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Do you like people dropping into ...........

Posted by enjoyingspring (My Page) on
Sat, Feb 16, 13 at 15:12

your home unannounced. I don't like it. Last week a friend was banging on my door and I was taking a bath, this same friend always seems to think it is OK to just drop in.

If someone wants to come and visit, I think they should call first to see if it is OK.

Drives me crazy.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Do you like people dropping into ...........

No I do not like that~~my kids even call first, they be turning down our street but they call;)


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Told my family that if they showed up without calling first, I would not let them in even if I was home. Got a few calls from the driveway but everyone quickly learned that I meant it.


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I absolutely HATE it!! In my opinion, common courtesy dictates that you call before coming over, even if you are a close friend or neighbor.


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It must be a culture thing too. In CA we could just drop in whenever without a problem, but here in ND I soon learned to call first or arrange it ahead of time. It does not bother me most of the time--but I was raised that way. My problem is when people stay too long.


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I prefer they call first.


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Marie, what area of CA did you live? I have lived in CA (various areas) my entire life and so has all of my family, DH's family and most of my friends. We have always called one another if we wanted to visit.

Solicitors are another issue. They have become more and more aggressive than in years past. And of the course the no soliciting sign that I have never seems to apply to them.


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RE: Do you like people dropping into ...........

Back in my growing up days, as a youngster, Sunday's was always considered "visitation" days. Most Sundays, family would go visit or close friend's of family would drop by. Fun.

That was oh so long ago!

Not now, I am not prepared for drop-in's.

When I get home, I change to comfortable dress, and my pantry is not equipped for serving drop-in's.

I have to know ahead of time, nowadays.


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Hi Matti5,

Solicitor??

As in ... lawyer??

Prosti ... "lady of the evening??

in addition ...???

ole joyful


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Glenda, comfortable dress for me is AKA no bra ;)


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Yep, right with you YogaLady! I just got that way :o)


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I love drop in company. When we lived near our extended families, it happened often. Here, where there is just friends and neighbors that we have come to know in recent years, nobody just drops in. It seems that the ability to keep in touch at all times because everyone has a phone by their side (or in their hand) has made "just drop by anytime unannounced" is a thing of the past.


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If you live on a farm with a dug well (as differentiated from one of the drilled variety, about 5" across) ...

... when guests pop in, unannounced ...

... you could direct them to the well, and ask whether they'd like to drop in there?

o j


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RE: Do you like people dropping into ...........

Nope. If people drop by without calling, I am always 'on my way out'.


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I enjoy people just dropping in! How nice that they thought of
us while they were out and about! It's very easy to put on a
pot of coffee or make a cup of tea.


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N0, I d0n't like it. I like t0 have s0mething 0n hand t0 0ffer guests, plus it just may be 0ne 0f th0se days I spend in my jammies :-) Plus if I'm in 0ne 0f my cleaning m0des (haven't seen th0se lately), I hate having t0 st0p while I'm int0 it.


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I do not like it one bit. It rarely happens anymore but I used to have a fiend who did this a few times a week. One time she opened my front door and hollered just as I was exiting the bathroom with a towel on my head.


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I have a friend like that. If I don't answer the door, she'll stand out on the porch and call me on her cell phone. Well, one of these times I might be in trouble and wished she WOULD have checked in on me I guess.


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I am a people person. Love having people in, or being with a group.

So, call or don't call, doesn't matter to me. I am always dressed comfortably/casually so that is not a problem. I've been caught fresh out of the shower, wearing a robe, and my hair wet. Not a problem. I may or may not have refreshments to offer; that does not matter to my friends or to me. Sometimes my best friends bring me something.

That is the way I grew up, and I would never change it. Friends are important in our lives, and it seems that visiting may be going "out of style." Maybe the gadgets are taking over.

Solicitors? Like the M& M commercial, I didn't know they still exist.

Do people not have WELCOME mats at the door any more?

Sue


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I lived in So. Cal and in three different neighborhoods, we could just drop in for a cup of coffee etc. Kids went where ever when they wanted to. Since I have been back here, I learned the hard way, you have to call first. So I just don't go ever. Really got my feelings slammed good. In 10 years, I have been in 5 houses visiting and only in 2 have been able to enjoy the visits. Now, I don't invite them, they don't me. Sorry,


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most ppl that visit me have an idea of how I am attired,always have been

I prefer to have the house tidy alright enough whenever anyone comes in,but if they are passing by and take the notion,its not that big of a deal for me anymore.country livi ng-a little different I s'pose


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I love it. Please, drop in anytime.

