Areas that all people share.

I don't know where you live, but if we left the kitchen in a mess for very long, we'd have a serious roach problem.

Unless your kitchen is very small and can't be seen from the area you usually occupy (family room, living room, etc.) then I guess it isn't a "common area". But then again, if you're sharing a house the whole thing is common area, except bedrooms and possibly baths.

Tell her to clean up her act :-)

Any area that is shared is 'common'. This includes kitchens, porches, yards, lower levels, sometimes even a bathroom.

Bedrooms are private. A bathroom that is part of a bedroom suite is private.

Your house-mate sounds 'common' to me! She can clean up or clear out.

I agree....any area you share....."IS" a common area.

Sorry your having a problem....

I agree with those above. Common areas of the house, are those that you both share. It matters not that visitors can see the kitchen--YOU use it, and YOU have a right to walk into a clean kitchen (as does she). It's common because you both use it, and she should be considerate enough not to leave it a mess.

yike we're having ants like crazy, and had to spray..can't imagine what it would be like with dishes, too...

btw do you cook seperately for yourselves? and do you have to share dishes? i'd be mean enough to do my dishes in the deep sink and let hers rot! and slowly, if they were communal dishes they'd dissapear, lol...

i know another old lady remark! lol...

I agree with the others.....it's any area of the house that is shared by both of you.

More to the point, it is just plain rude not to clean up after oneself. Assuming you're the next person to want to do something in the kitchen, you have to clean up, so that you can do what you want.

IMHO, it is high time you two parted ways - you two have entirely different standards. When one has to compromise one's standards, you are the one who must make the change if you aren't happy. If it's you that owns/leases the home, then SHE must go.

I think a "common area" includes any areas that you and your housemate share (which would include the kitchen). "Public area" would be any area that visitors can see, which might not include the kitchen (although in my house it would). I think it's only fair that both public and common areas should be kept cleaned up.

Yes, if it's a room mate situation then common area refers to the areas of the house that are shared. So definitely a kitchen, since everyone uses it is a common area. Where in the heck did she come up with the idea that it means an area that you can see? How freakin' stupid is that!? Here's an idea, take her sh*t that's sitting all out and cluttering your area and throw it in the trash or a box out of your way. How the heck can you fix your meals with all her dirty dishes all over the place?

Unfortunately, it's her house. We do share dishes, but I've taken a "set" (plate, bowl, saucer, silverware) and keep it in my room for my own use. I wash my dishes myself after each use, and when I cook I immediately wash my pots and pans (she accused me yesterday of leaving a pot in the sink, and I set her straight immediately (as if she has room to talk!) I had a talk with her, but this morning, there are dishes in cold greasy water in the sink again, that have been there all night. She is buying a new dishwasher, which will supposedly be delivered tomorrow, because she says she can't do dishes without one. I'm the kind of person who does my dishes immediately after I use them. Yes, bugs are a problem here. A prior roommate brought german cockroaches into the house, and they killed the last dishwasher, where they were living because all the filthy dishes just got stuffed in there for days.

I'm trying to find another place to live, but I don't have a lot of money, so it will have to be another room somewhere. She's a good friend, and gave me a place to go when I had nowhere else, but you never really know someone until you live with them.

Trust me, if it was my house, she would shape up or ship out! For the time being, I'll have to just act like it's my house and clean the kitchen myself. I can't do anything about the dishes she stashes in the dishwasher, though. I'm too old to go through this crap!

This lady lacks some common sense.

Or - knows better and is using this argument as "... any port in a storm".

ole joyful

I'm thinking about what I would do if I were in your position. Would it be possible for each of you to take over the household chores that you don't mind as much as others? Like, you keep the kitchen cleaned up and she does the vacuuming. That kind of thing.

Keep looking for another place, or if she is such a good friend, then lower your standards. Try not to care about the kitchen.
I am amazed that people are finding roommates on Craig's list. My daughter has had a succession of friends as roommates. This time, she found a room which is part of a four bedroom apt. I have met all the new roommates and so far so good.
They all seem friendly, but do not have expectations of each other as a long time friend would.
I was nervous about this idea at first, but it seems to be working.

When I was young, 4 of us shared a 4 bedroom house. One girl cooked oatmeal every morning and did not clean up her dishes. When confronted, said she didn't cook there. One day, in frustration, we set all of her dirty pans, dishes and spoons in her bedroom while she was gone. She got the point!

If it's her house that makes things touchier. At first, like
some others, I thought you should get rid of her. But if she
owns the house I don't know if you can tell her what to do.
Maybe it would be better to find another place if it's a big
problem and she could have bugs, etc..I wouldn't be comfortable
living in a mess either.

I would agree that a kitchen should be considered a common area, and kept clean.

But it's evidently her house. So you pretty much have to live with it or clean it up yourself. Or move.

