Hi Kris, I'm facing the same dilemma myself. May 13th 09 marks 10 years since my brother died in a car crash and I also feel I should mark the day in some special way. At the same time the anniversary of his death has always been a private day for me to be quiet and reflect on my feelings; I almost feel I shouldn't bring it up with my parents in fear of upsetting them. Like you I met my boyfriend Lee a couple of years after Tom had died. He knew of my brother and was also friends with my older sister, which I feel helps when I talk about Tom. Mostly Lee just holds me when I cry on my brother's anniversary and the day passes in a subdued manner. I don't want to toot the horns to announce Tom's been dead for 10 years but you're right, it's significant. I think the fact you're giving blood is great. I'm in no way religious but do sometimes smile at coincidences or what I hope are signs. On the same date Andy lost his life you're potentially saving another! You say you've had a variety of emotions and experiences with grief, me too. Some days are fine then others, like today for me, come and bite you in the ass out of nowhere. I wrote this poem today as that's exactly how I felt: My heart hurts today for the brother I lost ten years ago Although the charcoal grey of pain sometimes fades to the colour of a rainy autumn sky, today it is black and screaming at me I want to turn my head and look away, to busy myself with other things But it's tap-tap-tapping on my shoulder and pulling on my legs I can feel myself being dragged down, despite my every effort to stand tall Clawing at my throat, clouding my head; only it will decide when I've had enough, when it will scuttle back to that well worn place upon my shoulder Well I've had enough! I scream and cry and try to shake it off but it sits heavily above my heart Mocking me with the certainty of knowing it'll be back, but not knowing when With a defeated sigh I raise my head, I dry my eyes and vow to prepare for its next cruel arrival Knowing, in my next breath, I can't. I don't mean to sound depressing but I think sometimes people presume because someone died a while ago that you're over it. Yes time heals but you never forget. I hope the anniversary wasn't too horrendous for you : ) Connie x

steph_y, I'm probably one of the posters that has had some time pass since the major loss of a dear one - my 18yr old daughter. I too was faced with a court appearance, but thankfully I didn't have to go through that. The driver of the car was cited with 3 misdemeanor tickets and that was the end of that. I didn't originally begin any legal process, but not long after my daughter's accident, I was also involved in an accident. I was forced into appearing because it was a pretty dynamic event, and the person cited wanted all witnesses and victims to appear to testify. Of course I had to get an attorney. He advised me that I should "go after" the guy that caused my daughter's accident. I didn't want to, but he said that he could do it without me. I suspect thought that if the case had gone further, I would have been able to bring closure of some sort. I say this to say, gather the strength to do what you have to do. Mind you, if you really cannot, I'm sure there is a solution to that - maybe speak to the attorney, judge, etc. However, if you decide to do this, speak clearly and really explain all that you have told us in your post. Those feelings are the reason you have this opportunity - to let this person realize the impact and also possibly provide some influence towards a proper sentence. The laws didn't always allow victims like you, to have a voice. It's a tough act, I know. But share your thoughts, and if you have hard time, just call on your faith. You have a right to let everyone know the destruction caused by drunk drivers. Maybe, just maybe, as you face this head on, you may get some relief in expressing your thoughts where is can make a difference. I just found this forum, and I'm almost glad that I found it now, rather than before. It is difficult to sort things when the trauma is still fresh. I'm afraid that I the emotions would have caused me to dwell on the situation a lot more. That being said, please know that everyone here is in your corner and has some sense of your pain and suffering. We will be here for you - both on the forum and through private emails, if necessary. I know our prayers will include you too. As I said be strong, and as you carry out your court appearance, take us with you in your heart - we all will be more than happy to walk with you. By all means though, also have and keep faith - it does work. I cannot tell you how much faith, even as small as a mustard seed, will help carry you through this. Pray for the strength and courage to see this through - today, tomorrow and for always. Your prayers will be answered without question. Please let us know how things go. Even as the years go by, please keep the forum at hand - we'll still be here. BTW, I know your brother will be with you. in spirit I send my love, and a hug. gng

I loved that show, and he was so handsome. The newspaper article said he left the show early because he thought it was unrealistic for three grown men to be living with their father and having to ask his advice and permission for every little thing. He's the last one of the 4 to pass away. It was a different kind of Western because it was less violet than others.

My brother is quite the wine collector and has a huge wine cellar in his Culver City home which was stocked originally with his finds at Trader Joe's as far back as the 60's or perhaps earlier. I think he found TJs when he was getting his masters at Cal Tech and a whole group of his friends were into wine and the bargains that TJ offered in them. Decades later, we celebrated my sister's 70th birthday with a special wine my BIL had bought there and saved for a special occasion. The cork was crumbly, so the kitchen staff was involved in helping the wine staff open it, and we were the talk of the 5 Crowns Restaurant staff. The bottle was now worth $2000, and still affixed was the price tag from Trader Joe's, something less than $10, I don't remember exactly.