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Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

Posted by oakleyok (My Page) on
Mon, Mar 18, 13 at 21:10

I am the victim of a subtle cyberstalker. The person does it in a way where they look innocent but others have now noticed it, and there's nothing they can do either but cheer me up.

I've been on message boards for 20 years (I even own one!) and have never had this problem. I've met lifelong friends on message boards.

Reporting it would do no good. I'd only be told to "ignore" which I do for the most part. But there comes a time when I feel like it's the old Chinese torture and I just want to scream! lol

I have emailed this person twice begging them to leave me alone. In fact, at one time she asked me to not reply to anything of her's online, and I didn't. But she kept on harassing me. Do some adults stay in a Jr. High mentality and they just can't help it? I wonder if it's some sort of mental thing. If so, maybe I can find some compassion for her.

What would you do in this situation? I'm too old for this! :)


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

I don't understand what you mean. Can't you just have all her messages go to spam? Or does it include more than emails?


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

You CAN and SHOULD report any cyber stalking:

http://www.ehow.com/how_6664782_report-internet-harassment.html

Here is a link that might be useful: How to report cyber stalking


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

Scizzors, thankfully it's not email stalking, however she has emailed me and I just delete it.

Kay, I'm going to check out the link. I've been reading up on cyberstalking and I'm amazed at how prevalent it is among older women, of all people. lol


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

To answer you question if some people stay in Jr High mentality? ABSOLUTELY! I see it every day at message boards and these people aren't young either.

Cyber stalking...unless the person is threatening you or harassing you, I wouldn't think there is any law that says someone can't reply and stuff at message boards.


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

They're not threatening me but definitely harassing me. But in a very subtle way. Now if I lived in the same town as she does, I'd be scared! lol.


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

Don't email begging her to stop, that's only fuelling the fire, she knows she's having an effect and that makes her feel good.
I'd suggest ignoring, but if it doesn't work, go on the offensive and call her out on every comment. Be subtly snide, beat her at her own game :-)


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

i guess aside from here the only other sites i visit are by invatation, so unwanted persons can be blocked...

.so sorry you're having this happen are you the only one in your group, or are others feeling her venom?


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

I agree Colleen, it makes her feel good, and since she obviously doesn't like me it's her way of trying to bring me down & embarrass me publicly. Even though others have started to notice, I just want her to leave me alone!

Susan, there are a lot of boards where anyone can register. I can't block her but I don't know if I'd want to. I want to know what she's saying.

She's picked on others in the past & now I'm the lucky one, but this time she won't find someone else to pick on. lol Two years!

What kind of person likes to do these things to another?


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

I belong to a board that I find to be very interesting and it's very active...but I have never in my life seen so many people in one place that bully up on people. There is one woman there that is well into her 60s that used to be very sweet and post nice comments to everyone and all of a sudden she has venom in everything she writes and almost always has a nasty comment to say in a reply to what I write...like she's fixated on ME as her victim. For the life of me I have no idea why only to suspect that for the extreme nature of her comments that she has some form of dementia and most likely Alzheimer's. You just never know what sort of person in on that other end. I don't know this woman from Adam either, other than I know she's pretty old because she posts photos of herself. She just looks like someone's Granny....acting like she's 13!

Does your board have an ignore option? You can block and ignore people which is what I did with that woman and so now I never see what she says and plus she cannot email or PM me either.


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

Oak, you are a valued member of the Home Decorating forum and contribute a lot to the conversations there. You are also a very sensitive person whose feelings get hurt easily. There have been a number of times that you have taken personal offense at things that others perceive as just normal differences of opinion in conversation. Maybe that's why we don't see it as stalking.

There was a thread a week or two ago where you wrote something like, "why is no one defending me?" and the response was because there was no reason to, because other people did not feel you were being disrespected. And once it was explained, you came around to seeing that point of view.

But regardless, if you think you are being cyberstalked, and the people who moderate the boards don't see it that way, then you don't have a lot of options.

There are people I prefer not to engage with on the HD forum. If they make a comment on a thread, I don't. If I make a comment and then they comment, I drop out of that thread. I'm sure other people do the same with me. It's a way to avoid someone you don't want to engage with. If you don't respond to them, the issue goes away.

You could lie low for a while - read the forums but don't post. Or maybe change your handle. Not secretly, but openly, like others have done. Get a fresh start.


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

Gray, how presumptive you are! You have no clue what I'm talking about. You also have no clue what's going on because if you did, you wouldn't have been so rude....and presumptive.

I do the exact same thing you do on GW. There are times I feel it IS a mob mentality over there. Way too many people have been run off if you haven't noticed by now.

Maybe you would be "sensitive" too if the "mob" was down your back?

But that's NOT what I'm talking about. If you want to make things personal with me, then email me instead of dissing me here on a public forum.

BTW, I am proud to be sensitive because that means I have feelings and I would never talk down to someone on purpose. Most of the time. :)

AG, the board I own has a block option but everyone gets along. If a troublemaker comes they get booted after getting several chances, but that doesn't happen too often. The other boards don't have that option. Plus I'm one of those people who don't like to rat someone out and have them kicked off a board.

I have to chalk it up to something being not right in the person's life.


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

I'm understanding of your situation.

I'm on a board for photographers. This "nut" job is 75 years old and sends me 1 page emails 3-4 times a night....that's my shift for monitoring the board. I monitor while I watch TV....or whatever....check it about once an hour for 4 hours....no big deal. But this woman wants to chat....complain. She's a gossip & snitch. I used to give her one line responses thinking she was lonely...then I responded to one of her diatribes with "I don't get involved in peoples personal finances" and she exploded with a personal attack on "me". Get this the attack info was based on my astrological sign, the info was out of her astrological book about my "sign". I told her THAT was "it" for me I was DONE. She has begged me not to do "this".....sent apology letters and threatened me that she IS a master at manipulation and has years of experience.

