I have some questions, friends. If you've been dating someone exclusively 3-4 months and they seem a little argumentative, and that made you have pause about the relationship continuing and you had to think about that... how long do you think is an acceptable time to ask them to wait (without talking) while you think it over?

A day? A week? Longer?

If during that time, two days after saying you'd take a couple of days to think it over, your boy/girl friend calls you crying and obviously upset because they are in the vet's office and their beloved pet is unexpectedly dying (a pet you have cared for yourself)... do you think it's appropriate to offer to help them? What would you do?

Third question: If you wanted to be friends with this person, but did not want to be lovers anymore, do you think it's reasonable for them to say you didn't act like much of a friend when you did not offer help with their pet, or call to check up on them later (although there was a text).

And last, if after saying Monday you'd take a few days to think, and Wednesday am their pet dying, you text on Friday to say you need more time and then you go by their house to break up with them, do you think you should have their house key, etc. with you?

Do you think it's reasonable to say you'll bring it by a few days later, and then contact the person on that day to say you can't make it and offer to leave their things outside their house?

If you were the ex, would you feel a little anxious about getting your key back? And, when their things are brought back, would you think it's reasonable that half of the things were forgotten but they and didn't turn right around to go get them?

And, one more... do you think that texting the next day to ask if you can drop them by the door (even though they already said they'd rather you didn't) is reasonable?

Do you think that this behavior is "friendly"?

I think walking away to "think it over" is often plain a old passive aggressive behavior. The old silent treatment. Mature ,stable people work problems out by talking about them. They don't run away. It's OK to walk away to cool off for a bit if things are too heated but it is not OK to leave someone hanging.

People in healthy relationships have arguments. It is how you deal with resolving them that makes or breaks a relationship.

I would drop everything and go help with the pet. Kind of petty not to.

Texting is for kids. Grown-ups break-up in person and make arrangements that work for both parties to exchange keys, get back their stuff etc.

People should be able to go in and get their own stuff.

None of this applies if the relationship is dangerous or abusive.

Maybe they can just break up via Facebook...and then take a poll among their friends about whose side people are on....

Silversword I am sorry your pet has passed. I know the pain and it is awful. Take care and hope things work out for you.

You have 140 responses on the Hot Topics forum! Where, by the way, you made it much clearer about who is whom, and whose pet died.

But then, great minds, etc.

We have some odd or strange posts here from time to time, but this one takes the cake.

I've glanced at this post, I've come back and reread it. I went to the Hot topics link, and I don't know why that was called "single life." I didn't read all that nonsense there, and I'm surprised that the regulars there gave it so much attention.

I searched all the sites, not just the KT and Hot Topics, there is no Silver Sword other than those two.

So here is my question:

Where does it say in the two posts, that Silver Sword is a female? I googled Silver Sword and there are varied and interesting sites listed.

Sue

If someone takes a break they are just not that into you.

And if you need this many responses, it is likely that you have a dependent personality. I might would take a break from that too - it feels very claustrophobic to me when I'm in a relationship with someone with that diagnosis.

Silver you have some major dependency stuff going on right now. You are not yet divorced, am I reading that correctly? You came to this forum under false pretences: That NO one would help you. Not sure why you would present it that way? You've received a "lot" of help - nothing wrong with asking for more, but why not present it as such?

You are still referring to him as your boyfriend in the present. You hate therapists the way my family hates cats. Not all therapists are bad, not all cats are bad. Incidentally though, the things you report about your bad therapy indicate to me that perhaps the therapy wasn't bad, rather your prejudice against therapy and unwillingness to spend money on what you dont trust.

I'd recommend you set aside your defenses and get some referrals to a "good" therapist, and be willing to look at your family of origin issues. A lot of your "stuff" was created back then, and you are likely to continue repeating your stuff over and over and over. You will only attract to you someone as healthy or as unhealthy as you are, and your kids deserve not to get involved with temporary relationships. If you're looking for advise I would say next time dont' introduce your kids to your partners until you "know" it's long term - minimum 6 months. And also perhaps spend some time alone, without a partner - especially while you're still going through the process of divorce. Vulnerability and temporary weaknesses will cloud your judgment of worthy partners.

Your boyfriend might be a decent guy, and you may have a special connection, but he's not interested enough in you. That is what I call "information". Do with it what you will.

Big problem with this kind of board is that you don't know who you're dealing with, or what kind of mental issues they're dealing with. Is she playing with a whole deck, or is she a few cards short???

The replies following mine have all backed up my curiosity. I did suspect that there was a lot more to this story, and I don't understand the need to be untruthful.

I just now took a look at the Stepfamily and the Single Life forums.

At the Stepfamily forum was this:

So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. Will Rogers

And at the Single Life forum was this:

You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose. Jo Coudert

I love that kind of advice; a far cry from the "You go, girl." stuff we hear today.

Sue

Su-va, I'm not being untruthful, I wasn't trying to be sly by posting, and Amy, I didn't say "no one would help me". I said no one responded except for Kay at the single life. That was very clear. I didn't mention I posted at Hot Topics because I wanted unbiased opinions.

Silversword has dual meanings. The plant, and Silver's word. I don't think there's much mystery or intrigue in that.

Thank you Wildchild, for giving actual advice. And Lefleur, yes, my advice on HT was EXCELLENT. I just wanted to make sure I had both sides, as I was and am still getting feedback from the other party that I'm way off base. It's not life or death, I'm just trying to figure out people and being back on the dating scene after 15-odd years.

JustLinda, yes, it's all about the drama for me, however did you guess?

Thank you for the responses. It's amazing that Kitchen Table is actually more suspicious and down on newcomers than Hot Topics!!