What do you really want to do in your life?

13 years ago

We only go around once - to me it's like "NOW OR NEVER".

Soooooo, we all have to get our asses off the couch and stop feeling sorry for ourselves! I will try to make sherrmann understand.

We've ALL BEEN THROUGH IT! Leave all the crap behind.

Love,

Patricia

Comments (51)

maryanntx
13 years ago
What do I want to do in life? I want to be a jetsetter and travel everywhere.
hgl_gaylemarie
13 years ago
Travel! I'd drive the South during the Winter and Pacific Coast in the Spring. Northern Border states in the Summer and start down the East Coast in the Fall.
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Mystical Manns
13 years ago
I've never been one to feel sorry for myself, just try to look at a problem Head On and plow through it. That's how I handled my cancer diagnosis and treatment, and it works for me.

I'm looking forward to retiring in another four years, and getting awayfrom here and moving to someplace totally new and different. That's about all the adventure I can handle! LOL
roseluver
13 years ago
I want to enjoy my 2 children and my 6 grandchildren. I want to do all I can for them and with them. These last years I want to be able to continue gardening and enjoy each day as it happens. It is wonderful to be alive and healthy. I am so fortunate.
chisue
13 years ago
I've just started a book by Thomas H. Cook, "The Last Talk with Lola Faye". Straight off the question is asked, "So, what's the last, best hope of life?" I've been pondering that without an answer...yet. Maybe the author will provide his.

Just having hope?
glenda_al
13 years ago
I'm in the twiliglht years!

Been retired since I was 54, now 71.

I just try to keep on going like the {{!gwi}}
rosemaryt
13 years ago
I want to live in a beautiful place away from the madding crowds, read books and tend to a flower garden. I want to just sit somewhere and enjoy all the beauty of nature.

I'm weary of traveling and I'm weary of writing. I'd like to just sit somewhere and read and think and meditate on all the beauty in the world.

Rose
pattico_gw
13 years ago
I think I've already done it...now I'm just trying to rest..lol...(It "ain't" working)
trisha57_ny
Original Author
13 years ago
Yes, that's what we all want. But, I've got it all. The beautiful house, the dogs, the beach, the hubby who loves me. I should be the happiest woman on the face of this earth. but WHAT IS keeping me from enjoying this life? Anybody? Like what????
Georgysmom
13 years ago
Only you can answer that.
alisande
13 years ago
Your age, maybe? I'm not being snide; I'm serious. I don't know how old you are, but perimenopause often carries with it anxiety and/or depression. I went through it, and was helped by changes in diet plus supplements (including homeopathy, but no prescription meds), and meditation/relaxation CDs. Exercise helps, too, but I'm not the most faithful exerciser out there.....
Rudebekia
13 years ago
Well you are certainly not the only person in the world who has discovered that an accumulation of all the good things in life--what our culture tells us is good, even human love--doesn't always equal happiness.
sheesh
13 years ago
Didn't you answer your own question in your original post?

We only go around once - to me it's like "NOW OR NEVER".

Soooooo, we all have to get our asses off the couch and stop feeling sorry for ourselves! I will try to make sherrmann understand.
We've ALL BEEN THROUGH IT! Leave all the crap behind.

Like Peggy Lee said in the song, "Is that all there is?"

I hope you feel better.
Jeane Gallo
13 years ago
Trish, I think you have to find meaning in something you do for others, or helping others - even if it is only being a sounding board for a friend in need. I retired this year and have been enjoying myself learning to paint. I've already given one away and the recipient was thrilled with it. We aren't wealthy, but we have enough. I am content and happy in my life. Also, part of being happy is meeting your life's goals. But often, after those goals are met there is a letdown. I think the secret is to keep setting goals for yourself. My husband retired as well, and he isn't as content as I. He's achieved the goals he set for himself and I think now he's getting the "is that all there is" feeling. He needs to come up with some new goals for the next chapter of his life.
pammyfay
13 years ago
Perhaps you're seeking what no one can ever get: security, a guarantee. That everything you love now will always be there. That's a prime reason for anxiety, especially in this economy: We have a hard time enjoying and appreciating today because we're worried that it all could collapse tomorrow. Maybe because of our own decisions, maybe as a result of others' decisions. For example, financial investments, or a child who suddenly changes path and falls off-course.

What do I really want to do? I want to wake up one morning (soon) and miraculously find out I've had a personality change and I no longer obsess over dumb things. I want to have a guaranteed 2-hour reading period in the early morning. I want to return to a mind-set where my job is enjoyable again and that enjoyment is not dependent on others.

