You haven't made it clear whether the person accompanying you will or will not be reimbursing you for a cost you incurred. And whether that does or doesn't factor in to what these other people are expecting.

I'd tell this first person something like this:

"I realized I goofed up something about the museum trip that I wanted to get back with you about. When I hadn't heard back from you after we'd spoken about it, I told someone else about these tickets. She said she would be interested in going with me to both the museum and to the special event but I told her you had first crack at it since I'd mentioned it to you first.

What I was really looking for was someone to share the experience with, including the special exhibit. Sorry I hadn't made that clear before.

If you're not interested in both, I think I'd like to offer the tickets to the other person so that nothing goes to waste. Should I tell my other friend that the tickets are available for her use?"

It sounds like the kind of thing my mother would do to me, so I know how easy it is to be manipulated by people like this... they're always holding out in case they get a "better offer". :p

I know only the information you have given, so there's probably much more to all of this, but I'm really tired of people [like my mother] who do this kind of thing to me. It sounds to me like attending the "special event" with a friend who will use your extra ticket is what's most important to you at this point. That being the case, I would not feel obligated to the first friend since she initially failed to commit, then agreed to go, then waffled and backed out on the special event.

If it were me in this situation, and if my goal was to attend the special event with a friend, then I would simply phone the first friend and tell her that since she cannot (or won't) attend the special event requiring tickets that you have decided to go with someone else instead.

I wouldn't feel guilty about it! The first friend certainly didn't feel guilty about messing up your plans!

The second friend can attend the special event with you, and either you or she can purchase the museum entrance ticket.

Part of this situation is not about your friend, it is about you. If you told the first friend 'yes', yes means yes. You can hardly complain that she waffled on her yes if you are going to waffle on your yes. Two wrongs don't make a right.

Perhaps there is a silver lining and in the future you can remember what happened here.
The cost of buying an extra general admissions ticket might help you be more assertive in the future and be able to say no if someone comes back to you in a conversation with a choice you are not comfortable with. It is money well spent.

This post was edited by lucille on Sun, Mar 30, 14 at 9:17

Something to consider too. Is the cost of the extra entrance fee not in your budget? Or, even if it is, are you the type of person who is frugal with money so an extra expense although affordable, would bother you?

I agree too if your goal was to attend with a friend than you have two choices as posted above.

I would be annoyed with a friend who decided to split the invite. The idea of the invitation was doing the two events together.

Only you can decide if you want to pay for a second friend or that friend could pay her own entrance and you are covering the special event.

I also see nothing wrong with you taking the blame that you didn't explain correctly and would like to take a rain check with the first friend on a future event. Of course, this event need never happen since you realize she is more if a lunch friend.

I would just let it go and purchase an entrance ticket for the person who is attending the special event.

What Rose said.

I would do what Ellendi suggest, gives you 2 ways to go.

Ditto Lucille.

Be true to your own word. Learn to structure invitations more carefully. Learn to say something like, "I don't think that will work," instead of saying yes too quickly.

I solved those problems years ago by taking my Mom's advice. She said "when asked a question that boxes you in the corner, always say "let me think about it". That gives you space to make the proper decision. If you're caught off guard you have to have a response ready. Sooo I would call friend #1 up and say "when we spoke and you asked me for the museum pass you really caught me off guard, I asked you as I really wanted someone who would have the whole experience with me, now I've found that person and would appreciate having the pass back. I blame myself for responding too quickly.

How much can a ticket be? Even the expensive Chicago museums are less than 20.00. Is it really worth possibly causing a fracture in a relationship you say you want to keep? I would do as others suggest and purchase the other friend a ticket as well.

If she's really a "friend" you should be able to explain your dilemma to her. I would say, I've been thinking about our museum date and to be perfectly truthful with you, I really wanted to go to the special event following the museum visit and I would like someone to go with me. If you really think you cannot make both. I would prefer to ask someone who would be able to share both experiences with me this time and perhaps we could do just a museum visit together at a later date.. That would give friend #1 a chance to change her mind and do both

Forget it and go. Smile, and give the extra ticket to another person standing in line. Live n' learn.

I would tell first friend that you have decided that you would like to go to both events and if she can't or wont attend both you would like to give the tickets to a friend that wants to go to both events with you. If she gets mad so what...

Lol Orchid!
I like the way Georgy worded her post! It seems to best fit the struggle Aluce is having with her dilema.

Take the friend who really wants to attend the special event, and have a good time. Consider the price of the museum entry ticket your tuition to the "Sometimes You Just Gotta Say No" school.

Dave Ramsey would call that "stupid tax" hounds. LoL

Ditto Georgy.

Ditto Georgy ... with the proviso that you'll split the ticket price with her.

I see nothing wrong with telling her that you've reconsidered your quickly-made agreement of a few days ago.

If she's that touchy about your relationship ... maybe some thinning of that, like one thins out a vegetable row to let the better plants grow better, may be worthy of consideration. Except that I'm not suggesting that you let this relationship die altogether, just based on this situation.

ole joyful

Thanks everyone! I appreciate all the thoughts and suggestions. For those who suggest that I not be so quick to say yes. Well, I thought I was clear that I am aware of and working on that. :)

For an update, I decided to invite the second friend and talk to the first to set up a different day. However, before that could even happen, the first friend took a simple comment from a month ago about wanting to start our book club back up (from a hiatus) and paid for a monthly web advertisement. She assumed that we (me and 3 other woman she has not spoken to) will help her pay as "founding members" of an entirely new group she named and set up and never talked to anyone about. When I told her that we never discussed starting a new group or paying for anything, she got mad and hung up on me.

I'm honestly concerned about this friend as she's always been quirky and has a lot of stress in her life (which is why I wanted to be nice and offer her to join me since I had free (no cost) tickets to what I think will be a fun event), but I am swamped trying to take care of things for my own life and family. I don't have time to deal with drama.

Wow. Interesting update. So what's the decision about the ticket? Will you ask her to give it back to you? Will you just let it go?

As we get older, there are so many surprising twists and turns in our relationships. I am going through this with a cousin.

There are so many different scenarios. First, since you are concerned about her ,which is why you invited her in the first place, you might want yo call her and state your concern.

Since she hung up on you in anger, does this now give you an out and not pursue the invitation of going to the event? I am assuming you have the tickets as you planned to go together?

Since she hung up on you, is it her responsibility to call you to iron things out? Or do these rules not apply because she is stressed and otherwise usually quirky?

With this new development, I would invite the second friend to both events. If your first friend still wants to attend just the museum portion, it might be easiest to pay for her.

"I am swamped trying to take care of things for my own life and family. I don't have time to deal with drama."

Right on, Alice! This person sounds troubled and needy on too many fronts. You're right to recognize that you need to define the relationship and expectations, not her.