There are lots of reasons that your neighbors may have only given short notice for the party. I wouldn't be insulted by it. I'd drop off a card or small gift at a minimum. Attend for a few minutes if you have the time.

First, I'd like to say:

I HATE THESE FREAKIN' E-VITES!!!!!

To your question 'what would you do':
Based on your description of the relationship, meeting of DHs, and the convenience of the location, I would definitely have a gift or card$ for the graduate and walk across the street with your DH to the party whenever it is convenient for you. Then I'd stay or not, depending on whether I was having a good time! :O)

Is there some prior baggage in the relationship at the heart of why you wouldn't want to go? I think you're putting too much energy into analyzing motives and circumstances, but maybe you're looking for a reason not to go.

If you'd otherwise be home looking out the window to check the comings and goings, the answer is obvious. If you're busy and can't make it, that's different. And if you don't want to go, don't.

To me it sounds like your neighbors are trying to form a closer relationship with the neighbors. Which is something nice for a neighborhood.

I would tell them that you will be able to stop by. Take a card with a token cash amount ($20.00?) for the grad.

ML

My hesitation is the fact that we were clearly included at the last minute. We do have dinner plans for the evening. The party goes from 4-8.

Perhaps everyone got the evite the same time you got it?

Go or don't go, but give a small gift and be glad you have a good neighbor.

Sue

I dislike graduation invites all together.

I usually give NOTHING, and don't go.

But that's me, on a limited budget.

If you would like a better relationship with those neighbors go, bring a card and whatever you decide would be nice.

Moni

A week is not the last minute. I would in the least walk a card over with twenty bucks and congratulate the grad. These parties are extremely informal, with people coming and going for the length of the party. Surely you could spare 15 minutes prior to your dinner engagement? It also sounds to me like these neighbors are trying to forge a relationship with you.

I'd walk over in the afternoon or the day before and drop off the gift with an explanation that you had prior plans for the evening and you know they'd understand.

It can be a courtesy to invite neighbors who will be observing the party -- and possibly be inconvenienced by it.

An invitation is just that, an invitation. You are free to decline, which informs the host not to plan to provide food and drink for you.

This doesn't mean you can't drop by for a few minutes on your way out to dinner. Take a card and $20 and offer your congratulations to the graduate and his family *in person*. Say at the outset that you can't stay because you are meeting friends for dinner. (You should not stay more than a few minutes. You should not accept offers of food or drink.)

They've been your neighbors 15 years, presumably the grad has produced a minimum of teen age misery for you, no riding motorcycles on your lawn or breaking in and taking your liquor ;). I'd stop over on my way to dinner, stay several minutes, take a gift appropriate for your budget and the level of your friendship, genuinely wish him well - then be on your way to your other plans.

There are years we are deluged with graduation announcements, both high school and college. This was an off year, there were none ;)

Interesting that everyone is thinking along the same lines. Since I seem out of sync, my next question would be, "when you have had a big occasion like a graduation, did you send out the invitations a week ahead?'

I have always sent a month ahead for a special occasion party. I even do at least three weeks for a holiday like Memorial Day or Fourth of July.

I agree with Ellendi.....people know way ahead of time when graduation is so it's hard to imagine someone just deciding a week before to throw a party.

I would pop over with a small gift or card 15 minutes or so before you leave for dinner....enough time to congratulate the graduate and say hellos but obviously not enough time to hang around or get stuck since you have dinner reservations.

I like the thoughts of yayagirl and chisue.

ellendi, what's your point? You seem to be hung up on the timing of the invitation and there's really not an answer to your question and anyway, it doesn't matter. Would you feel better to sit them down and give them a lesson on etiquette as you see it?

