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| Was getting ready to run business errands and the place where we get certain supplies once a year called to say the stuff was in. So I stopped by (first time I've ever been there cause hubby usually picks it up while out), told the old lady who it was for, and chatted with her while paying.
As I was getting ready to leave, she looked at me and said "Well, it was nice to meet you, you're his mother, right?" My jaw dropped about 2 feet because first of all, he is 59, and second, I am 50. I told her nooo, I am the wife AND I am 9 years younger than him. By then, she was mortified. I asked her how old she thought he was, she said about 40. So, if he looks 40 and I look old enough to be his mother, I must look at least 60, grrrrrrr. Now it's true that she didn't see us together and say this, plus hubby looks freakishly youthful and people often think he is mid-30's, but geeeeez, what a huge, giant blow to the ego!!! I feel like I want on appointment with a plastic surgeon stat!! |
Follow-Up Postings:
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- Posted by ruthieg__tx (My Page) on Mon, Aug 20, 12 at 17:03
| what a stupid thing for her to say anyway.....hope it doesn't make you feel too bad........ |
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- Posted by LuAnn_in_PA (My Page) on Mon, Aug 20, 12 at 17:11
| " plus hubby looks freakishly youthful and people often think he is mid-30's" So people OFTEN react the same as she did? |
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| Thanks Ruthie, I might just color my hair. I've let it go white and I am sure that doesn't help. LuAnn in PA, I was referring to people he does service calls for. If he gets to talking with them and they find out he was in the military for 21 years and has been retired for years, they want to know how old he is. When he tells them, they are usually surprised and tell him they thought he was mid-30's - very early 40's. Clients talk to me on the phone, they usually don't see us together and no one who does see us together has ever said anything like that. |
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- Posted by georgysmom (My Page) on Mon, Aug 20, 12 at 17:44
| I wouldn't tell DH. LOL I once took my son golfing when he was about 7 and the lady in the pro shop said oh is this your grandson? I was 35 when he was born but gosh, she could have said is this your son and if it happened he was my grandson, I would have been flattered instead of the other way around. And....when I turned 60, people thought I was in my 40's. So, don't pay any mind to that silly woman. |
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| Georgysmom, I know several people the grandmom/parent thing has happened to, so you're in good company. Well, I whined to a few friends and they think the shop lady must be senile. But then, they have to be on my side, right?! :o) |
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- Posted by wantoretire_did (My Page) on Mon, Aug 20, 12 at 18:11
| petra, its the hair. I'm 71 and had been gray for quite awhile, but after heart surgery decided that I felt so much better, so would try to get rid of that gray, dragging me down color. Went with a light brown and friends said it took 10 years off, just like that :-) |
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| wantoretire, I agree with you. Hubby has very dark hair with hardly any gray, whereas I am blond with lots of white. It's still dark blond in the back, but all white in the front. That, and about 20 extra pounds, which tend to be aging as well. |
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| DS makes a point when we are out to call me mom etc so people wil know we we arn't a couple a few times in a retaurant the waiter has said something like "you seem like a nice couple |
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| A similar thing happened to me. It was at my daughter's wedding and I went to introduce my sister to my friend. I started to say I'd like you to meet my... and my friend said don't tell me, that's your Mom. My sister is 2 years younger. We were all embarrassed. My poor friend, she is usually so diplomatic. |
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| What a sensitive topic. I always feel it is best to err making the person younger. A friend who had her child in her 40's but looks 10 years younger was at a playgroup. The leader asked one of the other woman is she was the grandmother. She was the mother and actually younger than my friend. You would think a leader would know better. I was talking to a customer service rep at a bank. He was telling me about various services. Then he said"And if you happen to know someone over the age of 50..." I had to laugh. How diplomatic! He will certainly go far. |
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| Petra, just consider the source, don't let a stranger upset you. Chances are you need nothing other than maybe a glass of wine, a good laugh, possibly someone to take you out to dinner and wink at you over dessert. I think something similar has probably happened to all of us at some point. It's been a few years, but once my neighbor (my mothers age) called me in tears, obviously upset, she had been with her sister and had seen me leave a store, I hadn't seen them. She was upset because it was clear to her from how bad I looked that I'd been sick and I hadn't let her know! What? I was in jeans, but had a blazer on with them, makeup, I felt great, nothing wrong at all.... I'd never tell DH if someone had thought I was his mother (he's 4 years older), he'd tease me till the end of time :) OT - the name. I met a second cousin by marriage this summer for the first time - named Petra. Croatian, & in this country doing an 18 mo financial adviser internship
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| Oh dear. Reminds me of the time I asked a friend when her baby was due, and she wasn;t pregnant! In my defense, she had had a baby a few months before and still had a baby belly. Forget it. that woman needs glasses. |
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| Yes, it IS a sensitive topic. On the one hand, I realize I should be mature enough to just laugh this off, on the other, it really made me mad. Age is so little valued in this country that being told you look much younger than you are is a wonderful compliment, while being told you look older feels like a terrible insult. Morz, I told hubby and he didn't tease me, he was a doll. Re. the name, it is very common in all of Europe, Norway, Sweden, Germany, Eastern Europe, and the middle east. In each grade, I had at least 3 or 4 classmates with the same name. :o) Dedtired, at least she didn't think I was his pregnant mother, hahahahahaha.
