My children are older now, not babies or children, but I had the same ideas as you when they were little - limited tv, limits on sugary snacks and sweet drinks, breast feeding, etc. And, like you, my mom laughed or ignored some of them. Fast forward 20 years later, my mom appreciates the way I raised my children and she understands now why I made the choices I did. I am very, very glad I had the rules I did when my kids were young - I was right and I'm glad I held my ground. None of your choices sound extreme to me - limiting sugary snacks, limiting t.v., wanting a schedule and more time just the 3 of you, no trip to the beach at 4 months old - those are all reasonable choices. Cheri is right, your parenting ideas will change as your daughter grows. And she is right, your parents have things to contribute as grandparents. But that doesn't mean that you have to raise your children according to your parents' priorities and wishes. However, keep in mind a few things - whenever you talk about the way you want to raise your kids differently - many grandparents would see that as a criticism of how they raised you, their own child. Before you phrase things, think about how they might come across to your parents as implying that their methods were lacking. Also, be sure and make it a point to mention to your parents what they did right. My mom and I have different ideas about television, putting coke in baby bottles, etc., but my mom is also the person who taught me that when things look hopeless you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and work as hard as you can to change things. That is a gift she gave me infinitely more precious than riches or even education. Be sure and tell your parents what things they taught you that you will pass on to your children. Another suggestion that worked for us is that I told my mom that my husband wanted those rules. My mom simply ignored my rules if they were my rules, but she thinks my husband hung the moon and should have whatever he wants, so she (sometimes) listened if she thought it was my husband's wish. She did whatever she dang well pleased if it was just something I wanted. If my mom was particularly stubborn, my husband told her himself that he wanted it that way. Another thing that works well (with grandparents and babies) is to redirect. If your mom wants to take the baby somewhere, tell her no, now is not a good time, but this weekend would be great, how about then. Or if she wants to give the baby icing, tell her no, but baby loves sweet potatoes, why don't you give her that. Grandparents love to see "firsts" - first bite of chocolate, first time at the beach. Tell your parents, no, you can't take her to the beach this year, but when she's 2 you can take her and be there for her first time. You are being more than reasonable to limit tv, unhealthy snacks, limit visits to less frequently than daily or every other day, and set the expectation of higher education for your children early. Your mother is right, your daughter will express preferences of her own one day in education, food, hobbies, etc. That is still no reason not to set your standards high. If you are raising your daughter significantly different than the way you were raised, it will take years for your parents to change their minds. But when they see your daughter as a teenager, healthy and maintaining a healthy weight, doing well in school, winning awards and doing whatever extracurriculars (sports, violin, girl scouts, dance, whatever rings her bell), trust me, your parents will tell you you did your job well. I want to address something else cheri mentioned - her daughter's desire to use organic food, use cloth diapers, read to her children daily (I heartily endorse the part about reading to your children daily, by the way). The drive to be the best mom she could possibly be was strong in cheri's daughter, and even if her daughter changed her ways, she still probably has a strong drive to do her best. That drive should be honored, respected, and as much as reasonable should be indulged by grandparents. The realities of life will knock some practicality into the heads of young parents - let them have their dreams and give it their best shot. When my oldest was a baby my mother-in-law told me this, "In every young mother's life there comes a time when she has to look at her mother and say, 'Mother, you raised your kids the way you wanted, now it's my turn to raise my kids the way I want'." Be loving, be kind, include and affirm the grandparents, and let the grandparents have their way when it isn't important to you. But stand your ground with kindness on the things that matter. Everything you're asking for is reasonable and healthy for your child.

