Linda, you made me cry. Thank you so much, I really needed that. There are several here that have boosted me with their stories. My lump was a 1.2cm but the grade was worst. They took the 3nodes but they were clusted. One had 3 and in one of those they found bad cells. Since clustered they think it was a first node and possibly got bad cells in there from leaking out during my procedures. I had 6 treatments, 3wks apart. I got all three of your same meds in each treatment. We anticipate 8wks of rad, 5times a week. Tamoxofin will start after my trip, just in case there is any nausea in the beginning. And yes, the rad is just the spot, so I feel pretty ok with that. Even if I get a little burn, which I doubt, it will be hidden by clothing. Everyone... I had port removed Friday. I was nervous about just using a local. Nurses and doc noticed my concern and offered sedation but I stayed strong. Doc said because of port he could still give me something if he begins procedure and I freak. So he gives me the injection of lidocaine, it burns a smidge and then nothing. It was fine. It was weird seeing him cut me open but it felt like he put a thick piece of rubber on me and was cutting that instead. It was wierd. I felt nothing but the tug when they pulled the port out. I asked if I could have it to show my kids, then run over it with my car. They laughed and said they get that request all of the time. My port is a really pretty shade of purple and is about the size of a nickel. It is titanium so they said it would be hard to smash. It has a place on edge where I could actually hook a keychain to ring to make a necklace. I think I might make it into a keychain. Seems fitting in an odd way to me. I have a nice little incision where they put it in. Doc who put it in took it out also. He was pleased with how the first healed up and anticipates the new one will heal just as nicely. I must say that this is such a weight off my chest- literally, that thing was heavy. I feel a little more normal each day knowing I don't have this think sticking out of me. I have wondered what my role will be after all this. Because of my determination to "just be me" through all of this I think I want to be a role model for others. I already got a shot at it when leaving the operating room. I was left to dress and one nurse had not left yet. I told her that I have shown my breast to more folk in last year than my lifetime so one more was no big deal. Somehow our conversation changed and she told me that she was having a biopsy next week on 4 differents spots. She too was 44. She said she liked my attitude and she also was planning to work that day up until the appointment. I told her that I got my diagonosis and actually went back to work to have a pizza party with my coworkers. She was amazed that I did that. She said she had appt set for Friday because she did not know how she would feel afterwards. I told her that I went back to work that day also, again with no one knowing what I did. She said that after talking to me she felt so much better. She agreed that we cannot change things, they are what they are and we just have to deal with it and move on. I think our chat really helped both of us. As I mentioned before, there are several of us on this board that have survived just fine. We have been chatting for a few years here and until I posted my situation and got feedback I never knew how many of us have had to go through this. It was so uplifting to me to already "know" the gals from all our decorating and chatting, and then to see them come out and show their support. I really got the impression that like me they may have HAD BC but it does not have them. It does not define them. Truly inspiring to me. So thanks to everyone who has said, or though, kinds things. And to the gals who have come out to share their experiences, just know that you are a huge part of why I am how I am. Just as you inspire me I hope to inspire others.

I don't know what that could mean, I'm sorry, but I wish you well. I hope it turns out to be nothing. Actually, I believe that most breast lumps turn out to be benign.

Years ago we used Quest -- not since our hospital group has taken over most aspects of health care. There are now four or five hospital groups in the Chicago area that own *everything*. There was a long battle over which group would acquire our local independent hospital with its' well-insured population. There are very few independent physicians' practices now. The group that nabbed my internist's practice just gobbled up my GYN's group too.

Sorry to hear of your recent problems, Sue, and pleased that they seem to be being dealt with effectively. Thank you for your comprehensive story ... perhaps it may be helpful to others. We'd suggested an alert button for my old beef-farmer stepuncle, childless through two marriages, who'd had a hip replaced three times, with resultant pains in back, hips and leg and needlessly had cattle in the barn, though he had no need of the money, following the death of his wife, who in winter would start things happening if he didn't return after doing chores. I spent a couple of months with him until the cattle went to pasture. He did get an alert button a few months before his death, a couple of years later. If one has an alert button ... it's a good idea to have the people on the notify list have a key to one's house, or know where to find a well-hidden one, if one does not want to have one's door broken in when an emergency develops. In recent times, perhaps a cell phone would be a worthwhile alternative, with increased capabilities included. ole joyful