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Life Got Busy

Posted by samkaren (My Page) on
Sat, Aug 9, 14 at 12:31

for me and haven't been able to post. But I sure miss everyone! Not much excitement but i'm hoping that is going to change. I went online and joined Match.com. Looking to find someone who would like to hang out and do things on the weekends and maybe.....have a connection with.

Let's face it....my love life seems to have tanked. I have a husband that I am separated from; a boyfriend that I hardly see due to our schedules and a FWB whose schedule is worse then boyfriend.

UGH.....I need a life and I want some romance!!!!!

SamKaren
your resident DJ


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Life Got Busy

Yep, another man will definately fix all that! *walks away shaking her head*


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RE: Life Got Busy

Maybe focus on some platonic friendships? I have made some good friends off of Craigslist platonic section (though you have to be very careful of course but is you are doing online dating you should know what to look for). It might help fill what sounds like boredom.

Getting out and doing things can also be helpful for both friends and romantic partners.

I have to ask though as I am so curious - do the husband, boyfriend and friend with benefits all know about each other? Are you being upfront with everyone for the new men you are seeking, and reflecting as much on your profile?

I met the guy I am marrying in a month on okcupid. :)


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RE: Life Got Busy

How's the job going? And your kitty?


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RE: Life Got Busy

maybe you should quit worrying about it untill you are no longer a married woman.


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RE: Life Got Busy

"FWB" ... as in "Free Wheeling Bud"?

o j


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Your love life sounds a heck of a lot more active than mine!


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RE: Life Got Busy

Burning your candle at both ends, and in the middle! Someone is likely to get burned.


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Just trying to meet new people and date. As for your questions....husband does not know but we have this agreement that we do not ask each other about our love lives. I know he dates and that is great. Yes...boyfriend and FWB both know and also know that I am looking to date. They don't have the same schedule and it is so darn hard to get together with either of them.

Work is going great.....love what I do and the people. Myben is a diva and quite the handful at times. She recovered from her surgery and is back to her old self. I will take new photos and post them.

SamKaren
your resident DJ


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RE: Life Got Busy

Where in Hades did your marriage vows go?
I can't understand people now-a-days.
DH and I have been married for 61 years
and would never agree to some ridiculous
deal like this. No wonder families are going to Hell in a hand basket now.


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RE: Life Got Busy

To each his own....but.....you have a husband, a boyfriend, and a FWB.....I'd say "scheduling" is the least of your problems.


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RE: Life Got Busy

How about getting a romantic movie and a battery operated boy friend?


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Somewhere I must have missed the reason you are staying married....

If you truly do intend to divorce your husband, then I can understand your having a boyfriend or a "friend with benefits." But I do not understand having BOTH a boyfriend and a FWB. Why would you be having sex with a man with whom you don't think you would have a continuing romantic relationship? Any why hasn't your relationship with your boyfriend progressed to having sex with him?

If you and your boyfriend have decided not to have sex unless or until marriage, then why are you having sex with someone else?

Or are you having sex with your boyfriend AND with the FWB? If so, then your boyfriend isn't really a boyfriend -- he's just another FWB.


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RE: Life Got Busy

Glad to hear that Myben is recovering well. I'd love to see a new pic of her. I know the move initially was difficult in addition to finding a job. It sounds as if you are quite settled and happy in those two areas. A big accomplishment, pat on the back to you!!

Not sure what exactly you are looking for in a relationship. I know you and DH are separated, but remain close and to have that continual emotional support is wonderful and rare! It doesn't sound like the other guys in your life are providing you with what you truly desire. Maybe it's time to let them go and start fresh?

Are you still doing your artwork?


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RE: Life Got Busy

I have two divorced children in my life.... and while they both are 'wistful' that there will be someone in the future to share their life ...... the FWB bit hasn't become a goal. Both would RUN fast from a friendship based on that. (I think so, anyway) and how sad that you would miss meeting really interesting PEOPLE, with no romantic agenda. It seems to me that some of today's women think that they are 'entitled' to take on the gender role of the pursuer and while some men love to have that role reversed for the short-term, , most men would want to be the pursuer for a long term relationship. There is a reason in the evolutionary development of our human -kindness that men are the way they are, and women have been the way they were for eons.
Just my opinion, but.... while I whole heartedly support the independence of the female gender and how far the pendulum has swung to liberate women..... I think women should be thoughtful and cautious as to the choices they make in their new found liberation.

Sorry....'cool your jets.... and remember what ladies are made of''.


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RE: Life Got Busy

It sounds like you are unfulfilled and searching for something. I hope you find some happiness!


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PS... I came so close to touching the delete button as I know that I am a Great-grandmother.... and that IS what I would want my 16 year old Grandaughter to hear.


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"Til death us do part" never was a good deal for the woman;
that vow was for the security of children & therefore the stability of society, not for the security of the woman.
A woman *had* to "observe her marriage vows";
she had to stay in her marriage no matter how broken it was.

(If her husband defaulted on his marriage vows, well, boys will be boys!)

Even today, "marriage vows" always seems to come up in terms of the woman's obligations, not the man's.

When the relationship doesn't work, when the husband isn't fulfilling his part of the bargain, when he's mean to the wife, *& the wife goes elsewhere*, somebody always purses her lips & gets a frownie between her eyebrows & draws herself up in righteous indignation & demands to know why the wife is "forsaking her marriage vows".

Vows are contracts;
like employment contracts, lease contracts, like any contracts, they can be terminated if they aren't working or if one party defaults on the agreement.

People are more important than contracts/vows.

Vows/contracts are less important than people.

When keeping a vow would destroy your life, I would encourage anybody in this world to ditch that vow.

Terminate the contract.

Break the lease.

Get free & live your life more happily.

If you don't know what you want, look for it.

If that means having more than one friend/boyfriend/whatever, so be it.

If you have husband, boyfriend, FWB, lover, gigolo, whatever, & you're still looking for romance, then at least you have a sense of what would make you happy.

better than sitting at home hoping the phone will ring.