Hey Cindy: Reading your story is very touching. I think we are kindred spirits. I lost my mom when i was only a few months old. My dad and his parents raised me. My grandfather died when i was 6. so my young life was spent with my dad and his mom- my mee mee. Unfortunately, my mee mee died in January 2008. a week after her funeral, my dad was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, multiple myeloma. I was shattered. I spent the last almost three years taking care of my dad, going through the ups and downs of the chemo and bone marrow transplant working and than failing and working than failing, than ultimately finding there was no longer any hope. The last week of October, we found out the cancer had spread and the chemo stopped working. my dad went on hospic and i devoted three weeks of taking care of him nonstop with my stepmom and my older stepsister. November 23rd, 2010, a day before my 26th birthday and 2 before thanksgiving, my daddy passed away. This has been the most horrible time of my life. my dad remarried only when i wasx 19 and i do not have any blood siblings. my moms family hasnt been in my life that much but we are building a relationship presently. my dad has one brother living and his wife who have been consistently in my life since i was born. my uncle has stepchildren but no children of his own. my family is dwindling. my dad and i were EXTREMELY close. he and i finished eachothers sentances, laughed at things only we understood, and spent a lot of time together. in many ways, our lives were connected and one. He was my dad, my best friend, my hero, my protector, my everything. I played umbrella by rihanna for my dad and even made a video on the computer of pictures of he and i to that song during his bout with this cancer. I listen to that song today and it makes me both hurt and smile. I am just like you, trying to find my place in life, trying to find a way to live in a world without my daddy, without my parents, without a real home. I am too sad that my wonderful daddy will never get to be a part of his future grandchildrens' lives. I hurt for him, hurt for myself, and hurt for the children i will have. whether its been two weeks or nine months or forever ago that we lose our parents, it feels deep and fresh. its an incredible feeling of despair to be a young adult and an orphan. please feel free to email me: rachelen@aol.com. I dont know of ANY people who are in my same unique experience and would love to email with you and talk with a kindred spirit. God bless, rachel enderwood

althetrainer, if you think he'd use it and it gets your little guy away from canned chili, I think that justifies the purchase. Canned chili is an abomination in my opinion, and the sodium level has to be out of sight. I see on line that your gadget costs two payments of $19.99, which brings it to $39.98 here too. I seldom use gadgets, other than that farm animal shaped waffle iron. My basement has a panini press that Elery bought, used once. Maybe twice. It's right next to the George Foreman Grill, the stick blender and the big electric griddle. There are two of us here, three max, but I could make breakfast for a dozen with that thing! There's that marinating machine down there too, somewhere. Elery digs it out and uses it when he's here, LOL. Oh, and a turkey fryer and a countertop convection oven. All Elery's, he brought them here because we "might use them". Yeah. We might. Probably not. I'm not a gadget person, I went through my gadget drawer in the kitchen and threw a bunch of stuff away, I couldn't shut the drawer easily and I never use the stuff. The little thing to pick pickles out of jars, the soft paintbrush that I used for pastry once and found that it shed bristles, the rolling knife sharpener, the plastic thingy that goes into a lemon so you can squeeze out just a little juice. That said, I do use the iced tea maker and the meat slicer, the ice cream freezer and the silpat, the silicon brushes and the extendable magnet I bought to pick canning lids out of boiling water. I guess one person's gadget is another person's valuable appliance. Truthfully, I don't see much difference in buying something like your Express and buying a fancy platter that gets used once a year at Thanksgiving or a on-sale set of crystal glasses or a silver pie server "for holidays and parties". If you paid $40 and you use it once a year, it's all the same, I think. You buy it, you store it, you seldom use it. You want a cut glass punch bowl or a silver tea set but you don't drink tea? Go for it. You think hubs might use the GT Express, keep it. Hey, I bought those Spode soup bowls and have used them exactly twice. Once Elery and I used them and the Princess ate some Cinnamon Toast Crunch in one when she spent the night last weekend. I still love 'em, and think they're worth the $16 I spent on them. Yup, it's all a matter of perspective... Annie

Vertrees excerpt appears to refer to what I am talking about - seeds picked earlier having come up more readily. Otherwise you can find all kinds of dogma online saying they won't come up unless you wait until they are hard and brown. Same sources then go to describe in detail a whole bunch of rigamarole you have to go through to overcome the fact that they were left to become hard and brown before planting. Research conducted during 1991-3 determined that autumn-ripening maples have inner seed coat dormancy that has to be defeated in addition to outer seed coat dormancy, with sprouting being greatly expedited by removal of outer seed coats and poking or partial slicing etc. of inner seed coats. A problem is trying to find a way to do this with any efficiency, and without damaging the embryos in the process. About this time or earlier the improved results from earlier harvesting thing was being mentioned, for instance Maples for Gardens (1994 Timber Press): Seed collected green in early September typically germinates better the following spring I first heard about better results from planting of still soft maple seeds from a specialist tree and shrub nurseryman. If you combine what became known about maple seed coat dormancy with recommendations to gather seed before it becomes hard, plant it right away the implication is there is a window in late summer when the seeds are mature enough to germinate but seed coat dormancy has not yet kicked in. How this all relates to the original subject is that it might be just as well to wait for next year's crop instead of using hard and brown, fully dormant seeds from this year. However, a few of these coming up next spring may be possible, if they have been subjected to cold this whole time - as in lying around on the ground beneath the tree (preferably protected by fallen leaves). If getting only one or two seedlings within a year or two is enough it might still be worth planting some of those.