kculbers 3 months ago Pinebaron: how did you find out about those tourmaline rocks?? kculbers: My apologies for not responding sooner, just saw your message. Some online research plus knowledge gleaned from a book of fortune or something, helped a lot since I was previously only aware of stones negatively impacting various things. Now I keep a very large tourmaline rock on my office desk below my monitor and another really large one in our living room; that definitely did the trick for us. Now it's almost exactly three years since we moved to our 'masterpiece' although it only became party capable a year later (we love to entertain), i.e. by Thanksgiving 2019. At the time the pandemic struck, my DW was promoted at her work and my own work tripled due to an insane demand for what I do, helping generate an enormous surplus, an ingredient that helped grease the wheels of life. Buzz Solo in northeast MI @Pinebaron We finally sold our house in September 2020. we lost money on it but it's out of our hair (and I left my old neighbors with a good new neighbor!) And DH and I are still married, still frustrated in different ways (the home building board has seen a lot of my "can't find an HVAC guy" posts, but we're getting there. What worries more I think is what we're going to do with ourselves when it's done and we move in! we're going to have to find another project so we don't sit and stare at each other all day. Buzz Solo: A house, no matter how complete, is always going to need some love and there should always be a project or two in-flight to keep you both interested and engaged. If all is really done and when travel becomes easier, take a vacation or two, even a one day sightseeing or window shopping excursion can do wonders.

Worried: I wouldn't call our relationship loveless. I love him very much. I believe he loves me. He says often enough and tenderly enough. Yes he has control issues and I have issues dealing with his control. But things have changed a lot since our confrontation and he does try to listen more. As for if I'm happy well at this time we're trying to deal with this situation so I wouldn't say there is a general feeling of happiness. But we're not directing the unhappiness toward each other. When he's not working we are together a lot. Problem is he's working a lot. Lucky for me that whether he's really working is easy for me to know the reason for his trip is work. That doesn't really prove whether he could be cheating although when I've asked him if he is/has he says no. He doesn't act withdrawn but I'm aware that he still could be. I enjoy being with him and he seems to enjoy being with me. Our sex life is everything I could want and he sure seems satisfied too. But he is also very affectionate outside of sex. I pretty much can't keep my hands off him and if ever want to get him to not act angry just touching him usually does it. Doesn't change his mind much but does change his demeanor. But he doesn't speak roughly to me often anyway. Like I said in my first post I almost wish he didn't treat me in the manner that he does because then I could easier resist him. Thanks to Mkroop for pointing that out as manipulation but Lawd! It's still hard to resist him even when armed with that knowledge. Granted in the past that has been because I just let him have his way but that has changed some too. I guess I really need to look up that word narcissistic to see what else is involved other than control. One positive I have gotten from all of your posts is speaking up for myself and not being afraid to oppose him. I don't know what my fear was with that other than not wanting to be a nag for fear it would drive us apart and our marriage wouldn't last. I remember hearing one of my sisters say that he husband was the boss until she started having kids. Now she is definitely the queen bee so I guess there's hope for me yet. This post was edited by wifey1281 on Wed, Dec 5, 12 at 7:32

My 34 yr old stepdaughter has moved in & out of our home 6 times in the last 10 years. Besides being on drugs & supposedly being "clean" now, she has 2 children (never been married). She doesn't get along with her mom & ends up on our doorstep whenever she gets caught breaking house rules. My husband & BC (stepdaughter) are both co-dependent. Husband & I have never fought about anything but this stepdaughter. She doesn't want to work, can't keep a job, goes out at night (dragging her 5 yr old with her) & parties with her "rehab" friends & comes home drunk OR doesn't come home for several days. Sooo disrespectful! She finally became eligible for Medicaid & thinks if she gets a job she'll lose her medical benefits. Her medical benefits include ongoing Rx's for Suboxone which she sells for spending money. I confronted her on this & she reluctantly admitted it - shocked that I knew about it. There's no reasoning with her. I've spoken with an Addiction Counselor about this & he says you can't reason with an addict. Husband & I have had several sit down discussions with her & her eyes just glaze over. Husband can't confront her because he's afraid he lose contact with the grandchildren. Husband has also tried to put me on a guilt trip about this - he has always succeeded each time. My 2 children (I raised as a single parent) are independent & have decent jobs - which makes this so inexcusable to me. One thing that helped was to approach husband & agree to set a "move out" deadline since she has no goals. I had lost all respect for her & got to the point where I couldn't stand to look at her. Finally decided to sit down with her (with husband present) & tell her how frustrating her behavior was to me. All we got were more excuses for why she couldn't get a job. Unlike her Dad, I didn't buy her excuses. She got up & left. She's been gone for 6 weeks. But I don't expect this to have resolved anything. Addiction counselor said "bottom line - she won't change. She has no incentive to change. Either she goes or you'll have to". I went to another counselor for a second opinion - same advice. Needless to say there is much more to the story. Much more. I've tolerated so much crap from both daughters & ex-wife you wouldn't believe it. Thank God my husband doesn't dispute me anymore re: this particular daughter's behavior.