I've never really had that "lightbulb" moment of the "authentic life I was meant to have," like the people who wind up on Oprah's show. Not even an inkling of what that is (yet).
mariend
13 years ago
Take up a new hobby, take up something like painting, or take a course like Philosophy, creative writing, or something you feel you would like to do, that is for YOU, is relaxing. Maybe you are trying too hard to do what you think people want you to do--Sometimes people who seem to have a lot, whether it is financial, love, locations seem frustrated because those who don't have much seem to be happier, but they have problems we don't know about or see.
You might put down what you have and what you really want==even if is far out.
I wish you the best.
matti5
13 years ago
Maybe you've been so busy acquiring things, that you somehow managed to lose yourself in the process. If you were to make a list of all the important people and things in your life, would you be on the list? Sometimes we get so caught in making everyone else happy or doing the things that society thinks we should be doing, that we forget how important it is to make ourselves happy. What special things have you done for just you lately?
taigen_gw
13 years ago
Not sure...but something does need to change soon.
nanatricia
13 years ago
I just want to feel better .I have lupus and fibro this week has been a buger .To day I made my self get up and move .It felt good .I refuse to let it control me it is not easy but I try.
des_arc_ya_ya
13 years ago
I've always thought that I'd love to see just one book with my name on it as the author. Don't know that I'll ever do it, especially if I never try.

Other than that, I'd love for Twinkie and me to travel and spend time enjoying each other, our kids and grandkids.

I try to realize everyday how blessed I am and it's easier every year that I age to know that it's true.
country_bumpkin_al
13 years ago
The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.
It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.
The remarkable thing is - we have a choice every day of our lives regarding the attitude we embrace for that day.
We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable.
The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.
IÃ¢ÂÂm convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you.
We have choices within our attitudes. -Charles Swindoll
trisha57_ny
Original Author
13 years ago
There was 4 of us. sisters. My little sister said something one night alot of years ago. Since then, her daughter is now 10 and son is 9. I've had no contact with them.
I wrote her off 9 years ago. But I should have known how much she was suffering, how much she needed me. she was left alone, all by herself.
Mom and Dad were alcoholics. We all got out of that house and got married. And left her.
I will never forgive myself for leaving her there by herself.
I've finally realized what is keeping me from enjoying my life -- it's leaving my little sister there by herself.
Would you do this? How could I do this?! How could I leave my little sister??! This poor little girl lost her 3 sisters in a matter of months. We all got married and left her there.
I don't think I will ever get over this. Cause she won't. She is the sweetest little girl you could ever meet and I was the Bronx bully.
Well, at least I know now why I have nightmares.
trixietx
13 years ago
I think I am doing just what I always wanted to do, be a wife, mom and grandmother!

I help take care of my 3 and 6 year old grandsons.

We are farmers and I take meals to the field during harvest, which we are starting in a few days.

I mow my yard, tend to my garden and flowers. I am very happy with what I do.

We love to travel and cruise.

I have no complaints, other than wish I was younger. Old age is beginning to rear its ugly head. LOL
glenda_al
13 years ago
I appreciate what country bumkin said!
maire_cate
13 years ago
Trisha- None of us can answer that for you. You have to search your own soul to discover what is making you unhappy. Has this come on recently or have you been carry this guilt about your sister for years? If you honestly feel that you abandoned your sister and her children then you know what you must do to try and make it right.
maryanntx
13 years ago
Ditto to Country Bumpkin. You said it so well!
trisha57_ny
Original Author
13 years ago
mairecate - I've searched and searched -- and this is it. I abandoned her. I've punished myself to an extent that I don't want to post here. I've asked myself over and over again "why am I doing this to myself". Why do I hate me.
And the answer is that I abandoned my little sister. Left her all alone with two drunks to fend for herself. She was 15.
Got married and never gave a thought about her.
I ask God every morning to please forgive me.
I ask God everdpodGod, forgive me.
yayagal
13 years ago
Trisha, I'm so sorry you have had this pain for so long but you told us so truthfully that maybe you should consider saying it to your sister. She probably shares the same pain but from the point of being abandoned. Let her know you've struggled with this. You ARE worthy to be happy and so is she. Write to her and take the first step towards resolution. You could say you'd understand if she doesn't want to pick up the relationship but that you had to let her know how sorry you were for hurting her. It will relieve some of the stress you're feeling and hopefully help her too. Good luck, I hope you can take this step to emotional healing.
golfergrrl
13 years ago
"My little sister said something one night alot of years ago. Since then, her daughter is now 10 and son is 9. I've had no contact with them.
I wrote her off 9 years ago. But I should have known how much she was suffering, how much she needed me. she was left alone, all by herself."
"And the answer is that I abandoned my little sister. Left her all alone with two drunks to fend for herself. She was 15."

