How did you know...

22 years ago

when your marriage was ready for children? In our immediate area, there have been three new babies in less than a year and one on the way. It just makes you think...I'm not considering for a second getting pregnant just because everyone else is, but we're just weighing our options, etc. at the moment. I'm currently trying to get a job here in town and we thought, if I don't get it, we'll start trying this summer. The whole concept just seems so strange to me, in a way!

How long were you married before having kids?

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (7)

trekaren
22 years ago
7 years for us. DH had health problems, so once he was semi-healthy we grabbed the bull by the horns, so to speak.

The severity of what we went thru made us reevaluate things, and now we are blessed with the most wonderful child! She turned 4 last December.
rotny
22 years ago
Wife and I have talked about it on several occasions. She had one of her tubes removed and the other is blocked so it looks like its going to have to be adoption for us. Envitro (sp?)and the Gift procedure are a little too pricey for "hit or miss" and we don't want to go the surrogate route. Who knows, we may never have kids...and right now we're both ok with that.
Related Discussions
You're right 'aezarien' that works!!
Q
Comments (1)
Had a similar problem once upon a time with other forum software. Eliminating /load bypasses the header and footer and apparently in this case bypasses the error. You can take out /load on the working forum2 threads and the header will disappear on those too.
...See More
How did you know?
Q
Comments (10)
Hi Donna, I agree you need to go through the checkbook and try to figure out what is due when. You mentioned wanting to be sure you make good decisions. I'm not sure exactly what you mean by that. Is someone trying to pressure you into something, like selling your house or lending them money or "investing" in some scheme, or something like that? You are emotionally vulnerable right now, and for that reason I hope you will not let anyone talk you into doing anything that doesn't feel right to YOU. (Surely there is no decision that can't wait for you to think about it for a while,and gather some information if you feel you need it.) I would be VERY cautious about discussing financial concerns with the people around me. You never know who might be more interested in helping themselves than in helping you! Does that make sense to you? You might be better off educating yourself by doing your own research, and then visiting your bank/credit union for guidance. Having been an administratrix for one late relative, and a "personal representative" for another, I have seen normally sane people become incredibly aggressive, pushy and without common sense when money was involved. You need to protect yourself and the resources your husband wanted you to have. Don't get pushed into doing something you don't feel good about, OK? Put YOURSELF first.
...See More
How did you know which GC to choose?
Q
Comments (16)
Some people we know recommended our GC; they'd used them for 2 significant remodels and both came in on time and under budget. I can't think of a single other person I know who did a significant remodel and was not plagued with problems. We met with them and they told us they weren't the cheapest out there. They gave us a very detailed estimate of what it would cost, truly line-by-line with labor charges all broken out and their markup and profit clearly identified. They were very rigid about what things cost. It was way over our budget, so we talked to another firm with a good reputation who claimed they could do it on our budget. But I looked at what they paid their guys and it was so similar to the first GC, I couldn't understand why it would be so much cheaper. I mean, it takes what it takes, right? They had an architect working with them and he offered to do a quick layout of what we could get for the money. We could get a lot more remodeled for the money (expand the back of the house as well as redo the kitchen) than the first firm so we had the head guy over and went over it in detail. Turns out the architect drew much more than we could afford. There was no tax or contingency in their budget, and some other significant things weren't in there. We liked the straight talk of the first firm better, and decided just to scale our project way back and get the kitchen we want, and live with our current family room (micro-sized) and within our budget. The project manager wouldn't budge an inch on budget. We'd ask if maybe we could have this or that and the field manager would look like he was about to say yes and the PM would say: No. That would add to the budget. The architect would suggest something and the PM would say: What are you spending my budget on? Seriously, she acted like it was her money, which is why we are still on budget. We also interviewed 3 architects, two who were suggested by the GC. It's important that your GC and Arch work well together. We told them our budget, and told them to work together until they could deliver it. So our planning phase may have had more back and forth than most, but when it was time to start construction, we knew what we would get and what we would pay for it. So far, and we are almost done, everything is going very well. They come when they say they will, their subs do an excellent job, and the costs are what they said they would be. They are on top of their jobs and their business.They've gotten us good prices for things and we've been able to upgrade a few things as a result. They give us good advice about what they will buy for us (with their markup) and what we should buy for ourselves to avoid the markup. I think if you get a good vibe from the people, if they seem very buttoned-up and professional, if their pricing is transparent, if they have good customer references, you are going to be in pretty good shape. You get what you pay for.
...See More
How do you know...
Q
Comments (14)
I've never had kids, but... I was married the first time in 1970. We were divorced in early 1979. Midway through our marriage he seemed to undergo a radical personality change. He was never ever abusive or unfaithful, but he was just... different. He got a paycheck every week. I was working, too, and got paid every two weeks. He'd always been good about the household finances, but gradually that changed. He'd cash his check, buy something crazy, and then bring home whatever was left over. For example, one payday he came home and told me that he'd bought a motorcycle. Okaaay... but he'd never, ever, mentioned wanting a motorcycle. Turned out that one of the guys at work needed money for some medical bills for one of his kids - the portion that the insurance didn't cover. So, hubs decided to "help him out" by buying the guy's bike (the guy was trying to sell the bike to raise the funds). Another time, one of the other guys at work needed money, so hubs bought a telescope from him. We already had a really nice telescope that we never used, but, hey, he was helping out his buddy... It got to the point where I was having to pull money out of my inheritance to pay the mortgage and utility bills every month. Helping other folks with their financial problems became more important than maintaining our financial health... Anyway, that's just a small example of stuff... but he just wasn't the guy I fell in love with and married. I wasn't happy; and I knew that I couldn't stay with him. It was difficult, but I had to do what was best for me. And for you -- you have to do not only what's best for you, but also what's best for your kids. I grew up in an incredibly happy, loving, wonderful home, but my best friend didn't. Her parents were staying together "for the sake of the kids," but she and her siblings were miserable. They knew their parents weren't happy, and THEY felt guilty that they were "making their parents stay together" when they knew their parents would be happier and better off if they were apart. So even if your husband does try to lay a guilt trip on you -- let him try; but don't let either of you lay a guilt trip on your kids. And my first hubs? Turned out the personality changes were caused by an inoperable malignant brain tumor. Sad, 'cause he was a really great guy. But my "new" hubs (we've been together since 1981, and married since 1986) is awesome. :-)
...See More
RosieL
22 years ago
We were married eleven years when our first was born. We always thought we didn't want children. When we were married around 7 years, our thoughts changed and we decided that we really did want a child. By that time, we found that we were having trouble conceiving. We did not seek any extraordinary means. I figured that if God wanted us to have kids - we would. 4 years later, we became pregnant and lost that baby in the 12th week. We were devastated... but our sorrow turned to joy when I was pregnant again only 4 weeks later with our daughter. She is a blessing and a joy and is now almost 17. We were so happy to have had the chance to have this wonderful blessing in our lives, so it never occurred to us to have another child, but when our baby was 8 months old, we found that we were pregnant once again - with our son. It was perfect timing for us because we had a wonderful stable marriage, had traveled, enjoyed being young and unencumbered and came to a point where we could truly appreciate these wonderful new people we created. Its been the best experience of my life. The prospect of them leaving us someday brings tears to my eyes despite the fact that I love to see them grow and progress in abilities and independence. I thank God every day. As I told our daughter just a couple of weeks ago - I have never once for one second been disappointed in her. I've not been the best mother on earth, though I have tried. We make mistakes, doing too little or too much, errors in judgment. Sometimes, I think - oh - this is an Oprah Winfrey moment. I could see us on stage and have the world find out that I ruined my children's lives because I made them come in while their friends were still out or some other such Motherly sin. The one thing they'll always know is that they were loved. Never knew there was so much love, patience and acceptance in me.
waddles28
22 years ago
We wanted children right away. We didn't get married until we were 30, I thought it would be neat to get pregnant on our honeymoon. We got married in September and in October I went in for a check up and the Dr. found a cyst on one of my ovaries. I had it removed the following January and was told not to get pregnant for 3 months. The fourth month I got pregnant and then lost it after 8 weeks, we waited another four months and I got pregnant again and lost the baby again. We waited another six months and I got pregnant again with my daughter. It does change everything in your marriage but I would have it no other way. Every time I got pregnant my DH would say you should have waited another year when I would be out of my apprenticeship. I said if we wait until we can afford them we will never have children.

