Soooooo happy I found this post. I just got off the phone with my mother after a heated argument about my long-standing decision not to have children. Actually, it was just a repeat of the same argument we've been having for *years*. I'm confident in my decision, but I often feel like I'm the only 31-year-old woman in my area code who does not want children. I know there are others out there, but they are completely absent from my current sphere of influence. It gives me such peace to hear that many of my opinions/positions/frustrations/etc on the matter are shared by other reasonable, conscientious, and (seemingly :)) well-adjusted people. For me, the CBC decision sprang from deeply rooted environmental concerns. That angle never works with anyone I know, so I usually defend myself by employing the standard "we're not thinking about that right now", "we might adopt at some point in the future" and/or "we don't think we'd make good parents" non-committal-type responses. This post has armed me with so many great arguing points, I'm tempted to call my mother back. She, too, loves the "childless people are selfish" argument. I always counter with the notion that, if all childless people possess that character flaw, perhaps their reluctance to bear offspring serves a greater societal purpose. Selfish people would most likely be crappy parents. I don't feel as though I'm selfish, nor do I think my friends and family regard me as such. I imagine if I *had* to raise a child I would be at best, an average parent. If Mom's postulate is true, and I am innately selfish, I thinks it comes from the belief that I would be a far more creative, useful person without children in my life-- as would most people, if they were really honest with themselves.

Heck yes! I loved being married to my late wife and in no way do I think getting remarried at some point takes anything away from my love for, and devotion to, her. I promised to stick by her for richer for poorer and in sickness and in health. We had all those things. I wasn't planning on the "till death do us part" portion of the vows happening so soon but you don't get to choose the time. Some of the posters have mentioned they treasure their freedom and wouldn't want to give that up. Okay - but my view is if you choose wisely, you don't. To me, the best marriage is based primarily on friendship anyway - all true intimacy flows from that. I enjoy myself every day as a single Dad - but why not promise to share that with someone again if she wants into my life? The idea of blending families, finances, and lives is exciting for me - not daunting. If the right woman comes along, I'd do it all over again. Doc

Some of Robert Capa's pictures are a permanent fixture in my mind. Timothy Leary's theories did not interest me, but some of his quotes I do like. Ann Rule is an author I missed. My favorite today is Graham Joyce. It always intrigues me how different British writers see things than American writers of the same time period.

You say you didn't mind constantly correcting your name growing up. No big deal. My first name is fairly common but I had to constantly correct the spelling and how to say it. A lot of people wanted to put an 'a' instead of an 'e' at the end which totally changed the pronouncation. I hated having to correct them, especially teachers. I was a shy and introverted child and didn't like drawing attention to myself. But my name was my name and I wanted to be called the correct way. I had a teacher that refused to do so, a mean spirited old woman that sent me to the principal's office for arguing with her. Things are a lot more PC today and that would most likely not happen, but it can be a big deal. With my last name now, it contains double z's, I chose an easy traditional name for my son. No problem pronouncing or spelling it. Whatever name she chooses I wish her a healthy happy baby and easy birth. (I didn't choose my son's name until I was in the delivery room.) Good luck.