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| Petra I'm sorry this happened to you. Nothing we say here can take those words back that she said and I am sure she was mortified at her huge gaff. My best girl friend is 3 years younger than me. Too many times people have asked me if she is my mother. A couple of time in front of her as in,"oh I see you brought mom along today". I know she feels worse but I find it mortifying too. The thing is she doesn't look old either. I just look young.I am blessed with skin that didn't wrinkle easily. At least not on my face. LOL I'm no beauty. At my best when I was young I was just "cute". I'm overweight. I have horrific grandma arms. I'll be 62. But I dress young. I am snug jeans and tees with boots or sandals (with painted toes). I am fashion challenged. I don't dress up. I'm not girly. I stride or bounce when I walk. My hair is shoulder length and colored with highlights and low lights. My eyebrows are dyed. I'm short. My friend on the other hand has a huge chest. Not the sexy stripper kind, the matronly shelf and she doesn't invest in properly fitted bras. I wear tee shirts and she wears polyester tops. I wear jeans and she wear stovepipe elastic waist pants. I have never seen her in sandals or boots. Always shoes and socks. She has long hair naturally still not gray hair (lucky) but it is stringy and thin and doesn't fit her face at all. She truly is one who would look ten years younger with a shorter do. She strolls or walks with an old people's side to side sway. Kind of a toddle/waddle. I look peeps in the eyes. She looks at the ground. If you put her in youthful clothing that actually fit and put a little make-up on her she could be a very pretty woman. I can only do cute. She could do pretty or even older beautiful. But she doesn't so there you have it. Even with a make over I would still look younger but no one would be taking her for my mother. |
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| Wildchild, I get what you're saying, but I don't wear polyester or elastic waist pants. Yesterday, I was wearing jeans capris, a fitted t-shirt and sandals. And my grandma enforced good posture in my youth, so I walk straight, don't slouch and don't sway. I just don't get it. All I can figure is, I had my huge sunglasses on as I was just stopping in to pick the stuff up (it's a hassle to switch from sunglasses to prescription constantly) and had a shock of white hair above them. However, I looked at recent pics of hub and me and we look like a couple, not like mother and son, and I don't get how she could even come to that conclusion. Of course, she didn't see us together, but still. My best friend said she must be senile and stupid, which is kinda mean, but made me feel better. The woman appeared to be close to 80, so who knows. |
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| Sounds like she was an older woman who just figures anyone with white hair is old too. If my hair was white or even all silver I think I might go natural. Right now it's a very drab salt and pepper and still brown in the back. I would look like a reverse skunk with the graying pattern. LOL |
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| I am really, really, really terrible about being able to tell about how old people are. And I know better than to guess, I know how hurtful it can be. My son had a growth delay and looked much, much younger than he really was, and I always cringed when people "guessed" his age. So I am always careful not to "guess" if someone is sister/daughter/mother, etc. But one time about 15 years ago I did something so colossally stupid I still can't believe I did it. I was at my husband's office party and said hello to one of his new young employees. The young man had someone with him, and I said, "Oh, how wonderful, you brought your mom". She was his date! I cannot believe I said that. I wanted to sink through the floor. I did feel senile and stupid. I hope she forgave me. Honestly, the reason I got the wrong impression is because he was very, very young-looking, gangly, and his personality came across kind of young but very nice. She was very poised, dressed in a pulled-together and becoming way, had a lovely smile and looked like a very interesting person. The difference really wasn't in their ages, but in the poise and professionalism she projected. Still, I should never have said that, can't believe I did it. I'm sorry you were mistaken for your husband's mother. The woman was probably like me, not very observant. And she should have kept her mouth shut. |
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| As old as she is, she definitely colors her hair. There wasn't a white hair in sight. Hubby says to do what makes me feel better, but he is not really on board with me coloring, he loves the white in front. I've had other people tell me how pretty it looks, but it IS white. I am still pondering if I should let this incident cause me to color. Or just say to hell with it and keep the white. Guess I'll have to think about it. The woman did seem senile, she insisted she had talked to hubby's mother on the phone (there is no way, she never lived with us and died years ago) and that she's known hub since he was a boy, which is equally impossible cause we just moved here 11 years ago. He does not know her beyond ordering supplies there. |
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| Sorry Daisy, I missed your reply. Yes, it is hurtful and, no matter how one rationalizes it, a huge blow to the ego. |
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| Petra, I am sorry this happened to you! We have a similar, but opposite problem in my house... I look much younger than I am...My SO looks older than he is...many, many times people mistake us for father/daughter. I can see how pained he is because he goes away looking like a cliche... "older man chasing a younger women" I really do wish I looked older for his sake. Someday I am sure I will regret that wish! |
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- Posted by amyfiddler (My Page) on Tue, Aug 21, 12 at 12:28