I figure "I need to get a life", ignore her......and not care.....that's how I intend to handle the situation. I responded to her last set of emails, last night,....just said I was busy and signed my initial.....very impersonal.

What my future holds with this nut job.....who knows...


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

LOL, Nicole. I hope what I'm about to say won't start a "hot topic," but it seems to be more prevalent among females of all ages. Of course men do it too, but there's a lot on the Net about women doing it.

Last year I looked it up and was quite surprised at what I found. Cliques are also rampant on message boards which definitely makes things worse.


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

I've never been harasssed, but I've made it a point to stay off Facebook and other public sites. I also don't put much personal information online. My feelings have been hurt a few times on supposedly friendly sites, but then I tend to be too sensitive. And others are allowed to have differing opinions.So, no, I've never been stalked.


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

Just try, I know it's hard, to remember they are baiting you so just don't say anything back to their comments and it takes the fun out of it for them. I know, easier said than done for sure!


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

Don't totally ignore them - that indicates that they're gettting to you.

Don't get involved in intricate discussions - make a general, short comment, fro,m time to time, and leave it at that.

Keep a substantial distance - don't run away ... and don't/*refuse to* get involved with a detailed discussion, argument, etc.

That'll just get your bck up ... especially if the stuff that the other says is outrageous ... as she most likely knows it to be, and is jsut saying it, that way, especially, to get a rise out of you.

By all means, refuse to aloow her that satisfaction!

You have your life ot live ... she has hers: let her live hers in the way that she chooses.

By the way, while I felt that possibly gray wings could have been a bit more diplomatic, I felt her contribution to be a contribution to a discussion, did not consider it to be dissing you.

ole joyful


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

Yep, I totally agree with OJ.

In my case, these people are real in my life. I can't avoid them because they're part of my "family". However, I do the things that OJ mentioned and they really, really work. It gives me peace and it gives "them" a message not to go after me. LOL, they know that when they do, the hurt bypass me and bounce right back on them! : ] These people just never learn! It's hopeless but all it counts is that I'm not bothered by them and I'm in peace. You should try it.

Hey Nicole_ , thanks for my new "word of the day": diatribes = attack. I've never heard of this word before and had to look it up :)


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

Do we even know what this person has been doing?


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

You said there are a lot of "Cliques" online. I left that part out.....the "nut" job thinks I'm reporting to the "others" what she's saying about them. :0) She accused me of "this" and I said "report what?". The others would think "I" was nuts if I emailed them the craziness she emails me and wouldn't interest anyone anyway. :0)

So there are 3 of us females she wants to be "friends" with. We hold higher, trusted positions on the board. Of the 3 females....get this....none of us are friends. :0) We respect each other because we all post photographs at routine intervals. But.....hang out and chat.....no. :0)

So the "clique" only exists in her mind.

Her warped, nut- job mind......

I agree with OJ's advice.....I have to "be there" and want to be there.....so I have to make it work.....


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

A "bull-y" ...

... can sure raise "hell-y" ...

... but only if the bullied cooperates.

o j


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

Most definitely there are people who, maturity wise, have never left high school. I have a 57 year old friend who never left high school.

I also think that the anonymity of these sites give people the false sense that it is ok to be rude and to bully others. It is not ok. If you wouldn't say it to their face, it should not be written.


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

I don't think Greywings was saying anything rude. I read a lot of helpul feedback there.

If I was being cyberstalked, I'd disappear for a while. It's not worth it.


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

No - don't disappear!

That makes the rotter a (temporary, at least) winner.

I don't want to let someone else bulldoze me, to push me out of a place or situation in which I want to be.

Or let them cause me to (outwardly, at least) get my undies all in a knot (an exteriorly elastic-free one, that is)!

Don't give any outward indication that they're getting your goat.

Carry on your usual story.

ole joyful


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

Respectfully disagreeing...if one is being actually stalked, particularly a woman, safety trumps principle and pride. Now if this not actually stalking but someone who is being argumentative and aggressive on a message board, that is a different thing.

Also I will gently suggest that dramatic reactions taking offense to anothers posts or suggestions invites all sorts of troubles. It is wise to take feedback from virtual strangers with a grain of salt....myself included lol!


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

Respectfully disagreeing...if one is being actually stalked, particularly a woman, safety trumps principle and pride. Now if this not actually stalking but someone who is being argumentative and aggressive on a message board, that is a different thing.

Also I will gently suggest that dramatic reactions taking offense to anothers posts or suggestions invites all sorts of troubles. It is wise to take feedback from virtual strangers with a grain of salt....myself included lol!


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

For real stalking ... yes, I agree, with the proviso that I think professional, including law enforcement, help should be consulted.

I've had to do some evaluation of my own judgement-making.

I'd assumed that the O P was over-reacting - that there was cyber-bullying going on.

I don't think that there was any indication given that the O P felt herself to be at physical risk from the troublemaker.

But I was taken up rather short: had I misjudged?

ole joyful


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

I saw it the way you did. To use the word stalked is a dramatic reaction to what was actually described. (That in itself is information about the OP, imo. )


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

My thoughts exactly, Amy.


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RE: Have you ever been Cyberstalked?

There was the word "subtle" as a descripter.

But I felt that I should review my previous take on the issue.

o j


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