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The Divorcee: How to Address
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Posted by chisue (My Page) on Tue, Feb 9, 10 at 15:13
| I'm out of date! My wedding invitations (early 1960's) followed the etiquette of the day. On them, my mother's name, as a divorcee, was in this form: Mrs. (Maiden Surname) (Married Surname).
Line two: and.
Line three was my father's name: Mr. (First Name) (Middle Name) (Surname).
Then the usual 'request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter...
My first and middle names
etc.
I see there is now newer etiquette. Now the divorcee is: Mrs. (Given Name) (Married Name).
I recently received a formal invitation mistakenly made out as though I were divorced: Mrs. Sue (Married Name). It could have been fine as "Sue (Married Name)" or if they wanted to use a title "Ms. Sue (Married Name)" or, more old fashioned, "Mrs. (Husband's given name and surname).
Thanks to KT, I'm caught up to date!
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Follow-Up Postings:
RE: The Divorcee: How to Address
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| Whether married or divorced, I have always preferred to be addressed just as (first name) (last name). When I was married I had to keep reminding my mom and aunt that when I married I only changed my last name. They kept addressing cards to me as Mrs. (husband's first name) (last name). When someone asks me if I prefer Mrs. or Ms, I tell them I don't need a title. |
RE: The Divorcee: How to Address
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| Address Etiquette Below is a chart which outlines formal wedding etiquette in addressing the outer and inner envelope of wedding invitations.
Outer Envelope
Inner Envelope
Single Guests
Unmarried female
Miss (or Ms.) Susan Walters
Miss (or Ms.) Walters (and Guest)
Divorced female, uses married name
Mrs. Victoria Franklin
Mrs. Franklin (and Guest)
Divorced female, uses maiden name
Miss (or Ms.) Shannon Ford
Miss (or Ms.) Ford (and Guest)
Unmarried male
Mr. Thomas Lynx
Mr. Lynx (and Guest)
Couples
Married Couples
Mr. and Mrs. Paul Freedman
Mr. and Mrs. Freedman
Married Couple - woman kept maiden name
Mrs. Lisa Morris
Mr. Greg Morgan
Mrs. Morris Mr. Morgan
Unmarried couples who do not live together - send to the closest friend
Miss (or Ms.) Michelle Wright
Miss (or Ms.) Wright Mr. Lewis
Unmarried couples who live together - alphabetical by last name
Miss (or Ms.) Rose Abbott Mr. Timothy Cochran
Miss (or Ms.) Abbott Mr. Cochran
Same gender couples - alphabetical by last name
Mr. Bradley Davidson Mr. David McDonald
Mr. Davidson Mr. McDonald
Children
Child under age 18
Nothing on outer envelope
David, Alexis, and Sarah (first names only, oldest to youngest)
Children over 18 - should receive their own invitation, even if still at home
Miss Abigail Bishop or Mr. Kyle Smith
Miss Bishop (and Guest) or Mr. Smith (and Guest)
Miscellaneous
Judge
The Honorable and Mrs. Al Root
Judge and Mrs. Root
Clergy
The Reverend Donald Pinker
The Reverend Pinker
Doctor (medical)
Doctor Benjamin Fry
Doctor Fry (and Guest)
Doctor (PhD)
Dr. Benjamin Fry
Dr. Fry (and Guest)
Married Woman Doctor
Doctor Susan Goodman Mr. Scott Goodman
Doctor Goodman Mr. Goodman
Married Couple, Both Doctors
Doctors Robert and Laurie Stephens
The Doctors Stephens
Officer - Man (active or retired)
Colonel and Mrs. Jeremy Scott
Colonel and Mrs. Scott
Officer - Woman
Lieutenant Beth Adams, U.S. Navy Mr. Christopher Adams
Lieutenant Adams Mr. Adams
Please be sure your address list is correct !!!
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RE: The Dnnnnnnnnnnnivorcee: How to Address
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| It's nap time! Divorced
Mrs. Jane Kelly
Ms. Jane Kelly
Ms. Jane Johnson (maiden name) ME??? I don't prefer to be called MRS. MS is my preference. And I kept ex last name, being as I have a son and grandson with the last name. Keeping things simple!
