I understand your frustration. For my daughter's wedding, we had a bunch of non responses and they showed up and then we had responses where they said they were coming and they didn't. We ended up paying for about 50 extra meals that we wouldn't have had to pay for if people would have just responded and responded accurately. I noticed that most of the issues were on the groom's side so possibly it's a family thing. My SIL knew exactly who would show. I guess I should have listened to him.

I don't blame you, rant away. The only real event that I needed RSVPs for was my wedding 26 years ago, but I remember having some issues.

The other thing that really bugs me is not receiving a thank you note. We went to a wedding in October of last year, gave the couple 250.00 (they cashed the check in a day) and still haven't received a thank you. Really irks me.

I hear you, and I don't know what's become of common everyday manners.

A year ago last summer I helped with a wedding shower for our nephew's bride. The garden room at a local restaurant, small tables set for the appropriate number of expected attendees with centerpieces, gift bags as Thank yous at each place setting, champagne, lunch served.

What a surprise when several didn't show, and while it was rude and meant unnecessary expense, worse was that - the empty seating was an embarrassment for the bride on what should have been a special day. If we'd known, we would have had fewer tables ready. And unfortunately many of the no-shows were on her side of the family, our side probably being aware they didn't want to invoke the wrath of my co-hostess sister in law with a breach of etiquette:)

We're having a baby shower brunch for this wonderful young woman in two weeks. Her sister, mother, grandmother are invited and the rest will be family on her husbands side meaning ours. Her aunts and cousins not being given a second chance ;) If they want to shower the baby-to-be, they can do it with their own event.

Rant away! I'm so weary of those who are so self-involved that they can't be bothered with common courtesy that I could scream. I've decided if those people can't be bothered, then I can't be bothered to invite them to functions or give them gifts.

I feel your pain. When my son got married last year my cousin replied that she was coming. A week before the wedding I noticed she had not booked a room we had blocked for guests. I spent Sun-Thurs before the wedding calling, leaving messages, emails, etc. Nothing. Finally on Friday, she leaves a message that she seldom checks her email or phone messages, but that she was not coming. We, of course, had to pay for her anyway. And this was kind of strange...no wedding gift for the couple, but she sent flowers to our house and the bride's mother's house...which neither of us really get to enjoy since we were pretty much gone all weekend. Go figure.

Even my husband's brother and wife, who live 2500 miles away....I had to hound my DH to call them all week before the wedding...I was so livid they had not responded I knew I would get into an argument if I called them. I don't think they ever planned on coming because they never made hotel or plane reservations, but their excuse at the last minute was that they couldn't leave my MIL...who had plenty of people to watch her for a few days. I think BIL is just a cheapskate and didn't want to spend the $, even though he and DH were always very close. Money is not an object with them and even if it was, they had over a year to plan for it. I felt so bad for my DH....I knew he was disappointed but covered it up.

Yes, it's absolutely ridiculous and so incredibly rude that people don't respond. Those are the people who would complain the loudest if THEY had to pay for guests who didn't show up.

Frankly, if I had to host a large event I'd have someone on the door who would check the attendees as they arrived. No RSVP, no entrance. If they can be rude enough not to respond, I can be rude enough not to allow them in.

My niece had a baby in April and I sent a gift in February - still waiting for a thank-you note. We're both on Facebook and she's on everyday and at this point I would settle for a quick thanks on facebook.

We host family dinners which are fewer and fewer in number - why? Because no one ever rsvps and I just can't be bothered anymore. We invite 25-30 people (big family and all here) and we get 6 responses and they may or may not show up or we might wind up with all 30 and no responses. Tough to plan food when that happens.

I send the invites out on Facebook - they are all on facebook and they are all on everyday. I know one nephew won't rsvp just in case something else better comes along.

Three years ago when my son got married, several of his friends kept whooping it up on FB how they were coming by taxis to the wedding so they could dance and drink the night away with him and his new wife. All people that they had both gone to high school with. These folks RSVPed, came to the wedding ate and got in their taxis and went bar hopping. My son was crushed and has never done anything with them since. He had asked my DH and I to bring extra cash incase the bar and dance floor were needed longer for all this whooping up they wanted to do.

He has done a house warming and baby shower since then, with people posting and chattering about it on FB how they were all coming and how fun it was going to be to get together~~they can do bon fires at his house and all of the yougin's like that. Over half were no shows again!

