price pay after the affair

13 years ago

we had been live together for 10yrs. during these years we had tough time, he wanted to quit smoke but was not success. He got in to depression, and his personality changed. He didn't spend time with me, his best friend was a computer. we didn't have sex much due to the depression medication he took. He was on medication for six years and during this time I was so lonely, sad, have no one to turn to

To make the story short, I went online and meet this guy I called Lover, talk to him for a short time, get caught by my husband. We had big fights so many time but my husband forgave me. Six months later, life with my husband was horrible sad, lonely, no sex, no supportive, no communication and ect..., my husband fall deeply into depression. I was blue, don't see any future, I reconnected with Lover and felt in love with him.

I lied to my husband to go on business trip so I can flight to the Lover. My husband found out when I was with the Lover. He called me home and my life suffer from here.

I understand the reaction of my husband. He was violent, verblely and physically abuse sometimes just because he love me so much. He wanted to know the information of the Love, I didn't give it to him because he threat he going to kill the lover (the scare was over the love. I scare not to give the information because I thought my husband was meant it by the way he talked). My husband even hurt more because he thought I love the lover and protect him.

The affair was almost three years now and we had been working on it. I had to leave home for several times due to stress, violent, and verbly abuse from my husband. He regreted every time he had done bad things to me and called me home.

this time I left my husband for four months without seeing him, and recently reconnect with him on the phone. He told me as usual to come back home, and open a big door welcome me back. I am debating. I strugle to live out side too because I don't have a job, lonely, and it wasn't easy to live with a friend.

Is anyone here in my shoe and had this experience, please share with me. Shoud I come back to my husband or not. Do you think this married will work?

Please don't advise me to go back to my parents or relatives for help. I am on my own.

Oh, did I meantion I am 37yrs old and I don't have any kids.

My life turn up side down since the affair. this is an lesson for my life. it will never happend again.

Thanks for reading my post and giving me advises.

Ps. for those advise me to come back to my husband (if any) what should I tell my husband if he ask for the Lover information. Last time he asked, i said I don't remember. He said I am a liar and screamed at me.

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (8)

suzieque
13 years ago
I suspect that you'll keep going back to your husband and leaving him and going back, despite any advice you receive here.

However, I'll offer mine. Don't go back to your husband. Get a job. Get into an emotionally heathy life. Earn some self-respect.

Shame on you for having an affair. Shame on you for leaving, returning, leaving, returning to your husband. Shame on your husband for abusing you verbally and physically. And shame on you for thinking that he's justified in doing so.

Change things now. I repeat - stop the back and forth. Get a job and take care of yourself.
asolo
13 years ago
Agree with suzieque.