Samkaren has shared her interests, her thoughts, the events & changes in her life, her heart & her heartbreak here, & never have I heard (read) her condemning or passing judgment on anybody.

which I think is nice.

edited to add:

SK, just keep on keeping on;
do what makes you happy, & ditch anything that doesn't work for *you*.

I wish you the best.

This post was edited by sylviatexas on Sat, Aug 9, 14 at 21:06


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RE: Life Got Busy

I think they'd say the same to Sam Karen's husband if he posted the same things here.


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I don't think there's anything wrong with the situation as long as it's transparent and everyone is aware, which seems to be the case.

Anyway I'm sure she didn't post here to get judged.


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RE: Life Got Busy

The only business of why SK may be having sex with anyone - is hers.

This post was edited by bostonpat on Sun, Aug 10, 14 at 13:35


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RE: Life Got Busy

If she wants it to stay "her business" then she shouldn't be broadcasting it here.


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Hmmm, a husband, and a couple of 'boyfriends' and they can't find time for you. Maybe, there is a reason they can't seem to fit you into their schedule.
I'm sure you didn't come here to get blasted about your love life or lack of but if you put it out there then expect people to respond.
You are probably bored with rolling your cigarettes and coloring Celtic knots so maybe join some social groups.
As for romance, sometimes when you stop looking that's when you find it.


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Wow! SK sure got slammed. Her life is different than mine, but it's her life. I'm just glad that she's back. Keep on posting Samkaren. I like you.


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Seems if you want others to commiserate with your "plight" or get some input for how to fix it, maybe gardenwebs The Single Life forum might have been a better choice for this OP? Or Hot Topics, tho they're generally political topics? Just a thought...

All the years I've read/posted @ the KT, this kind of post doesn't generally fare the best. Although I've seen some strong hints of this lifestyle choice more recently posted here from you SamKaren, & those seemed to have slipped by with nary a head scratch...so maybe you were lulled into thinking acceptable, or ...???

I kinda have to agree that if you post this type of titillating topic, one should expect some push back. Any should be able to recognize, it ain't pablum.


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"All the years I've read/posted @ the KT, this kind of post doesn't generally fare the best. Although I've seen some strong hints of this lifestyle choice more recently posted here from you SamKaren, & those seemed to have slipped by with nary a head scratch...so maybe you were lulled into thinking acceptable, or ...???"

.......and this is why this forum is nicknamed "the old biddies forum"


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RE: Life Got Busy

OP has been here long enough to know that if she puts it out there, she's going to get responses. Like them or not.


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"Anyway I'm sure she didn't post here to get judged."

Of course she did. Did she ask for advice? Did she ask anything at all? Nope. She was just sharing/discussing/bragging about her sex life.

She said she was looking for excitement. Maybe she's looking for it in this forum.


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SK- You go grrrl!!


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Sam, I'm so glad that you love your job--you waited patiently for so long for a good job. Hang in there, Mr. Right will come along when you least expect him. Be happy! Hugs!


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Sam, your lifestyle may not be my lifestyle but it is yours and that is what counts. If you feel something lacking try to figure out what and why. I know you have been through alot of changes in the last couple of years and you deserve to be happy. If you are not content with things as they are then I encourage you to make whatever changes necessary. Life is way too short and you're too young to settle. Best of luck. Satine


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RE: Life Got Busy

Who SK sleeps with (or not) is her business.

She was just updating (although she should have known, by now, how this forum operates) her "forum friends" on her goings-on. She didn't ask to be judged!

I've been on the receiving end of nastiness here (to the point that some "old biddie" reported me to whoever Spike's successor is for asking why a post title was consistently misspelled).

Whatever.

This forum is entertaining, to say the very least. :)


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RE: Life Got Busy

" If you feel something lacking try to figure out what and why""

Good advice to follow. And while you're at it, OP, keep in mind that everyone has a private life and most have a sex life too. An internet forum where people exchange recipes and photos of flowers is probably not an appropriate place to play show and tell. Sorry, but I think the details of your personal life, as with anyone else's, is a boring topic that doesn't belong here.


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Hi everyone. For those who don't know what happened I was a faithful-loving wife for 25 years who never strayed or even looked at another man. I met "boyfriend" 3 months after I left my husband. FWB is someone I know who, (like me) just enjoys being with someone without a lot of BS.
Yes I am best friends with my husband if you can believe that. We don't feel the need to be angry over what happened in our relationship.
Yes I am looking for something....friendship., companionship whatever you want to call it. KayJones hit it right on the head....lol

not looking to be praised or judged....just letting you know that I am still here and looking for a little bit of happiness

Samkaren
your resident DJ


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RE: Life Got Busy

So why are you still married? Given your needs and actions, why wouldn't you divorce? I believe, as much as possible, in ending one thing before beginning another. You've got 3 things going on at once. If that works for you. great. I'm not judging. I just wonder if you are on track for finding happiness while having multiple things, male-female-wise, going on at once.

Wouldn't work for me nor would I have interest in it, but to each their own.


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RE: Life Got Busy

Suzieque
Right now DH and I are not in a position to divorce but eventually we will. Just can't at the moment.


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SK I think its great that you and DH have remained friends even though you split. It seems it was the right choice for both of you. You have been thru a lot of changes and it sounds that even with these men, you are lonely. Hope you find what you are looking for.


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RE: Life Got Busy

Whatever your life choices may be, I think you must be a very, very nice person. Even after being bombarded with negative comments thrown your way, you still came back with a pleasant reply. That says a lot about you.


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I don't know how long snidely has been at the kitchen table, but the depth of discussion & sharing goes far beyond recipes & photos of flowers.

People have posted joys & heartbreaks, graduations, illness, cancer, chemo, spouses with Alzheimers, kids who've had trouble, job woes, the loss of parents, moving up, downsizing.

People have asked for prayers for their families, friends, & neighbors, they've *given* prayers to others' families, friends, & neighbors.

They've set up get-togethers & posted photos.

