I'm glad you were nice!

I had to put my foot down last night at our ER. My mom wasn't getting seen. The triage person looked at her and didn't find her emergent. After an hour and I half, I said, did she tell you her skin was peeling, and let's hope it's not Stevens Johnson Syndrome? It wasn't as kind as I could've been, but she needed to know I was serious. When the cop who came in under his own power and was milling around, was seen before her, that put a fire under me. Only after my strong suggestion, did they put some speed on. Mom ended up under intense observation all night, so I was right. She actually worsened very quickly after we went to the back. Even with medications. No telling what it would've been had they not hurried?!

Two sides to what is going on, but I agree, absolutely no need to be nasty.

That woman you saw, is nasty at all times and everywhere. Restaurants, school functions, you name it. I guarantee it. She didn't need nurses to be that way.

I'm sure Kathsgarden has some things that she can share too!

I've heard patients talk down to nurses too. Some believe that nurses are at their very beck and call and think they're in a hotel to be served at whim. That woman you witnessed is obviously a miserable person.

My SIL is a nurse and I work for a healthcare organization. It always bothers me when I see or hear about stuff like that. I've had healthcare professionals hurt me, but I keep in mind that it's the procedure and they certainly don't want to hurt anyone. Far to the contrary, they're there to help. I remember when my granddad was sick in the hospital. You could see from his expression that a lot of the things they did hurt him. They realized it and kept apologizing. He would just say that he understood that they were just trying to do their job and help him. Wish more people were like that. Being nasty doesn't help anything and only stresses everyone.

Glad you're home, Steve! I hope it all went well.

It's awful what nurses and staff people have to put up with. I'm sorry you witnessed that, Steve and that woman needs a dressing down in the worst way. And this might be petty, but I hope those nurses respond to the horrible woman SLOWLY. You get more flies with honey.....

Whenever I'm in a hospital with my mom, or whomever, I try to be extra nice to the staff, because they deserve it and I think they'll remember who's nice and go the extra mile for that patient. :)

How old was the woman who was being abusive? It could be dementia or other cognitive impairment, which can start in middle age.

I have to deal with this when we take my elderly MIL anywhere, but especially medical-type situations. She is a complainer - always has been - and it has gotten worse in later life. The fear and stress of being in a hospital or doctor's office cause her to say the most outrageous things. She has no filter - she just says whatever she thinks. It is so embarrassing to be around.

Secsteve - From a retired RN, thank you for understanding.

I'm glad to hear that you are home and on the mend.

There's no call for anyone to treat anyone else with disrespect. I've seen doctors be abusive to nurses more often than I've seen abusive patients. I've also experienced lazy, mean nurses along with those who truly are angels of mercy. It's amazing what you see as you make your "rounds."

It is nice when patients are understanding & appreciative of the nursing staff.

But I will have to disagree with Flamingo about the direction of the 'flies & honey'. That is the way the NURSES should treat this patient. "Kill 'em with kindness" is how my first Head Nurse directed her staff. And we were taught that people react to illness/injury in ways that might be outside their usual behavior. You just can't take it personally. If you respond in some negative fashion, you might be in the wrong profession.

Glad you are on the mend, Steve. Hospitals are no fun.

THAT was one of the most embarrassing things to encounter with my mother in far too many environments. She always was pretty 'outspoken' and could 'swear like a sailor'... and took no guff from anyone. Then, as she got older, it just got worse as it took on a very 'mean-ness' beyond imagining. I believe I have heard more recently that when some people enter those "dementia" stages they can become really obnoxious. I also imagine that most nurses encounter that often, and realize that it is the disease that is acting out much of the time and have learned to deal with it in that way. Sometimes it is harder for non-professionals to understand that... and "just not take it personally".

Glad you are home and mending well, Steve.

Glad to hear you are mending well and that you're sweet to the nurses, Steve. When my dad was in the hospital with cancer (lots of pain,) he was awful to those lovely ladies and my mom was quite embarrassed. I'm sure they realized he wasn't his normal self and were nothing but kind, bless them.

Bee, you're probably right about the nurses should give extra attention to the cranky patients and "kill them with kindness", but talk about a thankless job, the nurses will only be exposed to more and more abuse. It's too bad that the patients who are sweet and amiable are having to step aside so the nasty ones can be doted on.

And from the nurses in our family, they say the family members are even worse sometimes than the patient, making unreasonable demands, eating the patient's food, sleeping on the beds, cranking up the TV, etc.

I could never be a full time caregiver or nurse, a few cranky patients or family members and I'd be so done.

I've been a caregiver for more years than I wanted to be... Sometimes I think the very elderly are a whole different species. It's always something and it's always something nauseating. I chain smoke on the patio to escape. Today is definitely looking like a three pack day. 'Nuff said.

When Mom was in the hospital for several months, she was nothing but kind and sweet. She literally never complained. The nurses and the men loved her.

One little fellow really took to her, I can't remember his position, but on a gorgeous sunset, he went into her room and wheeled her bed to the window so she could see it. He also brought her a lovely flower from his garden.

Yep, could tell you some stories. I got cussed at for the last two days by a patient, but I think that's just the way he talks. Some patients are bad but I think some family members are worse.

