sorry for such big pictures
she is quite tall!

The Space Needle shot off fireworks for the wedding!
(taken through glass) lol Actually, they shot off fireworks everytime the Seahawks scored. lol

Boy, I can understand your disappointment. A wedding is usually something that is looked forward to for some time. Too bad they didn't share the news with you back in November and more of your family could have been there. It's nice that you are taking the high road though and glad you like your new daughter-in-law.

Ugh. I'm torn. Weddings are about the bride and groom. But let's get serious, it's a family thing. You are welcoming a new member to your family, hopefully forever. I would feel a bit slighted also if my son didn't tell me. I would feel a lot slighted as a matter of fact, my son and I are very close. (as is my daughter).

But still, you're a good person to take the high road. It will stop bothering you eventually. And, you know, it's a wedding!!!! Congratulations, I wish them many happy, healthy years together.

Looks like it is just the way Ry and T wanted it. So much less stress.

Oh wow, that had to be a mix of emotions! You're handling it far better than I would be! I will be getting married in the next year or two and I want nothing more than my mom to be part of my wedding planning! Unfortunately I lost her a few years ago so that won't happen, but it's such a special time.

It's great that you're having such a good attitude about it. I'm sure they didn't mean to upset you. I do feel bad for those who missed it, not knowing it was a wedding.

I agree it would have been nice to have known ahead of time, but what's done is done.
Glad you like her and the most important thing is that your son is happy.
By the way, the pictures you posted look good.

I'm usually all about the "wedding is all about the bride and groom and not you" sort of attitude. And full disclosure, my sons who are 24 and 26 are not married. However, if my sons did that to me I would be livid and they would know. Her parents knew and you didn't! I'd be furious.

Having said all that (I know, it isn't about me ....) I hope they had a great day and I'm guessing that informality is their style.

They look very happy. I think many young people today approach their wedding in an "all about me" manner vs. much consideration for family. The popularity of the destination wedding for example. Just talked to some friends whose kid has one planned in spite of the fact it's a significant financial hardship for at least one set of parents to attend and who knows how many others. All about me.....

The only reason her parents knew, was because her dad worked on the ceremony. Which, was very wonderful, really. They said that if someone else had married them, it would have been a surprise for all. Ry is our only child and we are very very close. So it was shocking! AND it was just the way they wanted AND no stress! I wasn't running around trying to find just the right thing to wear, figuring out rehearsal dinners, helping fund a wedding, etc.... I did tell my friends, that I really doubted that she would even wear a dress when the wedding day came along. They are happy... and are glad that they did it that way. Although my son would have done whatever his fiance wanted in regards to a wedding... You know, like most guys. :^) They WERE worried about my reaction. But really, what are you going to do? NOT throw a fit! lol They included me in the fact that they asked me to sign as a witness. My husband was speechless, (well, he's like that normally I guess! lol I am the one that talks all the time)

As someone kinda planning a wedding, you have to be a bit selfish sometimes. It's impossible to please everyone. Some don't like traveling, some can't afford it, some don't like the theme, etc. I have to decide between having one in California for local friends and family, or in Florida for my grandparents, brother and uncle, or one up in New England for my other grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. None of the groups can really travel to the other locations.

How do you pick which family group is the most important to be considerate about? It's hard. I finally decided on a destination wedding in Key West so that the family members that I am closest with can come. Others will come if they can. It's the best I can do to accommodate everyone without having 3 different weddings!

However, a big difference is that we will be paying for all expenses, including a week of accommodations in a large beach house I will be renting. It will be very expensive but I can't imagine asking people to pay to come to my wedding.

So I can understand why keeping it simple can be appealing, but I think there's a big difference between simplicity and secretive, especially at the expense of very close family members who are looking forward to being involved in the wedding!

I know that you are disappointed, as I would be, but bless you for being a good sport. That says a lot about you in my book.

My, that must have been a shock! I was sort of holding my breath as I read the title, hoping everything was ok with your son, so I guess I was a little relieved to hear about the surprise wedding. Is it possible your son and dd-i-l were hoping to keep the stress and cost down for you, in view of your previous illness? Or maybe neither cares for the attention a wedding brings? My dd's friend was married last summer and so nervous about being the focal point that they all thought she might feint--she hadn't eaten much all day.

You ARE taking it well, Kat. As a mom, I would also feel cheated and a little sad, but it's over and it was a very happy occasion, so all's well that ends well. Congratulations to you all!

kat, I like sweet-betsy's reply.

Good luck with their relationship and you and Gary. May your close relationship with Ryan continue.

May the newlyweds have an everlasting marriage.

As usual, Kat, you get an A+ for attitude! And hey, at least Terika wore snazzy shoes! :-)

We're all different about these things. I didn't get to see either of my kids get married, and while it wasn't what I would have chosen, it didn't bother me as much as it could have because I'm really not a wedding person. I was glad they did it the way they wanted to: one elopement to Florida and one ski wedding atop a mountain. Yes, the bride wore North Face.