I'm having trouble following. She said something 9 years ago, so you cut her out of your life. What happened between the time she was 15 and 9 years ago? There are two issues here...the abandonment (which you probably didn't recognize as such then) and whatever happened 9 years ago (which probably needs addressing)? Are the other sisters in contact with her? Maybe they can set up a lunch or something for everyone.
jannie
13 years ago
I'd like to get a kidney transplant, get off dialysis, and spend a week at the home of my best friend Sue in Ottawa Canada. She's welcome to visit me in Long Island anytime. I have a spare room now that my daughter moved out. I'd also like to die peacefully in my sleep one day before I become too old to take care of myself.
suzieque
13 years ago
So trisha, you've told us. Have you told her? Pick up the phone or write a letter and apologize. Righting things with her is likely going to make life better for you and for her. Telling a bunch of people on a website isn't really going to help anything.

I'm also not sure I'm following completely, whether you are guilty because you "abandoned" her when you married, or whether you cut her out of her life 9 years ago (clearly not the same timing). But it doesn't really matter if I/we understand. Assuming she is still alive, reach out to her and govel if you must. She may rebuff you, but keep trying. After a while, when you've done all you can, if she still rebuffs you, then at least you'll know you did what you could.
joyfulguy
13 years ago
Hi Trisha,

There isn't a damn thing that you can do to change the past.

And it's equally useless to beat yourself up about it.

Today is yours .. and tomorrow (maybe). You can do something about them.

Have the others in your family kept up a relationship with her? Can you gain from them some idea of how she feels about you? That may help as you consider what action you may take.

"I goofed ... I'm sorry ... please forgive me ... I love you," often go a long way toward mending fractured relationships.

Good wishes as you make your plans and act on them.

ole joyful
dotmom
13 years ago
My 'want' is so trivial compared to my other KT friends, but I guess that is what it is....My want. I want to be involved with theater again. Where I lived before, I was active in three community theaters and did at least one play or musical a year. We moved here 6 yrs ago, and the only active theater group is 25 miles away. I miss it so much.
two25acres
13 years ago
Ask your sister for forgiveness and then forgive yourself. It may take some work but life will be better for it. Give yourself a hug.
chisue
13 years ago
You could start with getting more exercise. I am probably the poster child for an inactive life. Not overweight, but not 'fit'.

Two months ago DH and I decided to at least TRY SOMETHING! We bought the Nintendo Wii Fit Plus and we each use it for at least 30 mins. every morning. The games are SILLY and FUN. While you play, you get some excellent exercise -- work up a sweat and enjoy doing it. It was $300 well spent. The laughter alone was worth it.

I've also had to come to terms with REGRETS -- more over things undone than things I did. I can't get mired there, but have tried to accept these as lessons. I have to forgive myself in order to move on.
joyfulguy
13 years ago
I've been fortunate to have enjoyed good health ... and had a substantial wake-up call yesterday - through life, and had various creature comforts, including living in freedom, democracy, safety and a measure of prosperity.

Now, past 80, I'm th9inking of a number of the stresses that are besetting our society, and, though I can't do much in terms of helping unemployed find work, I want to bring a ray of sunshine, and some humour, into the lives of the folks that I meet from day to day.

And tease the folks at KT a bit.

ole joyful
nycefarm_gw
13 years ago
Already doing it!
alisande
13 years ago
Dotmom, maybe you could start a group. I know that sounds like a lot of effort and planning, but if you get the word out you might be surprised by the number of interested (and possibly knowledgeable) people who would be happy to get involved. I think it would be worth a try.
springer_mom
13 years ago
gain willpower,lose weight and quit smoking.
deemarie5500
13 years ago
I pray for good health, and the ability to retire at 62 so that I can leave the corporate office job and work for charities (for free). Of course, I want to continue to travel and enjoy my life with DH also.
monica_pa Grieves
13 years ago
Exactly what I am doing.
hale_bopp
13 years ago
Trisha, this could be MY story. When I turned 18 I moved out of my house as fast as I could and left my 12 year old sister behind with my two alcoholic parents. We were never close, as far as sisters go, but I practically raised her and was virtually "mom" and when I left it devastated her. I NEVER knew until my Nana accused me of it after I was married. She told me how my sister had felt at the time and how scared she was.

