husband always wants to fight
tiredgirl
15 years ago
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Comments (54)
pjb999
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agotiredgirl
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
I guess I just want to write about my husband
Comments (14)Well I am glad to say that my son got to come home from the hospital on Jan.18th. And he did not have a blood clot in his heart thank God. He has to take a baby asprin everyday and Plavix and his doctor says he will make a good recovery if he stops smoking and goes on a diet which he needed to do any way. I got the autopsy report this week for my husband and it said he had scarring on his heart from another heart attack. Something that I didn't know. How can you have a heart attack and not know it or not tell your wife? I went to the graveyard today and told him I was a little angry with him for keeping this from me, maybe we could have done something to make it better. He never wanted to go to the doctor but if he had he might still be here to play with his grandkids and for me. I still love him and I always will but I am really hurt that he didn't do anything or that I didn't do anything. I finally received his death certificates today and there is some incorrect information on it so they have to do it all over again. I can't get any of the insurance business complete until I get the death certificates. I guess I'll survive until they are right. My husband's birthday is Monday January 28th he would have been 55. I am going to have his favorite birthday dinner Chicken and dumplings. I have invited his family members sisters, brother, and there kids for his birthday. I wanted to have them over because we all need to get together. This has been hard for them as well as me and our kids and grandkids. My daughter hasn't been dealing with this very well she has been angry more than anything. She is so much like her father always happy and cutting up so this isn't like her. She finally went to the doctor and got it all out and is feeling better now. Her doctor suggested she try kick boxing to get out her anger issues. I hope she does. I would like to thank anyone who read my post and prayed for my son. I think it really helped. Thanks for listening...See MoreHusband wants out.......can't stand being here.
Comments (15)Club M...I have this to offer, but first I want to respond to plastic gardens question. Not necessarily plastic garden. Sometimes people hit "mid life crisis" where they start to feel stifled by their life, including their careers, when they feel that "is this all there is" feeling plaguing them. They feel that there is nothing to get excited about, and are tired of their life, their job, etc. They start looking around them and feeling dissatisfied with everyone and everything around them. Anyway, look at what you can do, before you end up with another woman in the midst of your marriage, offering excitement, and fresh new experiences. And they can make some drastic decisions (and mistakes) to change things, only finding that the new relationship can bring problems into his life that he never even dreamed of. New wife that shoves aside his children (adult children too) because she is threatened by them, or they do not fit neatly into her picture of her new family. Or his kids can reject the new wife, and lots of hard feelings and damaged relationships can occur. plastic garden, you are looking at it as though it is "her". Perhaps it is "him". A man whose children are grown and are now vibrant young men, with vibrant young wives, just beginning their life. And he may be feeling jealous, (competition of sorts with his now adult men sons). Or just restless, and stale and in need of changes in his life. I know nothing of clubm marriage, or her life, or of who she is, as a woman, and a wife. But I would advise her to shake things up a bit, and make life a bit more interesting. To take a good, hard look at her marriage, and think about what she can do differently to improve it. To actually "listen" and hear what is bothering him, and look at what she can do to bring some happy surprises back into her marriage. Start by getting into shape if you are not. A new "look", from hair, makeup, clothes, etc. Look around the house. What can you change that would make the atmosphere fresh, and happy in the way your home looks and feels. Especially changing out the bedroom colors and spread. After you start making some changes, a trip might help. But look for changes you can make. If you are a type A control freak, let him take control, and you step back and do it his way, with a smile and encouragement. If he is the Type A control freak (and tired of always having to be the responsible one) you take charge, and let him be taken care of, without having to worry about anything. We get into tiresome roles in long marriages, that become tiresome habits. You sometimes hear about a man married to a very competent, accomplished woman, falling for a very needy airhead, because he needs to be needed. Or a man married to a needy airhead, falling for the competent professional woman, because he is tired of having to do everything, and always being the responsible one. He needs someone to take care of him at times. Sometimes, people just get sick of "the same old"...and long for something different, that makes us "feel" different. We can grow tired of ourselves and everything around us. Talk to him about his job. Is there something he has always dreamed of doing (and you too) that would be something to "get excited about"? Even if he can't actually quit his job, can he add something that he loves to what he is doing? Can you? You mentioned that he said some awful and mean things to you the other night. Without being defensive, can you step back and look at it as a therapist might, and consider each thing he said, and search if there is "any" truth in what he said? Can you "push the hurt aside" and simply "hear" what he had to say? Sometimes