& they've sometimes piled up on a member who has posted something new or controversial or not the opinion of the pilers-on.

No matter what your opinion of any OP, that kind of condemnatory gang assault isn't right;
it's bullying, pettiness, & meanness on the internet, the kind of thing 'mean girls' do in school & the Harper Valley PTA did in a song.

It's...
it's...
well, it's just not ladylike.


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"It's not ladylike" -

Neither is going to a public, online forum to air your ménage a trois', dirty laundry, adulteress activities, or whatever one calls what the female OP does behind closed doors with 3 different men; one of whom with which she still has sacred vows.

BTW, I am far from an "old biddy". I also find it an oxymoron that the same posters here who are attempting to chastise others for speaking their
opinions, are also resorting to name-calling. That's a cheap tactic that should never appear on this board or any other board.


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RE: Life Got Busy

When things get personal here, it shows we are human! It's called The Kitchen Table (I am assuming) because you can talk about anything that you would at your own table.

Yes, sometimes topics can be shocking, but you can simply click off and not read further. There are some poster's that I don't even bother opening up because what they says usually doesn't interest me.

Since there really are no guidelines per se, other than being respectful, anything within reason goes.

Snidely, is case others don't realize it, is a man. Interesting having a man's point of view on a forum that is majority woman. Sometimes though, it is a bit awkward.

SamKaren, I have found your posts interesting. I think you are trying to figure out how to have a more fulfilling life. You are relatively young, perhaps decades younger than many members here, so it might be a bit of a challenge for some to follow you along in your journey.

To those who are upset with the theme of this post, you don't have to keep opening it. And, if you see a post from SamKaren, you are welcome to open it up or not.


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RE: Life Got Busy

"ménage a trois', dirty laundry, adulteress activities, or whatever one calls what the female OP does behind closed doors with 3 different men; one of whom with which she still has sacred vows"

That's not ladylike language.

& people are sacred;
vows are subject to amendment or termination if they just aren't working for the people involved.

which neither I nor anyone else here, other than SK, are.

It's worth self-contemplation, I think, when one castigates someone else for behavior that isn't of any consequence to oneself, in language that shouldn't be used by any 'nice' person.

This post was edited by sylviatexas on Sun, Aug 10, 14 at 19:22


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Sam, we have been friends for a long time...and I value your friendship! Do what makes you happy; only the perfect ones have a right to judge you.


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"vows are subject to amendment or termination if they just aren't working for the people involved."

For some people, yes, vows are rather disposable. However, the OP hasn't bothered to "terminate" (your term) those vows prior to engaging with multiple other men.

Vows are sacred when promised to one another as well as before God.

I also don't subscribe to the theory that we should only respond to those posts with which we agree with the OP, on any subject. There would really be no need for anyone to post if all that is expected are a bunch of head-nodders in response.


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Marriage is a civil contract.

No one else has the right declare that any couple is treating their marriage as "somewhat disposeable" or whatever condescending term comes to mind.

not ladylike, not nice, not something you'd want to have to answer for to You-Know-Who.


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thanks to those who know what i am talking about and feeling. my post did not say sex or menages. good gosh im just looking for a little romance and maybe do something on a sat nite....like bowling


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I don't personally give a gosh-darn what she does "behind closed doors" that's her business, but maybe she should have taken a different route other than choosing to announce her sexual habits on a public board such as this one....yup....these messages show up on a google-search!

But, none-the-less, SK has been gracious in her responses.


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I'm with Silvia...hope you find what you're looking for SamKaren.


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"No one else has the right declare that any couple is treating their marriage as "somewhat disposeable""

It's a sad fact of our times that we live in a disposable world, like it or not. You don't want your baby? Dispose of it. - and so on, applicable to various things these days. Don't misinterpret, I'm not anti-divorced, (that thing you do before engaging with other men), but as a very wise poster up thread has stated, "if you don't have morals, at least have standards."

For some very odd reason, SK found it necessary to chatter about, and air her "standards", - or lack thereof.

Pattico, nice summation!


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Well, it really comes down to the OP never mentioning the word "sex" at all. A passing mention of a FWB, yes. She said she wants romance and someone to do things with. You people have vivid imaginations and dirty minds, I think. :)


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RE: Life Got Busy

The funny thing about morals and standards is that they are individual. Clearly the OP sees nothing wrong with hers, and frankly neither do I. She has never mentioned 3-somes so I have no idea where that accusation came from. She is separated from her husband and all parties are aware of the situation.

About vows...they only matter regarding God if you actually believe in God. Otherwise it's just a legal matter of a few signatures and agreeing to whenever vows you want, which can or cannot reference forever. Our personal vows do not promise forever.

I don't see society as being more disposable, but rather as people getting more options. Women are no longer stuck in bad marriages because of the inability to support themselves. They are no longer forced to have babies they don't want. It's ok to personally disagree with these things but I think it's sad to call people names for not agreeing with you.

Anyway the KT doesn't have rules about what you can post and can't post other than things about politics and religion, which OP followed. The morality police may feel otherwise and try to shame her for doing so, but she did nothing wrong posting this.


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Where did SK say in her post that she was in a Menage a Trois or the other things you accuse her of? Seriously??? I think she is owed an apology. Someone here has been reading too many trashy romance novels!

Hugs SK!


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RE: Life Got Busy

No vivid imaginations or dirty minds I don't think.....SK posted she has a husband she's not divorced from yet, a boyfriend, a FWB, and has now joined match.com to meet more men even though she seems to have trouble sustaining relationships. I sense most of us wish she would take a step back, not date at all for awhile(especially since she's not even divorced yet), and maybe try to figure out why her relationships are not working before jumping into yet another one...or two or three.


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Matti5 - that was PhilliFog who brought that up. "to air your ménage a trois', dirty laundry, adulteress activities, or whatever one calls what the female OP does behind closed doors with 3 different men; one of whom with which she still has sacred vows.

When did I mention what I was doing behind closed doors? That would be the WRONG thing to post....lol

SamKaren
your resident DJ


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Holy cow - Hot topics has nothing on you people.

