Vent - Grass is always greener

16 years ago

Hi everyone.

Where to begin? Been married 11 years and have moved 7 times due to the fact DH thinks better jobs are always over the other side of the fence. We're talking cross-country moves here with large amounts of stuff, stress, time and money attached. The latest is a job he wants to apply for

in Eastern Montana. I put my foot down and said NO! to that. My family is all on the east coast, and I rarely have a chance to interact with them due to the fact we are always playing financial catch-up from the moves.

My sister said I should have dumped him a long time ago. But, on the other hand, he expects little out of me. That is, he's not fussy about what I cook or if the laundry is done, or the house is clean, or what kind of money I make. I pretty much do what I want - once we are "settled".

I would like a objective reader to give his/her opinion. We have no children, so I am free technically to go live in the East and stay there, except for one tiny problem - I can't afford to live there on my own.

Comments (6)

mom2emall
16 years ago
Well from an outsiders point of view it sounds like your marriage is having troubles. You need to sit down with your dh and let him know how much you hate moving, especially away from all your friends and family. How do you feel about your dh? I see nothing about love in here, it seems to be about convenience and money from what you have written. (saying you can do what you want and that you could go live on the East coast but you don't have the money) Maybe I am wrong and your happily married, but your post doesn't come across that way. You need to think about what you really want. Are you willing to move again? Are you willing to leave a man you have been married to for 11 years? Are you truly happy with him (despite the moving)? Once you can answer those questions honestly you can figure out what you should do.
rob333 (zone 7b)
16 years ago
My husband was a job hopper. He hopped because he couldn't deal with the last little bit of hard work when you're learning a new job. He'd get fed up and leave. Which pis-ed me off royally. We have a small child who hated being uprooted. So it was a big deal for us. I would always say, sure, go. As long as you're happy. But he soon figured out, he wasn't happy. The "next" time he wanted to leave, I said, LOOK, you aint happy, and none of the other umpteen jobs made you happy, so what's the problem? He admitted to being frustrated. So we brainstromed and figured out the last hump. He's been promoted way up, gained bonuses, raises, vacation time, and self esteem. He's only been there a couple of years, but it's the longest he's held a job since we've been married, and happier at the thought of still being at his job. He's not going to leave now that he's on board.

Is your hubby job hopping for something similar? Can you help him keep calm during the "next time"? Or is it just a symptom of what's really wrong?
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I am impressed by the empathy & advice given on this post. everyone has valid points & pretty much feels the same way. I have an 18 year old daughter who just graduated HS. If a guy like this came into her life I would lock her in a closet! You only have a short time to be young b4 all the grow up stuff comes knocking at your door. Don't waste a second of your youth being unhappy. Work, get an education no matter what it takes! Make a good happy life for yourself because if you don't no one else will. From what I've read especially not a 23 year old man who has manipulated a 16 year old girl. I agree with a previous post, call grandparents ask for help & go home! There will be plenty of time for you to move back to the city when you can get yourself established with some money & security. Right now this is not secure just go & don't look back no matter how hard it may be. Good luck to you & I hope you come back here to read the great words so many have given you.
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asolo
16 years ago
So...you like living like this? No kids?

Seems like decision-time to me. If you're letting the money thing stand in your way, you're making a mistake. You'll do fine.

One life, babe. Act.
carla35
16 years ago
Well, how long have you been objecting?

If you have been happily going along with or not really objecting to the moves, I don't think you can hold that against him. Some people may actually enjoy picking up and trying new and different places and things. Now, if you've been objecting before every move, then, I would have been gone a long time ago. I just don't see how this could have been happening so often if you have been objecting all along.

You say little of your love or relationship as a whole so it's hard to figure that in. You sound content, but sadly content.

If you gave him the ultimatum to stay or go without you, what would he do? Are you ok with and able to support yourself to the means you desire? Everythings's a trade off.

I'd start with a long discussion with your DH; he should at least hear you out and be able to make some sort of compromise for you. Chances are, though, he may not even get the job. It's just an interview, right?
Bumblebeez SC Zone 7
16 years ago
It also sounds like you need some job skills so you aren't financially dependent on him.
scarlett2001
16 years ago
I'm with Bumblebeez - EVERY woman should have the skills to support herself because you just never know what's coming.

Vent - Grass is always greener

Comments (6)

mom2emall

rob333 (zone 7b)

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