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i am married and in love with a married man

Posted by lalamtx24869 (My Page) on
Thu, Feb 8, 07 at 0:37

HELLO! I NEED YOUR HELP. I AM MARRIED FOR 15 YEARS WITH 3 CHILDREN. MY MARRIAGE IS NOT PERFECT BUT I KNOW MY HUSBAND LOVES ME.

I FEEL SO IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER MAN. THIS GUY WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE. HE CARES ABOUT ME. I NEVER BEEN IN LOVE LIKE THIS BEFORE. I COULD FEEL MY HEART POUNDING & MY STOMACH FELT TIGHT WHEN THINKING ABOUT THIS GUY I AM IN LOVE WITH. SOMETIMES I COULDN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT. I THINK ABOUT HIM OVER AND OVER.

PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO. THANK YOU


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: i am married and in love with a married man

No one can tell you what to do,we can only give helpful suggestions.

I think,that what you are feeling for this other man who is not your husband,IS NOT LOVE. Sounds very much like head over heels infatuation to me...which fades!
What you have with your husband,is REAL LOVE. You share a family together,you share a home and responsibilities.You have probably seen each other at your worst and still love each other.You have years and a history.

What you have for this other man,is LUST,infatuation,a crush...which only lasts a brief time.Then,who you are left with you may not even LIKE.Happens all the time. People grow out of their lovey dovey faze and find they cant really stand each other!

I'm a human,I know how you are feeling.But you just have to ask yourself,is it really worth it?
You say your husband is such a wonderful man.Would you really be able to hurt him that way if you left him for another man? Sleep at night knowing he is probably home alone in bed crying himself to sleep?
What you already have,is what most people search for their whole lives.I just hope you think strongly before easily tossing it away.


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RE: i am married and in love with a married man

Coolmama's advice is so sound.

I would just add: Imagine that you have ended your marriage, broken up your family, and gone with this new interest. Then sit down and write a letter (from that imaginary future perspective) to each of your children explaining exactly and honestly why you did that. Please remember that if you DO take this drastic step, they are going to be affected in ways you can hardly comprehend.


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RE: i am married and in love with a married man

Please picture a hot fire in a wood burning stove. Then picture holding your hands on that red hot stove . My guess is the hands would last there less than a split second. Now make believe your hands are your thoughts about this other man is the wood stove .......
I believe most of us have control of what we think about and it is a choice. Infidelity is also a choice and the cruelest thing one spouse can do to another and the family they have.
The "thoughts " about the other man sound like a drug high and or a teenage romantic fantasy..not love...
and there is a definate message in the fact this man "won"t leave you alone" which also doesn't sound respectful of you and respect is part of love.
The good news is you are posting here so you know something has to change. Please , please , please think this thru without the "drug high and romantic fantasy. Kareen


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RE: i am married and in love with a married man

Thank you so much guys for the advice. You are all correct. Coolmama, thank you for understanding about how I feel. I am just a human. I never felt this way before.....but it will fade away. I'll try to forget & avoid the guy. It will just ruin my life.

This is what I like about this forum. I haven't been here for 2 years. I am back! I am so thankful with everyones advice.


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RE: i am married and in love with a married man

Sounds like an infatuation, to me.

You have too much to loose, to persue this man, please walk away. Put more love into your family, that is what will reward you and make you feel happy.

I had coffee with my friend, today, who has done exactly what you have thought about. Her life is full of stress now, and no money, its very sad.

All the best to you.

Popi


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RE: i am married and in love with a married man

I'm wondering about this man. Is he someone you've known for a long time? Do you work with him? Did he make the first move? And have you been intimate with him?

If he approached you, knowing you are married with children, he just may be a "player" wanting another conquest just to prove he can have you. You may think it's love; he may think it's a game.

If he's a friend of your husband's then there may be a rivalry thing going on and he wants to "win" the prize your husband has.

