Part of what you give depends on the community where you live and the standard of living. I live in the Northeast and for a wedding I would give at least $100.00. I usually give cash.
Joann

I have given 250.00 recently for close friends and more distant relatives. Really hate it when I don't get a thank you, as I haven't for an October wedding we attended.

I don't believe in the use of any formulae for gift giving, wedding or otherwise. I also don't feel an obligation to go to every wedding that I receive an invitation to.

The monetary value should depend upon ones means and the relationship with the giftee. I'd hate to give a generous gift to someone who doesn't know me from a grain of sand in the ocean.

There are also gifts for which no dollar amount can be attached....a family heirloom or momento, or something handmade with love.

If I know the people fairly well, I try to find something personal to them. I have also made use of registries, though it's not my favorite thing to do. I've rarely given money as a wedding gift.

These thoughts are my personal opinion...I'm sure that others will have lots of different thoughts.

Last year I attended a fancy wedding for my nephew. They had registered for household gifts running anywhere from $100 to $500, so I kinda went in the middle, didn't order from the registry but sent a check for $300.That's a lot for us but he's a nephew. I'd send $100 for a friend's child.

A gift should not be formulaic, there are too many variables. The affluence of the bride and groom should not matter, nor the setting, you are by your gift recognizing the happy occasion.
Certainly those who live on modest means should not, and should not be expected to, spend money they have budgeted for necessities.
If you are affluent and the newlyweds are poor, I'm sure a generous gift would be appreciated to help them start their new home together. If on the other hand they are affluent and you live from paycheck to paycheck, a modest but thoughtful gift is fine, even a homemade gift or a nice album for their wedding photos would be nice.

AS Lucille said - there are too many variables and what any of us might give shouldn't set the standard for you.

Personally I like giving a gift that I know they want - if they registered then I search the registry for a gift that's a "one of" - like a Waterford pitcher or a special appliance. My favorite is giving a KitchenAid mixer because I know how much I love mine. The only time I buy place settings of china is when it's someone I barely know and I'm not personally invested in whether they remember what I gave.

As for cash - this is always a tough answer because the 'usual' amount varies so much depending on region and economic abilities of the giver. After several years of no weddings we recently had several and I am so thankful to my girlfriends who answered this same question honestly. They also said $100 per person. But remember, this is where regional differences are apparent. We're in the Philly area -for a family member or the child of a close friend we usually give $200 even if we don't attend.

One of my kids had a formal wedding last fall in Kennett Square and the most of the cash gifts they received were in the $150 to $200 range but there were several that were higher. I hope this helps. Good luck.

wow, lots of answers so quickly! Thank you! great forum!

I'm in a rural area of the northeast, so not in a high-cost area at all -- unless you want heat. ;^)

I hadn't been invited to weddings in YEARS, but since 2010 there seems to be a steady flow of invitations. For the very small one then (casual acquaintance), I chose from their registry and recall it being under $50, but I also did a favor for their wedding. In the end, though, I wished I had given more or done something even more special. Then my niece got married in 2011 and I debated for the longest time, and gave them $1000. When her hubby bought himself a new iphone on their honeymoon it made me regret my generosity. I don't have a smartphone for myself due to the cost! It also set a precedent for my other nieces/nephews who will be marrying soon and my financial situation is nowhere near as strong today as it was a few years ago.

A 2nd cousin got re-married recently.... many people chose not to attend the 2nd wedding, so I went and gave $150 and hoped that was being generous. I've received notice of future weddings for 2nd cousins, so wondered if I'm even in the ballpark of what's considered right. I'd hate to be the talked-about relative! :p

I agree that it's very upsetting when you don't receive a thank you card! Lately, though, the thank you cards I've received have been beautifully custom-printed, and often with a photo of the happy couple.

Thanks everyone for your input!

BTW: Keep the thoughts coming... and I will note that I'm never on the receiving-end or spending-end... no kids/no weddings so I have no clue what these things cost.

This post was edited by party_music50 on Thu, Feb 6, 14 at 9:35

We usually give $50-100 depending upon the person and our relationship. That is also in lower cost of living areas. If we lived elsewhere, we might give more.

depending on if I go or not, and how well I know the person... I spend between 50 and 100 bucks.