Counseling ultimately helped me work through it all. It wasn't my job to raise my sister. I asked for forgiveness. My resentments turned toward my parents and I was already working on aaaall the other issues with THEM, I just added another grievance to the pile. We all hashed it out- it's an ongoing battle. I hope your sister doesn't make you feel guilty and horrible. It wasn't your fault. You're a product of dysfunction. Grace needs to be extended to all, including yourself.

Blessings,
Haley
trisha57_ny
Original Author
13 years ago
Yes, my other sisters are in contact with her. I know it wasn't my fault, but she still does blame us for leaving her.
I did reach out to her through an email, and she did reply. I asked her if she could make it to our friend's reunion I was having here. She is best friend's with one of the girls that are coming. She said she couldn't cause they are coming for the holidays.
Thank you hale bopp. The only way she could communicate was through rage and anger. It was always about some minor thing, but I always knew where the deep-down rage was coming from.
trisha57_ny
Original Author
13 years ago
You said "telling a bunch of people on this website is not going to help". no, no, no. this is the only place that I can open up. I've been on this site 12+ years, and all I have gotten back is great advice and compassion.
I will tell my sister, in a letter, as joyfulguy suggested "I goofed, I love you, please forgive me". Amen.
suzieque
13 years ago
trisha, I meant that telling a bunch of people on this website is not going to help the relationship between you and your sister. It make may you feel better to confess here, but how does that help your sister and then, in turn, your relationship with her? That is at the root of all of this. So tell HER, not us.
trisha57_ny
Original Author
13 years ago
I know what you meant. it's okay, suzie. but by coming here and asking for advice, I think I just wanted some validation. Now, I will tell her.
linda_in_iowa
13 years ago
I am doing exactly what I want to do in my life. This week I have been visiting friends in the city where I lived before I moved to Iowa. Each time I visit CA, I know I made the right decision in moving to Iowa. The traffic, noise, fear of crime, etc. makes me appreciate Iowa all the more. Besides that, they are having a heat wave here and no A/C in the houses. It is fun to visit with good friends but I will be glad to get home sson.
marcy345
13 years ago
Hi Trisha,
I understand why you come here when your in pain. I carried a burden all my life and a lot of shame. My Mother had "Huntington's Disease" and my Dad left me to take care of her when I was 11 years old. I was forced to put her in a nursing home when she was 42 years old and I was 25. I took her alone to check out the nursing home and she said "If I'm not nuts, I will be".I moved away and literally abandoned her until my brother called me home, to tell her goodbye. She was bedridden and couldn't speak but she heard my voice and responded. I didn't get any peace until she died at age 54. She came to me in a dream and wrapped her arms around me. She was young and beautiful just like she was when I was small. She loved flowers and laughter and butterflies and me. I'm told my heart is just like her's. When you live with that hanging over your head, anything else is trivial. I don't worry, it doesn't change anything. She's the reason I believe in reincarnation.

I recently went through a very hard time, so bad I was banned from my step moms memorial 3 weeks ago! She'd left me her painting books and I was looking at them today. I haven't painted in probably 25 years, but I plan to start!

I think you need to forgive yourself first, you were just a kid, too. Reach out to her as only you know how to do, and tell her what you need her to know. I think you'll be surprised how light we are when we let go of a burden.

Marcy
bluejeans4ever
13 years ago
Trisha, I had a very similar experience but it was my little brother. Guilt for an Adult Child of an Alcoholic is as natural as breathing. Hale Bop is spot on, it was not your job to raise your sister. It was your parents who let her down, not you. It sounds like your sister still feels like a victim, another common characteristic of ACOA.

I highly recommend Alanon (even if your parents are no longer living) and maybe you could bring your sister along, it sounds like you both have much healing to do. It's never too late to reconnect and form a sisterly bond. This is not your fault, you were a kid, too.

I'm happy to say that I have a good relationship with my brother now. There is no longer blame, guilt, or victims. We are adults who take responsibility for the good and not-so-good stuff of our adult lives. It took a long time and there is still another sibling who may or may not "get there", but there is hope.

As for what I'd like to do in this life. Don't laugh, but I'd like to sing O Canada at the final playoff game where the Toronto Maple Leafs take home the Stanley Cup. Of course we won't know that the Leafs will win as the national anthem is played before the game, but it is my dream fantasy and I will be just as surprised as everyone else! :-)

BJ
joyfulguy
13 years ago
Just - live.

Happily.

Healthily.

Generously.

Kindly.

Passing around a smile as I go.

(And lighting a fire under politicians when they need it ... in this more or less free and democratic society, I don't get roasted and toasted for that).

ole joyful

What do you really want to do in your life?

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