It's your right to (wrongly) feel insulted if that's where you're going. What would have made you happier - getting the invitation when you did, or not getting one at all and learning about it later from your neighbors?

ellendi, it's a new world when it comes to invitations! I recently received an e-vite to a wedding shower just 10 days before the event. There were problems with people accessing it and registering on-line, so we were all sent an email a few days later that basically said 'forget the e-vite and let me know if you're coming or not'. At that point we were all scrambling trying to figure out the date/time and location! :p

Hardcopy advance-notice invitations are rare these days. It's sad.

I just don't understand the big deal about the invite being only a week out?? I agree.. just drop over on your way to dinner, drop of a modest gift.Congratulate the young man, and thank the neighbors for thinking of you.
You have lived in the neighborhood for this long, it is only a neighborly thing to do.
Sorry, but in my opinion being upset that the invite was not recieved earlier is just petty.

We are hosting a graduation party tomorrow for our grand daughter who is graduating from high school tonight. I called both my neighbor across the street and next door to invite them to stop in at our house. They have known Lillian since she was born. She does not live with us but I have watched her from birth. So they both know her. We will have food and snacks. i hope that they both come. If they don't we understand. Our DIL has sent out over 50 invites. So we are expecting a large crowd. One neighbor said she would be here from 1-6. Too long in my opinion. she is a single lady in her 80's. Most people will stop in and stay a bit and congratulate Lillian. I would say go and stay a while and enjoy the day with your neighbors.
Mary

Snidely, I'm really not insulted and would have felt perfectly fine not being invited. It would not change our relationship either way.

What I come away with by asking my GW friends their opinion is that a week ahead is fine for a neighbor. Who knew?

Now all I have to do it talk DH into stopping by!

Life is tough enough as it is without looking for slights that don't exist from neighbours . If you don't want to go fine, but don't blame the neighbours for their, what you perceive to be, late invitation.

Take the invitation at face value, drop by at your convenience with a card and a token gift, if you know of any hobbies perhaps a gift certificate to a store that caters to that.

I'm having a very small open house prior to my grandson's graduation.

Mine is from 5-6:30 and the graduation is at 7. I live 7 minutes from the church where it will be held.

Grandson will have to leave early.

Just a few light snacks.

I sent my invites thru regular mail several weeks ago, but did send out two Evites.

I did ask for RSVP either by email or phone call and all responded and I know the number that will be coming.

Mainly family but a few close friends.

Majority rules, which is why I love coming here for opinioms.

Again, one week notice is not something I do, but obviously I'm not the majority.

I do so appreciate everyone's thoughts and opinions.

My dearest neighbor's daughter graduated last night. Did we get an announcement? No. Why? They don't know our address and we live right next door around the corner on a different road. Are we in the phone book? Yes, but things have been so hectic they never thought to look in there. LOL She will bring over an announcement to us. Love thy neighbor....and we sure do. No party, but they may have a cookout Memorial Day and I'm sure they will tell us to come over.

Most of the graduation parties I attend are for the teens in my church. The invites are published in our church bulletin and sometimes on the parents Facebook page. Last night I attended a large party for a grad. I just stick $20 in a grad card and take it to the party. They always have boxes for the cards. I enjoy the parties because my friends are there. Last night's party had a live band (which I did not enjoy) and a food stand where I got a delicious made-to-order gyro. Most folks just stop by the parties and visit for 15 minutes or so and leave. The party I attended last week was for a young man I didn't know well but his mom is a friend of mine.

What would I do? Get a card and slip a couple of crisp, new twenties inside, then get ready for the dinner party. I'd walk over to the gathering to celebrate the new graduate for a few minutes, say hello to the other neighbors, nibble on something, then excuse myself to drive to my other engagement.

There is no hidden agenda. I've never had neighbors who ended up being best friends, but have enjoyed some very special neighborly relationships.

Thanks everyone. Always good to get a better perspective on things. I will define stop by with a gift tomorrow.

But I am still curious if any of you have or would send a special occasion invite a week ahead? Is this now the norm?