people say some really painful things because they are hurting, or depressed, but sometimes they say hurtful things because they need to speak the "truth" and sometimes the truth can hurt. But if there was truth in his words, can you actually "hear the truth" and ask yourself if there are areas you need to address and change in? We grow through some of the painful experiences in our life. I imagine that he is restless, and bored, and dissatisfied with everything right now. I have known people with long marriages that found themselves where you are. They shook things up and bought his and her Harley's and joined a group that cycled together. They were the last people in the world I would have thought would do this. Another took up ballroom dancing. Others sold the house and have traveled the world together. Others have bought a historic house and completely renovated it complete with much researched period furnishings, etc. Others get into antique cars and going from place to place as a group and showing the cars. Others have joined a drama group, and act in local plays. Others bought a camper and move with a new group of friends that like to camp and socialize together, and meet at various campgrounds around the state. Another couple started taking gourmet cooking classes together and travel to some of them. Anyhow, without knowing either of you, I would start by shaking things up a bit, and adding fun to your marriage. And shake up old stale roles and habits, and make your home and marriage something fresh...something to look forward to....See Morestepdaughter always wants to sit with her dad??!1
Comments (53)Certainly, the posters who say that for safety the child ought to be in the back seat are correct. And just as certainly, the posters who comment that the real issue here doesn't seem to be child safety, but the competition between the stepmother and the stepdaughter, are just as correct. The OP posted this on the Stepfamily forum, not a child safety forum, and her post does indeed seem to indicate that her concern is about family issues. She didn't even mention safety. What she DID say: "I feel that this is her way of letting me know that she's insecure in the re[la]tionship. But what bothers me is that it makes me feel like I'm being put on the same level as a child ...." THAT'S what the post is about, and it's no answer to say that because children belong in the back, period, there is no issue. Moving the girl to the back seat isn't going to solve the problem of competition for "front place" in Dad/Husband's life. If readers can't get past the diversion of the safety issue, then recast the question to remove the safety issue. Imagine that the poster were driving, and her husband sat in the back with his daughter, or the question were about who sits where at a dinner table or something. I think that both the OP and the daughter have very legitimate feelings here. The little girl had her Daddy, when she did have him, all to herself before. Now she has been moved to the back -- literally. But Dad is entitled to happiness, too, and so is the OP, and certainly she is entitled to feel like she is being treated as an adult. Without the blended family, I suppose the answer is usually, "Kids in back, adults in front; tough luck!" But to do that here, even masking it with the safety concern, just papers over the girl's and woman's very legitimate feelings. She's a kid; she has to ride in back for safety. But I would try to find some other way to shore up her feelings of security in her dad's heart. This will play itself out in other areas of life where they won't be able to play the "safety" trump card. Finally, don't assume this is all due to the remarriage. Even without a blended family, sometimes spouses come first, sometimes children do. That's life. You don't always get your first choice, but you adjust, and it is a lot easier if there is good will and understanding all around. It may not always seem fair to the OP any more than to the child; but she is the adult, and as a stepparent, is also partly responsible for the little girl's emotional growth and well-being now. Maybe sometimes the OP could ride in back with the little girl? Then they have their own bond to share rather than only ever competing for the place by Dad/Husband's side....See MoreWanted: New snowblower and husband
Comments (22)Boy, I can understand your frustration. My ex-husband could've been your husband's long-lost brother. They do have a way to turn everything around and make it YOUR fault. I spent many years doing what HE wanted, visiting HIS family and friends, and pretty much putting my wishes aside. May I suggest ... that you start putting yourself first, Izzie. Visit your sisters without him, and really ... stay as long as you like! Don't lie about him not feeling well ... just tell them truthfully, you chose to come alone so you could all have a fun visit! It takes a couple times, but it's much more peaceful to go by yourself and leave him at home to grump to himself. I think when we're in a relationship we typically evolve to where certain chores are 'his' and certain chores are 'hers.' When we're lucky, the division occurs in a way that ... for the most part ... He's doing what he enjoys, and She's doing what she enjoys. Sometimes it ends up a bit unbalanced, with someone doing a chore they don't care for, but they have time/talent for doing. It sounds to me like you're feeling this division of chores is considerably off-balance. If that's so, then the problem needs to be addressed ... when neither one of you are angry or stressed. I wish you all the best in working out the problem. My ex felt his day ended when he walked in from work. His father did it that way, why couldn't he? It didn't matter to him that his mother didn't work outside the home so she catered to his dad ... I have always worked outside the home and just didn't feel that was something I wanted to do!...See Moresylviatexas1
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