a result of this redefinition of yourself?

You might be able to get to the bottom of it yourselves if you are able to talk about it openly, without blame and anger, in a common effort to make your life together as mutually satisfying as possible. You might have to have a good couselor as a referee. I do hope you will try to figure it out. It won't fix itself and 24 is awfully young to start being as unhappy with your marriage as you seem to be.

Maybe it will help you to know that we ALL get our views about how to be married from somewhere - usually parents, but sometimes others. Try to figure out what yours are and where they came from. Cut your wife a little slack here - she is trying to be married the only way she knows. Too bad there isn't a training manual or lessons or anything for this. If you can figure out how to talk with her about this and find a resolution, your marriage will probably be better than about 90% of others.

I never said the RELATIONSHIP didnt change when you got married. What I meant was the saying that your sex life goes away when you get married isnt true! I'm sick of people saying ,"Well you dont have sex because your married".Rubbish! Lots of married people have wonderful sex lives~

Kcils~
You could just be going through a slump right now. How long would you say she's been like this?
Honestly it could be anything.She may be stressed,feel depressed,feel fat~who knows? I know when I feel any of those things I'm not exactly miss sexual adventure myself.

Honestly,the only way to really know is to talk to her. When you asked her before,or when you "Tried" before,what did say??? Does she tell you she is tired?

Anyways,lots of married people (or anyone for that matter) sex life has ups and downs. You get in a slump,you slack off for a little bit. You get on a roll,you do it alot more. It happens in spurts (no pun intended,LOL)

It's really hard to know what to think from the little you can glean from a few posts but I wondered (don't know, just a thought) if you are focussing on where the physical side went while she is focussing on where all the other things that make a marriage are going.

this is an old post and should be allowed to move to the end of the forum so that kcil can have a clear perspective of where he is now, and not go back into old stuff from last year.