Moni

My Dh gave "me" this advice(#1) when trying to decide the same thing.

!) We're arleady married, so THEY can't return the favor. :0)

2) Do they need money? No.....they need friends to celebrate with? Oh....that's YOU!

3) After giving a gift will they pass around a pouch for guests to put money in? So you'd put money in THAT and give a gift....would you?

4) I think $35 -$75 will buy a nice picture frame for a wedding photo....or a cool pair of brandy sniffers....things you might not buy yourself.....because your too busy starting your new life type gift.....

5) You can't make people happy by buying them things, but you can impress them with your taste....lol

$50 - $100 for me. $300? $1,000?!?! Wow. I can't imagine. There's definitely big differences depending on who you ask.

I think it depends on how close you are to the person getting married......but most of all it should be what you feel comfortable giving.

$50 to $100 for me also, and I do not think what you give should have any correlation to how much the reception cost them. I usually give cash because most couples who are starting out can use it.

Count me in with the $50-100 range. Except for my granddaughter who got married at the beginning of the recession and people weren't spending money so all the stores had terrific sales. She made out, I tell you! Seems I shopped daily just to see what bargains I could get. LOL!

Guess I am really cheap!!! Even to my kids did not give that much. But then we give to them thru out the year. Since DH passed away, I will give less due to cut in income. But I usually give a master card/visa gift card that can be used anywhere. Between 50-100 dollars. We have never given much over $100.00 to anyone. But I never get anything from his side of the family either, and I only have one brother not married and on limited income.

I very rarely give cash. I am not that big of a fan of registries but will look at them and determine if in my opinion, the bride and groom chose a variety of items at differing price points. If I receive a wedding invitation from someone I hardly know - and that includes a second cousin twice removed that I never see, I will just send my regrets and maybe a card. I do not need to be invited to weddings that the bride and groom know that I will not attend just to get a gift - nor does etiquette demand that you give a gift to every wedding you are invited to. So basically it all depends on who is getting married and how I feel about them. Financial circumstances of the bride and groom do not enter into my decision. What will though is if the couple has lived together for 15 years, owns a home etc. and want people to buy them hotel rooms for a few hundred euros and pay their airfare for an expensive honeymoon (obviously this has happened - and we didn't).

I have sometimes used how much a plate is at the wedding, but then realized that the gift goes to the couple, not the parent's who are paying. (If indeed this is the case, as some couples pay for their own wedding).
I agree with joanie and eccentric.
First and foremost you should only give what you can comfortably afford. If it is a low amount, say $100 or less, I would go the registry route.
I also never ever feel obligated to send a gift to a distant relative for an event that I don't intend to attend.

I am going to a small home wedding on the 14th of Feb. This is her 2nd marriage and his 4th - I'm giving them $30 cash.

I agree that so much depends on how close you are to those who are getting married. For all of those distant cousins and work acquaintances who send me invitations to their weddings and their children's weddings, I send a nice card with my good wishes and my regrets that I will not be attending the wedding.

For close friends, I usually choose something from the wedding registry that fits my budget, irrespective of whether I am attending the wedding or not. I generally don't give cash except at weddings where, culturally, that is the custom. I agree that $50 - $100 from a single and twice that from a couple is about the right range except for people you love dearly.

One criterion that should NEVER be used is what you believe others will think of you or say about you.

Never in a million years would we ever give $1000.00. Family and close friends get $100.00 and a nice shower gift if they have one. We don't give for second marriages ever. Also don't send a gift if we barely know the people. Too many people just want the money or gifts now a days. Burns me if they don't acknowledge the gift.

Okay, first of all, the idea of giving about the amount that the wedding dinner would cost isn't so that you pay for your dinner., It's a guide--because it's appropriate to give more at a more formal wedding and acceptable to give less at a more casual, less expensive one. Just one way people can use to answer this question.

When money is an issue, though, why not do what I do? I generally give something thoughtful, from the heart (and often--hands). For more casual friends, I usually give an afgan, for family, it's a hand-pieced, handquilted quilt. Sometimes, I vary that by getting one nice piece of cast iron cookware, and filling it with a selection of spices I think they will enjoy. None of those are expensive--if you shop sales, an afgan can often be made for under $10, but they're always appreciated and treasured by the recipients.

