my parents hate my boyfriend

10 years ago

I really can't understand why my parents hate my boyfriend as much as they do, he is my second serious relationship and my mom keeps bugging me that I should be looking around and dating more so I can see what else is out there. We have been together for over 3 and a half years and we are planning on getting engaged, he is still saving up for the ring. I am 22 right now and will be either 24 or almost 24 by the time we get married. There really isnt any rush so we are just taking our time with it and just trying to enjoy life before we are even thinking of having kids.

My mom is so mean to me about him saying he is cheap and that his parents dont have any money or anything to leave him when they pass away... I keep telling her I dont care about money but its all she keeps bringing up. She doesnt understand that I dont care if I live in a big house and have fancy things, I just want to be happy. She is just so money hungry and doesnt understand that he is only 23 and that she doesn't know what the future is like.

Am I wrong that I cant understand why she cant be happy for me that I have found somebody who cares for me amd treats me well? I feel like she thinks that because he doesn't come from a wealthy family that he is trash and not as good as us.

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Comments (7)

ellendi
10 years ago
Perhaps your mom is concerned about how you will be able to support yourselves once you are married?

I also feel 22 is on the young to get married. Not that it shouldn't be done, but what's the rush?
gwarstong
10 years ago
Surely can't understand from cyber-distance.

However....22? Looks like about the age when you should be handling your own stuff...parents and otherwise. You're looking to total strangers to sort this out for you?

Dating since 18 1/2? Exclusively? Well, your mom has a point but perhaps not THE point. Can't tell much without knowing more.

"Planning on getting engaged..."? Oops...there's a biiiiig stretch! That reads like post-pubescent girl-dream stuff from here.

Look, anybody -- like me, for example -- responding here won't have other than the slightest vestige of a clue as to what your actual situation is. Don't know where you're going to get legitimate criticism or reinforcement of your position based on what you wrote. Reads like a general whine.
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popi_gw
10 years ago
Well I might be able to help out here.

I married a man who my parents didn't like, and they probably had the same concerns that your parents do.

I was 22 when we married - and last week we celebrated our 31st wedding anniversary.

I think your mother is being a little unfair, but after being in the same situation as you - 31 years ago, mind you (lol) AND I now have a daughter who has a BF who I don't like ! It has all come full circle for me.

So, what I can say to you is your mother talks from love, and concern for your future, she is probably my age (53). But really she needs to trust her lovely daughter, and that she has brought her up to make her own decisions, and just let you live your life.

What you could say to her, is probably what I have written above.

Good luck.
scarlett2001
10 years ago
Maybe your mom is concerned because you didn't "shop around" enough?
sylviatexas1
10 years ago
It does sound a little like a tempest in a teapot, but what caught my eye is that your mother says he's 'cheap'.

Not having money is one thing, but being cheap is a lot worse.

It means that you'll never have anything that's more than the bare basic need;
no matter how much money you or he makes, no matter how much you have in the bank, you won't have a nice home when a crummy apartment will suffice.

(I once knew a guy whose children never learned to ride bicycles because their neighborhood was unsafe;
the family lived in that particular house because the home that they owned in a nicer area was leased out...
because it brought in more rent!)

Years ago, I learned to 'rate' guys by the tip they left when we ate out.

A person who won't give a nice tip to a waitress or waiter won't spend more than he absolutely has to on you either.

I wish you the best.
susanjn
10 years ago
maryblueberry,

You don't mention whether either of you are self supporting right now. As a woman and mother, that would be my first bit of advice to you. Both of you must be self supporting on your own first!

You say you are planning to be engaged. If you are planning to marry, which it sounds like you are, then you ARE engaged. The ring doesn't matter. To me you are echoing your mother's focus on material things if you think you can't be engaged without a ring.

I'm glad you are not in a rush. Enjoy getting to know each other and defining your hopes and dreams. And don't get pregnant until your situation is very stable. (I want to say until you are married, but even that doesn't guarantee stability.)

Talk to your mother. Ask her if she has any reservations about your bf other than money. Consider what she says, and make your own decision.

Susan
kimberlyrkb
10 years ago
Do your friends like your boyfriend? I ask because my family and friends didn't like my boyfriend many years ago. I thought I knew better and married him anyway. We divorced after 11 years of a miserable marriage. I decided I would never again marry a man my family and friends didn't like. (Fortunately, I am remarried to a wonderful man everyone loves.)

Your parents not liking him may be because they feel no one is good enough for their daughter. Or it may be that they truly think he is not a good person or a good match for you. Like the previous poster suggested, I would do a little more digging to see if you can get more details.

It's very easy at this point in your relationship to think that love is enough, but it's not. You need to be practical, too, and make sure your boyfriend is a good match in all the ways that truly matter.

my parents hate my boyfriend

Comments (7)

ellendi

gwarstong

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