Samkaren - I applaud you for your graciousness to all those getting their daily exercise - jumping to conclusions.


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Joanie, you sensed correctly, spot-on in fact.

SK, please don't attempt to back-peddle and play coy now. You brought your behind closed doors activities to this thread with your "friends with benefits" statement; "benefits" of which are certainly not "someone to go bowling with" as you later scrambled to cover.

Your desire to stockpile intimate relationships with men while still married isn't going to bring you a man of quality - if in fact, quality is of any importance to you.

It appears at this point that you are merely seeking attention by dancing around your original post, so I'll leave it to others to continue to feed that need.


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I think responders here (including me) have been victimized by a form of internet trolling. Never so clear as with the OP's the last comment. I feel really dumb.

She feels ignored in life and can at least get a response here with inappropriate comments. (Which, by the way, I find tame and not the least bit interesting, as I mentioned). Or, she's not clever enough to realize that everything has a time and place. I think it's likely the first.

Either way, it'll end and she'll go away when the responses end.


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RE: Life Got Busy

You might want to check up on your homophones, PhillyFog. Peddle vs. Pedal, for example.

Oh, and as chi83 pointed out - not all of us take vows "before God" - I certainly didn't. My marriage of 34 years is just fine. SHOCK - not all on this forum are Christian! SHOCK - It's also OK if a marriage ends - because sometimes they just do, through no one's fault.

Cluck, cluck - nope, no biddies here!

SamKaren, keep doing what is right for you.


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snidely,samkaren has been a loved member of the KT a LOT longer than you have been.


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snidely - SamKaren has been participating on this forum for a very long time and has never engaged in any type of trolling behavior.

This thread continues to get more uncomfortable for me each time I open it up. Stick a fork in me.


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Yep, moonie!


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Glenda and Moonie - thank you. I was just going to say that I have been here over 14 years. No Snidely....I will not go away once the thread ends. I may not be able to post everyday but at least when I do come I try to post the joys and heartaches I may have. Knowing that the KTer's that I have grown to love over the years will be there for me - as well as everyone else. At least those they care about.


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Samkaren

Please do stay.

Many of us have been here for a very long time. Life doesn't always go as planned, and it helps sometimes to share.
It helps both the writer and the reader, because the more we share and understand, the better we can navigate the shoals in the rivers of our own lives.


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RE: Life Got Busy

The personal attacks on Sam are downright mean!! Sam has been here for 14 years, and she has been my friend (on the KT and in real life) for all those years. She shares her life with us because we are her friends, and some of us aren't acting very friendly right now.

It's very easy to sit in judgment on people you will never have to face. But would you say the same things in a face-to-face conversation with your daughter, your neighbor, your coworker, if they were seeking companionship? I doubt it. If you or someone close to you has never been lonely, you cannot understand the feeling. Please don't judge those who are looking for a loving relationship. Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.

Sam was happily married for 25 years, and expected it would be forever. Then it all came crashing down. It is not her fault that she is now alone, and she wants to remain friends with him because she loves him and because he was the center of her universe for a quarter of a century. I pray that she finds the love and happiness that she so deserves. In the meantime, I hope we can try to put ourselves in her shoes and be more understanding and supportive.


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Well said!


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Wanda.....YES, I would tell my daughter, neighbor, etc. to stand back and take stock before searching for more men on match.com if they already had a husband, BF and FWB.

I think we all wish the best for SK and just feel that adding yet more men to her life will only squelch her lonliness temporarily and not be fulfilling in the long run. Perhaps some time without men and some soul-searching (or even therapy) is in order.


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Hi SamKaren,

Believe me, I know lonely. That deep-down, in-your-bones, want-to-hear-a-happy-voice, lonely.

You've made a great step - getting a fur baby. I know Harry, (and his nephew Sam) have added years and joy to my life.

I don't know your work schedule, but if you can work in any kind of social group - don't laugh - perhaps a bird watching group, quilting, sewing-for-charity, harp playing, chess - it really doesn't matter what group, just something out of your norm. Something you can commit a small amount of time to and meet groups of people - young, old, men, women, children - and try something out of your daily norm. It will fill some of the loneliness. It could meet only once a month and still be a benefit.

I've joined a local bird club that "meets" mostly through a Yahoo Group; and I've started taking photos for Find-A-Grave. I also have a neighbor that enjoys HBO's True Blood but does not subscribe to HBO. We meet at my house for hot tea and this week's episode. When True Blood is not being broadcast we watch various vintage BBC comedies.

For some strange reason another neighbor's granddaughter thinks I'm "great fun." (I don't have children. I'm 58; I am also Old Biddie Old School.) She comes over twice a week for an hour or two, helps me clean birds' nests, or pull weeds, or whatever I'm doing. She is surprisingly helpful, not squeamish, and talks non-stop. I actually look forward to my visits from this 6-year-old. Our visits include no TV, no Internet, no devices of any sorts, no sweets or beverages. I think she finds it refreshing and a bit Little House on the Prairie.

If your schedule allows, get out there - take Salsa dancing, or water aerobics, or read to shut-ins. Pick something so far out of your daily life norm. Try it. If it doesn't work, pick something else.

((((Sam Karen))))


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RE: Life Got Busy

SK, I'm not going to comment on your marriage, your vows or your sex life because it's none of my business.

However I am going say that you seem to be a very sad, unfulfilled person looking for someone else to give your life meaning instead of yourself. Ain't going to happen.

If you want something to do on a Saturday night, look to yourself to make it happen, not some fantasy. Go to a battered woman's shelter and help with dinner. Go to a food pantry and help distribute food to someone worse off than you.

As a general rule, selfish people looking to find someone else to provide happiness for them, aren't. Stop living inside yourself and go out and give a little. Complaining is becoming a habit for you.