Sweeby, I tend to agree with you. I truely believe my SS is a sociopath. I have researched it extensively and he is dead on. Even to the point that we got puppies for each of the kids last year and he would feed and water his, walk it when the others walked theirs but he never loved on it like the others did. Never smiled at it when it was happy to see him. He was detached. Honestly, that was when I first started to notice he was a little different. He can turn it on, when he knows others are watching, or even mimic others "normal" behavior, he is just different. His puppy didn't grow and learn like the others because he didn't take time with her. When he went to his mothers and said he wasn't coming back, I was at least relieved that I could find the puppy someone to love her. To this day he has never even asked where she is! Was my husband a great father? No. He thought he was, he tried so hard. He stayed in a loveless marriage for 20 years convinced (by his wife and her family) that if he left he would never see his sons again. That is a ridiclous farce! But my husband, while the kindest soul I have ever know, isn't the most intellectual man. He was on his own at age 15 and all he wanted was a family. He endured SO MUCH to keep his family together and while he THOUGHT he was doing the right thing, it was in the end, the absolute worst thing he could have done. Children who grow up in a battle zone, watching their mother belittle their father over and over, watching their mother lose her temper and hit herself in the head, having one affair after another, that is bound to produce some twisted individuals. My husband tried to keep them busy, Boy Scouts, football, basketball, bowling leagues, track...he was at every practice, every game, helped coach..anything he could to keep them busy and focused on something positive. Yes, he feels gulity. I don't bring it up anymore, he talks when he needs to talk and I listen. Last night for the first time, he said, "I should have taken my boys and left when they were little. They would be different now." I know that is true and I know that is why he puts up with so much, he is largely to blame. No, he wasn't a mean father, but he was an ignorant one, either way, his boys are damaged. I feel bad for my SSs and I am very maternal by nature, so I have tried so hard to take care of them. I wonder if maybe there isn't some jealousy there by the 18 year old because he didn't grow up with that kind of mother. His mother is SO selfish! I have never seen anything like it! Well, my SSs....I have loved on him, he and I had one on one "date nights" and days of shopping and lunches like I do with the others, talked about everything under the sun. I just think it is too late... When his behavior affects my children I have to say no more. Some have asked about my 20 year old SS that I have only met twice. Right in the middle of the split between his parents, he "came out". He was 17. He really , really needed understanding and nurturing. He didn't get it. His mother was vested in her new relationship and his father was licking his own wounds. Both adults were selfish and not there for their son in a very, very crucial time in his life. He is still angry and hurt. While my husband now sees his mistake and wants to be there for his son, he is now going to have to wait until his son is ready to forgive him. Which is why my husband calls him very Sunday and leaves him a message, without fail. He tried to live with his mother and her boyfriend and that didn't work out because the boyfriend was calling him a *ag every day! I wish he would give us a chance but he just isn't ready... I saw on FB recently that he was saying he needed money for groceries. I told my husband (who doesn't realy do the FB thing)and he sent him money for groceries. It's a start... Need to add, the SSs do NOT get along! It's just a big mess! : ( I have to leave it all to my husband. He created this situation, regardless of his intentions, it is time for him to step up and take care of his own. I am just going to take care of mine and see in time what develops.