I love beets. Especially ones fresh from the garden then roasted. Then there's Harvard Beets and pickled beets. I've been craving roasted brussels sprouts, but neither husband nor dd like them...dd used to, but now she's so anti-mom she's sworn off lots of stuff she used to like. Grits I learned to like when I was in Grad school in Billsburg, VA. I liked to go to the Chickahominy House to have a Virginian breakfast: eggs over easy, a slice of Virginia ham and grits, with a buttermilk biscuit. You could have redeye gravy, but I preferred to smush my eggs into the grits. Then there's egg/cheese/grits casserole. Cornbread is best slathered with butter, or drizzled with honey. I rarely do both anymore, but I used to. I brought rolls for the trip to MI to have Thanksgiving. I was up until 2:00 am on Thursday making them. I intended to make whole wheat "brown and serve" rolls, but I didn't hear the timer ding, and so in a panic, I baked them completely so I could taste test and make sure they were edible (they were, although some were big enough to be hamburger buns). For the young fry I made PIllsbury crescent rolls...as I know that dd and others prefer those. On the way home today she was munching on one and said "Oh, what is is that makes crescent rolls so yummy." "in a word," I said, "lots of fat." I have to say that driving up to Hastings, MI on Thursday morning was wonderful. A typical Michigan Thanksgiving day--misc. flurries and the sun breaking through glowering clouds over golden and russet fields which had been lightly frosted with a diamond dust. Breathtaking.

I was discussing this thread with my 80 yo Mum. She said back in the day people knew enough to response and it was on their own stationary. She was shocked the first time she received an invitation with a response card. Seemed like a slap in the face, like she wouldn't know enough to rsvp. But nowadays, it's hard to get anyone to rsvp to anything. So whatever works - email, response card, smoke signal. I do use the response card but always add my own handwritten comment. The handwritten notes & rsvp cards with comments were such a treat to open when I got married so I always pay it forward, so to speak. Some brides probably thing "whatever, how many will be attending?". I don't think of myself as very sentimental but I did save a few wedding invitations that I found special for various reasons. It still makes me happy to see them when I come across them. It seems sad to think that by the time my 4 yo niece will be marrying I might be informed by text.

I don't think that this is all that much to do with what you have or haven't done. It seems to me that the mother is manipulating the girl into 'choosing her side'. And yes I know; this will NEVER be admitted out loud, ever. Not by the mum or by the daughter. Been there, I can relate very well. We have also been in that situation where the oldest daughter stayed with us for a longer period of time and all of a sudden the youngest one didn't want to come to our house anymore. She came up with some reasons that weren't very substantial. It really was a loyalty issue; she felt she needed to do right by her mum by picking her mum's side (mum feeling rejected/betrayed by the oldest daughter). But she never said anything to that effect of course, it is all very subtle. A simple example; mum might talk on the phone to a friend, knowing youngest daughter is within hearing reach, and say something like: "Oh well, I had planned a nice weekend for the kids but oldest girl is staying with her dad so why do I even bother?" How can a 10 yr old not have feelings of guilt over that? She receives the message loud and clear. So she denies her own needs and focuses on her mum's; which means she will want to stay with mum and not visit dad. So she'll tell her mum she's rather staying with her, and mum might even reply that she doesn't want to keep her away from her father, she should really go. She might feel like her mum is being so supportive of her, and always encouraging her to visit her father. She will believe that it really is her own choice to not want to go to her dad's place. Pretty nasty stuff. And then she has to give you guys an explanation of why she doesn't want to come and stay, so what does she say? She'll have to come up with something so she'll pick something obvious that is hard to argue with (because how can you argue about her feelings being valid or not?) Going to court and getting lawyers involved; sure it's an option; but if mum plays dirty (using manipulation and guilt) then I don't think that going down that path will help your fragile bond with your youngest SD. I think it is better to try and reach out to her first. She is being made to choose, resist temptation and do not pull the rope back! It worked for us. Instead of discussing the reasons that she told us for not coming to stay with us we left that alone and took a different approach. We showed understanding for the difficult situation she was in, not that she was admitting that. But we told her anyway that we imagined it can't be easy for her and that we understood she felt the need to stay with her mum more. Once we stated that as a matter of fact, she knew that we knew. So she didn't have to make up 'reasons' anymore either, that took the angle out of that one. But it didn't mean that the situation changed; we still saw her a lot less. What we did do was try and help make it easier for her to come to our place by being more flexible. For example when she says she doesn't want to come and stay for the weekend you could suggest she can still come for dinner on Saturday night (not sure if you guys live close enough to do this). And if that doesn't work out for her Sunday lunch would be great too. That way you actually help her negotiate a very difficult situation with her mum where she can still spend some time with you guys as well. You need to help her to keep in touch with you guys. I don't think you are an evil stepmom, have you heard of the book Divorce Poison by Richard Warshak, it will help you a lot I think. Hugs to you and all the best; hang in there!

Ah, Ann...I wish I could plan ahead enough to make my dough ahead (OR get DH interested in dough!). I first learned to make pizza when we were in vegetarian mode and it has remained the favorite. Leaning towards deep dish (having spent a few years in Chicago), the sauce is tomato with lots of garlic, oregano, rosemary and some red pepper flakes and a titch of brown sugar. Vegies = onion, green pepper, mushrooms,black olives and roasted garlic. Not that I haven't branched out. Pizza Margherita is a favorite when I have fresh garden tomatoes and basil. But the veg pizza is comfort food. I would love to master a thin, crispy crust...just not good at it...