This post was edited by tally on Mon, Aug 11, 14 at 10:24


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I do not and will not judge anyone on this forum or any forum for what he/she did/will do/might do in their life. I only have the right to judge ME and what I do.
I too have been hurt by people I may never meet and probably don't want to meet. That is why we have Edit and delete buttons in life. And like I have posted several times, ANYTHING a person posts on any computer can and sometimes will go around the world.
All have a great day'


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I have been on this forum for several years and always read SK's posts. I have never felt she complains. With all that she has gone through recently with the separation, moving from all that she has known and trying to find housing and a job in an unfamiliar area, she has been persistant and upbeat about it in her posts. The job search was difficult and some would have easily given up and moved back, SK didn't. Says alot about someone.

As others have said, if you don't care for what certain members post, then don't open their thread. Easy concept!


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While the decisions and actions that samkaren has chosen may or may not be what I would support or approve of, it is none of my business. Maybe those who have attacked her do not realize that their vicious approach, more often than not, causes someone to not even look at the arguments being presented to change a behavior. Would you consider changing any of your behaviors if you were spoken to as she has been or would it just piss you off?

In the end, she is the only one who will answer for herself - just as we all will answer for ourselves about every action/words spoken/lack of action/etc.


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RE: Life Got Busy

I'm actually sickened by some of the comments made in this thread. I wish that I could "un-read" some of them just for my own sake! The mean spirit abiding within some people here must weigh heavy on their hearts.

Sam, I won't be back to visit this wreck of a thread, but know that most of us hear you and care about you. You hang in there, girl!


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RE: Life Got Busy

Sam....I wonder how old you might be.....mid-life?...and looking for more excitement than you are finding with husband? I challenge you to cultivate your lady friends....or make some....and quit looking for someone to make you happy. Happiness comes from within...look for it first! Good luck, but you might slow down and learn to be happy by yourself. Men come and go, but the girl friends will always be there for you!


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RE: Life Got Busy

Girl friends are always there for you until they get a guy, LOL!


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RE: Life Got Busy

Just wondering - is it friend with benefits...or.....friends with benefits? Like, does your friend have many friends with benefits or are you his only friend with benefits? Maybe he just doesn't get as much as he would like from his significant other, but what about his significant other, does she have FWB? And of course, there's your boyfriend. Do you think he has FWB also? Ewwww, my head hurts just thinking about the possibilities. Maybe you should just take another poster's suggestion and get a battery-operated man instead.


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RE: Life Got Busy

OMG! PhillyFog are you serious!!!!!

"desire to stockpile intimate relationships with men"

Give me a break woman! You certainly had me ROTFLMAO with that comment.

JustLinda....lol.... perhaps I should stockpile my supply of batteries instead.


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RE: Life Got Busy

Ummm....just sayin'


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RE: Life Got Busy

Samkaren good for you! You're a big girl and can make your own decisions and for that I applaud you. As long as you are happy is all that matters.

It's 2014 and a much different world as far as relationships go. Couplings that 15-20 years ago would be unthinkable to me have become the norm in our society or at least in my world. I have many people around me, myself included, that have dabbled in arrangements that are pretty unusual.


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RE: Life Got Busy

Yep.

When I was about 14, I wanted to get my ears pierced, only you had to have a parent's signature.

When I approached my mother with this entirely reasonable request, she nearly passed out.

She said only tramps & white trash had pierced ears.


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RE: Life Got Busy

When I asked my mother about getting my ears pierced ....she said if God
wanted you to have pierced ears you would have been born with them.


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RE: Life Got Busy

Wow just about the time I think I'll introduce myself and join the " old biddy" group I come across this post. I'm backing away from this" table" after reading some of the most vicious , hate comments I've ever encountered from this group! May your lives all continue to me perfect and give you all the right to judge! I'm out of here,hoping other new posters read this post before they wade in.


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RE: Life Got Busy

Justplaincountry,

Come over to the biddy thread and introduce yourself. We're not all alike. People in groups in general are not fungible.

Be all you can be. Be a GWOB.


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RE: Life Got Busy

For those that are so offended by SK's lifestyle, why do you keep coming back to read more and make comments? Living vicariously maybe???
;~)


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RE: Life Got Busy

Ladies and Gents.....it is NOT my lifestyle!!!! I just happen to be separated and not divorced. I'm dating a guy that has the worst work schedule ever and I just happen to have a friend that we both enjoy each others company (YES in bed too)!!!!!! And just so you know my husband does date as well and I am happy for him!

So is it so wrong for me to go to Match to find someone who might want to go out once in a while and maybe...just MAYBE. fall in love with ME?

I think not!!!!1

But everyone of my friends here know that! Thank you to those who understand what I am about.

SamKaren
your resident DJ


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RE: Life Got Busy

SK - I hope you find what you are looking for. Also, maybe you should join the gym. There's lots of good looking guys at my gym and if I was looking, I'd consider trying there. They are all different ages and not all are the muscular into themselves guys. Some are there not only to work out but also to meet women. Trust me, I've seen it happen. On the plus side, you would get fit and would likely meet other female friends. I've met lots of my friends at the gym. For me it was female but if I had a boyfriend, it would get much more complicated for me with my DH. LOL. Anyway, I'm not trying to be snarky. I"m being sincere that sometimes you can meet a good guy at the gym.

Please come back and post about your life. I hope you find what you are looking for.


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RE: Life Got Busy

Thanks, justplaincountry. I was excoriated over a different topic (spoiled and unfeeling daughters in law) and I won't post again and be attacked.


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RE: Life Got Busy

Ladies and Gents.....it is NOT my lifestyle!!!! I just happen to be separated and not divorced. I'm dating a guy that has the worst work schedule ever and I just happen to have a friend that we both enjoy each others company (YES in bed too)!!!!!! And just so you know my husband does date as well and I am happy for him!
So is it so wrong for me to go to Match to find someone who might want to go out once in a while and maybe...just MAYBE. fall in love with ME?

I think not!!!!1

But everyone of my friends here know that! Thank you to those who understand what I am about.

SamKaren
your resident DJ
Perfect !


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RE: Life Got Busy

Kudos to SK.

