Oh, I feel for you. I had neighbors like that one time. They were as good as gold and would give you the shirt off their back BUT my gardening time is a form of therapy and meditation so I don't need company for that. I always felt bad for the aggravation that I felt when they took up my time but I didn't know how to get rid of them gracefully. I don't have any suggestions for you but I hope that you get some useful ones here.

How frustrating! It's nice to have friendly neighbors, but still it's frustrating when they don't recognize when you need to stop visiting and get back to work.

I hate that. I feel compelled to talk to them, and it takes longer to do what I'm doing. Not to mention any potential enjoyment of "me time" :-)

I one hundred percent sympathize. We had a NDN who would not let either of us alone outside for a minute, if she saw us. Our pretty, quiet back patio stopped being a place where we could outside of an evening to talk and watch the birds.

I'd stick my head outside to see if was safe to go out in the garden! To make it extra difficult, she was Korean and very, very difficult to understand except when she was cursing up a storm which she did vigorously and frequently, lol. She stayed mad at everybody and everything. Sigh.

I guess it's a common frustration. I asked my mom why they moved from one house and built another, and she said my dad was being driven crazy by the old man next door who would come strolling out every time my dad worked in the yard or washed the car. My father was a doctor with very little free time and the old coot next door was ruining it for him.

Sometimes I send a "message" to the neighbors strolling by that I am not up for talking by simply waving, saying hi and keeping on with my work. This one, however, will not be discouraged.

How about saying "Please, may I call you tomorrow? I won't have any time to talk until I get through a long list of things I need to finish today".

You have my sympathy! I like Snidely's idea, although I would keep it more vague rather than committing to a phone call.

"Maybe we can talk later . . . I need to concentrate on this right now." If you tell her you're rushed, she'll likely offer to help you finish.

But of course she'll see through either of these scripts if use them even a few times. No easy answer, unfortunately.

Although I'm thinking back to Psychology 101, and wondering how you might make it very subtly unpleasant for her to hang around you while you're working outside. I don't mean spraying her with the garden hose. LOL

I hate when people like that usurp my free time in the garden! I've done the same as you and packed it in for the day just to avoid them, but that stinks too.

Luckily I have a neighbor now who is guaranteed to take my 45 minutes, but we laugh and have a great time so I never mind a bit! :)

Psych 101 --- do not reward the behavior and it should lessen or extinguish.

Neighbor approaches, and you can reply "hello, nice day isn't it, sorry but I can't talk now." Whatever neighbor says, your reply is some variant of "sorry but I can't talk now."

If you give in, she is then rewarded, and will try all the harder. Like a slot machine, irregular reward schedules produce the strongest most persistent behaviors.

To be fair, I'd give her 5 minutes when you see her at the grocery store or if you're unloading your groceries from your car, but never when you are gardening.

For this to work, you have be VERY consistent. But it will work.

My girlfriend has the same problem with one of her neighbors. She's tried several approaches which didn't work out. She told me yesterday that this year she's going to wear ear phones - she's not going to connect them to anything, just put the other end into her pocket. I'll have to pass alongyour message - to "just wave, say hi and keep working"

I love the ear phones idea. If that doesn't work, try the next level: big, bulky headphones that look like ear protection for target practice.

How Sad. It sounds very likely that she feeling alone, and reaching out. It is also sad that our lives are so busy, busy.
I guess in the "days gone by" we used to say.... you know, I really need to get this done, but the tea pot will be on at 3 ....come share a cup. Of course, IF you don't want to do that and encourage her friendship.... that's another thread.

And...neighborhoods have become THAT way, and that, too, is another thread.

I had a friend years ago who would say, "Oh, sorry , I'll let you go." In other words, she pretended she was the one over talking.

I've used the "I'll let you go" line on the phone. If the other person has called me and is turning my ear to mush, I say "Oh sorry I've kept you on the phone. I'll let you go now. Bye."

It's just really difficult because we do socialize some. She calls me from time to time ot go out for a light dinner. I usually go along and then live to regret it. She is so opinionated.

I have plenty of time and so does she. We're both retired. We do have a glass of wine together form time to time. I have been trying to keep a little more distance or she would be popping in all the time.

Does anyone remember the picture of my pants covered with cat hair? That happened at her house. Another reason to not go there for coffee!

Thanks for listening.

Dedtired, my husband and I laughed so hard about that picture! Very funny.

I spent some time with my neighbor, too. Once, she asked me to take her to Costco the next time I went, as she didn't have a membership. So, off we went one afternoon......while strolling down the center aisle, she kept trying to hold my hand! That's something common among some Asian cultures (as I learned) and boy was I royally embarrassed! BEET RED, I know.

I managed to extricate myself without hurting her feelings, and still chuckle about it to this day. It was really a sweet gesture on her part, but not one I was ready to participate in and NOT in the middle of Costco!

Oh gosh, that would be a tough one, especially in Costco.

My son lived in Fiji for awhile and it is common for men to hold another man's hand. Took him awhile to get used to that.

