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Need some Perspective.

Posted by db0916 (My Page) on
Fri, Apr 11, 08 at 12:00

My dh is celebrating his silver anniversary at work. In honor of this occasion he has been told he can invite a small group of coworkers and me to a luncheon (restaurant of his choice).
DH's way of inviting me is to say " the people that are coming to my luncheon are people I haven't worked with in years. I think you would be bored. You don't have to come." That's it. That's my invite. I feel like he doesn't want me to be there. When I questioned him he said I don't think spouses come to these luncheons. It's not a big deal. Well I think it is a big deal.

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: Need some Perspective.

Go and have fun! Other spouses may not come, but it's not their husband's anniversary. You get to go; enjoy it fully.

RE: Need some Perspective.

It does sound as though he doesnt want you to go,maybe he just wants to catch up with those people he hasnt seen for years without worrying about keeping you entertained too.I wouldnt go.

RE: Need some Perspective.

I wouldnt go.

From what you said, it sounds like he doesn't want you there. Possibly for the reason the above poster said, you'd be bored and he would feel responsible for making sure you were entertained. Let him go alone.

RE: Need some Perspective.

1. Do you attend other work related functions?
2. Do you really know anyone he works with or used to?
3.How much attention do you require from him when you are at other functions?
4.Is there any chance someone else will be at this luncheon he doesn't want you to see or know about? Sorry, had to ask!

RE: Need some Perspective.

How about, instead of trying to translate and assume, you ask him?

Tell him you'd really like to go, that it means something to you, and then tell him how you received his invitation. Ask if your assumption is accurate, and if not, talk about it. Make it okay for him to say he'd rather celebrate with you separately.

To make decisions based on assumptions will leave everyone feeling insecure. Just clarify! good luck.

RE: Need some Perspective.

Very sensible advice from Amyfiddler --

RE: Need some Perspective.

Hi there. Thank you for the replies and advice. mrsmaddog - you pose some very interesting questions. I will try to answer all of your questions without rambling on too much.
Here goes... I don't personally know the people he works with. I only know what he has told me about them. I met all of the former coworkers several years ago when I hosted a surprise get well luncheon at my house for DH. The coworkers approached me and asked for help in planning it. All went well at that event. I didn't dance on the table.;)
I would say I don't require attention from him when we are at social gatherings. We usually go our seperate ways and socialize. Last summer I had the opportunity to meet his current coworkers when they had a team business meeting at a resort (in the states). You husband had been traveling overseas for weeks at a time and when this trip came up I thought it would be a good idea to join him. Wrong!! not a good idea. I felt like an intruder. DH didn't like me being there because no one else had a spouse there. I made it clear from the start that I would do my own thing and not expect him to join me for dinner or entertain me. He was busy all day with meetings and his evenings were planned with dinner and a show or touristy activities planned by his boss. I never complained.
I don't think he had someone at this luncheon he doesn't want me to know about. With the exception of his boss everyone at the luncheon was local and from his former team. All men. The people he works with now were not invited because they are out of state.
Very Good advice amy. I was so put off by the way he presented the invite I didn't know what to say.
He took it upon himself to decide I wouldn't be at the luncheon. I found this out when I confronted him. He said it was because I didn't seem interested when he told me about it. He does know now how I feel.
Thanks again.

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