But then you get a patient like I discharged yesterday who raved about our hospital and most of the staff. He told the attending md (who came to talk to him one last time), that he wanted to know who the boss was and how to go about telling them how wonderfully we treated him and how we all work as a team. He said he's been in and out of a lot of hospitals with his sick wife over the past few years and ours was so much better than any of them. Made my day, especially after all the negative press we've been getting lately.

Usually when there's a really awful patient/or family member, we pass them onto to some other nurse the next day. We give each other breaks on having to deal with the abuse day after day.

Then there are some patients I understand why they're so angry and abusive. They're scared and or angry at themselves for their condition. See a lot of this. Sometimes we don't have time to sit and talk to them like we want and get to the reason for their behavior, but sometimes we do. I still think about one man who came in often and was terminal. No one wanted to be his nurse. I got him alot and I liked him after I sat and talked to him for a few minutes during one of those bad times. Didn't really have the time, that was when we had 11-12 patients each, sometimes 18 if someone called in sick. I saw the look in his eyes and so I sat on his bed and talked to him. Haven't seen him in a few years and think he's probably gone now.

Bless your heart, Kath. You're a good nurse. It can be a really tough profession & can take a lot out of you. Thanks for hanging in there.

Usually after a day of: Delicious, pretty, healthy meals prepared with immaculate constantly washed hands, served on pretty china, the house sparkling, diapers and bedding changed, umpteen loads of laundry, five animals cared for (and loved) making appointments, personal care like nail trimming, baths, hair styling, getting groceries, chux, little things I think she'd like, etc, etc, etc, etc-my reward is huge bleeding scrapes from her nails, bite marks, kicked in the stomach, called ugly and fat, oh, I could keep going but it'd take another smoke on the patio. I stay because I care and because no one else does. Even nurses quit this case. Professionals aren't going to waste their time on her and I completely understand. We're on our third nurse and second doctor. For some reason she thinks she's God and acts like it. Her family says she has spent 8 decades alienating people. She's 93. How sad that she will be leaving a legacy of hatred. She loves hate. Hate is her thing. I am not exaggerating. Right now she is lying in bed wearing an "I am Queen" expression. It makes me sad, she just doesn't get why nobody comes here, like friends or neighbors. I got alot of flack once because there were alot of receipts for her purchases and the agency didn't want to count them and tally and all that, so now I pay for some things, toss my receipts and keep my mouth shut.

Deeby, there's got to be something to help that horrible behavior.

Have you talked to her doctor about anti-depressants or calmatives?

When my old friend went into hospice, she had meds for "agitation"...
which was what had been troubling her & all her friends for years.

It was caused by her body striving to "get right" when it just couldn't.

What everyone thought of as an ascerbic, irrational personality/temperament was a medical symptom.

I am so sorry, & I wish you the best.

Thanks. The medications tried knocked her out so I couldn't get her fed, so that ended that. She once had to be fully under for the nurse to get a urine sample. When she gets in her moods she is a MONSTER. Leering hateful expression and all. When she was in the hospital for a blood clot, a nurse called when she was ready to be discharged and said, "GET HER OUT OF HERE". Sheesh !

Steve, I hijacked your thread. Oops. Get well and stay well !

Dear Deeby. Just sending you lots of hugs. I do hope you have a place or people where you can let-go of the stress that your 'client' is causing. (((((HUGS)))))

Thank you. Actually today I just couldn't take anymore, had my relief girl come and went for a pedicure. : )

I think nurses and caregivers are very special people. It cannot be an easy job, and it's not one I would want. I'd be too fearful of causing pain, which would stress me out. I try to be patient with people, no matter what the job/situation. We're usually all trying to do our best.

Steve, hope you keep healing up well and happy!

When I was in for a knee replacement several nurses said what a good patient I was....I figured they made that comment to everyone....one nurse said no, some people were a lot of trouble, wouldn't do what they were asked to do..ie walking up the hall, taking meds etc..I said I thought they were there to help me and I was there to work on getting better...I was surprised people who depended on the help of nurses would treat them badly.

pekemom, I heard the same thing from the nurses.

People complained they couldn't do this or that because "It hurt too much" and weren't willing to try. Then they wonder why they stay in the hospital so long!

If it took them a bit longer to answer my call button, they always came in the room and said "Sorry it took us so long to answer you" and then took care of whatever I needed. It wasn't so much of an excuse as a statement. I always replied that it was o.k. and I understood they had other folks some of whom were worse off. I know they appreciated that.

To all those that asked, yep, I'm getting better. Tuesday is the big day. After a cyst (gram?) test, the doctor will then remove the catheter. I can't wait!

Keep on improving ! : )

It is Such a Good Thing that there are many more Secsteve's in the world and I am sending love and HUGS at the good news that you are doing well.

It's a Good Thing too, that Deeby has found a place where she can share her stressful times and perhaps find a bit of relief.... here with friends at the KT.There ARE angels among us. Sending more HUGS.

The last time I saw my doctor (a couple of weeks ago), she thanked me for being nice to her. I just can't imagine going to see the doctor (or a nurse) and being abusive to them. I felt kind of bad about it....

When I was in the hospital for cancer surgery, there was a lady (I use the term loosely) in the same room and I would have strangled her in her sleep had I not been tethered down with an IV.