I re-read your post, Sammy, and understand that you are looking for good soil. So do I, after the bagged EarthGro topsoil at HomeDepo killed my decade-old orange summer phlox, plus my peony, and put my Japanese Maple tree on life-support. Nastara, zone 5, informed me that this past summer's bagged soils were contaminated with Herbicide, resulting in complaints from farmers. I tested the pH of my soil, EarthGro's topsoil, and Menard's "American Countryside" brand. EarthGro's topsoil was the most alkaline (greenish blue in red cabbage juice), my pH of 7.7 native soil (professionally tested by EarthCo., turned blue in my red-cabbage juice test), and least alkaline is Menard's. I would place EarthGro's topsoil at pH of 8 and Menards pH of 7.5 or less. Moo Cow-manure is the worst, pH of 9, same color as baking soda in red cabbage juice. There was a post in the soil forum about the offensive odor of top soil from Lowe's. Actually stinky means good - because they haven't put lime in it to deodorize the soil, thus shooting up the pH to the 8 to 10 range. I'm buying Lowe's bagged soil this summer (I used it in the past and it didn't kill my plants). Menards' top soil is OK for pH, but it's loaded with weed seeds. My neighbor turned her lawn into a weed patch after using that stuff. The professional lawn company had to put lime plus other chemicals to kill her weeds. The best soil is what you make yourself with your own compost and you know what goes into it. Store-bought bagged soil often contain boiler-ash (#1 industrial waste) to make it pitch-black, plus biosolids (human waste)and lime to deodorize, thus raising the pH. Tapla, professor of horticulture, has a recipe of potting soil: 5-1-1 (5 parts ground composted pine mulch, 1 part perlite, and 1 part peat moss). Here's a clip of his recipe and below is the link to his website. It's the same ingredients recommended by Douglas Green, Ontario nursery - and the same ingredients listed in Ball's planting mix. Ball is the largest nursery here. My Basic Soils 5 parts pine bark fines 1 part sphagnum peat (not reed or sedge peat please) 1-2 parts perlite garden lime (or gypsum in some cases) controlled release fertilizer (if preferred) micro-nutrient powder, other continued source of micro-nutrients, or fertilizer with all nutrients - including minors Big batch: 2-3 cu ft pine bark fines 5 gallons peat 5 gallons perlite 2 cups dolomitic (garden) lime (or gypsum in some cases) 2 cups CRF (if preferred) 1/2 cup micro-nutrient powder (or other source of the minors) Small batch: 3 gallons pine bark 1/2 gallon peat 1/2 gallon perlite 4 tbsp lime (or gypsum in some cases) 1/4 cup CRF (if preferred) micro-nutrient powder (or other source of the minors) Here is a link that might be useful: Al's Tapla container soil mix

If I had a real solution to this, I wouldn't be going through so much beer. On a good day, can't wait to move in. On a bad day, don't care if I ever do. Neice was asking me the other day for some advice about building [she hopes to start soon], and I said: Don't. Just Don't. Buy something existing, buy a modular so all you have to do is choose the color of the carpet, live in a pup tent-- just don't even think about building from scratch. But today, I called her back and told her to dis-reguard all that: Sun was shining, finished another tile floor, started to believe there might really be an end to this endless stress and constantly crushed expectations someday. Maybe. Just try not to put too much effort or worry into things that are easy to change, like paint color; or impossible to change, like the neighbors. Don't expect to enjoy every step of this very long journey, and don't forget to stop beside the trail to take stock and gather strength every once in a while.

If you find that your grief is taking too much control of your life, you might want to find a support group or possibly see a grief counselor. This is what my doctor recommended for me yesterday, and I am starting to look for a support group. If you are single, like I am, it is even more difficult, and you might want to consider re-entering the dating scene. I do think it is a very good idea to talk to a group or a therapist about how you are feeling. I do not deal with these situations well myself either. At times like this I am reminded of Wordsworth's quote: "Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower; we will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind..." I'm not sure why I keep thinking of that quote, but it helps me a bit, and I am reminded of Wordsworth's contemporaries Shelley and Keats who did not live long enough to see 30. I hope your son get some help, as he is in a very difficult situation now. One of my very best and oldest friends died this year of a heart failure while riding his bike. Bad things happen to good people, and we have to be grateful that it is not worse, as it was in times past. Lars Here is a link that might be useful: Ode - Intimations of Immortality

Thanks so much everyone for the kind words. Finding a place to bounce ideas off of will really be helpful in reassuring me of my choices. And thanks so much to those who took the time to post some additional photos! I really like a couple of those granites as well, might have to take a look at them in person. All in all - I still love my stove (purchased 6 yrs ago) but don't necessarily want to play up the blue. A big factor to redoing the kitchen is the matching fridge gave out so I had to purchase another one. I am also not thrilled with my Bosch dishwasher that has a matching panel so it too will be replaced. This is an old picture - amazing how my tastes have changed!! Since my husband passed away I have completed many home projects that we planned together, front porch (my favorite by far!), guest bath, garage (2nd favorite), breezeway, and exterior landscaping/gardening. All these things keep me busy and while so good to see the results, it's very bittersweet. Thanks again for the warm welcome!