The earphones will do the trick. Get yourself a book on tape and every time the neighbor speaks, remove an earpiece and then put it back in while saying something like "Talk to you later". Hopefully that visual will move her along.

Sorry, don't have an answer for you, but your vent immediately brought to mind the Robert Frost poem that ends ". . . good fences make good neighbors.

That is an advantage of living in a garden home community where the backyards are separated by six foot high fences, and neighbors do respect each other's privacy. I realize that fences are not appropriate in so many cases.

I feel for you and your predicament.

I think the book on tape is a great idea! When she walks up, just remove the earpiece and tell her you would love to chat....but you are at a good part in your audiobook just cannot wait to hear what happens next. Maybe mention that listening while gardening is very relaxing for you.

While reading this post, I thought about 1 of my neighbors. Now after reading the post by maxmom, I decided to share!

We live on a corner, and our builder installed a 3 foot fence separating our back yard from our side yard, so anyone could easily see us going to and from the house & garage. This 1 neighbor was frequently outside smoking, and would invariably see me coming home from work, usually carrying in groceries,, etc...she would call out to me saying "I just need to talk to you for a minute". You know it, she'd go on and on about stuff of no importance to me. We finally contacted our HOA and requested permission to install a taller fence. Now I can come and go between my house and the detached garage without fear of being interrupted!

dedtired, I sympathize with you and I feel your pain. I hope you come up with a solution that works for you in the very near future! It is so lousy to be in this sort of situation.

MI also live on a corner. I have a six foot fence between me and the neighbor right next to me, and that is fine. However, I have a 3 foot picket fence on the side that faces the street and no fence in the front. So, I am pretty exposed when working in the yard. I've thought about putting in a taller fence on the side but then it would be hard to see when backing out of the driveway.

I think I will use the earbuds and say I have just gotten to the exciting part of the story and can't stop to talk! Not sure I can use that more than once. Maybe I'll say my cell phone is vibrating and I have to take the call.

I don't know that anything will discourage her and since I can't totally sever ties with her, I guess I will just have to tolerate it sometimes.

I also like the earphones suggestion. You could totally ignore and act like you don't hear her. If you catch movement, you can smile, wave and return to your work. If she comes over and stands near trying to engage in conversation, then you can say you're at a good part (both gardening and listening). If you do want to chat, tell her you'll talk later and set a time.

This is coming from an introvert so take my advice with that aspect in mind.

I guess we can't just be honest? Since you will socialize with this neighbor in the near future, maybe while gardening you can say,'Can I be honest with you? Neighbor nods her head. When I'm gardening I use it as a time to totally zone out and just concentrate on gardening. Stopping interrupts the flow of things. I hope you understand. We'll have plenty of time to catch up at...fill in the blank. (Book club, glass of wine, coffee etc.)
Would that be so horrible?

I also vote for being honest instead of playing elaborate games, though as someone who isn't confrontational at all, I understand why.

Try to see it from her perspective. Not only does she see you as a neighbor but it sounds like she considers you a friend. How do you think she will feel if every time she stops by to see you, you either pretend to not see her, ignore her or tell her you can't talk or have something else to do? She will likely assume you are upset with her and don't want to talk to her anymore. She will definitely get the message, so if that's the end goal then I guess it works, but it's not a very nice message, at least delivered that way.

I bet she would much rather hear the truth as it sounds like the only thing she's really done wrong is be too chatty. Just say it's your time for relaxation and you try to minimize social visits during that time.

Just keep working. Don't stop to chat.

I have a neighbor who does that, talks on and on, repeating the stories I've already heard. Big dog almost knocks me down and wedges himself between my legs so I have to let him pass through. Horrible dog behavior. UGH! I just duck in the back yard or go the other way when I see her out.

I have another neighbor who hugs me at least 3 times when we chat. I don't even know her last name.

Some people are just that way. There is no solution to it. What works once will probably not work again. I, too, don't like confrontation but when they are starting to eat into hour #2, I just plain tell them I have things to do and I've spent too much time visiting already. Not "visiting with you" just "visiting". They will keep on talking even after you have said that and you'll just have to proceed with your original plan whether they are talking or not. I doubt very much she will be offended but if she is, at least you've gotten some peace and quiet for a day and she'll get over it. You've said it nicely, you did listen to her for a while, and you are doing something. At the end of the conversation you are no wiser than if you hadn't heard it. I won't let someone else ruin my day.

Funny, but I have not seen her since this time. I'm sure she will be back!

since I'm the only one home, I never see a soul! the people in the back are gone for 6 months (more this time) and next door condo, who we've barely seen since they (he?) moved in...so a talkie might be nice if I were able to work outside, lol...

Have another tool handy and hand it to her "mind if we work while we chat?"

It will work!

I agree with ellendi. What's wrong with nice, kind honesty instead of machinations to turn her off and likely offend her or make her feel bad. At the very least she'd probably think you were mad at her for something.

So why not just tell her the truth? Surely she'd understand if you are nice about it.