He says he is done and just has a select few he asks to thinkg now. What is wrong with people??

Some of the family uses Evites for invites, seems to work pretty well, they evites send out several follow up reminders before the parties.

You know what you could try, is send the regular invite and then if you have had no response send an online evite. They have those services. I have received those several time and I automatically respond as soon as I get it. I know it is an extra hassle that should not have to happen but it might save you some of the other frustrations of calling and trying to actually speak to someone.

Congratulations on your milestone. I completley understand what you're saying! Vent away.

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I am the "online service" like raven is suggesting. When my boss is hosting an event and they don't answer, I drop them a line and say Can you please let me now if you can attend or not? I have to get them a final headcount by __________. And they always respond to me. I sometimes wonder if it's gone so long, they're almost embarassed to tell them himself? Like they worry they've forgotten to tell him, and it might hurt his feelings? But to me, they seem free to tell me, "Sure! Happy to come. I thought I had already let you know???" or "Sorry! I forgot. We have an event and can't make it. Can you please let him know how much I appreciated how much he thought to ask us?". I'm not condoning their faux pas, but giving them the out by telling me, seems to show that it's never that they didn't appreciate being asked. I'm sure they love you deeply!

So, if someone doesn't RSVP you assume they ARE coming?

I hear you.....how do you say RUDE?

The converse has been true for me littlebug. Typically, if they don't answer, the do not intend to attend. Maybe they think you're only counting yeses? Or don't want to have to say no?

Don't people know RSVP means "respond please"?!

Apparently not Rob.
Your responses helped make me feel less irritated. Thanks.

I like two of the replies I received.

One of the replies to my email were "Didn't I send it? I was sure I did. Anyway (note anyway?) we have a prior engagement." End of message.

Second one "The reply envelope got buried under other mail and I just now found it. Hope to see you next time you and George are in town." No apology, no have a good time nor a congratulations.

Yep, as phoggie put it how do you say RUDE?

I think that a lot of people thing that the R in RSVP stands for "Regrets". Grrrrr....

In other cases, they're just rude.

How about this one? My sister's daughter sent out invitations to her wedding. My sister's SIL did not respond. My niece wondered if they got the invitation. When asked they said, "Oh, don't we have until September 15th to answer?
They wind up sending a no without an explanation. My niece felt hurt.

Turns out the reason why this aunt decided not to attend is because she felt that she wasn't close enough to the bride and that years ago she gave her a cameo necklace and thought that was the beginning of a relationship! (A relationship is calling and communicating back and forth!)

My sister and her husband were upset because if nothing else, she should have attended because of the relationship she had with my sister and her husband.

Wow. Those are some sad stories of rude people. Such a shame. Right now, I am trying to get a friend of our to respond to an invite to enjoy a boys day to celebrate my husband's birthday. Our friend has ignored the email for almost a week, while the other 3 guys responded within a day. Typically, this friend doesn't respond to emails if he isn't interested in the content (such as a movie suggestion, etc). I just sent a text asking if he even got the email, but I am positive he did. Maybe he's not such a good friend.

"When we had our 25th anniversary celebration ten years ago, we only had three non-responses.

This year we're doing a 1st/35th celebration. "

It is a shame that people can't respond. At least you are to celebrate the many pleasant years of happiness you have shared with your significant other.

Congratulations are in order regardless of who shows up.

Thanks dreamgarden for the congratulations. I feel pretty darn good we've made it this long - and to top it off, we're now legal in the eyes of the state.

As I mentioned in my edit, the people who do attend are more important than those that didn't bother.

Of course, everyone of those that did bother to respond to the email, had some excuse. Sorry, IMHO there's no excuse for not sending the reply back. We sent them out in early August, so folks had plenty of time.

Reading the comments on here, makes me shake my head at how rude some people are. I mean not responding is back enough, but then not sending a thank you not after a wedding.
Those types of things were drilled into my head from early on.

One defense I've read about against those who don't RSVP (but who show up anyway, messing up the head-count) is for the host to leave a crucial piece of info off of the invite -- such as the location of the event. Only those who RSVP get the address.

Of course, this doesn't protect the host from those who are no-shows after RSVPing that they're coming. I think the only protection for that is to dial back the friendship until the perpetrator has made efforts to re-build the trust.