Just be the best that you can be!


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RE: Life Got Busy

SK, I haven't chimed in here. Your choices are choices that some would make, some would not. From my standpoint, I can't imagine myself sleeping with 3 (4?) men concurrently (boyfriend, FWB, and someone I meet on Match; I'm thinking that you're probably not sleeping with your estranged husband).

But that's me. Only you can decide what works in your life and feels good to you; it sounds that you're doing that. I wish you the best as you seek what you're looking for.

Suzieque


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RE: Life Got Busy

SK, you sound like a very nice sweet person. Do what you want to do and what is comfortable for you. Be happy.

To Plaincountry-------your sentiments are exactly why I do not post on this forum. A coffee neighbor of mine introduced me to this forum when she was a Lurker and they were doing the same ol' thing as now, kicking someone around when they were down. Ugh! Going back to Lurkerville.

This post was edited by thistledew5750 on Wed, Aug 13, 14 at 22:28


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RE: Life Got Busy

SK, you sound like a very nice sweet person. Do what you want to do and what is comfortable for you. Be happy.

To Plaincountry-------your sentiments are exactly why I do not post on this forum. A coffee neighbor of mine introduced me to this forum when she was a Lurker and they were doing the same ol' thing as now, kicking someone around when they were down. Ugh! Going back to Lurkerville.


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RE: Life Got Busy

SK, you sound like a very nice sweet person. Do what you want to do and what is comfortable for you. Be happy.

To Plaincountry-------your sentiments are exactly why I do not post on this forum. A coffee neighbor of mine introduced me to this forum when she was a Lurker and they were doing the same ol' thing as now, kicking someone around when they were down. Ugh! Going back to Lurkerville.


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RE: Life Got Busy

I swore I was staying out of this, and I am...as far as SamKaren's life goes, it's her business.

My question is this: Why, if you agree with someone are you a kind hearted, loving person? But if you disagree with their choices/lifestyle, you are an *sshole? The people calling other people judgmental are the REAL judgers!! (both ways)

A person doesn't have to agree with everyone to be compassionate and caring! If we all had the same mindset this would be a pretty boring world!


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RE: Life Got Busy

Not choosing a certain lifestyle for yourself is one thing;
blasting someone else for *her* lifestyle, condemning, judging, criticizing, conjecturing about her psychological health, recommending a vibrator, etc is not 'disagreeing'.

It's being an *sshole.


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RE: Life Got Busy

This has been an interesting thread, to say the least.

I have gotten to "know" SamKaren through her posts. If I am correct, she has always struggled with being social. Men aside, it is very difficult to make girlfriends when you are an adult.

If you have raised children, you may still have some of the friends you have made while they were growing up. But, how many of us has made a new friend in the past few years?

SamKaren, you have the perfect opportunity to approach potential friends. You are new to the area, so it is not unusual to not have friends. You might be able to cultivate friendships from work, but I would tread lightly there. It would be awkward working with someone if a friendship doesn't work out.

I think you need to concentrate on finding outside interests.
I think Match.com can work as I know a few people who have met their spouses on that site. But, I think this will just complicate your life right now.


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RE: Life Got Busy

Sylvia.....and others who are cheering SK on.....

If YOUR daughter had a husband (albeit separated), a BF, a FWB and was now looking for men on Match.com, would you really be saying "you go girl!".......I doubt it!!

And if SK were to go on Dr. Phil with this I can just hear him saying "what the he!! are you thinking?"

That being said, I think we all agree SK can do whatever she wants......I think most of us just wanted her to take a step back and slow down and not seem so desperate to have men in her life.

Just because some are questioning her choices, it does not make us "a$$holes." Juellie said it perfectly.


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RE: Life Got Busy

There is a big difference between giving kindly advice and calling someone names. If people had politely offered differing opinions, suggestions, etc. I doubt this thread would have blown up. Instead, labels like adulteress were thrown out, OP accused of breaking sacred vows, criticism, sarcasm, and judgement were offered with the only excuse being that she opened herself up to it by posting.

Many responses were kind even if the poster did disagree and those aren't the one that made people upset. It's the ones that were unnecessarily mean and judgemental while expressing their differing opinions.

And I don't think anyone believes that everyone who posted just wants the best for SK. Some, sure, but not all. I think some won't be happy till she has a scarlet "A" attached to her clothing.


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RE: Life Got Busy

Just like everyone here, like me, like you, SK is a grown person, & it would be extremely inappropriate as well as invasive to try to put her into a "if she were my daughter" box.

She isn't.

She didn't ask for motherly advice.

She also isn't likely to appear on "Dr Phil", & to conjecture that she would, as well as to conjecture what Dr Phil would say, is likewise overstepping & intrusive.

It's insulting as well as worthless.

"Questioning" isn't what's been going on here, & neither is maternal concern;
it's been a piling-on, a witch-hunt, a disgusting display of female beechiness, ugliness, & mob mentality.

just like when old biddies gang up & peck the smallest chick, or the one that's brown when all the others are yellow, to death.

ugly, vicious, & disgusting.

& they enjoy every minute of it.

This post was edited by sylviatexas on Thu, Aug 14, 14 at 11:18


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RE: Life Got Busy

in my mind: "respond, no don't respond, respond, no don't respond".....LOL, nope, not gonna respond.


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RE: Life Got Busy

Sylvia.....I didn't say SK WOULD go on Dr. Phil for heaven's sake....I said IF she WERE to go on...and yes, I think he would say something like that...I've seen shows where he has done just that.

OK....substitute Daughter for Best Friend....would you cheer on your best friend who was juggling 3+ men in her life?

I think there has been genuine concern here. I think we all want the best for each other, even if maybe we don't word it in the best way.


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RE: Life Got Busy

If I were someone's best friend, I hope I'd have enough sense & respect to keep my nose out of her bedroom.


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RE: Life Got Busy

She invited people into her bedroom ...


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RE: Life Got Busy

"If I were someone's best friend, I hope I'd have enough sense & respect to keep my nose out of her bedroom."