Stay away from him. If he really loved you he wouldn't be trying to break up your family by not leaving you alone.

If he loved you he'd respect your request that he leave you alone. It sounds like a power show of being able to control and manipulate you.


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RE: i am married and in love with a married man

Monablair:

Yes, I work with the guy but I don't see him everyday. He is from the corporate office. Last year, I remember that he took my hand and congratulated me and put his other hand around my shoulder. I just said thank you sir.

Since then, everytime he comes down to the facility he tries to find me. He talks to me and say my name a lot. He looks at me with a different look. You know what I mean? Sometimes, he send me e-mails at work but it's about the job. I think some managers at my job noticed that this guy likes me.

Also, I always wear my wedding ring everyday because if I forget my ring my husband gets disappointed. So, the guy should know that I am married.

This is all for now. Thank you.


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RE: i am married and in love with a married man

15 years, three kids, and your husband loves you? Curb your fantasies, madame. Your reality is too precious to risk the error you are considering.


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RE: i am married and in love with a married man

Don't even THINK about leaving something real for a fantasy.

If he was a man with character, he wouldn't even try to charm you into falling in love with him. Don't be a notch on his belt.


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Seperated for four month,but don't know what to do

I have been married for 4yrs and now seperated for month from my husband,but still in love with him.my husband ask to come and live with me and try our relationship once again,but I don't know because he has a drinking problem that gets really ugly when he's intoxicated.I met a guy sometime this week and we exchange numbers,but I'm still not sure what to do.Should I move on.


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RE: i am married and in love with a married man

Might check the original thread heading.


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RE: i am married and in love with a married man

Lotaya - you should start a new thread instead of restarting one that is 4 years old and just changing the subject line.

But to answer your question, in my opinion you should first decide what you're going to do about your marriage before you start exchanging numbers with new men and exploring other relationships. Get your act together first. Either try again with your husband or divorce him. But don't start something new without figuring out the old.


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RE: i am married and in love with a married man

I have been married about 20 yrs. My husband and I have 2 children, i also have 3 others from my previous marriage which they are grown now and have moved out, he has 4 children from his 2 previous marriage. About 4 yrs ago i started working at a hospital. There is this guy that also works at the hospital, and not to long ago i told him that i really liked him more than a friend, he said he already knew that. Weeks ago he expressed he had feelings for me as well. We started seeing each other at a rest area for about an hour or so. We tell each other that we love one another. We have only kissed and held each other, we talk about making love, but we haven't hit that level yet. Am i really in love and have strong feelings for this man or what can it be.He tells me that if i chose to be and make it work with my husband he would respect my choice and not bother me, he will countine to be my friend. But iam confused i don't know what to do because i don't want to hurt his feelings, he tells me he's happy and loves me. But i also love and care for my husband and i don't want my marriage to end, My husband is a great man, and i don't want to hurt him either especially our kids.I'am confused please advice me. Dulce


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RE: i am married and in love with a married man

You're not confused. You're emotionally reckless and too self-interested to pay attention to what would otherwise be normal, healthy inhibitions.

"But i also love and care for my husband and i don't want my marriage to end, My husband is a great man, and i don't want to hurt him either especially our kids."

Excuse me. People who love and care for great husbands and kids and don't want their marriages to end don't behave this way. I think you're hoping for sympathy and justification here. None of that from me. You're conning yourself. You've earned the guilt you're feeling.

I'd suggest better governing your impulses. I'd suggest paying better attention to your marriage and family if you intend to keep them. I'd suggest behaving differently.


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RE: i am married and in love with a married man

Blah blah blah heard it so many times before. If you leave your hubby for this guy, do you think 10 yrs from now it will seem so magical and special? No....you are not in love with him, but instead in love with the attention he is giving you. Time will change that...go ahead and stab your "great man" in the back if you want for a few months of intense feelings.

Oh and please stop having kids....between you and husband you have 9 freaking kids...the planet is crowded enough.


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