I think that's perfectly reasonable, Jewell. In fact, as I was reading your post, that's what I was thinking you should do, even before you stated it.

Good luck!

Here's the way I see it. You invited them to come and they're dictating the schedule, so you saying, "I'll be there to greet you when you get there, but I am going on ahead so I can do ________!" is not being spoiled. And if, they're friends, they'll understand if you say, "I really wanted to get to do the things I'd planned". At leat my friends would understand. Just an opinion!

I agree -- just go on your own schedule because with their help you won't end up going at all. :p

That's the very reason that I hate traveling with friends when I have a specific agenda in mind. In fact, I don't even like running errands or shopping with friends when I have a list to accomplish. In your case, I don't think it's spoiled to want to go ahead. However, will your friends still be able to join you if you aren't driving them?

Usually, when I travel with friends, I relax and concentrate on enjoying their company, understanding that I'll have to be spontaneous and open to their desires. I recognize that the minute I invite someone to join me, it will be a different kind of trip.

I was going to suggest meeting them there when I read that is your intent. It's not spoiled at all. They are dampening your vacation. I hope you have a wonderful time whichever you decide.

Yep, 2 cars are in order. Please don't compromise YOUR well-earned time away!

I will be curious to find out if all of a sudden they are more able to keep to your time schedule once you inform them that you won't be their driver.

It sounds like someone with healthy boundaries. Not a spoiled brat.

"However, will your friends still be able to join you if you aren't driving them?"

Neither one *likes* to be at the wheel on long drives, but they both do drive and both own cars. I'm guessing that, given the choice of riding with me versus one of them doing the driving, they may figure out how to leave on our original schedule. :) Or, they'll not come at all. Either way, it'll be no skin off my nose!

" I recognize that the minute I invite someone to join me, it will be a different kind of trip."

You're right, and I am prepared to forego certain things to accommodate their interests/needs, but not to the extent of losing half my vacation. I do hope they'll be able to join me as it'll be more fun with friends!

I think your plan is perfect...I see no need for you to screw up your trip to accommodate people who seem not to care about the fact that they are screwing up your vacation.

hey ,,it's YOUR vacation....and if I were one of the friends knowing I'm not changing your plans I'd be relieved....

If you value the trip more than the (possible) time with your friends, go! Neither is the only right choice, but it's the choice you outline here.

Could it be that your friends don't *really* want to go; don't want to go with you; don't want to go with one another; don't want to leave home; don't want to go for four days? (Three's can be a problem.) At least YOU will be doing what YOU want to DO! As my DH says, "No harm. No foul."

You're not a spoiled brat at all! It's your holiday and make sure you do the things you want to do!

If it were me, I'd be half-hoping that one or both might end up by cancelling altogether. It sounds like there might be other things come up that will hinder your enjoyment of the time.

This is why I do all things by myself~~are you all sharing a room?? That would make me nuts also. I go away to relax and be by myself. I would never have invited them~my Bad! I 'had' a pal that was like that, where ever we went it had to go along with her schedule. It made me nuts. I am with Jasdip, I would hope they would end up not coming.

Have a great time ;)

I dropped out of a daytime Bridge group for similar reasons; that is, time demands imposed by others. We ladies (50's-70) had been playing for almost 20 years. It was the same day each month and same hours, 10:30-3:30. The commitment went on my monthly calender for the entire year, and other activities were scheduled around card day.

Over time, some members started coming late because of a morning tennis match, getting their nails done, or chorus practice. Some started leaving early for a dental cleaning, the semiannual furnace servicing, getting their hair cut, or shopping prior to a trip. Amazing... these 'conflicts' are all things that can be scheduled for, other than five given hours a month.

Emergencies, notwithstanding, I tired of being held hostage to the lack of consideration shown by several of the members, and politely dropped out. No regrets...