I always have something I can serve.... just try me. :)

Moni... who is sitting here right now in her old grubby overalls, just checking in. :)


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I live in southern California and it's a distance to drive to visit friends, so it's better to call ahead to ensure they will be home. I prefer to receive advance notice of visits because I'm not always dressed appropriately to receive company.


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RE: Do you like people dropping into ...........

No, I don't. Call first.

It's not that I'm not dressed, or don't have anything to serve. But for years I worked from home, and many people in my neighborhood assumed that meant I was available to visit at any time.

I guess what really bugged me is that people assumed since I was "working from home", my job wasn't a "real job". But it was, and it was how I paid my bills.

So call - and I'll let you know if I'm free.


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I appreciate a call ahead. Most people come in my kitchen door and I like to have a chance to put any stray dishes in the dishwasher. I have one friend who calls as he opens the back door. Jeez! I am almost always happy to have company but I would like to be at least presentable (as in not in my bathrobe) when they arrive.


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Grew up with people always dropping in, doesn't bother me at all. Wish people would do it more often these days.


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I used to have a door mat with "GO AWAY " on it. I'm serious. I didn't really mean it and it was good for a laugh.


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No. Even my adult kids know to call first. And I do the same with them. It's a courtesy and sign of respect. I would never just show up at one of their homes because I felt like it and it didn't matter what their wants/needs/happenstance/busyness/plans/etc were at the moment. I'm not that arrogant.


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Nope, don't like company to come over unannounced with no warning. We live so far back in the woods that's it's rare for a car or truck to come down our country drive, so when a strange car does come in, it's very startling, especially if I'm home alone. Usually it's someone who is lost, or wanting to sell us something- weird stuff like frozen meat or religious people wanting to convert us or save us or something. I guess they can't read the No Trespassing signs. I help the lost (if I open the door at all) and I give the soliciting people the bum's rush. I wouldn't buy anything they were selling even if I wanted it, just because they drove past all the signs and bothered me anyway, and I tell them that.

What really annoys me is the car that drives in and HONKS from the bottom of the steps that lead up a flight to our front door. They say they're honking because of the "Beware of Dogs" signs they drove past, afraid to get out of the cars. I guess I need signs that say "Beware of the dogs- they will trash your car!", in order to keep them from coming to the house. I just think that is so rude, to pull up to my house in the quiet woods, uninvited, and HONK. I'm not a car-hop or their servant. Ticks me off right away.

And ever since Woody caught 2 guys hooking his truck up to a wrecker, we are much more wary about strangers. (No, they didn't get to steal his truck, he scared them off without having to hurt them.) ;)


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I call it a pleasant surprise.
Doesn't bother me, I'm a take me as I am person.

But, I know most people don't...so I always call first


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I'm always dressed and absolutely love spontaneous visits and get many of them as people know I don't mind. My friends love it when I pop in on them too, we've discussed how these random visits enhance our days. In our lake house, we have a neighbor who drops in anywhere from eight a.m. to 8 p.m. and he's always welcome. Of course there have been a few times when I wasn't up to par that I could have passed on the visit but, once here, I always enjoy them.


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When Bob was living, we seldom had anyone come by... but now ..... we have folks come by quite often unannounced.. and it is fine with me... I Love it.. and I too dress casual while at home..

It is my nature to always have something to serve them.. tea, or coffee and cookies or some sort of quick bread... since I spend a good deal of time playing in my kitchen..

I love having casual drop in friends... and like Sue-Va.. feel that friends are important in our life...


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The only visitors I get are Lauren's friends and Alex occasionally. They all just walk into my house without knocking. Doesn't bother me now, it used to because I sometimes will sit here on my days off in my pjs at the computer...but now it doesn't bother me.


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I will admit im alienated by the majority answers here, but more so even by the assumptions.

Come by, any time.

My dearest friend saved me once. I am not intrusive in any way but needed a friend. I was pacing the streets late at night and saw a light in the window.

A year later I was there for someone who in desperation tapped on my door.

I will always be happy to welcome friends and family regardless of the circumstance. Love is all we truly have and my experience is that warmth and openness communicate a whole other depth of ones availability for love. I of course am glad to get a phone call announcement but if you cannot, by all means dont let it stop you from comi.g to my home.


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What you just wrote was lovely, amy, and I'm so glad your friend was able to save you. I think most of the rest of the world's cultures expect visitors without phone calls; it's the way it's always been and will be. And our grandparents and generations before them also expected surprise visits. My friend from India has told me how her family had visitors most every day, always on a drop-in basis, and how her mother COOKED for them at the drop of a hat. That seems quite extreme to most of us, but to them it was "normal." My friend has wonderful memories of those days.