| LOL - I know it's a typo but it's a funny one. Wildchild your name makes sense, as you still "get it on" by men who are 40ish! haha. I get told I look young, but it's a lot of work. I exercise, and I have to color my hair. I dress probably too young too - time to grow up. Maybe next year. |
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| The opposite happened to me. I was in my mid 50's and a new paper boy came to collect. He asked if my mother was home. I was flabbergasted. I was carded till way in my 40's but now that I have grey hair, this won't be happening any more, unfortunately. |
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| I'm in my my fifties and have twin 10 year old sons. People mistake me for their grandmother all the time. Doesn't bother me in the least. In fact I am old enough to be their grandmother. I guess they don't remember the days when most women had what my mother called "late in life" babies. As a matter of fact, I am looking forward to my first grandchild in October. If you don't want to color your hair then don't do it. I'll bet you've earned the right to wear every white hair proudly. Don't let that gal make you feel bad about yourself. Maybe she's got vision issues. I'm sure she was embarrassed. |
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| Wow, this happened to Pioneer Woman. : O 3. One day during our recent family vacation, when my husband and I were skiing together, I was stuck because I was tired and unable to find the skills to get out of a mess I was in. Just in the nick of time, a nice gentleman in a ski patrol jacket came up to me and asked if I could use a little help. I said oh yes, thank you so much. Marlboro Man was downhill a ways and couldn’t help me, and I needed assistance. The man gave me some pointers about how to get down the hill I’d accidentally committed to, and before I knew it I was reunited with my beloved, a sweet and helpful ski patrol helper by my side. The ski patrol guy looked at Marlboro Man and said, “I was just giving your mom a quick pointer�'I think she’s good to go!” Has that ever happened to you? I’m just curious. |
Here is a link that might be useful: Pioneer Woman
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| this happened to me when my son was in 5th grade...the comment was "Grandma, "Where is Carson's Mom"?...i said, "You're looking at her!!"...yes I did have him when I was 36...and speaking to a girl who had her son when she was THIRTEEN!!"...so I considered the source...I wouldn't have known how old she was but passed the comment along to the teacher who told me Mom was only 13 years older than her son... Consider the source...Dumb comes in all sizes, shapes and ages!! |
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| Just think how lucky you are to have latched on to such a nice young hunk! (At least, that's what they tink.) |
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- Posted by sleeperblues (My Page) on Wed, Aug 22, 12 at 8:32
| I want to know why an obviously senile individual near the age of 80 is working, and in a position that places her in contact with customers. Your comments about her being certain that she spoke to your husband's mother are sad and scary. Perhaps you should let someone know. Another thing to consider is that if she is 80 she may have cataracts and not be seeing clearly. |
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| Has anyone considered it a case of mistaken identity? Petra says her DH goes once a year, it was her first time there. I think she thought Petra's DH was someone else. The older woman also says this- The woman did seem senile, she insisted she had talked to hubby's mother on the phone (there is no way, she never lived with us and died years ago) and that she's known hub since he was a boy, which is equally impossible cause we just moved here 11 years ago. He does not know her beyond ordering supplies there |
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| OMG Amyfiddler! I just went back and re-read my post. Yep, major typo. I most definitely do not "get it on" with men in their 40's. LOL |
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| I vote for mistaken identity too. I apparently have a common face and countless times in my life people have thought I was someone else. Especially when you come in contact with a lot of people, sometimes you get people mixed up, especially people you only see once a year. Another theory - she's just a b!tchy old woman who's messing with you.
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| Liz, the grandmother stuff happens to lots of people. It must be irritating too. I wish people would think before they blab. Jem, since I am 9 years younger, people are supposed to think he robbed the cradle, not the other way around. :o) Paula, she didn't seem mean-spirited, but who knows. She seemed sweet, but confused. We went out to dinner last night and while hub went to the restroom, the waiter came back to take our drink order and asked if I knew what my husband wanted to drink. I was so happy to hear that. Sleeper, from what I understand, her family used to own the business and when they were bought out, they kept her on. Could be that was part of the sales agreement and she needs the money, and that is why she continues to work there. I don't know though. She didn't look "off", she is a pretty, well-groomed older lady, but the remarks about knowing him since he was a boy and talking to his mother did throw me. She HAD seen him recently though, he went in to place the annual order a couple weeks before I picked it up. But I am gonna go with mistaken identity or senility, it makes me feel a whole lot better. :o) |
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| It must have been upsetting to say the least. If my husband looked younger than me I would definitely color my hair. Many people associate white or gray hair with being senior citizens. The bonus might be that you're husband thinks you look younger than you are!!! |
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