I'm a big fan of the etiquettehell site, & I *think* this is what the etiquette diva would say:

The happy couple invite you to share in the celebration of their marriage, & your right to be there or your welcome is not tied in any way to the value of any present you choose to give.

Gifts are just that: voluntary tokens of your best wishes.

There is no formula for $$$ to spend for a wedding gift;
regardless of the price of your dinner(remember? they invited you for your presence, not your presents), your gift is the expression of your love & good wishes & is entirely up to your comfort level.

Give what you wish & what you can comfortably afford.

have heard some horror stories about the price of dinners esp on the east coast...like $50- 100 per person? if I don't know the person well,, I don't care how much dinner is....don't ask me to come! family is another matter...

I DO NOT subject my buying to registries. I feel they are rude and presumptuous. Also, I don't believe in giving the potential amount to cover your dinner. I'm not paying for their wedding.

If it is a close family member that we see often, we'd give $200-$250. If it's a destination wedding, I do not give anything as I feel my presence is gift enough, with hotel, plane, food, flight that I pay for to go. If it's a family member we never see, we do not go. They get a card - maybe. If it's a friend, family, or other that I want to give to, but, might be in a financial bind, I would only give a denomination that I could afford or pick up something they may enjoy (on sale).

I know someone who keeps track of how much she gives and gets for similar eventsâ¦.then compares. T-A-C-K-Y!!

The only place I have ever heard of the idea of giving according to the cost of the meal is....here at the KT.

It is a custom here in my area for 2 or 3 of the bride's friends to have a bridal shower for the bride-to-be. If you are invited to the shower, you take a gift, from the registry or not. That is the wedding gift, whether or not you go to the wedding.

Many years ago, the daughter of one of my best ever friends was getting married. Our circle of friends was very close, and this was like one of our children. The couple was very young, and needed everything to start their home with. Practical and humorously minded me, I took a laundry basket filled with laundry soap, dish soap, dish towels, pot holders, cleaning products, paper towels, and so forth. On top of all that I included a two-egg size black cast iron frying pan which had a picture attached on the inside bottom, showing two eggs cooking in the pan. That was THE unforgettable gift at the shower and is still remembered today.

Of course that was then. This is now. Too much overkill in everything.

Sue

debi's post reminded me of something I forgot to put in my earlier post:

It seems like a lot of couples today are under the impression that getting married entitles them to use everybody they've ever met to grab all the loot they can.

If you're invited to a shower, you should be invited to the wedding, & if you haven't been invited to the wedding & to the reception, you aren't expected to provide a gift.

If you're invited to the wedding but not the reception (ie, they don't have to feed you), my free advice is to send them a card & stay home.

Some couples have found a new way to separate the A List & the B List:
they have 2 receptions, 1 with champagne & a sit-down dinner & 1 with punch & cookies.

Unfortunately, the B List guests don't find out about it until the actual event...

People who put no reasonably or modestly priced items on their registries are putting their guests in an uncomfortable bind, & I always think it isn't accidental;
they're using people & they know what they're doing..
This also applies to people who have many different registries & those who register for, say, 4 vacuum cleaners & 3 different food processors & a $300 toaster-people who do this are going to return most or all of their gifts for cash.

Nobody has to buy their gift off a registry, or even any gift at all;
do what your heart & your budget tell you.

Oh, and one other thought. Remember, that according to ettiquette, you have up to a year after the wedding to send a gift. Not a bad idea in this day and age. One gal I know threw herself a big wedding (mind you, this isn't some 18-year old, but a middle-aged woman who should have known MUCH better). She invited everyone she knew to the wedding. Coworkers got her nice gifts, went out and bought new outfits to wear to the wedding and then..... about 2 days before the wedding she called all her coworkers and UNIVITED THEM! because too many people had accepted and she couldn't afford them all. That takes the cake. It's rare, but if it catches on, the bride could collect all those gifts people send ahead of time, and not have to have the givers at a reception.

Azzalea, excuse me for going off topic here. Some time ago you posted your method of seasoning old cast iron frying pans. I have 3 and need to clean them up. This freezing cold weather would be a good time to have the oven on. I had been thinking I would email you, but I don't see an addy on your page. I've googled, but there are so many variations, don't know which is best. Would you please post it again?

TIA

Sue

I agree with Rhizo!!!