You should also hope that she would have the sense to not post daily details on her Facebook page. I think that's what's lacking here.

I think it's deliberate, an unhappy person trying to attract attention from an audience of grandmas. It's sad.


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RE: Life Got Busy

If it were my daughter or my best friend and they were asking for my advice I would not hesitate to give it, but I would NOT do in the manner that some on here have. I was disgusted by many of the comments and I have a feeling that some who posted the comments here would not do the same to their loved ones. I think the manner in which you would do it would be much more respectful, certainly not name calling.


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RE: Life Got Busy

omg...sk you're one of few women who is lucky enough to have an X-dh that is still friendly...my dd2's x is horrid...and if it weren't for the kids, she'd never see or hear from him again..

what I can't imagine knowing where you work and not finding friends to go out to dinner ect, with...and do you really need another friend or could you do like my mother did and went on trips she always wanted to do, on tours?


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RE: Life Got Busy

Now, there, ya see, you're still doing it.

""She invited people into her bedroom ...

nope, you barged in when she said she'd been busy & yet she wanted some romance & mentioned in passing that she had 3 men in her life & hadn't had time with any of them lately.

She did *not* ask for a critique of her lifestyle, much less opinions about what goes on in her intimate or sexual life.

I've known samkaren for many years through the Kitchen Table, & never have I thought she's an "unhappy person trying to attract attention".

& if I did, I wouldn't post that on the forum;
doing so would have made me...what?
a snotty person looking down my nose at someone else?

definitely not a person who was just good-heartedly trying to offer well-intended advice to someone I liked.

As for the claim that it's all done from the goodness of the hearts of the posters, the same as they would say to a loved one of their own, let me quote matti:

"I was disgusted by many of the comments and I have a feeling that some who posted the comments here would not do the same to their loved ones."

If advice really is given (*after* it's been requested!) out of a good heart, the first criterion is that the person giving it not hurt the person who asked for advice.

The mud-slinging & ganging-up on this thread is blatant & ill-intentioned.

It's meant to strike a pose of moral superiority at the expense of hurting someone who's never hurt anybody here.


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RE: Life Got Busy

Sylvia,

I believe this is the word you are looking for......

ar·ro·gance
noun \ˈer-ə-gən(t)s, ˈa-rə-\

: an insulting way of thinking or behaving that comes from believing that you are better, smarter, or more important than other people
Full Definition of ARROGANCE
: an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions.

At least that's the word that keeps coming to my mind as I am reading some of these responses.


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RE: Life Got Busy

You have a very good vocabulary, Magic! Thanks!


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RE: Life Got Busy

Sometimes, positions become so adversarial that it is difficult to take a second look, reconsider, and change.
Here is more vocabulary: Redemption

As in,for anyone who feels they might want to reconsider what they have said here "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings SamKaren. I want you here and I want you happy. Can we start over and talk, and understand each other, and support each other even if we disagree?"


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RE: Life Got Busy

LOL! I'll bet this is giving that "other" forum a good time.


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RE: Life Got Busy

The use of the word "redemption" sounds a little religious to me. Bet that "other" forum has their ears glued to the wall on this thread.


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RE: Life Got Busy

ekk i didn't read most of the responses after awhile LOL I just want to jump in and say I look forward to your updates! I have not had time much this yr to look in at the KT, or much last yr for that matter but I do I always look for your posts.

Considering that your life has completely changed in a relatively short period of time you seem to be doing awesome! I think you are still finding your way in this new style of life people lead now (damn that makes me sound old LOL ;-)). I admire the fact you recognized you needed to make a change, you figured out what you wanted and you went out acted on it AND accomplished what you wanted!!! I used to be more adaptable to big changes in my 20's (I thrived on them) and I'm trying real hard now to get back to that.

Thanks to someone wayy up at the top for the suggestion of Craigslist friends I didn't know about that and will look into finding local friends! ~ liz

ps yea ginger is back!


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RE: Life Got Busy

I'll remember to bring up this thread the next time
someone pompously says:
"If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say
anything at all."
If I see that spouted here one more time I think
I'll be ill.
SK, I wish you the best of luck in finding what you're
looking for.


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RE: Life Got Busy

i dont know if i want to cry over the joy i feel for my true friends here or the hurtful things said by those who dont know me. either way im just spending another weekend alone.


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RE: Life Got Busy

Just remember alone doesn't have to equal lonely. You can be very good company for yourself - who could be more interesting. Kiddo, it may not be what you thought you wanted for yourself, but life has lots of phases and if you are healthy, it's all good ;)


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RE: Life Got Busy

Ditto what Morz8 said! Plus it's better to be alone than to be with the wrong person.

SK have you thought about volunteering? I do alot of volunteer work and have met some wonderful people. I know you love cats, so how about spending a few hours a weekend at a shelter?


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RE: Life Got Busy

Matti I have been thinking about doing that. I need to do something to get out of this funk I feel I am in.

So I was honest with boyfriend last night. since we couldn't see each other (again) I told him that I was going to Match to see if I could find someone who would like to hang out and maybe go bowling or something. His comment was "good luck with your search". Feel like crap but I will not spend the rest of my life waiting around for him to decide if he can spare the time to see me. I'm better then that! But I am sure I will now get blasted for being honest with him.

SamKaren
your resident DJ


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RE: Life Got Busy

SamKaren, let's be honest. What you were hoping for was your BF to come to his senses and turn things around. I think you need to read the book, "He's Just not That in to You."

I am wondering too, if after his infatuation wore off, he is not interested on sharing you with other men. Although accepting at first, this may have become a turn off and you are no longer a priority. He has now made his feelings clear, no doubt about it.

You should not be sitting home the entire weekend. Start looking in to things you can join. Food pantry, is there a local bowling club, a lunch bunch, where singles meet for lunch? Don't forget too, that making friends with other women often leads to more of a social life and possibly men.
You like cats. Is there a cat club? Volunteer at a shelter?

