So sorry for you loss Bob.

Too young to die. I'm so sorry you have lost your best friend.

Oh my deepest sympathy. That is just way too young to pass.
How terribly wrong and so sad.

Oh yes, that would make you feel so sad. He got cheated of a full life. So sorry.

So very sorry.
Agree that 49 is just way too young.

So sorry!

So young. I'm sorry, Bob.

I'm sure it will take some time to wrap your mind around this--I'm so sorry. Talk it out, if possible.

I am sorry for your loss, Bob. I agree with sjerin, talk it out and go ahead and have a good cry if you can.

Ten years ago, I had a co-worker that committed suicide and I still think about him and wonder if I could have helped.

I'm sorry, Bob. Life seems to be just 'going along', then we are blindsided by the death of a friend with whom we shared our youth. It's like part of our own life has vanished. I'm sure you will reach out to his family, sharing your sadness and your memories of Matt. (It's a consolation to know that others cared about him and will miss him.)

Our DS, 43, had two best friends from kindergarten through the time they were all married -- coin toss for best man. One of them died a year ago when a cerebral artery burst; likely a congenital defect. His wife, children, and especially his parents, took great comfort from our DS's visits and help over the first months after Chris' death.

Now in our seventies, my DH and I aren't surprised by the deaths of peers, but seeing an obit on a 'boy' DH coached in Little League is painful -- like your friend, too young.

I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling, Bob. I wish I could give you a hug, not that it would help.

My "best life-long friend" left me two years ago. She was 56. The pain is still as raw as the morning I learned the news.

Hold your memories tight, think of him, thank God for having him in your life, scream and cry. I'm still trying to adjust by taking life alone one hour at a time.

You are in my prayers.

(((((Bob and Matt)))))

Def. consider Chisue's suggestion of contacting his family members to share some funny or uplifting tales from those early days. It'll help not only them, to show that he was someone who stayed in your memories, but also you.

After 30 years of radio silence and no contact during adult years, popping up because of this unfortunate person's untimely death could seem a bit odd to the family. I think you're saying it's a shock (as it truly is) but not really a personal loss, he wasn't part of your life.

In your shoes, I'd maybe go to the funeral if it's reasonably nearby but i would do it on a low key basis.

So sorry for the abrupt loss you are feeling.

Sorry for the loss of your childhood friend, Bob. You will always have the cherished memories you shared with him while growing up. Are you aware if his parents are still alive? If you, you could send them a condolence card along with a personal note, if you feel awkward about contacting them after all these years.

Another option if you cannot attend any service would be to send an online condolence, if there is a funeral home listed in the obituary. They often have a website where people can post online condolences for the family to read.

I am so very sorry for your loss and your pain.

Sorry to hear you lost a childhood friend. My deepest sympathy to you and his family.
Mary

So sorry to hear about your friend.

My father died unexpectedly last month and a man who hadn't seen or talked to my father in over 55 years showed up at the funeral. I'm glad he came.. I filled him in on what my father had been doing and about our family. He told me some stories of when he and my dad had been friends.

If you can't attend the funeral... please send a letter with memories of your friend to the family. I'm sure they will appreciate it.

Thanks for all of your kind thoughts and words. I think his parents both passed away some time ago. He had two older sisters who had already got married and moved by they time I first met him in the fourth grade. He got married just out of high school with a baby already on the way, while I set off for Ohio State University, relishing the opportunity to reinvent myself and be lost in the crowd after growing up in a small town with a small school. So partly it was different life trajectories and partly it was me stepping away from ties to my hometown and who I was, to make a better me.

I think it is mostly the unexpected shock of his sudden death that has me rattled, that and the realization that he was such a good friend, for so long and I couldn't be bothered to make any effort to reconnect, and now he's gone. His service is planned for this Friday, in Cincinnati, nine hours drive away. Even if it were closer, I don't know whether I would attend -- would I even know anyone? What could I possibly say?

Friends of the family have set up a donation form to help them cover some of the "costly expenses that a death brings" It notes that "he is survived by his two children, Jessica and Tyler; his fiancé Natasha and two sisters." A fiance -- that sound so hopeful and forward looking that this is all the more heart-wrenching. I may change my mind and drive out for the service, but in any case I'm planning on donating through the form, but I'm trying to figure out what to say.

Maybe you could practice what to say here. Could you tell us two or three favorite memories of times with him?

My DH's father died instantly of a heart attack when my DH was almost ten. He would have loved -- would still love -- to hear from someone outside the family who knew his father as man and boy, as you knew Matt.

You don't have to attend the funeral. Merely going through a reception line saying, "Sorry for your loss," would earn you a pat on the head from Emily Post, but if you would feel ill at ease, don't go.

My DH has written to far-away survivors of deceased friends he knew in high school and college. Most of the families have expressed their gratitude. It doesn't have to be longer than a few lines of remembrance -- something about the friendship you had with Matt. If they aren't interested, they can pass over your note. However, in most instances, a loss shared is a little less hard to bear -- including your own. If someone follows up, then the ball is in your court about further contact -- or none.

Bob, I am sorry for your loss. If you decide to go to the funeral, all you need say is that Matt was your friend in school, and that you are sorry for their loss. They will be pleased that you made the effort to attend, even if it is just for calling hours.

Lydia, I am also sorry to hear of your father's passing. If you posted about it, I missed it.

Sorry to hear of the loss of Matt. I would definitely contact the family. People like to hear what their loved one meant to someone, whether they were in touch or not.

I see younger and younger people sick and dying because of cardiac issues these days. Some have contributing factors like smoking or obesity, but many are the picture of health. It's scary. A couple months ago an anesthetist colleague of ours died of a massive coronary event, and she was only 34! She was found in the anesthesia office, so people assumed it was a drug overdose (which is a huge issue in my profession). It takes weeks for the toxicology report to come back, and she was clean. I felt bad for thinking anything else, but 34 is pretty unusual. RIP Donna.

I am planning on writing the following along with the donation form:

I am truly sorry to hear of Matt's untimely passing. He was such a good friend to me throughout elementary school and high school and although after that our lives went in different directions, I often thought of Matt and assumed there would be time to reconnect with him. My condolances to Matt's family, I am sorry I won't be able to attend his service, but I promise to raise a glass in salute to him.

Does this sound OK? Any suggestions?

I think that it sounds just right.

perfect...

Bob, Cincinnati is my hometown. I don't live their anymore. I would send a sympathy card with a note attached to his family about what you remember about your childhood friend, I'm sure they would love to hear from you. My childhood's friends parents have passed away and my sisters and I visit them in their mausoleum when we go to place flowers on our mother and sister's headstones. I always let them know we stopped to say Hi. I just want to let them know we care and even far apart we remember the fun and good times.
Mary

So glad you decided to communicate with your friend's family.

One of my DH's fraternity brothers died this spring, and DH sent a note to his widow. It's been over fifty years since he knew them both. DH remembers when his friend 'pinned' her, and the whole fraternity serenaded below her sorority window.her.

We've just received a Christmas card from her, saying how much it mean to hear from my DH.