I would go. I am 75 yrs old, (76 in spring), and I found out many years ago, after missing some things I wanted to do, because of others, that the best thing is to do things on your own. If you want to invite someone, then, they need to know the schedule for this event, up front, and need to know there will be absolutely no changes in this schedule. I do think though, that the person doing this has to be comfortable with being on their own, and enjoy their own company enough to have a successful vacation.

If you do what THEY want, you will be miserable and resentful and regret the whole trip. All you need to say is " I am planning 4 days there and look forward to doing things together whichever part of the 4 days you are there."

"are you all sharing a room??"

No. One has a legendary snoring problem and the other tends to wake in the night, read a while, go back to sleep, wake up again, play on her tablet, go back to sleep, wake up again, eat something, go back to sleep.....

It's a shame, though, as we could save a lot of money on hotel costs if our sleep behaviors were more in sync!

I think you are definitely doing the right thing...go and have a GREAT time!

Jewel,
You have your head on straight and you will have a delightful vacation. As will, hopefully, your friends.
Your plan to do 4 days is perfect, and they can tailor the trip to suit themselves also, everyone wins.

"Emergencies, notwithstanding, I tired of being held hostage to the lack of consideration shown by several of the members, and politely dropped out. No regrets... "

Good move! By their actions, it would seem that the other players didn't want to commit to the group anymore but didn't have the gumption to just say so.

I was in a similar social group where this kind of thing was going on until one brave member recognized the behavior for what it was, said "enough", and quit. It caused a cascade reaction. What was left of the group disbanded entirely just two months later....

This often happens when you try to get a small group together. I agree with everyone here who feels you are doing the right thing. If they are good friends, they knw how much you look forward to doing all the activities and using four days to do it.

I have three friends that always seem to have issues when we get together. It's not often so I will always rearrange something in order to comply.
We were doing a birthday dinner and one friend requested a later time slot that just wasn't as convenient but we accommodated her. It turned our she didn't want to miss her exercise class!

This post was edited by ellendi on Tue, Sep 16, 14 at 18:07

"HIt turned our she didn't want to miss her exercise class!"

Given that kind of chutzpah, I hope she was the birthday girl and not just a guest!!

Have a great trip and bring back some pictures. The WORST vacation I ever had was many years ago with hubby and his best friend and wife. He was a perfectionist and had every thing planned out and would get upset if I even mentioned something different. Bad thing, hubby would not back me at all and that is the closest I ever came to divorce court.
Now I do what and when I want to. Do miss hubby but I also enjoy my freedom.
Enjoy yourself!!!!!!

Perhaps some of this behavior (me first, what I want/need) comes from our society and the general penchant for instant gratification? Why else would so many, spend so much time, posting on social media, assuming that others actually really and truly care about every happening in the life of others?

Disclosure... I do not do Facebook/Twitter/etc. Personal choice.

I concur with everyone else. I would tell them I'm leaving on this day, at this time. And FOUR days later, I'll will be driving home on this day, at this time.

I always try to accommodate people. To a fault sometimes. And sometimes you just have to put your foot down and say no, this is how it's going to be.

Good luck, I hope you have an outstanding vacation!

It's one thing if you are planning a trip with others. The main purpose is your time with friends, second is the trip itself.

In your case, your friends wanted to join you on a specific trip that you do annually. They should accommodate you.

Does anyone else think that three females often results in a conflict? I remember this as far back as junior high.

You are not spoiled but they are spoiling your vacation. Go without them. If they show up, fine if not, that's fine too.

3 ladies I have been friends with for over 30 years and I want to go to the Gulf coast. They live in GA. I'm in AL. 3 of us are retired, one is still working. So we have to work around the employed person's schedule. She set a date but had to change it-twice. Finally we have a date in Nov. that all can agree on. 2 don't sleep well and are up and down all night. Same two insist on a pool. Has to be heated because of the time of year. Everyone wants close to the beach. One wants it as cheap as possible. I was about to go by myself before we finally decided on a date. But I was able to find a place on Okaloosa Island, FL. Our condo is Bayside but the resort has a skywalk across the highway to the rest of the resort. That side in on the Gulf. I booked it. Now if anyone doesn't show up it's fine. I am going anyway. They can do whatever they want.

