I am a lawyer in California and the reason nobody can help you so far is that you have left out information that is important. If you were divorced in California go down to the courthouse and pull the file. Look at the entry of judgment--what is the date of the divorce? Whats the date of the new marriage? If you were divorced in another state, get the record, its not difficult. Bring that info to a family law attorney and they can tell you what your rights are. There is no common law marriage in this state but there may be some help anyway. If it was an error in the record, maybe it could be corrected. You are not a domestic partner unless you register as one in this state and there are restrictions. You may need to approach this from a real estate legal standpoint, if its not a valid marriage. The name on the deed probably was changed during refinance, it could happen. You probably signed a bunch of papers you didn't read, but the next time you sign anything that gets notarized and you have to put your thumbprint in the notary book in California I suggest you go out for coffee instead. If you have a realtor friend, have them pull all of the deeds back to when the property was purchased. Take all of this stuff to a family law attorney who also knows something about real estate. All of these documents are important, no attorney can give you any advice until they see them. By the way, its not so easy to throw you out of the house. I would want to know why your credit was bad and hers wasn't. Don't you file joint tax returns? I suspect there is a lot of paperwork that you never look at. Start now. Pick an attorney near where you live, this is an involved problem and you need to solve it now.

Do you *honestly* believe he's not even flirting online anymore? And are you completely comfortable that he'll be faithful to you while he's deployed and his buddies all go off tail-hunting? Because if you don't seriously believe that, and if you don't trust him 100% to be faithful, then what you have isn't really a good marriage. You can admit it now, get a quickie divorce, and try again in a little while as a woman who's older and wiser. Or you can string this thing out until you catch him again and he admits it but promises never to do it again, or 'sorta' catch him but don't have 100% proof and he denies it, or maybe just 'smell a rat' but can't prove it beyond a doubt. This gut simply doesn't sound 'beyond a doubt' trustworthy. Honestly, I'm NOT one to give up on a marriage easily, and ended up staying in a bad marriage for a long, long time. But now that I'm older and wiser, I'd say take a good hard look at what you've got, and without cleaning it up and 'fixing' him (he won't change) -- decide if that's the marriage you want. Then decide. If it's not the marriage you want, End It! You've got no kids. You don't *have* to try to work it out. Unless you see concrete proof that he's really, really changed, I honestly wouldn't believe it. And new passwords is certainly NOT proof that he's changed. If anything, it's proof that he hasn't.

I actually very much dislike his books, Mars and Venus stuff. Couple of things in them seem so backwards, like forcing women back in a kitchen pregnant barefoot. especially parts where it is said that women should not suggest sex, physical intimacy, PDA or ever intitate any of that (with their own man!) because supposedly it emasculates their man. i was shocked and asked few men what they think of it, they said maybe it was so in 1800s, certainly not in modern times. i by the way attended presentation/concert by John Gray few years ago in the area, he presented his book "Mars and Venus at work". he suggested how men and women should behave at work. Again his main idea was that women should always give credit to men and should not initate anything at work and should just lay low (if they work wiht men). I haven't read that book but he presented his ideas at the concert. Com'n. Give me a break. Honestly if all this behavior he demands from women makes a good marriage, i'd rather never be married and never even date. If it means i have to go back to 1800s, no, thanks.

This is one of the most disturbing posts I've ever read here - in fact, it's been haunting me since it first appeared. I don't know which is worse -- the idea that you molested your wife's sister, or the idea that you didn't and she claims you did. Either way, it's a horrible, awful mess. For what it's worth, I find it very hard to believe that a young woman who behaves anywhere near appropriately would have been molested by 2 of her 3 brothers-in-law... Of course, there's no way to prove either side of the story, since there wouldn't have been any witnesses. So it all boils down to a question of character, history and reputation. If your character is above reproach, your story should be believed (though perhaps quietly, since it's likely D is emotional, dramatic and vocal) and this should all blow over in a few months. If your character hasn't always been above reproach, let this situation serve as a warning that you need to monitor your behavior a little more carefully, and that in the future, you should not to let D get within 10 feet of you. Without knowing any of the parties involved, I would have a tendency to believe that there was some truth to each side, with exaggerations and distortions likely on both sides.