i am 14, my dad died unexpectadly too about three weeks ago, my birthday was three days preceeding the funeral. i have five siblings and a little sister who is eleven. i am my familys stronghold too. you can talk to me because i know what you are going through, honestly, and its really rough. but your dad wants you to be strong for your family. He loves you and is very proud of you for taking this sacrafice for him as a subsutite of his absence. He is your gaurdian angel, if ever you feel like just collapsing, dont collapse in on yourself, please just facebook message me, i can honesly relate to what your feeling. if ever you feel lost or hopeless, just pray to your gaurdian angel, and he will be there for you even when you feel completely independent and you are enduring burden all by yourself, he is right by your side, tracing every step you take and picking up the pieces you dropped or just couldnt handle anymore, and he takes care of them for you, because he loves you and wants you to be happy, if he is with you in flesh or not doesn't matter anymore, now he is with you always, looking down from heaven with a smile, pointing you out to all the saints that pass HEY LOOK THATS MY DAUGHTER!! he is so proud, and he loves you more than you will ever comprehend, and he just wants to let you know that he is there for you, even when you think you don't need him, he is still there, holding your hand walking you all the way through pace by pace, taking baby steps all the way, not excluding any single miniscule detail and leading you through every obsticle you encounter with ease. if ever you feel hopeless, alone, frusturated lost, or worthless, just give your daddy a call, and he'll be right over, before you even ask. this is how i talk to my dad, this is the first prayer he learned, and he taught this prayer to me and my siblings before we even knew how to pray, and thats where our faith started. i suggest you pray it to your dad, it will really be useful during your grieving process and throughout life in general. Just know that your daddy is on your side, and all he wants to do is guide you though what you can't get through alone. You will never be alone again, your dad will always be with you, just recite this prayer while thinking of your dad, and he will listen, and he wants you to talk to him, because he loves you and misses you. Ask him for advice anytime, or just talk to him and tell him how your life has been or something exciting that has happened recently. Nothing with your relationship has to change from what it was like when he was in flesh, except now he can help you with everything you need assistance with, and he will share his expierence with you. He is very proud of you and he loves you, and if you ever want to talk to him and plea for help or just catch up and say hi, just say this prayer, and he will listen and guide you and protect you and ease your burden, afterall, that is what gaurdian angels do! its his new job, and he couldn't he happier with it! Now you have someone to talk to Jesus for you and ease up God when you make a mistake or sin. He will listen, remeber he will always listen and he really does care. Angel of God, My Guardian Dear to whom God's love commits me here. Ever this day be at my side to light and guard and rule and guide. Amen. *if you ever want to talk to someone with expierence, im here for you.

First of all, don't give up on the therapy--this is what many would consider an emergency, so DO NOT let the therapists put you off. Call your local children's hospital for a referral or, if need be, call the suicide hotline for advice. Yes, the threat is vague, but you're absolutely right that it needs to be addressed, sooner rather than later. Beyond that, try to get your son interested in doing something to make a difference. Maybe he could initiate gun safety talks for younger children, or perhaps there's some way he could volunteer with the police. Brainstorm with him to try to find something he (and perhaps the other 2 children involved) could do to make the world a better place now. Even if it's just getting a playground or Angel Garden installed in the local playground in memory of their friend. The more you can get him involved in making a difference, the more worthwhile life will seem to him. My nephew was similarly depressed when, in high school, he saw his best friend fall through the ice and die. There was a bridge keeper right above where the accident happened, but he had no emergency equipment available (it would have made a difference). I suggested to my Dsis that nephew see if he could raise money to get the equipment so nothing like this ever happened again. They went to the mayor/counsel, and THEY agreed that it was necessary and provided the emergency things for the bridge. My nephew was the catalyst and was able to feel that at least he helped stop this from happening again, hopefully. I reallly think, getting your son involved in something that makes a difference is the way to go here. Might take a little encouraging, maybe even a little subterfuge (you might present it that YOU want to start some sort of memorial effort, and see if it doesn't encourage him to get involved, rather than pushing the idea at him when he may not be quite ready for it yet). Very sad story--my condolences to all who have been affected.

