You could use "Reverend" or "Pastor".

I don't like "Father" either. I'm not Catholic and wouldn't want to be misleading.

(LOL about the old 'letters from camp' song!)

How about "Good morning (afternoon)"? For a simple passing-on-the-street greeting, no title is necessary.

But yes, if you must, use "Father", it's his proper title.

For a priest, "Father" is appropriate - or simply responding with "hello" if uncomfortable or unsure.

A seminarian is not a priest so responding in kind to their greeting would be appropriate.

I agree with duluth.

Father, Sister, Imam, Reverend, Rabbi, Brother, Doctor, whatever, are honorific titles. To use them in person shows respect, it's not an expression of faith.

I agree with both Duluth and Snidely.

Using the proper honorific, if you know it, is not a profession of faith. But if you are uncomfortable, just say "Hello".

Duluth is right....only ordained Priests are called "Father".It is the proper honorific, and it has nothing to do with YOUR religion.

If you met a Rabbi, would you have the same problem in using his/or her's proper honorific ?

Another thought, similar, because I am not familiar with certain faiths, I'd always worry I'd get the title wrong. So I'd opt for hello, good morning, etc. and leave off the title.

I do the same thing at work. If I don't know if someone is an MD/PhD, I'll say "Hello John Smith!" in order to avoid calling him Mr. Smith when he's an M.D. Although, I've suggested to people to err on the side of caution. Call anyone you see, Dr. Smith, and they can correct you. After all, all you can do is honor them. Whereas, if you call them Mr. Smith, and they're a PhD, you've insulted them.

However, to err on the side of caution with a Catholic person, I would be calling everyone pope!, and it might be a bit much. I have no idea what someone wearing black or red, capes, head covering mean at all. I know none of the proper attire for each of the church positions. I realize someone wearing a habit is a nun, or a collar is in a vocation that is related to the church (might even be outside the Catholic faith), but it doesn't inform ME, beyond that. That's my problem, not their problem.

Now, I'm somewhat schooled in meaning of navy regalia, because I grew up in that world, but I bet many citizens don't know. Would you know the difference between the epaulette three stripes of a Commander and the threes stripes on an epaulette of a Lieutenant Commander? Everyone need not know everything, all the time. Meaning, I don't think it should ever be a sign of disrespect not to know the specific station to which a person belongs if you are outside their circles.

I would do the same - just say a pleasant good morning/afternoon, or a hi with a pleasant smile

I would be so afraid of using the incorrect title but I think that a pleasant smile can overcome most things.

I do wonder about the use of DR. Is that a respect thing or is it written down somewhere that a PHD/MD should be addressed as doctor. I remember when I was about 10 being yelled at by my mom for not calling the father of a friend of mine Dr. and I called him Mr. How was I to know?

Your question is not stupid.

Protocol is, if you know they're a doctor (except JDs for some odd reason!), you call them Dr. Smith, until they say, call me John. Who would know that though? It's not written down, but I've heard enough to know. ugh!

'Father' is the correct term but I can easily see why it sounds a little peculiar unless you're used to saying it. I don't know about any of the Protestant denominations but in the Catholic Church a 'Pastor' is a priest assigned to a church and I've never heard it used as a greeting.

As for using the title Dr. with a physician, dentist or an academic I honestly think the honorific should only be used in a professional setting. I know many Drs and Ph Ds would immediately correct you if you didn't use the title. But we both find it a little pretentious when they insist on the title in a casual setting.

DH is a physician and he only uses the title when he's in the hospital or office. The way medical personnel dress these days if they're all wearing scrubs it can be difficult to differentiate among Dr, nurse, orderly etc.

If I introduce him to a neighbor and they call him Dr. he just asks them to call him by his first name. If it's a kid he tells them to call him Mr. .... He never uses Dr. when making reservations.

quilly, your thinking is along the same line as those in my lab. We could go around all day, saying what do you think Dr. Smith? I don't know what do you think Dr. Jones? Always use Dr first go aroud at least. If you know. Is what it has become in my world.

Calling someone Pastor or Rabbi or Imam just doesn't feel as odd as calling someone Father;
maybe it's because my father is my father, & calling someone else 'father' seems, I don't know, maybe disrespectful? odd, anyway.

Rob, when I was little, there were lots of us cousins, & lots of aunts & uncles.

We called all of them "Aunt Somebody" & "Uncle Somebody".

except Dr Harker.

We called him Dr Harker.

Even his wife's sisters & brothers, who called each other by their first names, called him Dr Harker.

About 40 years later, my young cousin Michelle, who hadn't been born until after Dr Harker's death, asked us why we didn't call him Uncle Somebody.

& none of us knew, & there was no one left for us to ask!

If you think about it, don't docs deserve the title? Even in everyday circles? Who else could go to school for an additional 8-12 years?! That's a lot of work. Well, JDs it's only another three years. Maybe that's why lawyers don't get the Dr. Smith treatment?

An ordained priest would be called "Father." There are also "Brothers"---these are not ordained priests but have devoted themselves to the religious life and are usually in the teaching profession. Quilly is correct...you would never address a priest as Reverend or Pastor...although those titles might appear on correspondence, etc. instead of Father.

