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A new sexless marriage problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by texasgirl54 (My Page) on
Mon, Jan 14, 08 at 20:52

I write this on behalf of my younger sister and her hubby.
It is the 2nd marrige for both.
Married 24 years.
Her hubby is my hubby's brother.
5 years ago she found out about his affair.
When she found out the affair was in it's 4 year.
It was mostly a long distance Affair because the OW was military.
He told her a few times he has to go out of state on business but he went to see OW.
During that time my sister found out thta he has a ED problem due to his Diabetic medication.
During the affair he poped viagra.
She filed for divorce 2 years ago and he begged her
not to go trough with it and he want to work on the marriage.
He ended the affair. ( to our knowledge)
I never believed him totaly, but i never told her that
because i don't have proof but he never went on a "business trip"
again.
They bought a new house 2 years ago.
Everything seems to be fine.
About 5 months ago the both of us went shopping and lunch
and i ask her" ( I was just joking) is your hubby
behaving himself"??
and she burst out crying.
Then she tells me that since he ended the affair (2 years ago) they have no sexual relashion ship.
I was floored.
He told her he cannot have a erection anymore.
And of coarse she told him about the viagra he took with the OW.
No response by him.
My husband talked to him about seeing a doctor again
and he say no doctor can help him because he has no desiere for his wife.
He told her he want to stay married to her because he love her
and they have a nice house (she did all the landscaping)
But he don't love her "in that way anymore"
He is always home or at work, they go out together, do things together, there is no porn no affair.
She checked and is still checking.
I told her to talk to a MC but she will not "Spill her guts to
strangers"
She keep all that inside and suffers.
She want go for a divorce again because of the house and the dogs. She always had a part-time job, but don't make enough to pay the morgtage and she love the house and she want to keep the dogs.
All her free time she do things to the house and the plants
Basicly that is her hobby. He do things too.
I don't undestand him.
She kicked him out of masterbedroom. LOL
The next night he was in bed with her again.
Turning his back to her and going to sleep.
She is not ugly. She take care herself.
She work out. They both go to the same gym together.
She dress nice.
The house is always clean, she cook.
What kind of man is that???


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: A new sexless marriage problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Very interesting. So...in what way is this a problem for you? Seems to me you just like sharing the dirt with thousands of strangers. Why?


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RE: A new sexless marriage problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You can't be seriouse!!!!!!!!!!
If you don't like the subject why you read it..........
Like to read other peoples "DIRT"
Or you just have a bad lonely evening?????????


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RE: A new sexless marriage problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Was just feeling punctuation-deprived and noticed this easy source of replenishment.


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RE: A new sexless marriage problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You gotta admit, she's a little right. We're all guilty of a bit of voyeurism here - not just her, but all of us, peering in, trying to have a hand in changing something that's really none of our business -

But it could have been put more gently, the both of you - I agree with the "how is this a problem for you" - the rest we could have done without. If you're looking for answers with the intention to help her see the light, you might try another approach.


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RE: A new sexless marriage problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She's fine; you're fine; I'm fine. Let 'er buck.

"answers"? "light"? For this mess? From fourth parties? Seems to me they've come to their own arrangement for their own reasons.


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RE: A new sexless marriage problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I guess the bottom line is that it's your sister's marriage, and you need to let her make her own decisions. Some people wouldn't put up with infidelity for a second; others can live fairly content lives looking the other way. Please just let your sister make her own decisions and give her love and support, not judgement, whatever she decides. Let her talk about it if she wants to, but don't pry.


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RE: A new sexless marriage problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you sure the problem isn't closer to home than you think? Isn't 'your' husband in the military. How did your BIL meet this OW? Gosh both you and your sister must really love gardening and dogs. Nice that you have the same hobbies and priorities. There are reasons to stay with someone, but a nice landscaped yard isn't on my personal top priority list and I think dogs can move to different homes.

There's obviously something wrong with the guy's testoterone levels, hormones, or whatever (heck, I'm not a guy I don't know how this stuff works). If he's unwilling to use Viagra for his wife, but ok with using it for others, I really can't see why she would want to put up with that cr&p. If his sex drive is that bad, I'm not sure he can really know if his lack of desire for his wife is real... Is it due to a medical problem or really her personally?

I still wouldn't put up with the straying part. It's bad enough to have a husband that strays or one that can't perform... but if you put them both together and add to it the fact that he doesn't seem to care to want to fix anything... Well, I'm just not seeing a happy ending here... nice landscaping or not.

So hope your sister or whoever can learn to live in non sexual friendship type relationship because that seems like the only thing she'll consider. Funny, but maybe if she actually put her foot down, he would have a little more respect for her and wouldn't be treating her this way. If you think you're a washcloth, people often treat you as such.


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RE: A new sexless marriage problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sweeby,

I don't judge her.
I want her to get help and talk to someone,
at least a MC.
Thanks


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My answer............

asolo

Never mind.............


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My answer.........

carla35

1. My hubby is retired military and he is FINE!!!!
2.My BIL is a civilian, working for the military as a contracter. Sometimes they (military) send him out of state on business.
This how he meet OW.
3.My sister is my sister and we both like gardening and pets.
Because we are...........SISTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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RE: A new sexless marriage problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What kind of man is that, you ask ?

He doesn't want to loose his nice home, with a wife who looks after it, and the garden and the dogs, and he can sit back and enjoy it all.

He probably feels inadequate because he has problems in his nether region, and reluctant to do anything about it, because why does he have to ? (that's him asking that).

Perhaps your sister needs to give him a nudge, make a few demands on him.

Perhaps you should just listen, when she is upset, and comfort her. Maybe that's all you can do.

But sometimes when people just keep going over the same problems and don't seem to do anything about it, it can get a bit tiresome listening to it all.


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One more thing !

Read the thread "Husband not interested in sex".....the last posting (as of now) is from a man who has problems with diabetes, which has impacted on his sex drive.

Read it.


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RE: A new sexless marriage problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry, texasgirl, I didn't mean to start a ruckus. I just know sometimes people say they have a 'friend' when it's really them that has the problem.

There's really not much you can do on your end. If your sister's personality is such that she takes this kind of treatment from him then her threats would probably just be idle ones anyway. I personally would just find it hard to respect (and desire) someone that I know I could treat this way. Maybe that's one of the reasons he's not that into her. Maybe she needs to work on her own self confidence.

Is there any chance he is cheating on her with someone else now?


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RE: A new sexless marriage problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The sister isn't "fine" -- she bursts into tears at the mere mention of her relationship w/ her hubby.


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RE: A new sexless marriage problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boy, you people are mean!
Texas Girl, you probably won't find the answers you need here, but the best thing you can do is be a listening ear for your sister. She needs to talk to work things out and encourage her to do so as much as possible. When this type of thing happens in our families it effects everyone so I don't think it's a matter of you being nosy.


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