The Oil Change

9 years ago

OIL CHANGE - MEN vs WOMEN

Women:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.

2. Drink a cup of coffee.

3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money Spent:
$20.00 Oil Change
$1.00 Coffee
----------------
$21.00 Total
__________________________________________________
Men:

1. Go to auto parts store and write a
check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree. Stop at store and spend $20 for a case of beer.

2. Spend 30 minutes digging a hole in the back yard to dump the used oil.

3. Open a beer and drink it.

4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking
for jack stands.

5. Find jack stands behind garden tools and kids toys.

6. Ready to start, open another beer and drink it.

7. Place drain pan under engine.

8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9. Give up and use crescent wrench.

Unscrew drain plug.
Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you trying to retrieve plug.
Clean up.
Have another beer while oil is draining.
Look for oil filter wrench.
Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off.
Have a Beer.
Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
Walk to 7-11; buy more beer.
Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
Remember drain plug from step 11.
Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.
Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
Bang head on floor board in reaction.
Show signs of anger and cuss a lot.
Throw wrench.
Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit picture of Miss July (1992).
Clean up. Apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
Beer.
Beer.
Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
Beer.
Lower car from jack stands
Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
Test drive car
Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the
influence.
Car gets impounded.
Make bail. Get car from impound yard.

Money Spent to change oil:
$50 parts
$20 beer
$75 replacement set of jack stands.
$1000 Bail
$200 Impound and towing fee
----------------------
$1345 Total

Fact, or fiction??

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Comments (5)

kayjones
9 years ago
FACT!!!!!!! I've seen men change their own oil, rather than pay someone (with the proper equipment to do the job), and seen the oil change go exactly as you outlined!
lucillle
9 years ago
Oil changes recently have run around $35 at the quickie places. But while I'm there, usually there are older guys sitting in the waiting room. (I am single but run across married men who take their wive's car in as well as their own, for servicing.)
So while it is funny, I think it might be at least partly fiction.
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jemdandy
9 years ago
Its fiction. When I do an oil change, I do it for about 1/2 the cost of a quick lube place, but it does take me more time and then periodically, I have to take the old oil to the village disposal tank. When I am under the hood, I also top off all other fluids and keep tabs on the general condition of things.
rob333 (zone 7b)
9 years ago
After I got to the bottom line on the female, I skipped straight to the end to find the dollar amount for the guy, and then I read the steps of how he got there. Very funny!!!

My ex and I used to argue over this one. He always said you should change your oil yourself, and I always said why? He could never tell me why. Certainly isn't that much cheaper to do it yourself, it's done right, and disposing of the oil can be very hazaradous to you and the environment. I'm still not convinced I should change my own oil. I too check the fluids on my cars and top them off on a regular basis. Not only do I not change my own oil, I won't put new tires on a car. I would flush the radiator or change the air filter if needed. So I guess I'm kind of arbitrary about which I will do.
joyfulguy
9 years ago
The story about the costs for the male's option is somewhat fictional.

It missed the cost of the second case of beer.

And the only way that you lose the bail money is ...

... if you don't behave yourself ...

... for a limited period.

ole joyfuelled ... but not "oiled"

The Oil Change

Comments (5)

kayjones

lucillle

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jemdandy

rob333 (zone 7b)

joyfulguy

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