My brother is a PhD and couldn't care less if anyone calls him Dr. or not.

None of the MD/PhD/JD I know care either. I don't think that was my point. If it was, I retract that part. It's about respect.

Doesn't the Bible say to call no one but God "Father"? I'd just say hello or good morning or something.

I'd just smile and say Good Morning or Good Afternoon, which ever is appropriate.

For heaven's sake....how do you greet ANY stranger who smiles and says hello? There's absolutely zero reason to get stage fright when you see a person dressed in religious garb. Give a genuine smile and say hello, just hello.

Thanks for all the advice and tips. I think I will just stick with a cheery smile and say hello. I could say Father if I could remember fast enough.

The fellows I saw in the deli had on black shirts with short sleeves and the usual collar with the white part in front of the adam's apple. No robes, etc.

My father was an MD. He was always addressed as Dr. unless someone didn't know him. Sometimes my friends called him Mr. and it sounded so funny to me.

Thanks for saying my question is not stupid. It just seems by this time in life I should know!

We have a nun in my yoga group of 6 years~~we call her by her name Mary~~~from the first day that is what we have always called her.

On of my bird group friends has a PhD in sociology and teaches at the university. He's also an ordained minister.

I normally address him as "the Reverend Doctor" then his first name." It tickles him to no end.

If you are at all unsure of his title or uncomfortable in adressing with a title of any kind...it is not wrong to just say hello....no one will hold it against you for not addressing them with Father etc...Good Morning, or Good Afternoon is always appropriate...the important thing is you don't have to make a big deal out of it..

caroline - my uncle is a priest and we lovingly call him Fr. Uncle Tom.

No titles needed. I'm not a mind reader.

A smile and a 'hello' are all this Catholic uses - been doing it this way for 50+ years - no need to say any more.

I work in academia. Most of the Ph.D.'s, Ed.D.'s, and D.A.'s I know are extremely proud (and conscious) of their title. So you'd darned well better address them as Dr. There are a few who, when addressed by Dr. whatever, say, "oh just call me Mary," but they seem to be few and far between.

Here's a funny - there's a long-time well-loved retired M.D. in our town. It seems like he birthed half our population. And if he didn't birth you, he birthed your mother! Anyway, when he calls my office, he says, "This is Dr. Jones." Hah! Even HE addresses himself as Dr. I wonder what his new wife calls him? :)

'I wonder what his new wife calls him? :)'

"m'lord"?

sorry, couldn't resist.

Along the same lines:

Does anyone remember a movie called "Dave"?

Dave was the President's double;
when the real President had a massive stroke, Dave continued to impersonate him.

The real President had had the stroke when he was in bed with a beautiful blonde member of his office staff.

As they were locked in throes of passion, she gasped, "Oh, Mr President!"

No matter what the degree, those who use their titles outside of their work environments need to look for better ways to to try to impress people. I suspect many who do this have tried and found it difficult.

My wife's friend has two things that are a bad combination - a PhD in history and a chip on her shoulder. Her Dr. title is on her credit card, her drivers license and she uses it when making restaurant and travel reservations, etc. By contrast, our other friends with doctorates in health professions seem to never use their titles in their personal lives. I know which titles and which practices impress me more

My husband has a PhD, and when we get calls asking for "Dr Soandso" we know it's the alma mater calling to ask for money.

I've never understood religious titles. I ask people I know once in a while, but I don't have occasions to practice. I'd probably just say "hello" with a smile and leave it at that. I think it's nice to use proper greetings, and I also generally try to do so.

Snidley, I agree. PhD snobs are not fun people to be around. My DH went to grad school with a married couple who both got their PhD. It was so sad to meet up with them years later. he was still welcoming and fun. She was not. She acted like she invented the world and had to teach everyone about it. Of course, as a lowly undergraduate, at the time, she treated me accordingly poor. He, on the other hand, liked to treat people as people. I've heard they have a child now. I wonder how that it going for the child.

Priests don't generally wear the robes when they're out and about any more, as you've seen, dedtired. Similarly many nuns now don't wear a habit, just a neat blouse and skirt in a quiet colour (white, black.brown, grey, dark blue etc) sometimes with tiny crosses on their collars.
As to the "Mr/Dr" debate, in the UK and Australia, there's another level of complication: medical doctors are referred to as "Dr" unless they qualify as surgeons, in which case they become "Mr" again. Some surgeons get quite tetchy if you call them "Dr".

This post was edited by colleenoz on Thu, Oct 2, 14 at 6:18

No one I know is trying to impress anyone snidely. MD, JD, or PhD. I've noticed you left out law profession. Juris Doctorate. And I've said if you know you call them doctor. It's those around them that say doctor, not those who hold degrees. It's still about respect. Sorry your wife's friend isn't like that, but I literally know hundreds with whom I interact (daily, nationally, and internationally) and they're not like that. Actually, that's what's wrong with Americans. No respect for people. Maybe the two women about which you're complaining don't get respect. Maybe it's the women part? Or maybe it's the very few and are exceptions? Or maybe it's just personal pereception. Could be anything! Maybe they went into their degree hoping to gain what they lacked? I could guess a million guesses, but just saying one facet of them it's hard to guess. Even though some are trying.