Ryan and Terika look happy, and I'm sure you are too. They're a beautiful couple. Gee, it's a good thing you didn't choose the Seahawks over the engagement party! Congratulations to all!!

You have a good attitude about it, Kat. You are a positive person and focus on the good stuff--he has someone who loves him!! Congratulations, MIL!

Good for you Kat. You've made a huge step towards being a great mother-in-law. Your relationship with T is a big component of your relationship with your son.

When so many of our 'kids' are waiting *forever* to get married and *too long* to start families, this is Good News.

Wishing the newlyweds a life of good health and happiness together. They look very happy, Kat, and you will be a wonderful MIL.

It's quite obvious they didn't want a big fancy shmancy wedding. Just close family and friends and that's what they got. Obviously her parents had to know ahead of time so they didn't put down a deposit on a big hall, etc. so after thinking about it, I wouldn't get too hurt for being left out of the loop. As always, you have the best outlook on things. Best wishes to the bride and groom. She couldn't have a better mother-in-law!

Kat, I feel your anguish..but at least you were there! Congrats to Ryan and Bride!

Oh, what a wonderful story. She looks like a sweetheart. I would love it if my sons got married like that -- well, I would be thrilled if they got married at all. Too busy having fun. I hate all the wedding stuff and ridiculous expense. This would be ideal for me. I might feel different if I were the mother of the bride. I would want to see my daughter in a wedding dress, I think.

Anyway. I think it's great. Much happiness to the new couple.

Congrats Kat! They make a cute couple. Sorry you missed all the wedding planning... but this did make things a lot more stress-free. You could always throw a big BBQ when the weather warms up so that your family and friends could all celebrate with you, Ryan and Terika.

Congratulations to all, and hugs to you Kat, it's hard to be a new Mom-in-law :) so far you're doing a great job!

Aw! Congratulations! They just couldn't wait. That makes me smile.

Congratulations to Ry and T!! I wish them every happiness. I'm sorry you didn't get to be involved in the wedding planning, but you are taking it well. At least when they are ready for kids, they won't be able to keep that a secret until the last minute! I know how close you and Ry are, and I hope you will be close to T also.

I have 2 sons who had large weddings. Both are now divorced. As long as your son and his bride are happy that is what it is all about. Congratulations to both of them and you and your hubby for sort of understanding what the bride and groom wanted for themselves. By the way I also loved the brides shoes. They make a lovely couple. Many years of happiness to both of them.
Mary

I can totally see why your new dil would go this route. I'm extremely shy and had a tiny wedding. It freaked me out walking down the isle in my big poofy dress. lol. Would never have had a big expensive wedding, couldn't afford it but that never appealed to me anyway. All that money spent for one day and most of those marriages don't last.

If and when Lauren gets married, I think she will either pick a dark purple, black or red dress to walk down the isle...or something with polka dots. She's obsessed with polka dots. She also loves old fashioned dresses, from the 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s. If she even has a real wedding at all....

so make up with your party! but redoing the floors?? lol..omg! we were in the process of redoing the kitchen, when the kids decided to have the practice dinner at OUR place....it was an outside bbq, but the bride and groom pitched in and helped us finish...(then no one went inside at all) best wishes to the 3 families! she's a lovely girl....

I would love her all the more for wanting that kind of wedding vs a big expesnive one (or a destination wedding).
She seems practical and that is waayyy better than fancy & greedy! :)

Cute couple. That was a short engagement, but then we did a weekend engagement/elopement almost 49 years ago. I think it is great that they had a nice ceremony and celebrated with those who are their loved ones. They will always remember the looks on your faces as they announced the real reason for the dinner party.

Now you can plan a big BBQ or open house for all to meet the young couple when they have time to visit. That will be fun too. They clearly like casual and friendly.

Good for you to go along with a smile on your face. What else can you do anyhow????

Kat, I haven't read any of the replys because I only want to say congratulations! You have a wonderful son and a nice new ddil and if you just stay the way you are, this looks like a great future for all of you. I can't wait for Grandkids. Maybe I can be the weird Aunt nobody knows from Nebraska? just kidding!
Show your new DDiL how loving and kind you are and you'll have a new friend for life. And all the visits with the grands one day... I can't wait!

Congrats to them! And I'm glad they didn't elope and tell you afterwards!

I think you're handling it wonderfully also, bRat! Congratulations! And look at it this way, they saved you a ton of money and stress AND you got to be there. At least they didn't elope privately like Woody and I did, we didn't invite anybody to our wedding. (Not that anybody cared, it was a second wedding for both of us and my parents were mad at me for getting out of the first marriage.)

Again, congratulations! They look like a very happy, casual couple and I think that is so much nicer and smarter than blowing 10 or 20 or $30,000 on a big wedding.