There are different types - is this a Durable POA or since she is having surgery will this also be a Health Care POA with an Advanced Care Directive?

Personally I wouldn't want to take on that kind of responsibility for a neighbor. If you do agree you might consider having an attorney review the paperwork.

Does she have no family near by? We have an older neighbor like that. She has no family in town and she also thinks we are her best friends. We are not. If we don't do what she asks she gets angry with us. I have health issues and we cannot take on anyone elses problems. You seem to have you hands full with your husband. Do you want to take on her and her health issues too? I would think long and hard about what she would like for you to do. If it is for a short time maybe. But if you have to look in on her all the time she needs to be in a place that can handle her. Especially after surgery.
Mary

Jazzy, I would be more than a little nervous about accepting that much responsibility. I agree with Marie Cate.

Sidnee

No. Not unless you want to accept all the legal ramifications you might face if you make an unacceptable decision while acting under her POA. That piece of paper binds you legally and although she may be a very charming and valued neighbor, unless you've known her since birth...or feel you know enough about all her previous years to accept this responsibility...I, personally, would not. There are other ways she can have her wishes met...i.e. signing a DNR [Do Not Resuscitate] order before her surgery.

Although I've been asked several times, the only POA I've ever accepted was that of my dying husband. Further...I will never execute one for anyone else's use unless I know I have no chance of survival. Even then, I'd prefer to give it to my/an attorney.

I'd be more than willing to help her through her recovery...but think she's asking too much of your friendship regarding the POA. Perhaps she has a clergyman or some other close professional who would consider her request.

Just my opinion.

Anne

You've said that this person has "taken" you to be a best friend, that suggests that the feeling isn't mutual.

I think some of the comments others are expressing are much too cautious. But since you're in another country (Canada), I don't think any of us Americans are in a position to know or presuppose what the consequences might be to you should you go forward with this. You might seek some local, knowledgeable advice. A social worker at the hospital or a lawyer?

I think ultimately it's a personal decision on your part. Go forward if you're comfortable, decline the responsibility if not. Good luck.

Thanks for all of your input!

It's not that we don't care for her Snidely; she's a very needy person. If she's going in for a meeting with her boss, she'll call me and ask if she should take in the paperwork that she's made notes on, or if that would look like she doesn't know what she's talking about. She just got a cell phone and will call me when she's out having a smoke at work, just to say hi. If we take her with us grocery shopping (she doesn't drive and will take a cab when she buys a lot of groceries; otherwise she takes the bus or walks) she'll call afterwards and ask me if we might be upset with her because she takes longer to shop than we do. (we don't get upset). So on and on it goes.

I haven't yet called her to find out how the pre-surgery went yesterday, and what all they told her. I know that she's already asked us if we would pick her up when she gets out, and we agreed. I'll help her with the washroom or getting around or whatever she needs that day.

I told her that a home care nurse should be coming in to check on her as well, based on hubby's experience.

So hopefully she'll know more what the POA entails and what our obligations might be, from yesterday's visit.

Ya learn from experience, or at least I have. I've gotton too involved with my neighbors and they have SCREWED me. :0) I can laugh about it now.....but at the time it was a LOT of drama.

You'll do the wrong thing and regret it later like I did...

ie: I let a neighbor list me as a contact for his burgular alarm, They called all hours of the night 2 & 3 times. Wouldn't stop or take me off the list. I finally threatened harrassment charges,

or the neighbor that talked chit about everyone behind their backs, so I started repeating what she'd said about me to her....and asked her to leave me alone. We had it out in the Krogers meat department when she cornered me. "Why won't YOU return my phone calls?" "It was just a misunderstanding,,," "Your like a daughter to me"....

You'll see.....about a week ago I had a little elder lady see me coming home from jogging, asking me to take her minature poodle with me. I said I run 5 miles....she said her dog would just like to go around the block,,,,,if I would just make a special trip. Uh.....no thank you! lol

No thank you....that's the right answer...

I am very 'jaded' when it comes to helping people over and over again. When I would ask for a favor, the answer was always 'no'. I am bad but unless something happens right in front of my face, I keep to myself.
I have a POA for my 88 year old mom and that is all I can handle, we have everything spelled out in a trust~~maybe your neighbor needs to get one of those~~She has no family?? If she gives one to family, even if the they across the country they can handle all of the business things over the phone~then you could just give her your unsual neighborly help.

She sounds extremely needed. So she has absolutely no family member that she is close with? If I were you I would push her to ask a family member. A POA does not have to live in the same area.