In my home, every room except the bathrooms and bedrooms are common areas.

curious, do you pay rent, market, minimal, or not, to this person? In your op, you didn't cover any kind of arrangement, nor the fact your friend is the actual homeowner.

Sounds passive aggressive to me.

Goodness..if she is a good friend and gave you a place when no one else would why don't you just clean up the kitchen yourself for her as a nice thing...It is her house and other than moving I can't see any other way to turn a negative into a positive.

Does anyone else hear the Odd Couple theme playing?

"Common area" will depend on your definition. If you're referring to an area that is frequently used, it means something different than something jointly used, both of which can be called a common area. Sheldon Cooper has a definition in the infamous roommate agreement as I recall. :)

What's your point on common area? I'm not really sure what you're asking either and given the added info, it really sounds more "Felix and Oscar" than initially indicated. (You *really* keep your own set of dishes in the bedroom?) But the fact is, it *is* her house and I'm with ghoghunter. She's not the one to shape up or ship out. Come on now, you didn't know her housekeeping habits before moving in? Really? Or was it you didn't care at the time because you needed accommodations and didn't care at the time but now you're more comfortable and perhaps expecting a little more?

For people to expect the homeowner to live to the roommate (are you a renter?) or their standards I really want to know what color the sky is in your worlds. Dirty dishes are not illegal so in her house she can do what she wants. I don't know if she's a busy person and perhaps is tired when she gets home and doesn't feel like doing dishes right away as you enjoy doing. You said she is getting the dishwasher replaced so it's not going to be a big deal for long is it? Why is this such a big deal? Sounds like you might not realize what a good thing you have going for you.

I've had roommates living with me before and taking advantage of me so I'm sensitive to the issue. I may sound insensitive but really, considering you could be living in a van down by the river if it weren't for her good graces it seems to be to be a bit selfish to try to impose your standards. And *if* you're not paying current rental rates (and it doesn't sound like you are or likely you'd have said it I think) and under that situation if you're complaining then you would be out of line but again, I don't know the facts on it. You should take a deep breath and think this through. Maybe you should be doing the dishes or work out a situation. Perhaps she can vacuum your room and you do the dishes or whatever if that's the issue. Maybe you could do all the dishes as part of your rent? That would be the proverbial "win-win". You'd get paid to have things to your standards.

Sounds like her position might be misrepresented here too. Perhaps her point is not that it's not a "common area" but rather would not normally be seen if you have a guest over so if there's a pot in the sink it shouldn't humiliate you. It could be her position is mountain/molehill situation.

It's too bad people here are quick to condemn someone without facts. I'm curious if the ones posting before the added info came out have an impacted opinion now.

As I see it, since it *is* HER house, she has every right to clean up when she feels like it, unless it contradicts your rental agreement, which I doubt even exists.

Not what you wanted to hear I'm sure, but unless you have more info undisclosed, the OP in totally in the wrong here IMO. If dirty dishes are such a big deal then you need to renegotiate the rental/lease agreement or as said, buy/rent/lease your own place and then you would have a potential right to set the standards.

One thing I learned is friends are often the worst roommates. Friends expect things that someone on a business relationship would not expect.

"For people to expect the homeowner to live to the roommate (are you a renter?) or their standards I really want to know what color the sky is in your worlds. Dirty dishes are not illegal so in her house she can do what she wants. I don't know if she's a busy person and perhaps is tired when she gets home and doesn't feel like doing dishes right away as you enjoy doing. You said she is getting the dishwasher replaced so it's not going to be a big deal for long is it? Why is this such a big deal? Sounds like you might not realize what a good thing you have going for you. "

Screw you. Seriously. I pay market rent for this room, and I just today talked to three of her ex-roommates who said that they left for the very same reasons. She is a slob. A very sweet slob, but a slob. I wish I had my camera so I could take a picture of the kitchen right now. I cleaned it and mopped the floor this morning. She worked in the garden barefoot all day and tracked all that dirt in. She still hasn't washed her feet, and she's gone to bed. There is a crockpot sitting on the counter with something in it that is molded -- I can't tell what it is. It's been there for days. I'm not touching it. The sinks....both sides...are full of dishes. She overboiled something on the stove and didn't clean it up, so it's now cooked onto the burner and pans of the BRAND NEW (just got it yesterday) stove. Her dog peed on the dining room floor, and she just threw a piece of newspaper on it and left it there. I cut my foot on glass on the floor today for the third time, because she is constantly breaking things and not sweeping it up properly, and not telling us there was something broken. Her cats throw up on the floor and furniture and she just leaves it there.

If you are willing to live in filth with someone who doesn't bathe for a week at a time and who smells so bad sometimes that I'm ashamed to be seen with her, then by all means YOU live here. I'm not going to be manipulated into cleaning up after someone simply because she knows that if she doesn't do it, whoever else is living there will eventually clean it up. She can live in her filth. I'll eat out, and stay in my room. I have done just as much for her as she has for me, probably more over the years we've known each other.

