Everything will be OK. How about thinking of a project you can all work on?

Maybe it's making you realize that your Mom is getting older and you don't like to face that fact. I'm always telling my friends that the kids simply don't realize that I'm getting older. In some ways that's a compliment, on the other hand, I sometimes would like them to maybe coddle me a little bit.

I'm thinking it might be about your Mom 'just getting old'. One more "milestone", and this one is just too close and permanent.
We travel to Oklahoma in Sept for DGS wedding and the first thought (after being elated) I had was about losing weight...an on-going trial. But that was very soon replaced by the fact that no one there has seen us for 7-8 years and DH and I have really turned that corner of looking and feeling "old". I think I had a dream....and in it my DD said to me.... "Oh Mom, we have gotten so old" or "you have gotten so old". Having never thought about that, and looking younger than my 79 years, this has really bothered me..... my age and how less capable we have become.

I am telling myself, this is just another milestone....be grateful that the previous milestones have breezed thru my life so easily.... this too will be o.k.

permanent. That's it!

I really didn't think it was her getting older, cause boy, I sure do know that!!! Since I live close, I see her all the time and deal with her age issues. It's not unusal for me to go with her to doctors appointments to help make decisions. Or help her fill out financial paperwork or show her how to use electronics. I don't think she's going to die anytime soon, even if life is pretty fragile.

It may be that I see the care, which I've not really ever minded, as becoming more "burdensome", but that's just a silly thought. My sister lives here and she shares and we're already taking care of her. If anything, it's good she won't be in traffic any more. People drive like maniacs between where she lives and where she works. Final bothers me. Yep.

If I may ask, how old is she?

Chronologically she is only 72, but some bad living makes her more like an 82 year old. At least, she's so much like her mother was at 82. Alcohol and cigarettes are not good for one's body.

At 72 she deserves to retire and take it easy! Especially if your father has been retired already for 10 years. I am 62 and will retire sometime within the next year. I am ready...I can't imagine working ten more years!

And really is it an emotional thing with you or what...

I don't mean this in a bad way but is it any of your business...

why are you having a bad time with it...at 72 I think you would be jumping for job for your Mom...

It makes me sad not pissed off at her? I am concurrently glad for her and sad for me. I hope she travels loads. She's already planning to go see a friend in FL the month after she retires. I assume it'd be like a child graduating university. All grown up. Glad for them, but maybe not as glad for yourself. Both. Conflicted feelings, bitttersweet, probably many names for it.

I think you might have nailed it with your last post Rob, likening it to a child graduating. Transitioning to a different life stage does have both positives & negatives that affect not just the one transitioning, but also for their family/friends/associates.

I like that you've recognized your mixed feelings & tried to understand their source. That tells me you are thoughtful.

I'm surprised that someone would have anything other than positive feelings about someone's retirement. Not everyone makes it. Comparing it to other transitions like graduations is useful, I'd say the same about those.

In any event, I hope she'll want to spend some of her newly freed-up time taking better care of herself. Good luck to all concerned.

Exactly snidely! It surprised me loads that I'd feel anything other than bliss for her. I am well pleased. So strange that there is more than happiness since she and I are very close! She's been sober 34 years and quit smoking 36 or so years ago. The damage is done, unfortunately.

I know you and your mom are close. Maybe you are afraid of losing access to her. She may have more opportunities for travel, which means she'll be away....almost like at school.

I couldn't imagine working until 72. And have no plans on working past 60, earlier if at all possible.

Sober 34 years and quit smoking 36 years ago??? Believe it or not, I just applauded her ! Ma'am, a stranger in California just clapped her hands in congratulations !

I know, isn't she fantastic Deeby!?

dees, I don't know. She's gotten really good at reading email after going home and I do see her all the time? Maybe though. She's not going to get to travel a lot. She didn't make very good decisions about money until pretty recently. I had to teach her how to make a budget, maybe 15-20 years ago. At least she's on the right track now. I hope she has a grand time and spends her summers by the pool and winter traveling.

Sounds like that old 'gold watch' feeling. People (mostly men) would Retire...and Die. That was retirement from life, rather than as a freedom to do something new.

Are you concerned that without her work your mother may feel a little lost? How do you think she and your father will get along with more 'togetherness'? (Presuming they are together.)

A job can be an anchor. Slipping anchor can leave you adrift or enable you to set sail. Let the optimism reign! Full speed ahead.

They're not together (they separated when I was 5, more than 40 years ago, but they both live in their hometown) that's ok. They're still friends. He thought of her mom as his until she died (only three or four years ago).

But he may be a part of what's playing into this for me. She's highly social. She really loves seeing her friends at work and interacting, planning, doing things during the workday with them. He really isn't, but he's said that it was hard not to go to work any more, life was really different for him. He loves to putter and work on cars, the house, etc., and yet, he's already out of projects and he's rather bored, I think. I may be worried she's gonna be majorly bored. She doesn't see her work friends outside of work and her outside of work friends are hard to get together with.

She's probably being very positive! And I'm letting her. She'll never know about this one weird facet I am experiencing. Nothing like being a tweener. I get to take care of my kid and my aging parent all at one time.

I hope your mother doesn't 'just set for a while' in her retirement, but has some things lined up to start right in on. You get 'stale' fast!

My DH has enjoyed volunteering at our high school, helping out with some of the ESL classes -- which also contain some probable Mayflower offspring who still aren't reading at grade level! The teachers and the kids love him. He also attends a discussion group of Seniors and goes to the mens' luncheons at a different Senior Center. Neither of us had 'hobbies', and he needs to be with people more than I do.

When I retired 17 years ago I knew I'd have to find something to do or I would become a hermit. I spent some time to choose very carefully what that would be, as I didn't want to sign up for something and then not enjoy it. I'm so glad I did that.

Also, it took a long time for me to separate from my old workplace of 25 years. I felt lost without being in on everything that was happening there. Fortunately some others retired soon after I did and we did see each other for a while, but sooner or later you realize that there IS life after retirement and you don't have to know everything that is going on at work since you left.

I also think that georgesmom tapped on something I've felt too. I don't think that my sons realize that I'll soon be 78 and would like some coddling. Unfortunately, I think that's how a male child works. Both live out of town and neither is married.

I figured it out!

When I was at my momâÂÂs retirement party, I realized I have made some sweet friends with her co-workers, and was going to miss them so much! They all came over and asked about my son and couldnâÂÂt believe heâÂÂd be 15 next week, the good times we've had, and do you remember when? A couple of them teared up with me. ThatâÂÂs my problem with my mom retiring. I am worried she'll be bored, but it was more about not having her on email all day, and, bigger, how many people I am unlikely to see any more. They're a great bunch. LOVELY party!

She already had plans for today! They were going to go to a lunch a movie on Sunday, but they said, why wait! And so, sheâÂÂs taking her loot an going to Cracker Barrel and see a movie. I am only happy for her. Whew.

Congratulations Grasshopper, you've grown up! LOL!

I hope you will still be 'in touch' with your mom's friends -- through her.

I've already made plans to attend the Christmas party they have every year.

;)

Georgiesmom hit the nail on the head!

Hi rob333,

It appears that your happiness has become undiluted by misgivings, minor though they were.

Hope you both enjoy her retirement.

And that you can look forward to yours ... without getting too fussed about getting old/decrepit. ("Decrepit" usually doesn't appear until a substantial period after retirement).

ole joyful

A milestone's better than ...

.. a gravestone!

Any day.

But ... we all get to both, in the end. Well ... maybe not the end.

o j