Oh.... Mom & Dad.... The First Teachers... a Child has.... The Special " TOGETHER" times... The "FAMILY"times.. The ONE on One Sharing and Teaching, Loving.. . and Giving, Sure is seen in this Precious Young Lady... A Little Princess for sure... A Young Lady... who with this family background is sure to grow up to be a WONDERFUL ~~ Wife, MOTHER and TEACHER herself... as she will follow in teaching her young ones.... LOVE, Kindness, Thoughtfulness, and the Blessed Gifts... are the ones that come with a bunch of thought and planning...not with the POCKET BOOK !!!!.... It is a Wonderful Thing, a Blessed Thing... when a Parent receives back from their child.... the Rewards of all the time put into training them to be thoughtful!!!!!! Thank You for sharing this special Gift and Story with ME!!! I appreciate you and your family !!!! Happy New Year 2008 !!!!! Looking forward to many more great~~~ Loving Stories from your family !!!! God Bless!!! Susie

This post was left several years ago. The situation has been taken care of. I still have the pup, she is very sweet and loveable. She still thinks the house is her personal bathroom, but I put a diaper on her - per reommendation of 3 vets who could not find a reason for her using the house other than her bladder and abdomen are so small, she simply cant hold it. All 3 vets stated that she only weighs 4 pounds, and is just over 6 in tall. All 3 vets stated that when breeding a regular size dog down to as "small as possible" for designer dogs, there are many possible health problems as their ograns are so small. All 3 vets said that house training can be very difficult for a very small dog who's bladder is the size of a large peanut. I was told that her stomach is the size of her paw, which is very tiny. Otherwise, she did check out to be OK. I do not take her around other dogs, as shih tzu's are prone to respritory distress due to their very short air ways and noses. I do take her outside when it is warm, but only around the house - so she is very well taken care of. This dog was given to me because the previous owner/s could not deal with with her inability to retain urine or waste matter for more than a few minutes and often time, they dont realize they need to to until its too late. Their answer to the problem was- put a diaper on her. That has worked beautifully. I use size Newborn for her. I take it off, of course, when she I am outside with her which allows her to do her thing outside and she is happy running around or just laying on the patio getting a"suntan".

I think many things are happening at the same time. Yes , your SM does picture you the way you were at 18, pot smoking etc.etc.. Over the years of you 'fixing' yourself, she didn't see this improvement so off the bat she will be defensive of you returning into her life. BUT it also sounds to me, that she did have pent up frustration over he years, maybe at you, maybe at your dad and its all surfacing now. I dont believe you are bad, that you did anything wrong. I think the JR has fixed view of you when you were in your 'bad' time and sees no change. PLUS she maybe going through her own issues now..you nver know maybe she is depressed or going throuhg menal pause. or having marital problems with you dad that you are unaware of. BUt its obvious her anger has focuses on you and your daughter. I also had a 'evil ' stepmother wheni was young after my mother died. The second SM was great. Just like JR. Friendly like a school teacher and friend. I'm friends with her too. BUT i also went through a bad stage in my life and also had a falling out with my sm. There was a 7 year lapse between my sm, dad and me. I didn't call and if i did they would be angry and hate me...etc... It took a few years for both sides to rekindle a relationship and alot of coffee talk etc... So do not be discouraged with your SM. I think she feels resentful about your daughter because you were with a man who was violent and in most cases woman choose to end their pregnancy because of that. Were you on drugs during that time as well? did your sm or family know this? She is fixed on your past, she needs to see and hear all the good stuff , all the change you have made. In the end, ifyou truly value you relationship with her, i think baby steps are in order, the way i did with my SM. I liked my sm alot. I was hurt to tears for many years by her when she turned around and also said hurtful things like you are going through. Though i never did drugs i was a loner and aggressive etc..etc..Misunderstandings did occcur between me and her and as i said it tooks years to rekindle a relationship. My advice to you is to not let this consume you. i think speaking to both your dad and her will help. Sure, you had a kids she doens't agree with , its wont make your daughter disappear. She is a woman has to accept that but you daughter should not be punished for your 'poor' judgement. i think that is very important for you to convey this to JR. Basically saying, yes i F up in the past, but my daugther should not be crucified for my wrong doings and solo parenting. Maybe you sm does have an issue being called grandma...dont knw..But you both need a break from one another and you both need to take baby step to rekindle a relationship, IF that is what you want. You could also cut her off....but are you will to also cut your brothers off...and your daughter from her grandfather? You cannot force JR to love your daughter. That is her own issue here. BUT dont expose your daughter unsupervised anymore there if she shows little concern for her either. Visit as a family but for the meantime, dont leave your daughter for those one day breaks for yourself. Depend on someone else now until things can be resolved. And nivea, i know how you feel about father's lack of involvment...my father first marriage with 1st sm was very much like that....marry a woman to 'raise ' me but he had no concern of me...And we had a family meeting and he admitted that he married to have someone for his kids. We told him our mother is long gone and he should marry someone for himself. So..second marriage was MUCH better....i've had my ups and downs with her but now having my own family i see i have more respect and understanding with her position and we've rekindled a friendship.

Mattie, my comment was in response to OP's latest attempt to expand his story and his blurp about "Uncle Dan" and little girls sleeping between blah blah. He said he learned recently of horrid conditions. There was no mention of early fears (at time of divorce or young childhood)... why would he agree to unlimited visitations? He also states he never tried to push BM away himself, but that SM did. If your BM is exposing your child to horrid things, would you not try and do something about it right then? Of course you would and even if it was hard to prove and/or took time, you'd scream from the rooftops trying to get somebody to take you seriously. Considering OP set his own agreements and vistation allowences, don't you suppose if he'd have had concerns or seen signs of a daughter in distress he would have went to court and persued a proper court hearing and done all he could to cease unlimited vistations and/or attempted to get supervision visits? Don't you think we here would have heard early on that BM was being pushed away because of these horrid things? We got quite the lengthy run down ...we know the kids medical history, her sexual life...why did it take 60 post to come to 'oh and poor kid visited BM often and went through horrid things'. We first got BM never came around, only made things hard for SM who was trying to play mother, allowed BF to sack up with daughter at her house ( after BM decided she wanted daughter back in her life when daughter was older)...not one word about daughter's safety or being traumatized during the 13 years inbetween custody and 15th birthday fallout. If this woman allowed daughter to have a horrid unsafe childhood in her home, why is OP telling us how he has been trying to get daughter to give BM another chance? --"BM was never pushed away. She has always been able to see her daughter whenever she wants. The way that has worked out is that she didn't for long periods of time, then would come back into the picture for a brief period all gushing and loving, then would disappear etc. All this time I never once said anything bad about her. At this point BM is out of the picture because daughter refuses to see her. I have on many occasions tried to talk my daughter into giving her BM another chance but she refuses."--- I realize you have a very different situation with your SS and his BM and therefore do live in fear while SS is on his visitations and have a true need to worry while he is gone and how the visit may have affected him with the before and aftermath. But you also don't give promises of unlimited vistations and you do all you can to assure your SS's safety and use lawyers and courts to assist you. My comment was more in line with the fact that no one here was suggesting the child should have been sent unlimited if there were a problem. Why would he agree to such a thing? This 'problem' did not appear until way into this thread, and frankly, I'm not buying there was real concern or reason for such a concern during the girl's early years.