But why am I explaining myself to such a hateful person?

If it's that bad - move.

It's still her house, and you won't change her.

Did you just say "screw you?"

Well that's information....!

I'm with those who say you got lucky that someone took you in. If you are paying market value, then surely you have multiple options. Why not take them if you're so unhappy?

"I'm trying to find another place to live, but I don't have a lot of money, so it will have to be another room somewhere. She's a good friend, and gave me a place to go when I had nowhere else, but you never really know someone until you live with them. "
Hope you find another place in the meanime that was good advice about taking on the responsibility for the whole kitchn maybe as part of your rent. Then just do her dishes in the morning .
IMHO

Steppy, I know that I couldn't live with someone who is as big a slob as you describe in your longer post. I don't think Cynic was trying to be mean, just realistic. Your nerves are probably frayed living with someone like that, I know mine would be. I'd find a new place to live, because you're not going to change her.

It sounds like this woman OFTEN rents out a room in her house since she speaks of three past roommates. I couldn't imagine living in a house of filth like that! You lost me at "the dog peed and she threw paper over it" GAAAH! REALLY? That is a total LAZY PIG! I would not get stuck into the habit of cleaning up after her either! It would be different if she was letting you stay for free but this is not the case here! My only advice is to find a new place to live and in the mean time just try and avoid the filth! UGH! I can't imagine how embarrassing it is if you want to have friends over!

If this woman always keeps a paid tenant, then to me she really isn't doing it as a favor, she's doing it for income!

I apologize for the "screw you," but yes, my nerves are raw. the third roommate cleaned the kitchen last night, because he said he couldn't stand waking up to that mess, and he knew I couldn't either. We're switching off cleaning it at night until he leaves on June 1, and I'm looking for another place to live. She really is a sweet person, and I should note that I do care about her, but she's just a slob, and she doesn't see anything wrong with the way she is. Yes, she needs the money, and she was there for me when I needed a place and let me stay a month without rent just paying utilities, so I won't leave her in the lurch, but I will give her 30 days notice (as stated in the rental agreement) and leave. And the next time I have a roommate, it will state in the rental agreement that all common areas (and I will list them) will be kept clean at all times.

If you think what I described was bad, you should see her room. Well, not now because she just spent 3 DAYS cleaning it, which included washing 4 loads of clothes that were on the floor. She hasn't mopped the floor yet, where the cats and dogs pee and poop. She's waiting for the twice-weekly maid to come do that. She said that when she lived by herself, she never mopped the floors until the maid came.

Like I said, I'm sorry, and I know my only alternative is to move, which I hate to do because I hate to leave the yard, which I don't mind taking care of, but I can't live trapped in my room because the living room furniture is torn up and smells like dogs and the kitchen is filthy.

Everyone has good traits and bad, and my bad trait is that I don't like unwarranted criticism. I tend to be very mean when people do that. I should have seen the name "cynic" and known to ignore it, though. Some people just live only seeing the darker side of life, I guess.

yes, you should move.

wow, you say she needs the money? But has a
twice weekly maid visit? THAT is expensive.
I imagine all she would have to do is cancel
the maid to more than make up for the loss of
your rent. lol Maybe then she would clean up
after herself! lol

How can she have a twice weekly maid and her house is still a pig sty?

i'd hate to be that 2x maid! why don't you and roommate #3 look for a place together?

I'm sorry, I meant once every two weeks maid service. When we were discussing this whole thing, she said that she would pay for the maid every two weeks, but that was going to be her share of the housekeeping, which basically meant I would have to do the rest. She won't work out something on the rent, because she says she wouldn't pay for more housekeeping than that, so she's not saving any money.

The male roommate is a neat freak, so he always kept everything extra clean and organized, and I helped. She honestly reminds me of my mother. I asked my mother once why she wouldn't do anything for herself and she said "Why should I, when I can get someone else to do it for me?"

Maybe that's the trigger this is pushing in me, because it really is making me mad, but I'm just going to clean the house myself for now, and save money to move to my own place. There is the yard...and she has given me free reign over the front yard, which was terribly neglected, so I'm having fun working to landscape it and give it curb appeal. The other roommate basically turned the back yard into a showplace from a pile of sand, and it's very pleasant. She must feel bad about the house, because she told me I could have one of the raised beds to grow whatever I wanted, when before she had plans for all of them.

I'll just clean the house to my liking, and work in the yard, and buy some febreze for the LR furniture so I can sit out there sometimes. I guess I just needed to vent. She really is a good person, and I don't want to lose her friendship.

I don't see this getting any better, if she is that much of a slob it will only get worse. She doesn't even care enough to keep things half decent, please try to leave. You are explaining a place that is much more than a little messy.

Is she possibly clinically depressed?