Those do sound suspicious, but sometimes people read what they want into things.

Anyone who looses weight is probably going to buy new clothes, right? Does she normally inform you of her clothing purchases? And lots of time if work lets you out early, you'll go to happy hour. It doesn't mean an affair is going on. I take it "this guy" is someone she works with. I'm not sure lying about going to a party when she's going to a casino means cheating.. her "guy" could have just as easily been at the party, no (and it wasn't like she was with him at his house)? Maybe she didn't want you to know she lost money gambling??

I'm just throwing stuff out there; it's hard to know without knowing how your life was before all this. Like, did you have sex 4 or 5 times a week, or more like once or twice a month? And, what do you mean 'hiding' her phone?

Here's just another thought and it's out there... but a lot of the things on your list could be explained by depression too... loss of weight, loss of interest in sex, drinking, shopping and gambling trips/addictions.... It really sometimes can just depend on how you look at things. So, be careful with your accusations just in case.

Like most lists, the below list won't really answer your questions, but it may give you somethings to think about. Be sure to read the end part where it advices not to jump to any conclusions before you get the facts (but personally I would start trying to get some of those facts because it sounds like there is enough there to have some legitimate concerns).

Here is a link that might be useful: Signs She's Cheating

It's certainly possible that she's not --
But it sure sounds like she is...

Try suggesting a date to go shopping for a new dress to show off her new figure, followed by a romantic dinner for two. If she's not interested in that, I'd strongly suspect she's getting her admiration and romance elsewhere.

This happened 3 years ago and now she is telling me that she was just talking to him that he made her feel special. At the time she would shave her private parts but it wasnt for me because she wouldnt let me touch her. She also she always would say if we go out that we go together and then she came home and ask why dont i go out with my friends

3 years ago? How long do you think it lasted? Are you sure it was an affair and not just an office crush? I doubt she's gonna to admit to anything at this point. Did she just shave for those fews months? The shaving thing did sort of hit it really big around that time; I had a lot of friends that tried it and then decided against it. And, sometimes when woman loose weight they see their bodies differently and sort of want to pretty up a bit. But, it again, does sounds very suspicious.

What exactly are you after? I assumed by your first post that you would want to try to gather facts and catch her so you know for sure. But with the time period being so long ago, what are you looking for? I doubt she is going to tell you about a 3 month affair from 3 years ago unless she wants to leave you. Do you think she's still cheating? Have you even asked her about it? I mean guessing, making assumptions, and getting input can only get you so far. You're not going to know for sure; so what are you after...getting her to admit to it? Why has this gone on for so long-- 3 years?

Why now? Are you just now looking for an excuse to leave her or cheat yourself?

If this was three years ago, why are you bringing it up now?

- If your marriage is good now, I'd say 'let sleeping dogs lie'. It's highly unlikely that your marriage would be improved by dragging it out into the open.

- If you think she's cheating now, I'd say it's relevant, but to focus on the 'now' rather than on the 'then'.

- If your marriage is not good and you find yourself plagued by doubts and trust issues, then get into counseling and figure them out. Together, if you think she's a good person at the core, or by yourself if you deep-down believe she's rotten and are basically wondering why you stay with her.

If this is still bothering you after three years and you can't drop it, it's time to drag it into the light and kill it.

It sounds like your communications with your wife are very bad. Whether she cheated or not, that needs to improve or you are headed for more probems.

Did not really understand if she knew this person three years ago and now he is back and she is acting this way now or IF she acted like this three years ago.

Either way it does not make you feel any better. It hurts and the trust is lost. Therapy helps but ONLY IF you both go and keep the skills you learn there, if not...do not waste your time.

The "lady" my husband broke trust with was married, used her work cell phone (smart did this before), used their cabin and lost 50 pounds in 4 months. Her husband worked for ODOT and did another full time job. SHe told the sob story about her spouse.... Yes, it still hurts, no I do not trust, yep did therapy and done all the antidepressants they told me to.

You will never know the truth....you must decide if YOU can live in the relationship. You will remember the problem especially when environmental situations come up and you have no control over. Communication helps but if you do NOT trust...it is over.

The person with my husband broke my trust with was a girl from Grange or 4H camp, he knew for a week they wrote back and forth, she dumped him for she was pregnant by some other person and this was over 30 years ago. He looked for her before he married me and they "rediscovered" each other last year. Me...I told the judge that gave me an attorney to use I would not divorce him until the youngest is 18. Why, the judge worked family court as an attorney for over 20 years and knows me well.

If you can live this way the rest of your life, stay. If you cannot and there are NO children...leave now. Do not live in a life you cannot. I wish I had the strenght to go.

lizzi,

I feel for you, but why would you force him to stay? You should still be able to get child support until your child is 18. Granted, maybe you have a health concern or something similar, but do you really think it's best for your children to be seeing your marriage the way it is? Do you want them to grow up and have a similar marriage because many times that is what happens -- the boys think cheating is ok and the girls end up with a cheater (or vice versa)? I don't know how many girls I know that have cheating fathers end up with a cheater themselves. It's sad; but it's what they see, even if you think they don't.

And, I have a legal question for you... So, if one party doesn't want a divorce, it won't be granted (based on the judge)? I've heard of stalling tactics, etc.. but I thought a divorce would still be granted. I never really knew how this worked. Please fill me in...

And, if the original poster is still out there.. Any new news?

The judge has seen too many children of my husband's profession in divorces and knows his family. My mother in law worked in the court house for years and was not well received there or in her other public jobs. The best thing the judge said was to use the attorney to keep the abuse under control, call her if needed, get all assets possible secured and trust only professionals with legal matters. She is a friend. I have known her for over 25 years and the legal team she worked with and taught. We live in a small communtity and I trust her and the attorney she choose. She did know me before I was married, told me not get married and is there now. I am lucky compared to others in the family, trust me.

Oh, I misread what you were saying. I take it you're just saying you have a friend in the legal field who is helping/advising you. I'm still wondering a little why you have decided to stay with him if you "wish you had the strength to go". I'm hoping for your sake your husband has changed his ways and that the abuse you mention is very minimal.