Hi You could consider posting a tribute on the web to show your caring and feature his mother along with any photos or video of time you may have spent together. Also you could create a special message or poem to show him that you are sad for his loss whch is also your loss because you will not have the option to experience his Mothers Joy. My son in law lost his mother last year. Like many men, it is hard to show emotion. There were cultural difference between our families. Our daughter showed her love and support by just being there for him. Even though at times she was ignored becuause his pain caused him to be unbalanced at times, she did not take this personlly. As the 'dust of his emotional toil' began to settle, and he could see further from his centre, there in the distance was his sweetheart.... wating and knowing that one day they would be each others strength. Never be afraid to show that you love him, and that you are there for him, inspite of others who may not always understand you.

K: My husband and I are currently in marriage counseling and we're going to soon have our fifth year anniversary--we married when I was 26 and hubby 28 (still relatively young). We also have a toddler. When I read your initial post, it was kind of like hearing my husband say the things he said to me. Of course our experience was not identical to yours, but there are similarities. We were no longer in the honeymoon phase within the first six months of marriage and every year, up until we finally started counseling, got harder and harder. I'd like to share with you one of the exercises our marriage counselor is having us go through. It requires both partners to think seriously about what their own needs are. I decided to think of my needs in terms of my marriage: what did I need from my marriage in order to be happy? The length of your list doesn't matter, and even if some of the items sound like wants, rather than needs, write them down anyway. Then each partner, if they feel comfortable, should share their list with the other. The next step is to decide whether or not you think you can meet your partner's needs. It requires honesty to get through this exercise, but it can be very enlightening. I'm still waiting for my husband to share his needs w/me, but I learned a lot about myself when I put my list together. Good luck, whatever you do please realize that you're working toward making the best choice you can.

Work with the facts mostly. That can give you a bare-bones outline of what the situation is. Work hard to avoid interpreting the motives or thoughts of the others. The only one you _really_ know potentially is yourself and your views. I think it is unusual for a parental adult to form that close a friendship with their child's (adolescent, but still minor and not legally an adult) boyfriend or girlfriend for that matter. If her mother is having deep conversations and sharing her personal views with you, that can be inappropriate and it ignores or disregards all kinds of normal/healthy social boundaries. There are many reasons a person might not act within social 'norms.' Some of these are beyond a person's control (Asperger's syndrome, or some personality orientations can result in a trait people have which causes them to not be socially adept with their peers or in a way which is 'normal'). That she does this with you may not have anything to do with personal feelings, or desires she has. Sometimes people who are in the role of 'host' or 'hostess' will insist on giving up personal beds for the use of overnight guests. That can be normal. It can also be the case that there is confusion of boundaries which extends beyond the conversations and has moved into the realm of personal feelings on her mother's part. It is impossible to say or to know because the only one who can know is her mother, and she has acted in a way which suggests she may not be clear in her own view (about normal boundaries and why they exist, and how to set them up and maintain them for everyone's benefit, etc.). About your gf, there seems to be some confusion about what she 'really' wants or what she is 'really' interested in; in terms of further exploring your shared relationship and possible physical expressions? If you want clarity you can ask her direct questions like 'I am confused when you (say what it is she does or says that is unclear to you), and I need you to tell me how you would like me to respond.' Sponteneity is a bad thing in this kind of matter. The consequences of most physical expressions can involve viral infections which are chronic (types of herpes), warts can also be transmitted inadvertently and through activities which are not viewed as 'real' intercourse. By asking her you can get a feel for whether she, or you for that matter are ready. Absently acting on feelings simply because of having them is something that can be done. Humans do have the capacity to think before acting though and it's worthwhile to do so usually. It's a benefit of eons of evolution. Asking can give you clarity about her feelings, and what she wants or thinks she wants. People who have limited or no experience in these matters (and teenagers are limited in that they haven't had much time at all to be able to develop both adult maturity and good experience) may not reasonably be able to know what they want. They may not be clear on their own feelings. A good test for whether to proceed or not is if you (and she) are supportive enough of each other that either of you can and would stop if the other (at _any_ time in the proceedings) expressed the need to stop. Being able to do that without any hard feelings or resentment is more of a test of healthy advanced adult maturity. you can get clarity about what 'further' is to her, and maintain good ongoing open communication with her P.S. You might have to be the one to set boundaries with her mother if you find that her 'closeness' feels uncomfortable in any way to you. Then you can stop the deep personal conversations or conversations about her daughter. Her daughter is your girl friend, and she is entitled (as are you) to have a personal relationship. Her mother is entitled (as are parents everywhere) to access to enough candid information that they can feel like they are able to protect their child's safety. There is a balance between these. Her mother is still responsible for her, legally. That is a serious responsibility, being responsible for someone else's health and well-being and safety. She can decide not to let her 16 year old adolescent child travel alone to see you; but it could be for any number of sound reasons and not just because of the 'relationship issues' or related fears. P.P.S. Social naivety can come across as very endearing. People who display this trait tend to be overwhelmingly candid and more or less incapable of lying. This can be very appealing and causes people who have this trait to appear relatively 'unspoiled' and 'uncomplicated.' This is worth mentioning because it sounds like her mother might display this trait (people who do often are not aware of normal social boundaries). Her daughter might have it too. If her daughter does, then she needs more parental protection than 'normal' too. People who are more socially aware and sophisticated will often exploit people who are naive in this area. Your gf might make a great longterm and life partner for you. Life is long, and a couple years (anything less than a decade really) is nothing by comparasin. Give yourselves time because life is not a race and even if it were it would _not_ favour sprinters.

I'm finding myself agreeing with the others. A man who is emotionally immature at 43 is likely to be emotionally immature at 53, at 63, at 73... You were rebounding, understandably, and this man met your rebound needs for a while. Accept that this relationship was something you needed for a few months, but that it may not have the solid foundation necessary to build a real and lasting future on. Measure the relationship in terms of quality, not duration. You could "hang in there" forever just to prove to yourself that you're not a failure at relationships; or, you can move on, with the mindset that a dysfunctional relationship is NOT better than no relationship, and that it's a mark of self-respect to act on that. If his own relationship with his kids is not the best, then HE needs to get in there and fix it. And IMO, with absolutely no disrespect intended, having a third party there in the middle (you) is a hinderance to getting that done, and the kids will very reasonably blame and resent you for being there in the middle. By letting you 'deal' with his kids, he doesn't have to. If I've been overly negative about the relationship, then of course, don't end it altogether. But IMO, it still makes sense to call of the engagement for the indefinite future, move out and re-establish your own independence. Take things gradually, and see where they head on their own. At the eight-month mark, with the right guy, you should be walking on air, not struggling for breath. Good Luck --