My thought is telling her that you enjoy her friendship, but you do not feel comfortable in the position of POA. I think you need to set that boundary.

I am sure she is a very nice person, but from what you describe, she can't function well on her own. Does she have other friends? If not, I wonder if it's because of her neediness.

Good luck!

There are POAs granting limited powers, time frames and for specific situations. With any luck, she'll find out how and what to limit before asking such a big favor of you or anyone.

Should be a family member.

Why doesn't she ask one of them? That's very curious. I don't think I'd put that onto any of my really good friends, not even the lawyers, I know. Very personal decisions have to be made, and could really strain things. Blood is thicker than water on this matter.

It sounds to me like she needs (and wants) a friend. BE her friend, but tell her you don't feel comfortable being more than a good friend. I think she will understand that given her own lack of confidence.

I would do it. And I would have walked the poodle around the block.

Hi again jazzy,

I'd want to know about what family members there may be, and what the relationship has been, before taking on such a responsibility, especially if it's to be a durable POA.

And I assume that this POA is for health only.

If you're considering taking it on, do you know precisely what levels of deterioration, including duration, she is willing to tolerate before she is willing to have the DNR instruction given? Are there relatives, even distant ones, who might raise holy h-e-(double toothpicks) if they were unhappy with the instructions that you had given ... and she died?

And I assume that it's just for health care, not the financial side, as well. That'd be a whole other ball of wax. Entailing a whole lot of legal responsibility.

Do you have a fairly close relationship with a lawyer? Run it by that person, if so, for a quick (hopefully minimally costly) evaluation.

ole joyful

I don't know what I would do unless I was faced with the decision. So many things come into play. How needy is she. Will this just encourage her to feel free to abuse the friendship? On the other hand, it sounds like she really doesn't have anyone else and I would hate to leave her stranded. I'm no help. I just hope whatever you decide you are comfortable with it. Good luck.

It sounds like this is routine hospital paperwork. Can you call the hospital and find out more details and what your responsibilities would be if something serious happened during the surgery or after?

I would be very cautious and urge her to ask a family member instead, but tell her that you will be available to lend her a hand post-surgery if she needs it.

It might be helpful for you to have the phone numbers of some relatives in case she needs care beyond your abilities...they can arrange for a nurse or assistant.

I don't think so. It sounds to me that this would be a reason (in her eyes) to determine that the "friendship" is more than it really is. The impression I am getting is that if she moved you wouldn't really miss her. I might be wrong, but I would not assume POA for someone with that type of relationship to me. Also, the fact that she smokes increases her risks for surgery, just a thought.

As for taking the poodle for a walk, I agree with Nicole. It sounds like an easy thing to do, but if you are a responsible pet owner you bring a poop bag to pick up waste. I can't see asking someone to do that unless I'm paying them. And I'm sure she doesn't run with a plastic grocery bag in her pocket. And I love poodles.

Could you talk to the social service dept of the hospital? If she needs care, I would suggest a home health care person or even an nursing/assist care home for a few days. They do that here in the US. Not sure what legal restrictions Canada has to protect you if you signed anything. Please check with a lawyer for your protection.

I would decline simply because you are not comfortable doing this. Do you want to encourage her dependence on you?.

Would you co-sign a loan for her? This is just as serious.

Actually, this is a good opportunity to retrench and set some limits. You are friendly neighbors, not her parents, siblings, advisers, nurses or clergy. Providing rides to the store or taking in mail are neighborly acts. Being on call for a post operative case is not the same thing. (The hospital can refer her to appropriate help.)

She called last nite all upset and begging us to do it. 1 of her friends wouldn't and she left 2 messages with the other one and hadn't heard back.

I told her that I wouldn't commit without reading the POA agreement and see what all is involved.

This morning I called the hospital and spoke to the social services. It has to do just with the specific operation, approving blood transfusion if needed, meds etc. Mr. Jasdip ( he laughed when Chisue called him that in his health thread, and was touched) and I talked it over and we agreed to do it.

Luckily we called her today, and her friend agreed to do it. So we'll just be the witness on the form. Whew.
I'll still pick her up from the hospital, feed her cats for 3 days and help her the day she gets home. I can offer my services in the mornings but we do work thru the evenings, so she has to get someone else to help out in those hours.

Thanks again for all of your input. I learned a lot and had a lot to think about, and we did not want to do it, now we don't have to. Sleeperblues hit the nail on the head, with her smoking. She's talked about quitting ever since she knew she had the upcoming surgery, and the surgery and recovery would be so much better. But she hasn't.