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keeping score

Posted by Jamie_MS (My Page) on
Mon, Feb 11, 02 at 11:21

This is absolutely my pet peeve about my DH. We rarely have an argument. Truthfully we'll have a big argument maybe 3 times a year. But when we do, he always brings up something about the number of times I've done this or that, or haven't done this or that. And he states a number! He's been keeping score of these things. It infuriates me. Does anybody else's spouse do this?


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: keeping score

no, i blame everything on my wife, that way i maintain perfection! just ask her, iam sure she will say iam perfect.ha ha


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RE: keeping score

No DH has never done that but boy would that make me mad, especially if I am already mad and fighting.


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RE: keeping score

he dont but i do lol


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RE: keeping score

Hate to say this but this is something we women are usually guilty of doing.
(don't bash me too much for saying this!)
(and don't bring this up to me again in 6 months) :-)


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RE: keeping score

what he's keeping score of - is it relevant to the argument?
if it's not relevant, and his doing this really bothers you, you could try telling him to drop it, and if he persists in bringing irrelevant past behavior into the current argument, you could refuse to continue until he's willing to drop it.

DH and i met 10 years ago and will be married 5 years this friday heehee! and while DH doesn't exactly keep score, every argument he'd bring up something i had spent $ on that was entirely irrelevant -- it happened before i even knew he existed. Yet every argument we had about $, there it'd be -- until some time last year when yet again, he accused me of not being able to "let go" in the same sentence he told me that i was keeping score. His first wife did that, not me. I never could tolerate people "keeping score" nor the past being brought up during a current argument -unless the argument happens to BE about the past, i won't tolerate that sort of manipulation.

Finding it extremely frustrating these past 7 years that he couldn't see that i was NOT the same woman with the i'm-single-and-i've-got-all-the-$-in-the-world-and-i'm-spend-it-on-myself attitude (my entire salary goes to pay our combined marriage bills) i let him have it with both barrels. We no longer argue as much as we used to nor has brought it up since....our communications are much better now because i no longer am immediately on the defensive waiting for the unfair, irrelevent "attack" to come :o)


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RE: keeping score

We don't have arguments Jamie because I'm a captive audience. I have to listen to a barage and long string of what I should & should not do, say or speak. My opinion is worth nil, zilch and if I do hesitate to speak (during one of his few pauses to take a breath) then what I say is turned totally around as if I'm attacking him. This "thing" that he does is not constant but happens totally unexpected...kind of like an ambush and I haven't had time to "pull the wagons together". It's really out of character for him because he is a very loving, giving, generous and caring person. It's gotten where now, that I can't relax...like I have to be on alert...so I withdraw...and I know that's not healthy for us.


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RE: keeping score

Oh, yeah! When I argue an issue (let's say comittment) I am only allowed to bring up that issue ONCE. If I bring it up again two years later (not the same instance, but the same issue) I "never let things go". But he can keep count of my shoes, or how many times I call my sister, and the minute details of every kleenex I buy as a running total for life.

I once caught him making pencil marks on a piece of paper on the fridge. I asked what was that (he was in a huffy mood). He said "that is how many times you left your shoes by the front door". I was flabbergasted! He was keeping TRACK of how many times I left my shoes at the door? I didn't even know I WASN'T SUPPOSED to leave them at the door.



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