I am flattered if someone drops in on us, but it's rare and I am flustered as I cast my eyes around my messy house. I used to try to send a telepathic message to whichever daughter was closest to my bedroom door to please shut it, if the bed was unmade that day. (That was often the case when they were very young and life was crazy.) It never worked though. :)


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I know in my parents and grandparents time it was accepted for people to drop in. But, in todays world it is very different, both husband and wife work, lots of people work shift, children are into sports, lunches to be made. Most people just don't have time for people to drop in to sit and chat.


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RE: Do you like people dropping into ...........

I grew up in a different generation, and on a farm, so was used to people just dropping in.

Now I realize that things are different, but sometimes drop in on certain friends ... however, I've told them that if I come at a time that's not convenient for them, to tell me get lost ... and they feel free to do that.

Often it's someone at a distance, and I'm in their neighbourhood and would like to touch base, but for more of an intentional visit, I'm more inclined to phone.

ole joyful


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RE: Do you like people dropping into ...........

Especially when the kids are at their dad's, I sit here wishing people would just drop in. These days though most people would at least send you a text first, even if they are in front of the house. I keep my house somewhat neat and there is always something in the house to serve a guest, although most people don't expect anything except conversation.

That is adults that I'm talking about - kids drop in here all of the time when the boys are here and I love that. Sometimes even when they know the boys are gone, they come to borrow something or sometimes just to ask for a cookie from my cookie jar. I wish adult interacted the way the kids do. In the summer, there are kids all over outside, just walking up to each other and socializing and playing games but the adults are usually inside or otherwise keeping to themselves.


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Oh I just love to have company, so if you are in my neck of the woods, do stop in....my "friends" accept me as I am and I am not here to impress anyone...life is too short for that!


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For the longest time my husband didn't understand that people don't care for that. We don't live near either family so it wasn't like showing up unannounced for family, which still deserves a call. Finally we overheard a couple sitting down to dinner say to each other that they didn't have enough food and and why didn't we call first. I don't think they knew we heard them, they were gracious enough, but we stayed a few minutes then said we had to leave. My husband got the message, sure it wouldn't have bothered him if someone dropped in on us but it's better manners to call ahead..


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My favorite dropper inner is my little neighbor. She likes to come over and look at of my fossils, beach glass, and pretty stones. :-) That child has the best manners!


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It used not to bother me. However, now that my health has declined, I'm much slower. So, I do prefer a heads up.

My neighbors are welcomed to drop in anytime but they are awared of my situation. If the mini-blind is opened, I'm able to come to the door. If not, I'm in bed resting or showering. They know to wait and give me time to come to the door. I'm blessed with good neighbors that are very considerate of each others.

If someone was told to give me a heads up and ignored my request, I let them stand at the door. It only took one time for that person to learn.

That's what you should do if it bothers you. Request a headsup call and if they ignore it, don't answer the door. Trust me, you aren't being rude, they are.


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One of my favorite memories is on Christmas Day a long time ago......a knock on the door and there stood one of my grade school friends whom I hadn't seen in years. We had kept in touch by mail. (They lived out of state.)
I had bread in the oven. She always told me it was one of her favorite memories, too.
Sadly she died several years ago but we always kept in touch with letters even though we both had e-mail addresses.
They were driving down the freeway and decided to stop by.
The house was messy but seeing Dorothy and her husband standing there made me realize love is more important than a tidy house.
People can stop by any time they are in the area.


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<3
I love that story Carol.


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RE: Do you like people dropping into ...........

I realize I was raised differently than many, especially many here. When I grew up the value of a visit was tremendous. It was a gift to give someone. That's how it was viewed by many in our neck of the woods. But with that you also realized and acknowledged that others may have other people there, or they may be going somewhere, or someone may need rest for their work schedule, or they may be painting the house or something. And they may not be wearing their Sunday go to meetin' outfit. Sometimes you'd stop for a visit and be put to work. For that you usually would have something to offer the people. Seldom do I remember it being anything less than a wonderful time. I far prefer a visit from friends than some siding salesperson, religious nutcase trying to recruit me, fundraising or political stomping.

Now things are different though People are far more selfish, self-conscious and self-centered. They have to put on the airs, look in a certain way and pretend their house is always pristine. Some people might even believe that, but I sure don't!

There's been times I've had mixed feelings on it. I've had varied schedules so I might not be here during normal "visitation hours". Or I might be trying to sleep or I might be getting ready for work. And I've worked from home a lot. However during those times most people whose visits I'd value were aware of it and respected it. I guess I have a relationship with my friends that this just isn't the problem it appears to be for some.

Some people want an appointment to receive guests. If I care to see them, I'll certainly respect that and oblige. Some people I know are flat out insulted by someone calling and asking if it's OK to stop by. Guess they grew up in this area!