You can take charge of this if you have the grit for it. Never a better time than right now to start over and shape up. Your future doesn't have to be like your past.
Related Discussions
The Price We Pay for Cats
Q
Comments (11)
I like cats....a lot. They are good companions but are entirely independent unlike dogs. I like dogs, don't get me wrong. But if I have to be away from home, I can leave them plenty of food and water and they are fine. Can't say the same for dogs. If we gave our dogs a lot of food, they would eat it all in one day and ultimately be very sick. Cats don't do that....or mine never have. I guess they are a reflection of me. I am an independent person, too, and I like that they don't demand attention constantly. Right now we have Wild Kitty and Lady George, both pregnant, Claude, Black Tom, Valerie (a misnamed male), and Zena (another misnamed male), who are the stray cats in the neighborhood. I really dislike people who move away, leaving their cats behind. But they do, and that's another story entirely. We all take care of them in one way or another. The two females are being fed well right now since they are expecting. Wild Kitty has lost most of her 1 or 2 kitten litters. Lady George is a new stray so we don't know how her delivery will go and whether her kittens will survive or not. What can you do? I can't see them suffer so I feed them. Last year a pack of 3 dogs came thru the neighborhood and grabbed a cat from across the street, and ran off with it in his mouth. There was nothing I could do. I screamed and yelled, but that did not deter the dog. It was a traumatic experience. We've not seen those dogs since, so don't know if Animal Control got them or not. The main dog was a Pit Bull, of course. My cats don't go outside; they are strictly indoor cats. I couldn't stand it if something got them so I take responsibility for having them as beloved pets.
...See More
Price difference between GC yourself or paying someone else
Q
Comments (34)
My DH is in the construction business and we considered OB because we knew contacts for more than 80% of the project. However, we went with a GC for many reasons the most important being that DH is a busy man and couldn't be onsite all the time. As it turned out, the GC's experience was invaluable. Our home was custom designed for us and thus many unexpected structural questions came up which someone not building residential homes everyday would not be able to handle. Knowing subs and knowing the inside and out of house construction are two different things. OB houses usually take much longer and as logicalone says, that costs money in interest. Our GC used some of our subs and some of his. His subs had no problems with schedule and quality of work because they have worked with him numerous times and know what he expects. If they don't perform, he doesn't use them again. It's a real headache if you hire a sub who does inferior work. If you're not in the "know" about subs, what will be your basis for hiring them? Lowest or highest bid doesn't ensure quality work. You might want to look at the recent post about a lien being placed on a GW member's home. That is another area which you need to be fully educated in before you try to OB.
...See More
Cookbooks - Do you pay full price?
Q
Comments (22)
After posting earlier this weekend, I ventured into our local Friends of the Library bookstore on Sunday and happened across three "finds". 1) Sharon O'Connor's Menus and Music. This looks like a cookbook more for a gourmet, but she has suggestions for the classical music that should accompany each menu/item. The book originally came with a cassette tape (published in 1985)with music by the San Francisco String Quartet. Unfortunately, this copy didn't come with the cassette. The book is still quite new - the spine isn't bent or cracked in any way. I can probably find much of the music in my own CD collection! $2. (No cover price listed.) 2) Jeannie Jones' "Homestyle Cooking Made Healthy". This was another one that was so new it creaks when you open it. The recipes are all healthy and the pictures, beautiful! I had checked this one out of the library and decided it was worth owning if I could find a used copy. $3. (Back cover says $27.95) 3) Okay, this one is OT - sheet music for Johnny Mercer's "Dream"! 50c. I love to browse our Friends of the Library Bookstore's sheet music. I've come across some good "finds"! DonnaR/CA
...See More
My love/hate affair with my Ebook
Q
Comments (23)
Mine has been a love affair for the most part. What I love about my Paperwhite is: *I can press down on a word and get an immediate definition. *I can buy a book in bed! Some days, I have to check out the daily deals before I get out of bed. They are so cheap that I have tried out authors I have been curious about but never wanted to invest big bucks on. This is huge. I discovered Dorothy Sayers (Nine Tailors) and am currently reading Georgette Heyer's, These Old Shades. I have also found some great sci-fi for a couple of dollars. *I can read in darkened rooms and don't have to be right by a lamp. *I love knowing how many minutes are left in a chapter and what percentage of a book is left. *I really appreciate being able to change the font size. Previous to getting my Paperwhite, I read a great book with tiny font size that strained my eyes at night. Also, I read one of those tall, narrow paperbacks that was so difficult to hold open and even so, I couldn't read the print in the middle at the center of the book. *I can return to previous chapters or pages with little difficulty. *We found that my hubby could download a free Kindle app to his Nexus pad and register on my account. He can access all my books. Actually, his app is much prettier than what I have but he has to charge his pad daily. I, only once a week or so. *I love reading the magazine, Science News, on my Paperwhite. I am sold, and I was a real resister, too. Paper books still have a place. Some books are so good you want a physical copy on your shelf. I haven't paid more than $3.99 for a book yet. For a newer book that I really want to read, I will get it on audio at Audible. Over all, I am so glad my family got me this device for my birthday.
...See More
suzieque
13 years ago
Wait a minute. I knew this sounded familiar. Interestingly, I found the thread below. Eerily similar, no?

Here is a link that might be useful: Post from June 2010
asolo
13 years ago
Then, again, is there anything we haven't heard before?

Suggested solutions are usually variations on the same theme: Change. Deal with reality instead of wishes. Stop doing dumb stuff and learn how to be smarter/better. Seems to be the last thing anyone wants to consider, doesn't it?
suzieque
13 years ago
True, asolo. But I do think that suffer and woman2010 are the same person; notice the words "suffer" and "lover" used throughout, as well as the other details. If that's true, then she didn't take anyone's advice last year. That doesn't mean that she's not worthy of advice again, because leaving is truly hard. And suffer, my advice stands - stay away and get your life together and let your husband get his together.

I apologize if you're not the same people. However, you may get some value out of reading the replies to woman2010's post.
asolo
13 years ago
"....my advice stands - stay away and get your life together and let your husband get his together."

Agree, regardless of identity. OP has described two messed up people. She can only deal with one. I suggest she deal with that one.

That's you, suffer. Own your stuff and move along. You can do better than this. If you become a better person, you will find and attract better people. It will take a while. Begin now. Begin with yourself. And I can start you with at least one suggestion that you can put in the bank......you won't be finding any solutions to anything you're concerned about with online lovers.
sweeby
13 years ago
I said it in the other post (worth reading Suffer, if it isn't you)

How long do you want to live on that hamster-wheel?

How many times do you want to go through the abuse - move out - apologize - move in - abuse cycle?

If you go back, that is what will happen.
You know that.
Is that the future you want?
popi_gw
13 years ago
"If you become a better person, you will find and attract better people. "

This is very true. Well worth working on how you can become a better person.

Think of yourself, get some training, make yourself more employable and move on from this rollercoaster marriage.

price pay after the affair

Comments (8)

suzieque

asolo

Related Discussions

suzieque

asolo

suzieque

asolo

sweeby

popi_gw

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US