It seems to me that the conflict that sometimes arises when several woman get together is because everybody is trying to get done what she wants done at the same time as accomodating the others so they can accomplish what they want as well.

In other words, from being too 'nice'!

So often girls & women feel that we have to take care of everybody, & it's very easy to find outselves smiling & saying everything's fine even though it isn't, & then that resentment boils up later.

but if we don't or can't twist ourselves into pretzels to accomodate someone else's wishes, even at the expense of compromising or sacrificing our own wishes, then we have to ask someone if we're spoiled brats!

It makes me think of the jokes about women having lunch out together.

Everybody brings her pocket calculator & has to look at the menu again to figure the price of her meal, & figures her percentage of the tip, & it takes forever & it never comes out right.

Men going out to lunch together throw some money on the table & stop when there's enough for the meal & the tip, & never think about it!

Take care of #1. Go for your 4 days and have a good time.
If they want to join you somewhere along the line, fine.
If not.....oh well.

I think you're doing the right thing. Enjoy yourself. There is no need to cut your time short because of their conflicts.

LindyLuWho, I would secretly be hoping they never showed up or maybe the one I liked best ;)

The fact that they would have each other to share their ride seems like they would be perfectly happy with this arrangement. Everybody gets what they need/want with your going on ahead. Win Win.

You aren't being a brat!
Enjoy your trip.

I also think you're doing the right thing.

One thing I'm learning as I get older. I need to take care of me. That means sometimes doing things that I would have previously considered selfish.

Go and have a good time whatever happens.

When Woody worked, he had a sailboat that he used on the weekends. He would mention to someone at work that he'd be sailing in the Gulf all weekend and someone might ask if he could come along. "Sure" he'd say, "Plan on being on the dock, ready to go at 6 AM tomorrow." "Oh" the guy would say, "I can't get there until 9, is that OK?" and Woody would say "The boat is leaving at 6, have a nice weekend". LOL He said it was amazing how all of a sudden, people could be ready and waiting at 6.

sylviatexas... so right on, loved your post!!!

They've wanted to be involved for years, didn't you say? And now, finally, can ...

... but they want you to twist your schedule into a pretzel.

Marshall your own parade ... if they want to accomodate, fine: ... if not ... they can make their own plans, and fit in with yours as may be convenient to all.

ole joyful

Great answer from Woody.

YogaLady, they will probably all show up. I'm good either way. The reason I paid for the condo was in case they bail I can still go. If they show up they pay their part.

It does NOT make you sound like an inflexible spoiled brat. It makes you sound like an adult not subjected to others' manipulation.

The two friends who have wanted to tag along with you for years but didn't because they had conflicts still have conflicts. Their conflicts are not your conflicts.

I would be hoping neither of them showed up.

Enjoy your trip!

I'm just wondering, are you single? Your inflexible attitude reminds me of my single sister. It seems you don't really care to accommodate your friends on any part of this trip. This is your vacation and you are going to do what you want, when you want to. I'm just wondering why you even asked them?

Sylvia -- I love that whole restaurant scenario. You left out the part where the women demand more of the free rolls, then accuse one another of stuffing more than a fair share into their purses as the meal ends. (Scene from a movie, name of which I can't recall.)

I can't wait till your holiday.....please don't forget to tell us how it went!

Chisue, you bring back memories!

Many years ago, I used to have lunch with friends at Steak & Ale every payday.

One of 'the girls', Debbie, weighed about 90 pounds soaking wet, but she ate like a truck driver.

Steak & Ale had the most wonderful bread:
small loaves, supposedly made right there in the restaurant, hot from the oven, fragrant as my grandmother's kitchen, with real butter served on the side.

Debbie always carried her big old hobo purse on payday...
& kept calling for more bread.

We all hoped the staff didn't notice, & we pretended we didn't notice, but one day our waiter said to her, "You know you can have all the bread you want. You don't have to hide it in your purse."