Colleen, it's opposite on the other side of the world. It's Professor which equates to MD/PhD here and "professor" here, equates to a lower status than the MD/PhD portion, tagged on after the fact. Unless you're from here, but visiting there, and it becomes Professor Doctor :) I guess they are covering it all! It always makes me smile.

This post was edited by rob333 on Thu, Oct 2, 14 at 7:46

Any priests I have known would not expect more than a simple "Hello" or "Good Morning."

As to the PhD subject. For most of my (un-degreed) life I have interacted with many, many PhD people in my own family as well as in work settings.

Except in their professional settings I have known only one who expected to be addressed socially as "Doctor." I followed his wishes but it felt peculiar.

My late MIL was an RN and, for a time, the administrator of a small hospital. MD's of that era expected to be treated like royalty -- and this extended to their wives. Until her death, my MIL addressed the wives of doctors as Mrs. Doctor (So-and-so).

My G-Grandfather was a doctor in Colorado. Family members have told me that they were instructed to call him Uncle Doctor. I've sometimes wondered about the limited extent of training he could have received in the 19th century. He might have had a year or two in a medical school in NYC before he went west. He and his wife lost their first three children, each before they were three years old.

rob, my thoughts were related to outside of work interactions, you seem to be referring to what goes on in your workplace. Very different story. A "professor" in post-secondary academia is someone who teaches, without implication as to what degrees that person has or hasn't received. In health profession doctorate programs, course instructors are usually called "Dr." by the students rather than professor.

Coleen brings up an interesting topic. While it's changing in many places, medical and dental school in many countries are begun WITHOUT a preliminary 4 year college degree. In other words, high school graduates in, say, the UK start medical school and finish in 6 years. What they're getting (under our system) is really a masters degree, some are even called Bachelors in Medicine. They're called "doctors" at work because of tradition for their profession, but their degrees are not doctorates.

I also see them in social situations. Your assuming has given you a completely wrong answer. Not very different from business to social in my world. Actually, one in particular, goes out of his way that people don't even know his title. If we're giving anecdotal here. He completely balances out your wife's friend. I am just glad I don't know the people who are so insecure in your world they go around acting like that. Maybe that's the difference. The ones I know are the elite in their world and are fully respected.

That is NOT the system we have in the US. Our is far more rigorous. And I, for one, am really glad. I don't see any reason for it be less than a full 8 years of secondary education. It's very complicated work. I also endorse continuing education. They have my life in their hands.

Agree--I doubt any priest would be offended if you do not say "Father" so if you are unsure, perfectly acceptable to just say hello.

Deeby---I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school. Our parish priests were always addressed as Father Smith, Father Thompson. It is now fairly common I think to say Father Don or Father Jim instead of using last names.

Nuns were always addressed as Sister. The principal of the school was addressed as Mother as well as the head of a convent or order.

Deeby, I'm no Bible scholar, but if the Bible actually said that I suspect the Catholic church would have done things differently.

My family wasn't Catholic, but I attended a Catholic convent boarding school. Later I went to a Catholic university. The nuns were "Sister," and the priests were "Father." I would probably follow that today out of old habit and lingering fondness.

But in Dedtired's situation I agree with those who suggested a simple "Good morning" or "Hello" will do.

I agree with "Hello" or "Good morning". You might choose to add the "Father" ... but doubt that you'd choose to familiarize it to "Dad".

As for some brands of Protestant clergy, some speak to them using the term, "reverend, as in in, "hello, reverend", or may be referred to in such a way as, in, say, a radio interview, " ... what's your opinion about that, reverend ..."

The term "reverend" is considered an adjective, as a descriptor, and one would not use it in introducing someone as "Reverend Smith" any more than one would introduce you as "good Smith", if Smith happened to be your name.

When introducing such a person, in a circumstance where one wished to convey that information, one would introduce such a person as "Reverend Mr./Ms. Smith".

In a radio interview, where one wished to indicate the person's title, "Rev. Mr./Ms. Smith" in the beginning, after that just "Mr./Ms. Smith", or "Jane/John", as is common in that informal atmosphere.

ole joyful

I am surprised to hear that some MDs and DMDs (or DDS -- dentist) don't use Dr all the time. The docs at the hospital where I worked certainly did, although the majority wouldn't care if they were called Mr. or Ms. outside of work.

I would also go with just using "Good morning" or something similar. It's simple and you don't have to worry that you've said the wrong thing.

I also find the discussion about the MD's interesting. I work with a group of doctors and almost everyone calls them by their first name, especially those of us who work with them pretty closely. I have worked with others in other practices who did want their title used though.

In a hospital it can be hard to tell who is who - so many of them wear lab coats or scrubs - at least calling a physician Dr. differentiates them. When my father lived with us I had to take him to all his medical appointments - the sweet man thought everyone in a while lab coat was a doctor.