I don't expect refreshments and make it known. Close friends (whether relatives or not) know this. I go there to "visit" in the old time vernacular, not mooch. And they know not to expect me to cook them a gourmet meal when the come to my place.

And then of course there's the, shall we call it "private time" that may be interrupted. Well, that's life. You should be locking the door and can ignore the doorbell. My old GF learned that she should be locking the door sometimes when she'd come in. And a good time was had by... some. :)

I will say I started calling people beforehand more when gas prices went up, just for the cost of going there if they weren't home or something. Seeing if someone will be around is great, however there's the other issue that perturbs me where people say I'll stop by later and don't show. Far more offensive to me than a visit without an appointment.

I have to ask, for the ones who are so bothered by it, have you ever told people it drives you crazy or is a required courtesy or whatever? If you have and they still do it, they're not friends so why associate with them? If you haven't, then don't complain.

I often leave my door unlocked when I think someone might stop by. Some people have the combination to get in. With health issues the past years I've been the beneficiary of a number of peoples' calls or the consideration to stop by occasionally if I didn't answer the phone, to see if all was well. The good thing is when it takes me a while to get to the door now as it sometimes does, the sales folks and religious recruiters usually are gone by the time I get there.

I did like the Andy Capp cartoon the time he was looking at door mats and asked ""ave yer got one that says 'buzz off'?" I've looked for one of those myself!


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I guess I should add that I love visits from friends IF they call first. My DH and I often sleep unusual hours. We often are up late at night and sleep during the day. Please give me at least 5 minutes to get dressed and go to the loo before expecting me to open a door to visit. My house is never spotless, it is lived in, it is the type of home that people are not expected to take of their shoes on entering. I also call before visiting others to see if it is a convenient time or not.

A friend of mine has a signal for her friends which is a great idea.....if her garage door is open and her car is there, you are welcome to just drop in. If her garage door is closed, she may still be there but wants her privacy.


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I like visitors, but If I'm not up for it, I just won't answer the door. I didn't answer the door last week, one day. But I mostly get sales people. I have no clue who it was, because I didn't go out to the living room and look. Just wasn't up to talking to anyone. Stop by, sure, but if you want anything to drink, it's water or milk! lol I will always call before I come by your home though. Most are a drive and I want to make sure you are available. Usually it's a planned get together. I don't drop in on any neighbors without calling. Deb and I see each in the mornings for our walks on the hills for 45 to 60 minutes, 6 days a week, so we don't WANT to see each other any more! ahahahahah JK.


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Totally ok with me. I'm just glad they thought of me. But then, I don't get that very often. Most of my life is very planned. Actually, I'm betting some drop by and I'm not there. Too bad for me :(


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I was married to a military man for 16 years and a military base is like one big social event...There is always someone at the door, announced or unannounced.....Doesn't bother me really but these days, I am likely not to have a bra on or to not be as dressed as I would prefer to be. Most everyone calls first but a drop in is ok too...


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I am one that do drop over unannounced as times was in the neighbourhood and dropping something off.
Another time I had to see her garden as she was telling me about all that she was growing in veggies and I was in such awe and she happened to be there and we sat outside munching peas.

Another time something came up and I had to go to see her in person and we went out for tea/lunch for me and then said our goodbyes.

I don't care what the house looks like inside, I go to see them not go oh, they haven't cleaned, they have mess here and there and on and on.

Someone had a cat that left cat air and I arrived one time and she didn't have time to vacuum, didn't bother me as I grew up with cats all my life and then dogs.

I said do what I do, put flannel sheets on the furniture and then when guests come over, pull them off and its all clean underneath.

I don't care if there is tea and goodies. I can drink water, not a problem for me as that is what I drink anyways.

I do bring things over at times for us to munch on with tea.

The ones what do not like people drop by, how about if they do phone ahead, would you still not like that?

I know on another board, there were lots that no way did they like anyone coming to their house period.


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I grew up with people dropping in. I prefer it that way. If someone shows up like that to visit, then it means you're friends. I have no patience for door to door salesmen. They aren't friends. I have no problem either not answering the door or telling them I'm not interested.


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I love drop ins. No one ever calls first here. Two weeks ago my daughter, who lives 100 miles away just dropped in. I was so happy to see her. I love drop ins. When I hear a knock at my door I just look out my front window, if it is a friend I yell come on in, if it is a salesman or something like that, I just don't answer the door.


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Call first, and give me an ETA.

I still cringe to remember the TWO COUPLES I saw coming up our sidewalk as my DH and I were having a LOUD 'discussion' -- AKA fight! I was even *crying*.

You can never know what's going on in someone's life when you call them OR 'drop in'.


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