The boy has been living with his grandmother for half his life, and all his 'memory life'. That is his home, his mother, his life, his stability, his comfort. Dad bought a house 8 months ago and there's not enough room for his son. But there's enough room for you? The fact is, and you need to look at it in the eye--he doesn't want to take care of his son. It says a lot about him. I'll let you think about what it means. So then there's you, and you pressure your boyfriend to do what he ought--step up to the parenting plate. Your boyfriend has made it very clear he doesn't want to, so he pushes the burden back onto you and pressures you to step up to the parenting plate. The truth is neither of you want to do the job (and I don't blame you if you don't want the job, it's a big responsibility and a lot of trouble--particularly when your partner isn't going to do his part). However, both of you are quick to criticize grandma and how she raises him. How many children have you raised? How many ADD children have you raised? A supreme court justice once said, "I used to have 9 theories about how to raise children; and no children. Now I have 9 children and no theories." You've invested very little into this relationship. Only a year, you are independent, you have your own house, you aren't hungering for a wedding and a family. Already you are pressuring him, he's pressuring you, things seem to be falling apart, you have the inkling that the engagement was 'premature'. Stop and think. And be honest. Nobody but grandma has stepped up to raise this child, not his mother, father or you. And you should not; because if things do fall apart and this child gets to depend on you and you leave, you will have done a terrible thing. His grandmother is doing fine, no matter what you think. She's his home, his center, his world, all he knows best. Don't meddle because you think things 'should' be different. If you really think things should be different, you need to find a different situation that fits your definition of should. That's the only way you will be happy. You cannot force a square peg into a round hole. If your boyfriend does not feel paternal, he does not feel paternal. Deal with the reality. It is what it is. You cannot pressure him into feeling what he doesn't feel. Any more than he can pressure you into feeling something you don't feel. And why is he pressuring you so marry so quickly, to move in, elope, whatever. Is it to get you off his back about his parenting? Or is there more. I say do nothing until you think this through more. He's not 24, he's 30. And he's immature. And he's not good parent material. And he's coming with baggage. A little boy with problems that are only going to get larger as he understands his situation better (where's mom? why don't I live with dad? is grandma going to die?). No you are not being selfish, you are being wise.

Bonjour Sunnygardener, I was wondering where you were lately considering I hadn't seen any of your posts or replies to posts. I am glad to see you still come here. Sunnygardener, i know so much how you feel. We have commented on each others posts. This is what i have to say. I once heard that you do not have to love everybody you meet during your lifetime. You really, really, really don't! I know you feel like you have been kind and generous towards these stepchildren and still they still treat you like crap when they feel like it. Inconsiderate, rude, selfish, etc. etc. etc. I know you have alot of resentment towards these stepchildren and when we do have these feelings towards people, it hurts us. It's not fun. However, i suggest you talk to DH about your feelings ( talk just a little bit at a time, otherwise its going to become a big verbal argument. I know. Been there with DH. His kids can DO NO WRONG). This time however, don't ask DH how he feels about your feelings, etc. No. Just tell him how you feel, that it is very hard for you to accept what his son did. It was totally disrespectful and you are not going to pretend no more that it didn't bother you. You will be polite towards this young non intellingent careless man, but nothing more. That's it! That's all. Don't even make a bit story out of all this. Instead, show your DH you have made up your mind on this issue and that's that! When stepson comes along next time, say Hi, don't ask how things a re going, don't ask him a single thing. Nothing. Don't even ask him to have a seat. I know, i know it will be hard to do cuz i did it mayself with my oldest SD and believe me I was really unconfortable not being nicer towards her, not being there for her, not being all in a good mood when I saw her. Believe me it is a hard thing to do but once you do it, you will go to your room and you will give yourself a tap on the shoulder plus a super big hug and you will tell myself : i am so nice to myself, i love myself, luv luv luv. Nobody needs to treat me like crap. Nobody. Believe it or not, after I did this to my SD and i did it a couple of times, that is, I didn't inquire how things were going with her, I didn't respond to her silly remarks, I didn't invite her to have a seat, etc.etc. she called me for the first time in 18 years wishing me a Happy Mother's DAy. I thought maybe i should start being nicer to her. Then i decided NOPE. She has been making me sad for 18 years. Why should i start or continue being really nice to her when the day of her wedding she never gave me a corsage to wear (by that time i had been in her life for 14 years straight), she never, never thanked me for the wedding gift her father and I gave her ( she thanked her father, but not me!! Hubby was too ignorant to tell her she should have thanked me also. I haven't forgotten this event yet!). It has been three years in a row that she comes to our home on christmas day without even a simple xmas card to give us!! So, from now on, please, everytime this ugly feeling creeps up in your heart in regards to this stepson or stepdaughter, stop and breathe and remember you don't owe these people a single thing. My stepson with whom i've had a great relationship for years and years, has started to be really ignorant towards me in the last couple of years. That is, he doesn't call on my birthday, doesn't bother to shop for me at xmas, never calls to say hi. Now he is gone in the armed forces. I don't have an email for him nor do i have a phone number where i can reach him. I think of him alot and last night i almost called his sister to get the information, but then i stopped and i told myself. He knows where i live and with who i live! If he wants to talk to me, he can call! Boy do i love myself hihihiih! Keep posting!