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RE: The Divorcee: How to Address
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| Well, Glenda, it always seemed to me that in the south, Mrs., Miss and Ms were still pronounced the same. A perfect solution for the polite south. It is difficult for a bride to try to understand the rules plus knowing people's preferences, especially when she may not have even met that person. |
RE: The Dnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnivorcee: How to Address
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| I was just stating my preference. And I would not be getting an invitation from someone that does not know me. I DO pronouce them differently. Mrs still to me is married or a widow
Miss is unmarried
Ms divorced. My opinion |
RE: The Divorcee: How to Address
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| Just a question on if someone is divorced how they can still be Mrs? I'm soon to be divorced I would prefer Ms not Mrs. Nancy |
RE: The Divorcee: How to Address
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| My Uncle Raoul came to my wedding with his girlfriend Mary. He was a widower in his 80's, Mary about the same age. I know they weren't married, but they may have been living together. He gave us a very large check as a wedding gift. I had trouble sending a thank-you letter. I didn't know Mary's surname. So I sent the letter to Mr. Raoul Lastname and Mary at his address. Better than no acknowledgement, howerver tacky my wording. |
RE: The Divorcee: How to Address
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| Nancy, when my mother got divorced, she preferred to be called Mrs. Her First Name, Married Last Name. She was of an older generation and did not care for Ms. because she associated it with radical hippies (LOL). I prefer Ms. to Mrs. even though I am married, but I certainly wouldn't get upset if someone addressed me differently, particularly if they were inviting me to a fun event like a wedding! |
RE: The Divommmmmmmmmmrcee: How to Address
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This is the way I pronounce these
Ms = /miz/
Miss = /mis/
Can't find one for MRS but all I can come up with miz's, which looks the way I would prounce it. |
RE: The Divorcee: How to Address
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yeah, but Glenderama, with your accent they all will sound
the same to me! ahahahahaha |
RE: The Divorcee: How to Address
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| "Ms divorced." Not true. A divorced woman can still be addressed as Mrs. But a MARRIED woman who did not take her husband's name is a Ms. Using Mrs. indicates the last name is not the name you were born with, it does not indicate current marital status. A divored woman no longer uses her ex's first name (she is no longer Mrs. Harry Walker, she is Mrs. Susan Walker). I did not take my husband's last name, so I am Ms. Sue Lastname. When we receive invitations to Mr. and Mrs. Hislastname I write my preference in the response (Mr. ... and Ms. ... will happily attend), ignoring their error and the fact that everyone who knows us should know at this point that I didn't change my name (there are a few stubborn holdouts). |
RE: The Divorcee: How to Address
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This reminds me of the questions on some forms that one has to answer along with Ms? Mrs? Miss?:
SINGLE_____
MARRIED____
DIVORCED___
WIDOWED____ I just check them all, because I have been all of them.
Why would that be of interest to anyone anyway? |
RE: The Dvvvvvvvvvvivorcee: How to Address
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RE: The Divorcee: How to Address
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| From what I understand, "Mrs." translates to/means "wife of" so in strict etiquette should only be used before a man's first name, not a woman's. Mrs. John Smith means wife of John Smith... So Mrs. Mary Smith would translate to wife of Mary Smith which although often done, is obviously improper. If the women's first name is to be used, then Ms. should be used. Widows can use Mrs. (with deceased's name) or Ms. Also, Ms. should be used for divorced women whether they use their married last name or go back to their maiden name. |
RE: The Divorcee: How to Address
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| sometimes you have to be clever...for instance, my pal (she's 64) has chosen not to marry her bf, of 20+ years, lol...so i address their cards as the smith and jones family...or at christmas and i have to address the cards for dh's office. often he knows only the person, so those cards i address as the jones family... |
RE: The Divorcee: How to Address
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| recently while I was in hospital,I was addressed as "Mrs." by the nursing staff,even tho my admitting papers stated divorced. I kept my married last name as I have been known by most with that name longer than I had my single name I "prefer" to be known as Ms. now being divorced,and to be truthful,find it very uncomfortable when referred to by some as "Mrs." still. |
RE: The Divorcee: How to Address
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| Etiquette has its rules, and they are not always what our personal preferences are. Obviously, from the comments here, chaos rules because we have our preferences and don't give a hoot what the "rules" are. For those who wish to be correct, here is a link. |
Here is a link that might be useful: Etiquette
RE: The Divorcee: How to Address
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| I think the new sytles are confusing, but maybe the overall message is that a woman's marital state no longer MATTERS -- socially or in business. The new Emily Post seems to say that "Ms" can indicate a single adult woman, a married one, or a divorcee. After all, "Mr." doesn't change to indicate an adult male, whether he's single, married or divorced. Are "Miss" and "Master" gone, gone, gone? |
RE: The Divorcee: How to Address
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| I prefer either my name without a title (first and last) or Ms. FirstName LastName. I don't feel I should be defined by my marital status. Men aren't. But that's just me... |
RE: The Divorcee: How to Address
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| Chiuse, I still use "Miss" and "Master" when addressing letters to children, under 18. |
RE: The Divorcee: How to Address
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When we got married our invitations read:
Because you have shared in our lives we ask that you share in our love. Susie Smith and Joe Jones, together with our parents, request the honor.......... |
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