sorry, I did know that you were picking up your daughter, too, just didn't think of it. "I do agree that as I work through my issues, particularly my pain from my mom's drinking/abuse, it will help me to not be as bothered by BM." wrong wrong wrong. You *need* to be "bothered" by BM. She's a danger to you, & the part of your brain that is in charge of self-preservation *knows* that. There's an excellent book called "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker. The core message is that people, especially women, get beaten, stabbed, raped, shot, & murdered because we allow our "rational" brain to argue with our perceptive brain *& win*. One little exercise he does in his safety seminars is: Say you're working late in your office in a high-rise office building. You're the only one on your floor. You leave your office & lock the door & punch the button for the elevator. When it stops & the door opens, you see that there's one person inside, a man. What do you do? He says that every woman in his seminars knows the "right" answer; you don't get on that elevator. but when they discuss it a little further, almost every one of them will sheepishly admit that she'd probably look at the guy & try to figure out if he looks dangerous; then she'd realize that he knows that that's what she's doing; then she'd feel embarrassed that this no doubt perfectly nice man thinks she's the sort of person who suspects somebody without "evidence"; *& then she'd get on that elevator to show the guy that she's a nice person*. This woman is dangerous, you know it, & you keep trying to make your perfectly healthy response (terror) into something that has nothing to do with the threat she poses. This assailant "hugging" you is assault & has nothing to do with your mother. If you haven't broached this subject with your therapist, you need to do so right now, & if you have broached it & the therapist & s/he hasn't supported your healthy response to threat... get a different therapist before we hear about you on the news. I wish you the best.

Hi everyone. I thank everyone for their comments. I got one thing that everyone seemed to agree on...stay Out of this marriage. O.K. let me clarify some things for some of the posters. I did dearly love my ex DIL. I loved her, but not her mother. She was very cruel to my ex DIL with her ugly words to her and my son. Nothing was good enough for her. I think my son felt like he ever measured up to her expectations. Also my son was so tired of raising the kids by himself. I saw that. But, I did not meddle...I thought he must be happy or he would say something. My ex DIL thought more of her career than she did her family. I don't know but something happen between them...for the last five years she has made her career her everything. I was secretly afraid that if she did not ease up something was going to happen. She is very educated and when she wasn't working she made college a second career. She was always taking a new course that was offered. Yes, I miss her, but I love my son more. NO, I hate how he had an affair. I do not believe anything GOOD comes out of adultery and lies. Spouses get hurt, children get hurt. Families are torn apart. I ABHORED the whole thing. BUT, I truly like the second wife better in some ways. She and I have alot more in common than the first wife...She like to sew, I like to sew, She quilts, I quilt..she is an artist, so am I, I play the piano...she played the piano at her Uncle's church before my son and she got involved. She stepped down after she and my son got together. I mean there are so many things we can talk about and do together..but they live 3 hrs. from us so it does create a problem, but when they get to come up or us see them we do crafts together...etc..etc. So I do like her in that way, but yes I am just watching and observing her. I analyze EVERYTHING...I try not to do it but I do. It isn't something I can turn off. I am a cautious type person and weigh everything before I will take a plunge. I weigh good and the bad, consequences of my actions..everything. Mostly I keep my opinions to my self, but yesterday she unloaded on me about how miserable her life was going and how she equated how things were going wrong and I even think she was maybe saying she felt it was because she had married my son... I was stumped for words and all I could say was I am soo very sorry! I also felt there was some guilt or sorrow and I may be wrong..I just don't know. I want my son happy. My son, in my opinion thinks with his heart and not his head at times. If she were to leave him I am afraid of what it would do to him. There is no way that my ex DIL would take my son back...and I am not wishing that, or maybe I am...but that is impossible and I know it. It's really is so sad what your children do to their lives and others lives. I am speaking of my grands...Everyone has told me what a good father and husband he was to his first wife. He worked at a large electonics company in a large city near where he lives(that is where he met his now new wife). She works in the operations part of this company. When they had large electronis show last year in another city, my son and her were on that project together. Getting back to the subject, (I swear I get on a rabbit trail and forget my train of thought, sorry!) He went to the kids games, cheerleading, waited for my oldest grand while she took her piano lesson, plus took them to church every Sunday. His ex did not go. He was the cook in the house...Every Sat. he and the kids would clean house and his big treat for the kids was to go out to eat and do some kind of fun thing Sat nte. Her thing was to go to her mothers house or to her sisters house and they go shopping and for drinks. He told me that he felt she did not love him..and he gave up. He told me he had planned on leaving her when he met his now new wife. I love my son, but it is within me to call it like I see it if asked...when he started this affair he actually called told me..I did tell him that nothing good could come out of deceitfulness. I was angry that he and his first wife did not go to counseling. He told me that she would not go...I suggested that he go alone, but he told me he was through. I wonder if this new wife had left him alone would he have gone. I am NOT blaming her, it takes two to tango. But she did know he was married..yes, and he did too. These are some thoughts and incidents that I can recall. I will stay out of it, but I have it no way tried to insinuate or say ANYTHING against her! In fact, she wanted to start calling me mom and that was fine with me. I have really prayed and ask God if he could change my heart (in the beginning) so my son and this new woman could see love and kindness and acceptance in me. Oh yes, also the ex wife calls me from time to time to check on me. I have told her that my son and his new wife were off subject. She still calls me mama..when she calls me. She mostly talks about her job, and she just started a new relationship with a man she was introduced to by one of her colleagues. I try to encourage her...I told my son his ex wife calls me, and vowed to him I would never tail tote or tell anything that was going on in his life. He said he understood and it was o.k. Maybe this will answer some of the question some of you were having...I think I am torn between all three of them...I can see the good in them all, but I can also see their mistakes, but I have my hands tied behind my back...it isn't my life. I just pray that this new wife stays with him. I think it would literally kill him if she left. He just seemed he rushed into things a little too fast. Of course, not everyone is like me...I dated my husband for 12 years before I would marry him, and he gave me an ultimatium before I would marry him. I don't make snap decisions...I am a slow mover...I wish my son had been.

Kiktx, it is not rude to ask that at all. I will probably change my seating orientation around at some point. But the reason I put it that way for now is that wall behind the couch looks really bad as it is still unfinished. That picture I posted above was actually taken before we added the windows. Those were just screens behind the couch! The original house is single wall construction and the only windows were a couple jalousie type in the bathrooms. That's what they call a 'coffee shack' here. Plus, we always hang out on the lanai whenever we want to enjoy the views. Only time we are inside sitting on the couch is after it's dark anyways. :-) Thanks again everyone for all your help. Once I get the sample tiles, I will ask for advice on which looks the best.

I have the lady gardener and was not wowed by it . Very washed out not like the advertisement at all. Tamora is one of my favorites! So glowing and fragrant