I agree with Chisue. Her answer is right on except that having something to drink and or eat shouldn't be nixed. Have something if you feel like it and don't otherwise...I don't know why it's such a big deal...even if it was a last minute invite at least she thought of you and invited. Don't look for a reason to be offended and my thoughts are that it's always soooooo much easier to just give people the benefit of the doubt....

I would never send an invite that late, but perhaps if they are planning activities outdoors, they may have waited to see what the weather forecast was? Doesn't seem likely, but I'd give them the benefit of the doubt.

No. I don't think a week is too short. The graduate is a boy. Stereotyping here, but things tend to be more relaxed with them. Out of town relatives may have been sent an earlier invite for graduation, but the party was more of an afterthought. This party probably grew as it went. You live across the street. It's Memorial Day weekend so the family just decided the more the merrier.

Still on Ellendi's side here.....a week's notice is inappropriate and an e-vite for this type of celebration inappropriate also. To me E-vites and a week's notice is only appropriate for a very casual party...I.e. " just found out Jim's coming to town next weekend...party at our house Saturday night." To me showers, graduations, surprise bday parties, anniversaries, etc should be a mailed invitation 4-6 weeks in advance.

DIL is having a surprise bday party for my son to tomorrow....she sent out the invitations April 25th. She just turned 26 so it's not a generational thing. Proper etiquette is proper etiquette....don't mean to sound formal and stuffy but I totally get where Ellendi is coming from, even if the sender had no malicious intent in sending such an informal and late invitation.

Thanks Joanie, you really verbalized what I am feeling. I do realize that I have a thin skin sometimes, which is why GW can be a good sounding board.

As Instated previously, I am not offended and certainly don't think less of this neighbor.

There is another possibility why the invite is only a week before the event. Maybe there are other graduation parties that your neighbor's son wants to attend. Perhaps your neighbors tried to pick a day when they would be sure their senior would be available.

I remember when my kids were graduating - some nights there were 4 or 5 parties they were invited to.

I wouldn't assume that you were invited as an afterthought.

This post was edited by maire_cate on Sun, May 25, 14 at 8:32

I agree with Joanie. I don't care if it is the thing to do now. If I wouldn't get an invitation in the mailbox I would ignore the evite. Maybe that why I don't do facebook in the first place. There is no way I would put a couple of crisp twenties in a card either. I didn't even give my nieces and nephews that much. Like someone said today 'those invitations come out of the woodwork' I hate it when I get an invitation from someone I hardly know and am just a casual friend with their mother. I think these kids go down the phonebook and find someone they hardly know and send invitations to them just for the money or gift. I got three this year. Two are girls I work with so I will give them something but not the other one. I am like Moni

I think I must be the only parent who didn't buy graduation announcements. I think it's a waste of money and makes me feel like we are asking for money. Especially since most of the families live so far away and would never be able to come to the graduation. No party either. Alex didn't want one when he graduated four years ago and Lauren is going with her friends and brother to Gatlinburg for a few days to celebrate.

The exact scenario happened to me 3 weeks ago, the only difference is it was for a 16th birthday party. We are good neighbors, but do not socialize. I felt honored to be invited even with the invite being sent a couple of days before. DH and I went, but could only stay for an hour because of a prior commitment.

Unfortunately the proper etiquette that I grew up with regarding when to send out invites seems to be disappearing. Just gotta go with the flow I guess.
.

I just received an evite through e-mail for a wedding shower for my niece. I don't have a problem with that. It has a place for replies and comments.

About a month ago I received, through the mail, an invitation for the wedding. Last week my sister called (not the mother of the bride but another sister) and asked me if I had replied yet. I said no and she told me I'd better because they want to get the invites out to the B-List. Now, THAT I object to. I know that for a lot of people that is now commonplace but I think that is nothing but the chance to get as many gifts as possible. The people who can't come will normally still send a gift and now your B-List people are as well. Nothing but a cash/gift grab.

Ellendi - maybe that's why your invitation was "last minute" - because you are on the B-List.