We never really talked about when the time was right we just knew that we wanted them. I wanted to start right away because of my age and who knew how long it would take to have one and I didn't want to be too old to enjoy some grandchildren in the future. We did wait until DD was 13 months before we conceived my DS.
SheliaNC
22 years ago
Before my DH & I got married we talked about children and we said we would wait a few years after we were married to have children. 4 months after we were married my biological clock kicked in and I wanted children very badly. We talked about it and decided that we wanted to start a family so that when we were in our 40's we would have time for ourselves. I went off of the pill and by the time we were married for 6 months I became pregnant with our first daughter. Three years after that we had our second daughter. We have now been married 26 yrs. and our daughters will be 25 and 22 this yr.
lpolk
22 years ago
DH and I have decided not to have children (decided before marriage, thankfully). Most of my friends have kids and some are on round 2, so its difficult for us socially, not having any couples like us. I have one friend who waited a few years, but most of my friends were married in their 30s and subsequently had children right away, i.e. within 2 years. The "instant family" life change would freak me out, I would opt to wait if we were to have kids, just so we would know what our marriage would become, as you all know, the relationship evolves!!
bill_h
22 years ago
i made my decision, when we married 15 yrs ago, it was quick, cindy my wife then girlfriend said to me," if you plan on having children, then marry someone else, because iam not having any, end of discussion!" wasnt a problem as i never wanted children, but i really liked her being upfront and totaly honest.

How did you know...

Comments (7)

trekaren

rotny

Related Discussions

RosieL

waddles28

SheliaNC

lpolk

bill_h

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US