You know, when I first started reading your post, the first thing I thought of was sleep deprivation. It's amazing how much can be thrown off from not getting enough sleep. I know with a young one it is very hard, but I would make getting enough sleep a top priority.... no really, put down the book, turn off the tv and computer, forget about the dishes and go to bed. You may not believe how much your mood changes from getting more sleep. Make it a number one priority. The other thing that 'could' be partially at fault is the fact that you may not be feeling that sexy. Maybe you are still carrying some extra baby weight, and maybe haven't had time to really fix yourself up or even buy clothes that fit and look good on you. Spoil and pamper yourself a little (in between naps). You may feel a little more frisky if you feel better about yourself. Set up a date night with your husband. I really think and hope for your sake that it really is just a phase. Hopefully when the baby isn't so demanding you'll be able to get some more sleep. Is there anyone (your mother) etc. that may be able to help and take some stress off? Even if you have to pay for some help, it may really be worth it in the long run. Is your husband helping; could you be resenting him if he's not? And, I guess I don't really understand this.. but even if you are not in the mood at all, can't you just give in from time to time for your husband? I mean I really, really don't like hockey games, but I've been known to go to them when my husband couldn't find a friend. Sometimes we do things just for the other person even if we don't want to. Is it painful or just god awful, or are you just way too tired....

From what i have read, yes there are plenty of issues with the ex-wife, and now the SD, but the one thing that sticks out is actually the husband. I don't want to offend... but he sounds a bit spineless. It's not really want you want to think about the person you love, but his ex behaves the way she does and he allows it. He caves in, he gives her what she wants, and the daughter has learned this behavior as well. She knows that it doesn't matter how she acts, she can guilt trip him into getting whatever she wants. She also knows that he does not require her to show respect to you. In truth, he is not showing respect to you to require you to endure poor treatment. (i could be wrong, maybe he gets upset at her when she acts poorly to you) this is just what i can see based on the comments you have made. This is also the most difficult position to be in, because you can't make him stand his ground and change some of the boundaries and respect issues happening. It's something only he can do, and because he hasnt, and doesn't, you keep getting hurt by it all. The guys are usually afraid that if they don't give their ex whatever she wants, that she will make a big fuss and cause problems and drama and keep him from seeing his children. But, this child is an adult now. He really doesn't have to put up with any of this unless HE WANTS TO. Your husband is choosing to let the situation hurt you, to avoid having to take a deep breath and be the bad guy and tell both his ex-wife and daughter that this situation is not ok. If he had done this much sooner, you might not be dealing with a SD who has a lot of issues now. He helped teach her how to behave like her mother. He allowed the mother to treat him and you the way she does. Ex's will ALWAYS cause problems at some point or another. It's human nature and part of the grieving process when a relationship breaks. But not setting correct boundaries, and your husband not showing YOU the respect he should have is what has created this nightmare that does not seem to have gotten better despite 14 years of marriage. After all this time, he is still answering all of her phone calls. Why should she stop calling? She knows he will answer. Why should she stop guilt tripping him about his daughter? She knows he will do whatever she asks him to. There is no reason whatsoever for this ex, and now this daughter to behave any differently than they are. Why should they? They are getting what they want. And, it is your husband who is allowing it. The problem is not really the ex, and not really the SD. For women, it seems to be much easier to set those boundaries, to enforce them, and to insist that our ex shows respect to us and to our new partners. Most often i hear from ex-wives who say that they do not have these problems with their ex-husband. maybe because they had no problem moving on? Unfortunately, I don't have any advice on how to get your husband to stand up for you and your new family together, and you two as a couple. If i knew those answers I wouldn't be in a similar situation. They have to want it themselves. Maybe you are TOO understanding, TOO considerate, and TOO willing to put up with it? You will not change the ex, or the SD, but your husband is married to you and loves you and he has built a life with you. You do have a right to ask him to do something about his own behavior.

My son that is 21, left our home before we got married. He came to us last night and now says he is ready to follow our rules. He's had that opportunity since he was 18 and thumbed his nose at it. He felt like he was an "adult" because he had an 18th birthday and was legally an adult. He turned down his chance to go to culinary school because he told my dad he wanted to "do it on his own" and he didn't. His problem has been his attitude and he had to go find out, through the school of hard knocks, that it wasn't what he thought to be 18. We've helped him get decent (manual labor) jobs and even co signed a car to help him out. He quit the job because he didn't like it and stopped paying on the car when it got hit & damaged (totaled), he says while it was parked. My younger son, perhaps realized by seeing what his brother was doing, decided to abide by the rules and go to college. He is doing better, as he also went out and got a part time job and is making payments on his first car too. My daughter is doing much better in school and also working. My kids are doing much better since I got married and I can't say that it's because I got married, they were already 16-17 when I married him. But, I can say that before I was married, they did struggle more. In fact, my daughter was at one point failing in school and was clinically depressed. She began cutting when she was put on anti depressants so that was stopped. My now 18 year old son, became addicted to prescription painkillers when he was 16 and was hospitalized. These things were happening around the time I met my husband and my daughter has told me that it's different now. Before, when I was a single parent, they had a lot more freedom because I was working and not always home to enforce the rules so there was inconsistency. My husband moved in when we were planning our wedding and initially, there was rebellion, but all of the children were a part of our ceremony. We even included vows to each other's children. Over time, all the kids are doing better than they were before(except now his daughter is having problems) My step daughter is having problems for a completely different reason. Her mom abandoned her three months ago. and she is actually doing much better the past month. She's had problems with school because her mom was doing homework for her last year (when she didn't get it) and we sit down with her and help her understand it. Her teacher commented on her progress at her conference two weeks ago. At the beginning of the year (when her mom left) she was having behavioral problems and couldn't do her work because she didn't understand it or know the terminology. Her mom has continued to keep her on an emotional roller coaster by telling her that she wants her to go live over there but that she can't because it's only a one bedroom house. She never calls to say she loves her or goodnight. SD calls and BM never answers her phone, so SD has to leave messages that BM doesn't return. In fact, we just got another call from BM that she can't pick up SD from school today (she's supposed to get her from school on Fridays) but will try to be here by 9:30 PM (and they have a 2 1/2 hour drive back to where she lives) The last time she said she would be here in the evening like that, we were ready and waiting and she called and said she'd be here in the morning. She was late then too. SD does much better when we have a two week stretch without her visiting her mom because she does have the stability of her routine and schedule. She is with DH on the last weekend of each month so we have that two weeks and lately, she's bounced back from her mom's BS better. I think she's realizing that her mom can't be counted on. It may be different if she had a stable mom, but she doesn't. and no, I don't wish her mom would go away or not exist, I wish her mom would stop hurting her daughters. She also abandoned her 12 year old when she left.

I just also want to add that in the morning after I calmly told him that it's upsetting to me that he's keeping track of our fights for the future, he told me that he was mad at me for "picking the fight" and "wanted to burst in a fight but decided against it because he loves me". In his opinion I just picked another fight by asking calmly if he was keeping record (because I found him holding his phone during our argument and him screaming "don't hurt the kids" to a committed mama like myself, as if recording, suspicious). And then I found out about journaling for the last year. To me that is invalidation of the feeling. He's saying he's mad at me for being upset with him, but because he loves me he forgives me for having that feeling. He he also keeps saying that if he wanted a divorce, he'd not survive through all the crap I make him deal with (not sure what that means) and he'd just leave.