I would take over a card and a small cash gift inside. I don't care for evites, unless it for a very cause event. We're not close with our neighbors either, so I'd feel like such an invite was a last-minute thought.

Since you declined the invitation, just take a card & gift before the party. They probably determined amounts of food and beverage to serve based upon the replies received. It is awkward when people do not RSVP, and show up. Also weird when they decline and then show up anyway.

Hounds, in our case my DH saw the neighbor and explained we had dinner plans.

We decided to bring over a gift and then leave for dinner. By posting here, I realized how out of touch I am with these things.

Again, for myself, my invites go out weeks ahead and that's how I plan to keep it.

I don't think a B-List is just to get as many gifts as possible... it's more likely to fill a venue that had to be reserved months ahead.

lydia1959 - You're definitely kinder than I am! :)

The party is at their house. Catered. Knowing my neighbors, they will over do it on the food.

Blfenton-I would hope that didn't use two lists, and since I do think others had more than a week notice, who knows what they were thinking.

What I learned from posting: I will stop by with a gift. Anything else would seem mean spirited. I especially want to thank Joanie for getting how I felt.
In the end of the day, it's nice to have a place where so many virtual friends can weigh in and give their opinions.
I have often mentioned that when you get a majority consensus, it's best to take heed.

Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond.

Maybe we should think of the likely result and try to be 'big' about our actions. If your presence is requested for a celebration, you can accept wholeheartedly or decline with grace.

You cannot totally ignore an invitation -- early , late, verbal, email. It's rude.

If you politely decline, that may be seen as neutral, but it does nothing to promote a relationship.

If you decline to attend, but also respond kindly with thanks and some token of congratulations, that's a win/win and will foster friendly relations.

This is about *you*, not 'them'.

I have heard of the B list thing in the last few years and think it is atrocious. It does seem like a greedy gift grab. For example, your budget for your wedding allows for 100 guests but you'd really like to invite 125. When declines come in you then send out a second round of invitations to those on the B list....this is soooo inappropriate. Maybe this is what happened in ellendi's case, maybe it wasn't...I think she did the right think by stopping in with a gift on her way to dinner.

I think e-vites are ok for a casual, informal party. And when I do family only parties I will usually just call. Our friends have a tapas party every year.....mainly his coworkers, a few neighbors and us. They send out e-vites...I think this is ok. But for special occasions..especially.b'days, anniversaries, graduations, showers where a large crowd is invited, a mailed invitation a month in advance is the way to go.... And no second round B list!

It has been an interesting conversation.

Picking up on the off-shoot,,,
While perhaps @ first blush, having or being on a B-list for say a wedding might tick off some people, I could totally see the "why" for it as opposed to a gift grab. If your budget is not unlimited, then you must limit the # of guests. We all have relatives or friends that would be of the first order. I certainly don't expect myself to be on the top tier for everyone of my friends. I guess it's all in how you frame it, glass half full, don't look for slights or the negatives,, kinda thing?

I'm in the camp that does't see a problem of a one week advance for a neighbor's invite to a grad party. More notice would be appropriate for those who need to travel a distance.

You have handled the varying opinions very well indeed, Ellendi. That does't always happen when people seek opinions.

ellendi, I think you handled it well. I do agree with you that a week is short notice. Many people have already made plans more than a week in advance, particularly for weekends. Short notice for something impromptu is one thing. But for a planned party or bridal/baby shower or luncheon, a week is very short notice, particularly if you want people to actually attend. I am fine with e-vites to a casual party, though.

I think you are being to sensitive. I've put on these parties both graduation and wedding. Let me tell you all times I remembered I forgot someone at the last minute. It happens. Maybe they just realized that they forgot you. I doubt it was intentional. I also have received invites at the last minute. I knew they had forgotten but I also knew that this happens. If I had plans, I didn't go. If I could go, I would go. I always send a card with a bit of money. Don't take it so personal. I'm sure it was an oversight only.