Straycat.. This is exactly what I want to communicate in this documentary.. as I mentioned on another thread.. many of us have the same voice same stories same thoughts.. I think we have to band together and express ourselves.. what will our society be like in the future if this is an acceptable practice. You know that by treating us the way they do, they are showing their children that this is an appropriate behavior. I have been talking to Mark Sichel about this and he has agreed to be part of my video as well as an advisor.. he said "I have a great deal of information on this now for my second book which I may finish writing some day, but it's all about the success of relationships having to do with virtue & character. People need a higher purpose (like the correctness of family relationships) and a commitment to courage, humility, correctness....or the result is disastrous. Unfortunately the psychopathic narcissistic behavior is encouraged in our world by commercialism, corporate greed, etc" I think he is right on and at the same time.. I feel sadly as you do.. I could not let them in my life.. I could not trust them ever again... they are total strangers.. big big hugs..

Our school system has a book listing for the accellerated reader program. The books are ranked by grade level that they are most appropriate for. It contains a great deal of popular children's books, so hopefully you can find some listed that they already own. Or at least you could find some at the appropriate grade level, and go to the library to check them out. My daughter started 1st grade this year, reading dead-on at 1st grade level, but is now reading 3rd and 4th grade books, because the teacher has really focused on reading, as a building-block for everything else. As far as homework goes, my DD can sometimes breeze right thru her lessons at night. Other times, she just seems stubborn and won't try. I know she can do the work, because of the times she dives right in and sails thru. But on the nights when she seems blocked, I think she's usually tired, or hungry, or just plain not in the mood. On those nights when she's blocked, I will first make sure she's not hungry, and often I will go ahead and tell her to get her bath (seems to relax her). We then sit down together with all noise (TV, radio) off, and work thru it in small chunks. I will read a book or paper while she works, and help her sort it out when she's stuck. (Usually, I put the cat in the basement, too, because even kitty distracts her). She sails through most of the time, far more often than she gets blocked. But it seems like on the 'blocked' nights, sitting together to help her focus, is the key. Below is a link to our book list. The 'reading level' is the column that lists the grade level of the book. Here is a link that might be useful: our school's book list

Hi Cindrillon, I feel obliged to respond to your post, since it mirrors my life so closely. I am an American, married to a Frenchman living in France with 2 step sons (6 and 8 years old). Although we have them EOW plus 1-2 days per week. I have a couple of questions. How long have you been living in France? Do you work? Do you have many friends here? I ask this because I started following this forum because I was having major problems adapting to life with my step sons when I moved here 2 years ago. I felt they were rude, babied, not very kind towards me, etc. And I wasnt completely wrong. They yelled at adults and no one reprimanded them, they didnÂt do anything for themselves, couldnÂt (still canÂt) tie their shoes, didnÂt dress themselves, had at potty chair that they still used! Keep in mind they were 4 and 6 at the time. I think a lot of this has to do with culture. To me it seems the French donÂt value kids being independent as much as Americans do. It also has to do with guilt on my DHÂs side. Plus, everyone was so busy fighting and getting through the divorce earlier that I think, unfortunately the kids kind of slipped through the cracks a little bit in the "life lessons" department. However, I think a major part was me too. I was in a new country, I couldnÂt speak the language well, I felt overwhelmed, tired, and every problem was magnified. Plus, since my life was so narrow (only DH and work) when something was going wrong it felt like my entire world was going wrong. But, it gets better. The kids adjusted, your DH will adjust and YOU will adjust. My DH was good and stepped up to all the "parenting". He let (and lets) me have time by myself if needed. Whereas before he felt we needed to re-create a family and do everything together. But you canÂt force it. (It probably will come, though.) Get out and about. Do things for yourself. Pick up a hobby. I wonÂt say learn the language because thatÂll come naturally (and trust me, the last thing I wanted to do after a long day and a 3 hour round trip commute was sit my butt in a language class). Now weÂre happily married, waiting on our 1st baby together (which the Step Sons are thrilled about), with ups and downs like any other family. I still get annoyed at the kids but itÂs more for "kid" things than "step-kid" things. So, to recap my rambling post Make sure you DH does the "parenting", but jump in for the fun times and try to build a bond. Try your hardest to be nice to your SS. He can sense your feelings even if you donÂt voice them, and youÂll get nowhere. Take time for yourself and try to build your life here. Be patient. Problems always seem magnified when your dealing with so much change to begin with. I know this stuff isnÂt always easy, and IÂm still working on it, too. But I found that it helped me immensely. Also, thereÂs an online group in France for parents called MESSAGE. Maybe look into that. TheyÂve got great support and are always organizing outings. And if youÂd like, let me know and you can email me personally. ItÂs always better when someone understands your situation. Hope things get better. Hang in there.

Thanks for all the responses. Excellent suggestion to check her eyes, but we have, and they're fine. And yes, we've read to her since she was a tiny baby. She used to love being read to, many books at a time. I think it was about three years ago when she started to resist. I was specifically talking about me reading to her, though I didn't make that clear. I do feel like I've tried a huge variety of books of all sorts. I'll also notice when she's interested in something, then take us to the library to find a book on the subject It's not an issue of making time away from distractions. I've tried reading at different times - after school, after dinner, before bed, even first thing in the morning. Her usual response is, "Well, I'm going to go [play - cut up paper - go to sleep - get something to eat]. Why don't you finish the book by yourself?" It's exactly what her mother, my sister, was like as a child. And she hates to read now. Now that my niece can read herself, I've tried asking her to read to me, or asking her to alternate . . . words, sentences, pages . . . in a book. I can often catch her attention for one book the first time I try something, but then she doesn't want to do it again. Her teacher says she's reading above grade level and fluently (for a kid), so they have no concerns about her. I think I'm going to try some magazines and joke books. Both of those seem like they might capture her attention, and they're short enough that she might actually sit still to read them. I like the books on tape idea, but does that really promote reading? Labmomma said, "you have to find her passion." I think that's right, but the problem, as I see it, is that her passions involve *doing* things, not reading about other people doing them. She is a *very* motion-oriented child. She watches television while jumping on a mini-trampoline or hanging upside down off the back of the sofa, she eats dinner while rocking on her chair, she deals with waiting in line by spinning like a top. She's able to fit within the rules at school, but everyone knows that she needs to move a lot. She doesn't have an attention problem - she can concentrate ferociously on things she wants to concentrate on. But where another kid might stay still and listen to a story out of inertia (and thus get interested), she'll be up and away. Thanks for the recommendations on magazines. It's not exactly what I hoped for, but I think it might work. Short and to the point. At least she'll be reading! (And here I was hoping for "The Chronicles of Narnia" and "A Circle in Time" within the next year or two ....:)