Are there young people in your building? If you are basically shy, it's hard to put yourself out there, but try to strike up conversations so you get to know who your neighbors are. This could lead to one friend in your building.

The truth is, some of us have to work really hard to have a social life. Others are magnets and are included in more things than they can handle.

I remember years ago when my youngest was in grade school. She realized that she needed to make friends and so we went through her class list and arranged play dates. It was interesting that no one refused, yet these same girls just didn't think to invite her first. Things greatly improved when she realized she didn't have to sit back and wait for things to happen.

SamKaren, you are still relatively new to your area. Conversation can start with where is the cheapest dry cleaner, or the best Chinese food etc.

Don't give the negatives here any thought. When you come here, it is what often happens. I have asked advise here and was shocked at how many people took the opposite view. I thought I was clearly right and came to vent! Yet, if so many agreed, it was time for me to see things differently. Some come across in a mean way, or one person couldn't understand why I posted the problem at all!

Nothing should be insignificant. Again, for those of you offended by whatSamKaren might post, do not open them!

We are not just about photos, recipes and talking about the weather!


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RE: Life Got Busy

Have you tried Meetup.com~~~you can find like minded people. People that want to get together for a movie and dinner, bowling~~hiking, running, knitting. I went on looking for Spiitual healers in my area~~ I get messages from MeetUp all the time. I am amazed at the groups folks form. So far none of them are not in my area, I guess I could start one.

Stop looking for someone and live your life, do what you love to do and that is where you will find someone. I met my husband of 35 years at a fund raiser picnic;)

My younger DD read 'He's Just Not That Into You' and swears by it, she has given my DGD two copies. DD kept dating the wrong guys and wasting time trying to make it work, broke up with them and 'always' went back with them and ended up leaving them in the end for the same reasons as the first break up. I sat her down and told her what I was seeing and did she not realize the mistake she kept making? Quit going back to them!! I told her she needed to weed these guys out faster and quit wasting her time~~~the red flags are there, very early on. You can not fix a person or change a person, just move on! She quit dating for a year, met a wonderful fellow teacher at her school and they have been together for 4 years now.He is the best man she has ever dated~~~he came along when she was not wanting to date or looking for anyone ;)

Just enjoy your life, a happy SK is going to attract a happy man~


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RE: Life Got Busy

Agreed on "He's Just Not That Into You." It's harsh but it's the reality. For many years, I kept finding men that were almost just right. I tried desperately to get them to like me as much as I liked them, and there were always excuses, and it was obvious (especially in hindsight) that I just wasn't a priority. I kept thinking that something would change in time and they would see me differently and see how perfect we were together. If I was just patient enough, and gave him enough time and space.

It wasn't till I met my future DH that I saw the difference. Immediately, he would call me when he said he would. After each of our dates, he would set up the next one. We would set up a date well in advance instead of a last minute, nothing better to do type of thing that I was used to.

So yes, you will have to kiss a lot of frogs. I've done a LOT of online dating, and my advice would be to go out with a lot of different people, but once you hit 3+ dates with the same one, to make it exclusive. Even if you don't want something super serious, I've found the initial relationship tone usually sets the tone for the whole thing so it's good to take it seriously. I was dating a few guys when I met DH (just early stages - the vast majority of online dates will fizzle out) and broke it off with them after the second date with him as I knew it was different.

Good luck. And it's always better to be honest!


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RE: Life Got Busy

SamKaren, I'm so glad you finally talked honestly with your BF about this. I'm sorry that it didn't work out for the two of you, but at least you won't be wasting your time any longer.

I think YogaLady had good advice, "Stop looking for someone and live your life, do what you love to do and that is where you will find someone."

Maybe taking a short break from dating/looking for someone would help. Like some of the others have said, get involved in some things that you enjoy. Volunteer somewhere or take some sort of class.

I also second YogaLady on Meetup.com. I've actually considered joining groups that share interests of mine, but don't seem to have time right now. That would help you meet new friends and find things to fill up your time. And you never know who you might meet. Good luck.


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RE: Life Got Busy

Put me in the group who support SK, I pity the people with closed minds and feel it's okay to throw stones. I've never seen such mean spiritedness and hope never to see it again in this forum. Long time member and I find SamKaron to be an upstanding, truthful and forthright person catching up with her friends here who are interested in her happiness. Her reaction is one that many may not have been able to muster, she reacted with dignity, it's a good lesson to learn. SK continue to succeed in your life , your friends are easy to spot now. Good luck.


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RE: Life Got Busy

Yayagal
Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate you and the others here whom I consider my true friends. yes I did tell BF that I was going to match and he was a little mad at first. But after talking with him he understood my reasons and said that he was sorry and I shouldn't stay home every weekend because of his crazy schedule.

SamKaren
your resident DJ


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RE: Life Got Busy

SK, i feel so strongly for you, don't let empty words have any effect on your outlook. keep your eye on the prize and make it happen, my brother just met a wonderful woman on match and we're all overjoyed. pardon my typing, broke my wrist this week.


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RE: Life Got Busy

SK - I'm staying out of this.
Just dodge the flack.
You live your life, girl.
Not one person, on this forum has any say in your life.
Good luck on Match.com.
It's a good spot.


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RE: Life Got Busy

Sk, glad you talked with BF, but given his response it doesn't sound as if he is planning on making more time for you. You deserve so much more! I am glad you are going to continue with Match. As I mentioned in a previous post, it is better to be alone, than to be with the wrong person.

I have known several people who have been successful with Match. Although my nephew was not so at first, only because he came across as too desperate. It took several dates and some tough feedback, but worked on himself a bit and is now in a great relationship through a different dating site.

Hugs!


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RE: Life Got Busy

To quote Robin Williams:
"It is better to be alone than to be with a bunch of people who make you feel alone."

Looks like you've started making strides in looking at yourself from a positive position and realizing that you're worth a heck of a lot more than you've been credited with by people you have allowed to make that decision for you..

thumbs up gif photo: Thumbs up Thumbsup.jpg


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